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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 28 Jun 09 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 09 - 05:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 09 - 04:22 PM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 03:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 09 - 02:43 PM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jun 09 - 07:39 AM
Amos 28 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM
Acme 27 Jun 09 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 10:50 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 09 - 06:13 PM
Janie 27 Jun 09 - 05:15 PM
Janie 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM
Amos 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM
Acme 27 Jun 09 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 27 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM
Acme 27 Jun 09 - 09:24 AM
Amos 27 Jun 09 - 09:16 AM
Janie 26 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jun 09 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,freds 26 Jun 09 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jun 09 - 08:51 PM
Acme 26 Jun 09 - 08:22 PM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 09 - 04:09 PM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 09 - 02:45 PM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 02:07 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 09 - 01:46 PM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 01:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 09 - 12:17 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jun 09 - 11:40 AM
Acme 26 Jun 09 - 11:22 AM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 11:14 AM
Little Hawk 26 Jun 09 - 10:31 AM
Amos 26 Jun 09 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 09 - 09:21 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jun 09 - 08:50 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM
GUEST,Doctor Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D. 25 Jun 09 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 08:11 PM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 07:16 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 04:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Jun 09 - 02:25 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 07:55 PM

Hi MOM. Just took off my dancin' shoes after going to a pot luck and Michael Jackson dance party at Dani's.   

"You did what!?" you say?

It were fun. I'm 14 years older than Dani, so I didn't grow up on the Jackson 5 and MJ, as did both she and her kids.    But I loves to dance, and that music is made fer dancin.' The party was still going strong when I left.

Separate but related, I was listening to "Thistle and Shamrock" on the drive home. Anybody else notice how much thicker Fiona Richie's Scottish accent has gotten over time, since she returned to Scotland?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 05:31 PM

AND skeeters.

Put one at your house and make all your neighbors grateful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 04:22 PM

But they sure did attract a shitload of suicidal moths, didn't they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 03:55 PM

All of the above and more. For one thing, pigeons hated those beams of light; when they were trying to fly home after dark, when a party had been longer and wilder than planned, the beams would blind them and they would end up crashing into the duckpond in the park. The beams annoyed the hell out of bats because their prey, the small nocturnal insects, would all steer toward the beams and it would become harder and harder to find a square meal in reasonable reach of the home cave. The beams would mess up the circadian cycles of neighboring bears in winter and confuse the beavers in their lodges. so a groundswell of telepathic, organic, deep-seated resentment began to build up and grow and grow. It got so thick that even humans, whose memetic density if legendary, could not think of renting one of those spotlights without getting queasy and turning all absentminded under the subtle barrage of animal thought-beams protesting the idea.

Eventually, the market declined so far that no-one would run the business risk of buying one to rent out, and the rest rotted away through simple attrition.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 02:43 PM

Hi Mom! Ya know what I miss? Spotlights! The ones they used to rent out for grand openings of stores and car lots and such. Big humongous high-voltage zillion candle-power things that would shoot a beam clear up to the stratosphere. Remember them?

Remember going outside after dark and seeing the beams sweeping through the sky and then running back inside hollering, "Mom! Dad! Spotlight! Let's go find out where it's comin' from!"? Then everyone would pile into the car and drive toward what appeared to be the beam's origin point and, after making a few wrong turns, would eventually arrive at some Ford dealership or a new Western Auto store.

Whatever happened to 'em? Did the government decide they were an aviation hazard? Were they war surplus items that were made so obsolete by radar that they quit makin 'em? Did people just start getting so glued to their televisions that they quit going outside after dark? Did light pollution in big cities get so bad that you wouldn't be able to see a spotlight beam coming from a mile away? All of the above?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM

Necessary, perhaps, but probably not sufficient.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 11:07 AM

If life requires a renewal of ignorance then I'm going to live forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 07:39 AM

Yes, that might be so. An emptiness yearns to be filled, and the yearning is the fuel that drives the engine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 09 - 12:04 AM

We went to a wedding of twenty-somethings, and we were all over fifty and we all cried. The innocence, ignorance, and faith was inspiring, the poetic and creative energy that went into the vows was inspiring, and nothing was as it was in our day, and yet nothing had really changed. So we made warm friendly nice with strangers and had some wine and came home. Maybe life requires a renewal of ignorance in order to keep going.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:59 PM

MOM, have some of my fresh picked home grown bush beans along with that chicken wing. I know it's late, but a little snack before bedtime is good if it was too hot earlier to feel like eating.

