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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 05 Dec 07 - 03:09 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 12:44 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 12:22 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 11:39 AM
Amos 05 Dec 07 - 10:09 AM
Rapparee 05 Dec 07 - 08:44 AM
Janie 05 Dec 07 - 02:17 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 10:57 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 10:10 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 05:47 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 05:29 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 03:44 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 12:09 PM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM
Acme 04 Dec 07 - 10:34 AM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM
Rustic Rebel 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM
Amos 04 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 07 - 08:36 AM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 07 - 11:19 PM
Janie 03 Dec 07 - 10:41 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 10:25 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 10:23 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 10:20 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 10:19 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 10:18 PM
Janie 03 Dec 07 - 09:42 PM
Janie 03 Dec 07 - 09:40 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 03 Dec 07 - 08:47 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 08:36 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 08:17 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 07:43 PM
Donuel 03 Dec 07 - 07:04 PM
Acme 03 Dec 07 - 06:53 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 06:32 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 05:57 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 05:40 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 03:57 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 07 - 03:20 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 07 - 03:03 PM
Amos 03 Dec 07 - 02:44 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 03:09 PM

There will be Remedial Instruction in Goat-Reading this Saturday at Rapaire's Library in Pocatello. Learn to Read Goat!!! You'll Be Glad You Did!! Never Be Fooled Again!!!! To sign up, email Rapaire at the Pocatello Library. Cookies and orange juice will be served during recess.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 02:26 PM

LOL!! Our screen of psychic suggestion control is working!! WOnderful. Now, if only we can debug the loop that monitors mass-hypnosis on political issues we'll be all set for Utopia!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 01:55 PM

I'd move to California except that if I wasn't washed away in a mudslide or burned out by a fire I'd be eaten by a mountain lion during an earthquake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:44 PM

I, repent? Nay, sir -- I live in harmony with the gracious light of God's own sun, his gentle surf, his mountains and beaches. (Aside from a few carbon emissions and a big plastics footprint, anyway). I honor his wisdom in making cold, Northern places uninhabitable so much of the time, and stay away from them during those times. I do not need 500 gallons a winter of #3 fuel oil, or umopty-ump therms of natural gas or 6 cords of firewood to burn in order to defend myself against His System. It is not I, at peace with the world wearing nothign more than a sweater, who needs to repent, but those who in their hubris have tried to wrest the Cold Places away from Nature as God intended it, and strive to refit Her to their own devices. For fie.

On the other hand, the more of y'all who stay in the colder parts, the less crowding on the interstates down here, which is really important anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:22 PM

Awesome? If you think that's awesome you still think Khandu is king! Now, the fact that Comet Holmes has lost its tail but still has a corona visible to the naked eye (at night, of course) is awesome because it presages the End Times as comets always do.

Repent, Amos! I say to you, repent! Give up your hedonistic. lustful life and repent for the End Times are upon us! Move away from the sin and idleness of Southern California and to someplace where you can expiate your sins amidst snow and ice! Do not be misled by false prophets, but remember that The Comet hath predicted what is to happen! Yea, we are all going to lose our tail!

Don't say I didn't tell ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 12:21 PM

Stilly,

bleaat, bleeat, baahha, bahaha, bleat, oooaha.

If you can read goat your prayers have been answered and you'll be a rich woman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 11:39 AM

Anny Who, I think we should shake our heads in awesome recogntiion that we have just skittered round the Q1 of 21. That's awesome.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 10:09 AM

See? I tole ya an I tole ya that Rapaire was a thoughtful, giving person. See?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 08:44 AM

Snow. You need lots and lots of snow. And ice. And sleet. And freezing rain.

I'll see what I can do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Dec 07 - 02:17 AM

While you are at it, send some rain to green up my lawn and garden.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:57 PM

The USGBC is the parent organization of LEED. Now that I know where to go, I'm going to see what I can do to green up the Library.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:10 PM

You oughta see the horse-drawn vacuum cleaner wagon. They had it re-made from the original drawings, only right now it's hitched to fiberglass horses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 07:00 PM

I have gone to the Web Site of the World's First Cleaning Technologies Museum and must say I am impressed with some of the examples there shown of human ingenuity. I should have known, but did not, that vacuum cleaners operated by human muscle were commercially sold long before the electrification of America. How intriguing! I can see the small boys ducking out the back screen door on a June afternoon to skinny up a tree to avoid the tiresome duty of pumping Mommy's vacuum.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 06:09 PM

Your point is well taken, sir. I was only acting upon the recommendations of one Little Hawk, which I now realize was probably a mistake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 05:47 PM

Well, if you would only stop sending emails to those Nigerian heirs, and those Rolex dealers, it would soon dry up, so to speak.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 05:29 PM

Size apparently matters a great deal, at least according to email I receive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 04:58 PM

Indeed, I would; but I feel it would be a great strain on my system, good sir, to rise above and burst the shackles of my early, deeply canalized childhood training never to drink out of toilets. No-one told me -- back then -- that the size mattered.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 03:44 PM

My Dear Mr. Amos,

I have just returned from an invitation-only luncheon reception at the now a-building Museum of Clean. When completed it will the the world's ONLY museum so dedicated. More importantly it will be Platinum Certified by LEED, the only retrofitted building to be so certified.

