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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 07:14 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 06:39 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 09 - 04:41 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM
Little Hawk 31 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 03:34 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 02:31 PM
Acme 31 Jan 09 - 12:41 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM
Amos 31 Jan 09 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 09 - 10:27 AM
Acme 31 Jan 09 - 12:37 AM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 06:02 PM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 02:14 PM
Acme 30 Jan 09 - 01:57 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 01:55 PM
MMario 30 Jan 09 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM
Rustic Rebel 30 Jan 09 - 01:36 PM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 12:40 PM
Acme 30 Jan 09 - 11:14 AM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:29 AM
Amos 30 Jan 09 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 10:04 PM
Acme 29 Jan 09 - 10:01 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 09:08 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 07:35 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 06:54 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 03:22 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 03:20 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 09 - 02:23 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 02:00 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM
Amos 29 Jan 09 - 12:21 PM
MMario 29 Jan 09 - 09:21 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 07:14 PM

Why would I want a hairy flagon? To go with your dairy dragon? Well, I can get dragon milk from a cow with short legs, so there, Mister Poo-Poo Head!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM

You think that's bad, I have it one th emost reliable of intell that Rapaire has been heating the palms of his hands several times a day, no less, in an effort to grow hair on his flagon!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 06:39 PM

MOM!! Amos is heating his flagon again!!! If he keeps it up he'll go blind and grow green hair on the palms of his hands!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 04:41 PM

I pretend to forget that from time to time, Amos, in order to pester you...and help this thread continue to fulfill its purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 04:18 PM

Little Hawk:

Let me remind you this is the Mother of all BS thread. As you should well know by now, unless you were not paying attention over tthe last thirty thousand posts, pointless confrontation is the catalyst for prime BS. It breeds rapid mental stimulation, flashing pictures and overflowing verbiage, heated in the flagon of the confronted heart and restrained by the cool boundaries of acceptable mental extremism, until it sublimates into the purest and best of available modalities of BS.

I'm not doing what I do for idle entertainment, you see. I am doing it for MOM!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM

Who's "Shane"? Or should I ask, "What's a 'Shane'?" Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral? Is it bigger than a bread-box? Is it living or non-living? And why should I care?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM

You're just trying to provoke a pointless confrontation between me and Rapaire, Amos. He already has one with Shane. Isn't that enough?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 03:34 PM

Worse, it doesn't count things that should be counted. For instance, we had 328,000+ people visit the joint last FY (by door counters, adjusted for staff, kids who run in and out, etc.). We know how many people attended library-sponsored programs, again by actual count.

However, we also have two television shows on the public access channel (which, I hasten to add, the Library started) and a radio show. Most businesses pay attention to their media audience -- but there is no place for me to report our audience figures.

It's another case of those in the field being ahead of those in the rear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 02:31 PM

Ad hoc measuring is God's way of keeping you on your toes, Stilly; it leads directly to intelligent design theory and the aware-quanta hypothesis which is the next thing the God-fearing will try to inject into scientific curricula even though I just now made it up. Wait and see!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:41 PM

It's the acronym from about 10 years ago, the statistics turned in to ALA or somewhere that keeps track of library use statistics. I don't remember what it's called now, I haven't had to use them for a while. That's because I realized that the numbers that go in the annual report are absolutely meaningless. Totally. No relation to anything, because every year they change what they're measuring so there is absolutely no way to compare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:29 PM

Is LH substantive?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 11:44 AM

I think he was using Little as a condescending adjective, not a nominal substantive.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 10:27 AM

Shouldn't that be "I PEED" and not "IPED"? Or are you referring to the past tense of "ipe" (a verb little used today and which means "the action one takes upon sitting upon the point of a nail or a sharp splinter when taking a seat in the outhouse: "Tommy yelled 'YIPE!' when he iped himself this morning." Occ. used to describe the result of using corncobs instead of pages from the Sears' catalogue.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 09 - 12:37 AM

IPEDs?

I was going to ask if the whale was a sticky mess. But I'll leave it at that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 11:27 PM

That's Brother Hawk. If I was Hawk Little, then it would be Brother Little.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 PM

Thank you, Brother Little. I have said to say that but I forgot how to spell in my joy and relief.

The statistical report, like those from other libraries, shows an over-all increase in circulation, visits, and Internet usage in a steady increase all year and quickening in the last three months of the FY (July, August, September). The increase has continued to the present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:14 PM

Hallelujah.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 06:02 PM

The annual statiscal report is done, AMEN! brethren and sistern!

Say AMEN!

Aw, come on...say just one little "Amen."

Please?

MOM! They won't say "AMEN!!"

Ground them until they're 286, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 02:14 PM

The orignal link to the Internal Combustion Rhythm Section was only good for a day.   So here is a link to the archive file which shows that even a straight-head six can sing "I Got Rhythm".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:57 PM

So, er, uh,

oh, never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:55 PM

There's something wrong with you, isn't there? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:50 PM

Because if you enclosed the whole sperm they'd suffacate! And if the condom only covered the penis then most of the sperm would be outside it.

silly LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:41 PM

Why don't they make condoms to fit Sperm Whales?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:36 PM

(\__/)
(="."=)
(__.__)
c((")("))

I can make a funky rabbit. I can't make a condem though, which is what you should use unless you want the rabbit to die.......


