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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 05 Aug 08 - 10:40 AM
Acme 05 Aug 08 - 12:09 AM
Amos 04 Aug 08 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 08 - 11:14 PM
Amos 04 Aug 08 - 02:46 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 08 - 01:47 PM
Amos 04 Aug 08 - 10:59 AM
Acme 04 Aug 08 - 10:40 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 08 - 10:20 AM
Amos 04 Aug 08 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 08 - 09:24 AM
MMario 04 Aug 08 - 08:53 AM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 08 - 03:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 08 - 10:58 PM
Amos 03 Aug 08 - 10:20 PM
Amos 03 Aug 08 - 04:01 PM
Acme 03 Aug 08 - 03:07 PM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 08 - 12:26 PM
Acme 03 Aug 08 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 08 - 09:10 AM
Amos 02 Aug 08 - 11:33 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 08 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 10:36 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 08 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 10:17 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 08 - 06:56 PM
Acme 02 Aug 08 - 06:55 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 08 - 06:44 PM
Amos 02 Aug 08 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 02 Aug 08 - 01:18 PM
Acme 02 Aug 08 - 01:13 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 12:10 PM
Amos 02 Aug 08 - 12:05 PM
Acme 02 Aug 08 - 11:53 AM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 11:50 AM
Amos 02 Aug 08 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 02 Aug 08 - 09:14 AM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 08 - 08:03 PM
Acme 01 Aug 08 - 08:01 PM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 07:45 PM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 07:44 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 08 - 04:57 PM
Little Hawk 01 Aug 08 - 02:23 PM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 08 - 12:38 PM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 01 Aug 08 - 10:07 AM
Amos 01 Aug 08 - 09:59 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 08 - 10:40 AM

I learned that from Ol' Sam one night when we were drinking Dick Brothers' beer in a disreputable joint in East Hannibal, Illinois. Sam was in town, part of a trip on the Upper River to deliver cotton to La Crosse, Wisconsin and was stuck in Hannibal due to low water at Lock and Dam 20, so he called me and I hot-footed it down to Hannibal and we went disreputable tavern hoppin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 08 - 12:09 AM

Rapaire subscribes to the policy "never give a short answer when a long one will do." This is first cousin once removed to Mark Twain's remark "I'm writing you a long letter because I don't have time to write a short one."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 11:37 PM

Rapaire:

I greatly appreciate your service as the Great Fount of More Knowledge than Is Ever Wanted, really I do. If King Khandu were still here he would probably give you a title for being such a great Fount.

But as far as revilement goes, it was your origination that you were in Miss Oula, not mine.

I am a gentleman, and gentlemen never tell.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 11:14 PM

I am a trained information hunter-gatherer. My training dictates that I share information I gather with those who need it. Amos asked who Miss Oula was, and I provided a comprehensive answer (which could have been much longer, but which I edited because so much of it seemed redundant -- do you have any idea how many "John Smiths" are in her guestbook?). And for that I am reviled, castigated, and called nasty names.

Ah well, I suppose that those of us who Know can expect nothing else. That's the way it's been throughout history, and I really shouldn't expect anything different. I think I'll go into bed, pull up the covers, and whimper.

Oh well, tomorrow is Another Day. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll do something or other tomorrow -- it's only a day away....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 02:46 PM

INPUT???? That was no input, that was a conversation!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 01:47 PM

LOL! Typical Rapaire. Get him going and he's like a runaway train on an endless downhill grade. Quite a story, Rapaire.

MMario - You are correct. Gentlemen don't tell. Thank you for your input on that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 10:59 AM

Yes, I agree this is more information than I wanted. But, the other thing is that Rapaire, now a confessed necrophiliac, should get a medical checkup at the earliest opportunity.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 10:40 AM

You had to ask, didn't you, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 10:20 AM

Miss Oula is the lady this town is named after. Back in the 1870s, this was just a couple of log shacks in a valley of the Clark Fork River. Cowboys, miners, and other disreputable sorts gathered here, usually with the law or wives searching for them. One day, a woman showed up. She was driving a wagon filled with other women, patent nostrums for various male complaints, and other things needed on the frontier.

No one ever knew her first name; they just called her "Miss Oula". She nursed those hardy pioneers through epidemics of bubonic plague, yaws, cholera, beri-beri, measles, syphilis, chickenpox, bullets, and other hazards. Miss Oula and her companions comforted the men in their need, charging them only the going rate. They cooked meals for them and charged only a slight markup. Eventually Miss Oula had won the hearts of all of the men in the county, and then the men's wives arrived.

Obviously they couldn't associate with Miss Oula and her girls, but they were very grateful for what had been given to their husbands. Miss Oula and Co. were ordered into a small section of town near the railhead, but the town's name was changed from "That Stinkin' Piece Of Unreal Estate On The Clark Fork River, Montana" to "Miss Oula, Montana" in her mammary. Eventually the post office, which kept confusing "Miss Oula" with someplace in Mississippi and hence delayed payment of various government pensions and other checks slammed "Miss" and "Oula" together to create the name the town currently bears: Missoula, Montana.