I can't believe the weather report--tomorrow is supposed to get down to 98, and early next week it will be as cool as 90 one day! Whoo, hoo! Get out the wool cap and the snow shoes! (Google must have guessed, it has ads for an Inuit Art Gallery and Inuit Art/Eskimo Art.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 10:50 PM

They will take away more of my superb, unparalleled, DNA on Wednesday, July 22nd. I believe that they are storing it so that they can use it to clone such superior beings as I when the Secret Government Agency doing it finds it necessary.

And you can believe this or not, but it's true: I chose the date of the surgery because it's the day after the monthly Board of Trustees Meeting and that way my #2 wouldn't have to do it.

I'm currently learning how much I really use my left arm. For example, putting on my socks or applying deodorant. Fortunately, I can still shoot with my right hand, but if...hey! I could keep a pistol in the sling on my left arm! Hmmmmmmmmmmm...easy to get to, too. Hmmmmmmmm....

Oh, by the way, we went down to the Welsh Festival in Malad today. There are more people per capita of Welsh descent living in Oneida County, Idaho than anywhere else outside of Wales. I wanted to have some of those Welsh Corgis but the didn't have any -- I've heard they're great with a butter cream frosting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 06:13 PM

What a fantastic product! I will order 3 cases immediately. "Phreds Away"! Marvelous! That stuff should sell like hotcakes, as the saying goes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:15 PM

Ooh, I just remembered that I have come up with a formula in an aerosol spray called "Phreds Away." It really works. I can prove that because I am still here, DNA more or less intact. I'm offering a case discount to family only. A $225.00 value for only $194.98 for a case of 24, plus shipping and handling.

Money order or certified check only, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

I ain't done nuttin' today that I needed to other than take an obligatory shower and go see one midmorning client.

This is becoming a Saturday pattern on the weeks I am alone.

I function much better when I have some one around to boss around.

When is/was the shoulder surgery, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 05:10 PM

They can't figure out what killed him, but it was probably not owning Beatles music.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:15 AM

I remember when he bought the rights to the Beatles songs, but I never heard if they went anywhere from there. You'd think when he had such financial problems those would have been first to go.

Oops. Talking about regular stuff. Back to the BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 11:09 AM

I have just learned from an unimpeachable source that Michael Jackson owned the production rights to "The Notre Dame Victory March" and the school song, "Notre Dame Our Mother" among the rights to other songs, including some by Dylan and the Beatles. These cannot be played until the estate is settled.

Notre Dame has elected to sing "Oh Mary We Crown Thee With Flowers Today" and, in an attempt to regain their football momentum, "Back In The Saddle Again" instead.

I'll have more on this as details warrant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 10:16 AM

From their message I would think that particular sequence of amino acids acts as seasoning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 09:24 AM

Janie, you'll just make us targets of the freds if you keep that up! (And though there was a Mrs. Crutcher, the aspects presented here were as real as Chongo and Chinga).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 09 - 09:16 AM

I agree we should bow to the superior rationality of these sterling damsels, but not on this thread. Rationality is not as important here.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM

As is customary, I haven't been paying attention to the assorted sibling rivalries, and am just checking in to say i think I am a rational human being and so are youse, only I am more rational and not at all inclined toward grandiosity or dissociation. That being the case -



You may all now face East and bow before me.... Stilly, my partner in rationality and gardening being the exception....you may bow to her also.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 09:36 PM

What would change if the ATG-GTA-TGA complex that is lacking in Hector Ballsworthy's DNA were to be restored?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 09:20 PM

We have tasted the DNA of the one you call Hector Ballsworthy and found it lacking the ATG-GTA-TGA complex. Otherwise it was quite ordinary. Please have this rectified as soon as possible. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 08:51 PM

She said, "HAAH????"

She said that several times.

I think what I may need is one of those magaphone things. I tried some common hand signals and she threw a potted plant at my head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 08:22 PM

So what did Mrs. Crutcher say? Has she made any recommendations about how to corral all of these characters?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 08:19 PM

You have an ulterior motive, sir, I cannot doubt; to wit, to woo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 04:09 PM

In the still of the night, when the moon is high,
You can hear the owl's cry.
Too-whit-too-woo; too-whit-too-woo,
I wonder who he's calling?