Luncheon was served in miniature toilet-shaped mugs, which we kept as souvenirs.

The museum will open in 2008; you might wish to visit.

Sincerely yours,

Mr. Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 12:48 PM

I take it back about your diplomacy, sir. I defer, instead, to Mister Hawk's opinion just below.

Do see someone about that, won't you?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 12:09 PM

Last guy who said I don't got no diplomancy skills got whumped up good. My diplomancy skills are at least equal to those of Your President And Mine, George W. Bush.

I got diplomancy skills real good, cuz I kin conjure up a diplomat most any time I need one, which is right seldom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 11:34 AM

I swan this is the most whacky flapdoodle whizzbang thread in the universe.

Welcome back RR!! Wisht you'd come back more oftener.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:34 AM

Shades of things to come! Thanks, RR!

Now would you mind looking in that crystal ball a little closer to home--tell me what the winning Texas lotto numbers were on Dec. 5th and 8th in 2007? Thank you very much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM

His wugga bugga is out of sync with his ongo bongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:29 AM

Them goats I tell ya, it's them goats I saw
up dancing on the MOAB stage
All hues of different colors
while eating up this page.

I thought to myself, this is different,
as a goat came from behind
it was looking for another page,
that page it could not find.

The page that was numbered high
way past twenty and nine
it numbered more like thirty thousand seven hundred and fifty two
point six, twelve and five.

Now why would a goat want to eat a page
that doesn't yet exist?
it must have fell through a wormhole
and now it's just plain pissed.

So watch your pages and watch your posts
they could be lost to a goat..
on the MOAB stage eating every page..
while mom is floating in a boat..
on the MOAB sea ..
with a cup of tea..
through the MOAB wormhole..
toward her next journey.

Excerpts from perverted INK.
'Goats ala Fricassee'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 10:24 AM

Well, there ya go. Either your diplomatic skills or your memory are missing on a couple of cylinders.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 07 - 08:36 AM

Because you told me some time ago, that's how.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 11:50 PM

Oh, Rapaire, you are really messing with it now. I spent months in the dry mountains north of Placerville working claims, shifting quartz veins with pickaxe and shifting iron, grinding samples down and panning them out, and crawling through 19th century drifts that threatened to come down on our heads if we sneezed, assaying with acid and tong, always looking for better color. We damn built a flume from scratch, me bucko, so I know whereof I speak. But how could you know that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 11:19 PM

The words to "The Days of '49", for your information Amos, were written by none other than Joaquin Miller. I simply simplified them so that you could understand them.

For instance, Miller used the phrase "up the flume." Living where and as you do I am certain that you have no more idea of a flume than "Shane" does (he probably thinks it's what happens when you drink too much beer after eating a dozen Tim Horton's donuts). Now, if you lived in The Real West you'd know not only what a flume is but how to construct one.

Another example would be in the ballad "Sully's Pail." In it, the "hangin' wall" caves it. If the time comes I'll explain that so you'll understand it, since you wouldn't know about hardrock mining.

So please don't take it amiss when I try to help you understand things. It's really for your own good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:41 PM

Bravo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:25 PM

And over the ridge and into the light,
As the sun lifted into the sky,
Why, we had it made, as we topped the grade,
And down that hill did fly.
And some there are who scoffed and smiled,
And said we couldn't do it;
But the MOAB crew is of tougher stuff,
Then they seem, when they get up to it.
And those who scoffed, and those who sneered
When we broke into bright sunshine,
Wal they found they had somp'n else to do,
As we steamed past Twenty, nine, boys,
We flew past Twenty, nine.