Miss Oula herself was killed by an irate husband; the reasons behind this are too sordid to go into in detail but they involve manacles, leather underwear, another man, a turtle, two barrel cacti, and an irate husband who couldn't hit the side of the barn from the inside.

Miss Oula's funeral procession took two days to pass the center of town, primarily because of the saloons there. With two hearses and literally tens of mourners (the town still wasn't very big) there was great moaning and wailing and keening and drinking. The wake before the funeral took two months and completely depleted the local ice supply (embalming hadn't reached this far West yet) and the entire liqour supply of Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming.

The location of her grave is unknown, since no one could remember where they buried her. People tried, but the headaches and upset stomachs resulting from her wake didn't wear off until 1918 and by then the US was at war with Prohibition and folks had other things on their minds.

And so she lays buried somewhere in these hills, unless floods or avalanches or something have carried her body off, but her mammary lives on.

(NOTE: It's state law in Montana that Miss Oula be stricken from history, so when writing about her one is required to use the term "mammary" instead of the more common term denoting rememberance. This was forced into the Statutes by the aforesaid wives and subverted by the aforesaid cowboys, miners, and other ne'er-do-wells.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 09:53 AM

Only when duly provoked.

Who is this Miss Oula, anyway?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 09:24 AM

Yes, Mom, I'm here in Montana and today we're going to see Pat's cousin Bernie. You remember him -- he's the guy who put the cabins in shape for PBS's show on pioneer living a few years ago, when the modern families lived for year as they would have if it were 1840 or something. He also restored some of the houses at the old leper colony on Molokai. Quite the traditional woodworker and carpenter: we have a footstool he made Pat for a wedding gift; it's all pegged, not a nail or drop of glue in it and still as firm as the day it was made.

Tomorrow we'll head off for Post Falls, carrying the things people donated earlier this year for the auction. That's the Pacific Northwest Library Association, and next year it's meeting here in Missoula for it's CENTENNIAL celebration. Yes, Mom, it's the oldest regional library association in the WHOLE WORLD and still the only one that's international! And my second-in-command at work is the President this year and next (the other President resigned back in February).

So anyway, Mom, that's what's going on and why I'm in Missoula, a city in Montana.

Mom, did you know that LH had a dirty mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 08:53 AM

Now that's just silly, LH! Gentlemen talk. Some talk insessently.

Gentlemen don't TELL.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 08 - 03:57 AM

Hey! "Gentlemen don't talk."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 10:58 PM

Hi, Mom! I'm in Missoula!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 10:20 PM

sorry--should be "it's" ....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 04:01 PM

The reason its so sharp, I am sure, is that half of it has worn off through various abuses.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 03:07 PM

To say nothing of her sharp tongue and vinegar-sharp "wit."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 12:26 PM

LOL! Oh, Amos...you are so engaging when you become (intellectually) aroused. You're right, I am being rather droll. You got one part wrong, though. I do not lust after a "skinny singer". No. I lust after a skinny actress. Anyway, I don't think of her as skinny. No, she's just right as far as I'm concerned.

I'll tell you who is skinny, though. Ann Coulter. Yech. You could get a paper cut if you hugged that woman. She's all angles and sharp edges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 12:09 PM

If he's dressed like that then he can have Cinnamon's fleas also. I found them this morning. We have always taken precautions to keep them away, but they turned up. It's war!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 08 - 09:10 AM

LH's clothing is poor and tattered. Is he a rag droll?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 11:33 PM

I am sure you will forgive me, Little Hawk, if I laugh at your charge and fail to take it seriously.

For the person who crowded the hard disks of the Mudcat with Corridus, a hamster with delusions of grandeur, an imaginary talking chimpanzee from a time-warped penny-dreadful version of Chicago, a drunk illiterate libertine from Canada with less than two thoughts to rub together, and fantasies about William Shatner and the skinny singer you lust after whose name escapes me...not to mention hundreds and hundreds of long posts expositing the Most Enlightened Point of View Anyone Could Have On Everything But Was Afraid to Ask... to accuse anyone ELSE of wasting bandwidth...is unspeakably droll.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 11:13 PM

I tremble in my little booties...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 10:36 PM

I'm telling Gluon on you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 10:32 PM

Ah...foaming at the ramparts now, are we? I expected as much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 10:17 PM

Anybody who thinks that talking about dogs constitutes a waste of bandwidth deserves ta be hung! And I'd supply the rope, only it would leave some poor little dachshunds homeless and alone. They'd be whimpering sad and lonely in their corner, wondering where their next meal was coming from and if that thing hanging in the tree out back was edible or merely decorative and therefore something to pee on.