Not one whit, but too many?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 02:54 PM

I shall not touch your mukluk with a ten-foot Hungarian, Rapaire; having a mind is no defense for being rude. Why, you may ask, should being rude need any? Isn't rudeness its own reward? And of course, it must be confessed, it gratifies the need to feel superior, but it does not smooth the path of dialogue or oil the machinery of social exchange one whit, sir. Not one whit, I say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 02:45 PM

Eat my mukluk, Amos. I am not intentionally obscure, it's just that I have a vocabulary AND a mind and I'm not afraid to use either one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 02:07 PM

Muktuk is the English word for the traditional Inuit/Eskimo meal of frozen whale skin and blubber, or in some subcultures, just frozen whale skin.

This correction of Rap[aire's anti-social tendency toward intentional obscurity is brought to you by "Little Miss Daisy Sunshine" whole-grain organic crackers and muffins, "better than which are never found!"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 01:46 PM

I'm sorry, I'm out of muktuk. I hope to get a new supply soon, however.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 01:26 PM

Confusing the two is responsible for alot of thehistoric tension between Limeys and Spanish. Bruce. If this had been cleared up,that great sea ballad bidding "Farewell and adieu, to you, Spanish Ladies" might never have been written. English sailors were begging for favors while the Spanish lasses thought they were offering passion. How disappointing!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 12:17 PM

per⋅fer⋅vor; especially British, per⋅fer⋅vour, noun

I thought "perfervor" was Spanish for "please".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 11:40 AM

RIGHT, STILLY! I'LL DO THAT!!!

****

Thanks, Amos. I'm delighted that "perfervid" is a real word. It's a great one. I'm going to use it frequently now that you have alerted me to its meaning. I am indeed perfervid about a number of things and my perfervidity knows no bounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 11:22 AM

103 today. Time to turn on the AC at MOM's house.

LH, MOM is worried about you. She wants to have you visit Mrs. Crutcher, the lady who lives next door to her. She used to be a school nurse in an elementary school in town before she retired, and MOM thinks she'll be able to see through all of these personalities and see the inner child that is screaming to be released.

Mrs. Crutcher retired about 50 years ago, so be sure to shout into her ear horn and articulate your words clearly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 11:14 AM

per⋅fer⋅vid
  /pərˈfɜrvɪd/ [per-fur-vid] Show IPA

?adjective
very fervent; extremely ardent; impassioned: perfervid patriotism.
Origin:
1855?60; < NL perfervidus. See per-, fervid

Related forms:
per⋅fer⋅vid⋅i⋅ty, per⋅fer⋅vid⋅ness, noun
per⋅fer⋅vid⋅ly, adverb
per⋅fer⋅vor; especially British, per⋅fer⋅vour, noun
Dictionary.com Unabridged
Based on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.
Cite This Source

Related Words for : perfervid
ardent, burning, fervent, fervid, fiery


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:31 AM

Heh! Heh! Hee! Hee! (snort!) Oh my...

What fun it is.

I appreciate your good wishes, Amos, I do. You're right that I'm underemployed, and I like it on the whole, except that it limits my funds to the point where I can't fly to California every couple of weeks to date Winona Ryder. That's a bit frustrating.

Say, where did you get the word "perfervid" from? Is it mere blathertwaddle you concocted or is it a legitimate word?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:10 AM

Strange times, indeed! Chongo's long abandoned sister Chinga, who runs a prosperous chain of whorehouses in CHicago, New York, Schenectady and Skaneateles, has never forgiven her brother for walking out on their sick, destitute mother and her when she was too young to earn a respectable living, but too desperate not to turn to what she could do on the mean streets of Chicago. She has often threatewned to decapitate Chongo if he ever showsup in one of her establishments.

Meanwhile, Little Hawk, the perfervid and seriously under-employed inventor of Chongo, has taken exception to the multiple-personality-disorder diagnosis exercised on his case by the good Doctor Liebenscheiss, the Mudcat's resident Freudian psychoanalyst. Having a good deal of time on his hands, Little Hawk has demonstrated his vengeful nature by inventing a counter-identity and claiming legitimacy for it in Liebenscheiss' field of expertise, and trying in this way to project Liebenscheiss' diagnosis against myself as Liebenscheiss' inventor.