(\__/)
(=-.-=)
(__^______))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 01:01 PM

Let me add, good sir, that you are most unlikely to ever be a girl on a date with Amos even if you suffer the necessary awkward transitions to pass the physical.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 12:40 PM

I tie 'em together and make slingshots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 11:14 AM

If there is more than one piece to a condom then it's broken, Rapaire. Weren't you cautioned to be careful with those things?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 10:52 AM

I know you feel up to it now, CB, but in this case, well begun is not really half-done, nohow. Pace yourself, old fellow. 'T is nobler to have tried to love, and failed, than never to have tried to love at all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:29 AM

Well, yes. You're right. I'm going to buy 500 condoms and I plan to use them all in a single weekend of lechery and lust. Don't worry, I'm up to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:24 AM

Nice try, Condom-Boy!!! But a denial spoke late is a confession, as me auld ma useter say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM

As Mom knows full well (because being a good boy I told her) the "Super-X rounds" to which I referred are actually .22 caliber long rifle cartridges and I can buy three boxes of 500 each with the gift card my staff gave me as a Christmas gift expressly "to buy ammunition" with. They also gave me a silk tie with "cowboy guns" on it.

So I'm glad that I'm not a girl on a date with Amos, who doesn't know a condom from a cartridge!

Amos, a condom is a rubbery sort of thing and a generally comes in two pieces stuck together and it can go "BANG!" and looks kinda like this:
____ _
|____|_> only it's round and and in three dimensions.

If you found a cartridge you'd better take it to Mom or me or someone who knows about such things because you're too young. Also a condom, but not if it's all icky and not in the package.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:09 PM

I'd rather bask in the shitstorm that is heading your way, 'cuz someone just slipped Mom a cell-phone picture of your sock drawer with the condoms stacked up in it....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:04 PM

I wonder.

Amos, look sort of north-northeast. Do you see that bright glow off in the distance?

That's my brilliance: before your operation you just couldn't see it. Now you can bask in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 10:01 PM

Just don't get that nuclear fusion-fision close to Amos's eyepiece or that'll fry his eye ball back wall for sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 09:08 PM

Smart decision. If Mom found you had 500 condoms in your drawer she would tar the daylights outta you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM

I didn't, though. I went home and had supper like a good child of Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 07:35 PM

Wow--at that price even condoms that are several sizes too large are worth it!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 06:54 PM

Walmart had Super-X on sale for $12 per 500 rounds. I thought I go out after work and get some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 06:38 PM

Oh...I thought you were getting excited by the sepulcher in a return to your youthful days as a tomb-maker. Anyway, I'll believe in the Super X when I see it in operation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM

Now, THIS is REALLY exciting and holds HUGE promise!!!

(And I'm not joking around -- Amos can explain, and if he can't I can.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM

Christ! What an opportunity. I wonder if I can scrap together enough coin to buy it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:25 PM

A large sepulcher, rich in marble and bronze, whose occupant, a Mister Leeds, wealthy tin merchant, has been transplanted, is for sale in New York, according to the Times.

"Mr. Leeds was a famous gourmand whose dish of choice was a Parisian egg-and-cream soup. He was a self-indulgent epicure who often ran the table at extravagant 10-course dinners and died ? suitably enough ? of a stroke at 46.

His second wife, upon his death, married the Prince of Greece and began to tour Europe, leaving their son to slip into the drinking life in the Caribbean. Despite being heir to a fortune estimated at $40 million, he took up with a cigarette girl, died a wastrel and was cremated, his ashes strewn at sea. "

The full story is here at the NY Times.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:22 PM

Did I ever mention that I invented the Personal Portable Lightning Rod?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 03:20 PM

Amos, I really don't like to discuss personal things, but when I was born there was a star in the East and an angelic choir in the heavens. Three Wise Men left me gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh; later on, while fishing with my friends, I used to walk out across the Mississippi to where the big ones lurked. Nobody will go deer hunting with me because if I touch a deer they shot it comes back to life. My mother always told me that I should avoid Roman soldiers, which was pretty easy to do in West Central Illinois and even easier here in Idaho. Walking up the mountains is a problem because ever time I stop to rest Elijah and Moses show up at my side, and the less said about my twelve groupies the better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:34 PM

Hey--I've known Grande Humility. She was a friend of mine. And Rapaire is no Grande Humility.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:23 PM

Ah, but if you knew just how GREAT Rapaire is, Amos... (the Angel chorus bursts out in rapturous ovation)...THEN you would appreciate also the grandness of his humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 02:00 PM

Wow--a self-referential oxymoron!! That librarian training is really something.

(I mean that your assertion of great brightness was not very.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 01:09 PM

Wear yer shades the next time we meet, cuz otherwise you'll be blinded by me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 12:21 PM

Well, erudition--with a little help from the work environment--certainly. I have yet to see humility raise its charming powers in Rapaire's case, but perhaps I have just not been paying attention properly.

In lens implants the default value is a monofocal lens, covered by most insurance. A multifocal lens with engineered planes to provide multiple focal distances, is considerably more expensive, but makes a big difference. That's what I got. I figured there are few things more worth spending dough on than the vital art of just seeing.

Here in San Diego, the difference was $1850 above insurance. Worth every penny already. The world is bright and light and full of beauty that I had lost connection with because the shadows of my old lens made my very sight seem jaded and somehow cynical. Odd, that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jan 09 - 09:21 AM

yes - Rapaire burns with the glare of a magnesium flare


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