And you oughta be right glad Gluon and the Gluonettes can't read!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 06:56 PM

Oh, well...if only that was all there was to it. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 06:55 PM

Talking about dogs constitutes "egregious consumption" of bandwidth?

I think not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 06:44 PM

I think I'll rename you guys "The Gang of Three". Then you can all be arrested and tried by a Mudcat People's Court for egregious and pointless consumption of bandwidth. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 06:36 PM

I think it was a country and western hit, first, Rapaire. ;>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

"If there are no dogs in heaven I don't want to go there." -- A priest of my acquaintance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 01:18 PM

If I speak in human and angelic tongues 2 but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

3 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
4 Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.

For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known. So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is lying under a porch with a dog by your side, which is love.


.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 01:13 PM

I agree, I've had some wonderful porches for retreating under. The first house where I remember living (in West Seattle) had a basement that wasn't actually dug very deep, but the foundation of the house supporting the upper floors of the house was tall. In the back and the front there were great spaces for camps and forts. It also had potting greenhouses and a free-standing chicken coop. I'd love to have that house now, but it all probably fell into disrepair before anyone realized how useful those spaces could be.

I've noticed that the dogs hang out in the garage even though the air is hot because the concrete is cooler. They lie on the concrete to stay cooler, so if they can stay cool out there, I can. Though I'm going to bring them in soon to spend the afternoon and evening in the house. They'll each get a bath that will feel good (via a hose in the yard) and after they're dry they can come in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 12:10 PM

To each her own, Amos. I used to spend time under a porch (sans dogs) when I was young. My siblings and I used it for a play fort, or sometimes we'd just crawl under there because it was there. Laying on the cool, shaded ground, talking together about our next madcap antic -- ah, it was so nice. Until my mother turned the garden hose on us under the pretext to watering the petunias, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 12:05 PM

Still:

I can understand the dogs crawling in under the porch, but are you really looking to go under there with them?

It seems unseemly.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 11:53 AM

You guys sit up there and deconstruct prosy poetry, but the dogs and I are going to clear out a spot under the porch near the foundation and try to stay cool.

We're under a heat advisory that started yesterday and runs through Monday. 105+ for the forseeable future. Yuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 11:50 AM

Every time I pat myself on the head I have a compulsion to rub my stomach at the same time. Works in reverse, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 11:18 AM

As an aside, in the Minor Moments in History department, I seriously doubt that anyone has ever used "iambic pentameter" and "golden showers" in the same sentence before, bud.

So pat yourself on the head, if you don't mind me being a bit superfluous and redundant and over-emphasizing the obvious.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 08 - 09:14 AM

I'm sorry, Amos, but I'm just not into those SoCal escapades like "scansion" or "iambic pentameter" or "golden showers". It's not my thing, as they say, but I certainly understand and feel that those who wish to indulge should be allowed to do so as long as they are consenting adults and no one gets hurt in the process. I guess we're a bit more conservative up here in Idaho, that's all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 08:07 PM

Yer looking purdy wrinkled, pal,
You'd better put yer pants on
The rhythm method doesn't work
Until you master scansion....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 08:03 PM

An' Rapaire he hunkered down, nibblin' a knish,
To see who'd grab twenny-four seven, who would be so shellfish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 08:01 PM

What a shiny round number!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 07:45 PM

Ole Ma got up and hunkered down
And raised up seven hunnert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 07:44 PM

And while the lowly doldrum dragged,
An' thuh legion burnt and plunnerd....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 04:57 PM

Aunts Abby and Martha will be disappointed, but they're used to disappointment. I don't know about Teddy, though -- he did so want to dig a new lock for the Panama Canal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 02:23 PM

Too true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 01:29 PM

No, no--save it for those of more fragile digestion, such as your vaunted friends in the Legion. I understand it aids regularity. And gawd knows they need that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 12:38 PM

Are you certain? My aunts made the elderberry wine and it's considered to be quite good. Indeed, no one has ever complained about it at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 10:34 AM

A stout CHianti, for me, sir, but the dollop of forgiveness is all I care about, and thank you for. I hereby take back and renounce all the heartless, unfeeling things you have ever said about me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 10:07 AM

Oh, sob! I am weeping at your allegations, sir! Because I am tender-hearted and truly a gentle, caring soul I am accused of perfidy when I lay bare my innermost secret thoughts and cares! Were I a lesser man I would hunt you down, cut you into collops, burn those to ashes, and fling the ashes to the winds -- but I am not such a man. I have risen above such things. May I offer you a glass of elderberry wine as a token of my forgiveness?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 08 - 09:59 AM

Dear me, sir, you're swinging a bit far, or laying it on a bit thick, or both. I am sure, in any case, that you are a fine feller and have always been one. There are several years of collected evidence right here on this thread!


A


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