A sordid and complicated tale, you might say, in which the sorry extremism of a desperately eroded character leads to a war between himself and "everybody" through the means of his socially palliative invented characters.

Liebenscheiss advises me, and I think I agree, that to do no harm is the best I can hope for, and that to attempt to reason with Little Hawk in his present condition would only get him worked up. His irritation would lead to energizing more cartoon rebuttals placed neatly in the mouths of imaginary playmates, and the interaction between them would escalate things to the point where his already depleted anger-management skills would fail completely. Blood pressure, heart attacks, and individual acts of inappropriate violence would possibly ensure, none of which I would want to see happen.

THerefore I can only applaud Mister Hawk for his prolific creativity and wish him well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 09:21 AM

I try not to pass judgment on the sexual proclivities of others. As long as the dead whale is a consenting adult and no one gets hurt it's okay with me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 08:50 AM

What's so wrong with screwing a month-old dead whale? Don't knock it if you haven't tried it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jun 09 - 12:19 AM

"a testament to the basic underlying strength and resilience of your character"

Oh, yeah???? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ook! Ook!

Best friggin' laugh I've had this week!

I'll tell ya what it's a testament to...it's a testament to his total LACK of character...the guy would screw a month-old dead whale if he found it layin' on the beach. Trust me.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Doctor Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D.
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:23 PM

So, Amos...waxing a bit defensive? I can understand the terrible emotional strain you must be under trying to keep your involvement in an illicit cross-species romantic affaire with a nymphomaniacal and kleptomanical female chimpanzee swept under the carpet while attempting to maintain the outer image of faithful family man and solid citizen of your respectable San Diego suburban neighborhood. I'm surprised you haven't cracked apart at the seams by now, frankly. It is a testament to the basic underlying strength and resilience of your character, notwithstanding that you have given in to what most would term as an unnatural lust for the "animal" side of life. I feel that a few months or years of intensive counseling at my famed psychiatric facility "Clearhaven" in Schenectady would yield excellent results, allow you to make a clean break with Chinga, and restore your faith in both yourself and others. You will be receiving my card and an introductory set of questions to fill out in the mail shortly. Please do not delay responding! Time is of the essence.

Your servant,

Lance Westmoreland, P.H.D.

p.s. I would appreciate it if your associate Herr Doctor Liebenscheiss would forward me any files or personal reminiscences he has regarding you as these might prove invaluable in your ongoing treatment in Schenectady and hasten a positive resolution. I understand that he cannot treat you himself, as there would be a clear conflict of interest, but his expertise is well known to me, so I see good possiblities in sharing our knowledge of your very unique case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM

It's a treat to beat your cleat in the Mississippi Mud...or, as we used to sing it, "It's a treat to beat your meat...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 08:11 PM

That's not a cleat. THIS is a cleat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 07:16 PM

cleat

Stomping puppies, indeed! Cinnamon, demolish that man's shoelaces! Poppy, jump on him with muddy feet! Lick his face!

There! They showed you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 05:17 PM

LH:

If you must inflict imaginary characters on us, it would be a courtesy not to have them project. We have enough confusions with our pets and fellow humans projecting their sins and follies on us to absolve themselves of responsibility!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 04:06 PM

Tsk, tsk, Amos. I have two sabers: one for fencing and one for use. I have several knives, none of which is what is usually thought of as a "Bowie knife."

I wouldn't have an AK-47 unless you paid me and paid me well.

While I am attempting to get the VA to admit that I was exposed to AO, I don't happen to have any sitting around. I do a a little Roundup if you'd like to use it.

Nor do I have any hand grenades. I might be able to put you onto a source if you want some, though.

I was just wondering if Stilly was stomping puppies with her cleats to break them of bad habits, like hanging themselves in curtain cords.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 02:25 PM

And so is yer involvement with that cheap two-bit proskirt, Chinga...

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM

So now, not being satisfied with AK47s, RPGs, sabres, bowie knives, battle axes, hand grenades, catapaults, and Agent Orange, Rapaire is promoting the stomping of puppies, using cleats.

This is very deeply sad and somehow wrong.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM

Well, I guess stomping on a dog while wearing cleats would have tendency to break it of bad habits.


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