Amadeus O'Stern Erstov
When the Wind Whistles Dixie
Wheeling, 1963


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:23 PM

Har! Har! LOL! By God, Amos, you couldn't have timed it more perfectly if you'd been paid to. Way to go, man...you have outcrassed the Shatman!!! Hang your head forever in shame. ;-D You are the turkey who snagged the 20,900th post. Oh, the perfidy of it all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:20 PM

I was mistaken. There is someone that crass. (And it wasn't William Shatner!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:19 PM

Then up to the cab came a country gal
An' her name was Little Jane
And her words were soft as lilac fur,
But her eyes were gems and flame;
And she pushed the fireman to one side,
And stepped up to the hole
And she started in a filling that fire
With two hundred pounds of caol.
Then to her side stepped a man called Shane
With a greasy ducktail do;
An' he said, I'll grab a shovel here,
If you'll pay me with a brew.
And the boiler peaked, and the old rods creaked,
An' we crawled ahead, full blind.
Jes' pulling our best, as we turned to the crest,
And the light of Twenty, nine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 10:18 PM

No one would be crass enough to go for that final post just for the personal glory. I predict that this thread will never get past that hurdle, and this will be the last post on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 09:42 PM

The suspense, Amos!

Oh the suspense....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 09:40 PM

And then? And then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 08:47 PM

I flippin' heard a, like, litte bird call my name...

I can too right potery. I can, eh? Any flippin' time I want to.

I jsut don;t flippin' want to right now becoz poetery is for loosers and wimps, eh?

So flip off!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 08:36 PM

Just think...if Shane could only write poetry...what gems he would contribute to this thread.

Just think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 08:17 PM

We had only twelve more posts to go,
But we didn't know it then,
We were blind as bats in that howling snow,
So it could have been twenty, or ten.
Then across the bridge, just below the ridge
Over death's own gulch we lined
There was nothing there but frozen air
As we crossed toward Twenty, nine

And the shake of the cold and the enjine old,
Made us fear for our very souls
There was nothing to do but stare down the gulf,
And pray for the wheels to roll,
Then the air was filled with a blown out ring,
From the number one piston ring cryin';
So we vented her free and on jes' two and three,
Headed on toward Twenty, nine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 07:43 PM

YEah, but who designed the touch screen?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 07:04 PM

CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!
CHIMPS WIN!

5 year old chimps were pitted against adult humans at games of concentration (matching numbers, letters and pictures ehen chosen 2 at a time) played on a touch screencomputer and CHIMPS WIN!

Humans came in a very close second when the clues were displayed for several seconds but Chimps ran away with it when clue boxes were displayed for only a tenth of a second.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 06:53 PM

Hey, MOM! The house painters finished today! Now I have to paint the iron bars over the windows (they're actually aluminum, but don't say anything or the aluminum thieves might break up my house just for the metal!) I have a chapped face from out walking around and looking and inspecting and such today. Chap Stick to the rescue.

And now my radio is playing Golliwog's Cakewalk. My day is perfect!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 06:32 PM

Well, actually I thought your stuff was really great, Amos. It just wasn't as familiar, that's all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 05:57 PM

And THAT curmudgeonly carping was none other than the greatest number: 20888!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM

I am slightly miffed, sir Hack, that you wax enthusiastic about Rapaire's shoddy substitutions built on an old Frank Warner (inter alia) song, and have nothing to say about the deathless lyrics I have been building based soely on my low-level creative fires, without benefit of a stolen architecture, aside from general parameters.

'S up id dat, man?

Ah, hell, skip it. Prophets are unknown in their own land, and all that.

Pfui.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 05:40 PM

Wow! We have a truly deathless ballad in hand here. I wonder if Bob Dylan could be persuaded to do a cover version of it when it's done?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 03:57 PM

There was there as well, an imp from hell,
Knows as Sticky-Fingered Rap;
He would lift a line, or a page or a book,
An' he never gave a crap;
But when he tried to lift a stack,
It fell and broke his spine,
Other people' tomes
Cover up his bones,
On the way to Twenty, nine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 03:20 PM

And then Little Hawk, with his raucous squawk
That scrawny Indian brave
He would lurk up high, on the top bookshelf
O'er the manuscripts he'd slave
He would search and search for the highest perch
And his arrows bright did shine
Till the day he fell in the old inkwell
On the road to ninety-nine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 03:03 PM

I'm old Rapaire from Idaho's shore
In the good old golden days.
They call me a bum and librarian, too
But what care I for praise?
I wander around Pocatello town
Just like a roving sign,
And the people all say "There goes Rapaire
On the way to ninety-nine.

Cho: In the days of old, in the days of old
How often I repine
For the days of old when we wanted for gold
On the way to ninety-nine.

There was Texas Still, I knew her well,
A woman that was fond of tricks.
At reshelving books she was always there
And heavy in the stacks.
She would ante up and fill her cart
And shelve like the whirlwind kind
But in the PS stacks Stilly lost her breath
On the way to ninety-nine.

There was Sandy Amos, a gold ol' boy
Who was always getting tight.
And every time that he got full
He went a-hunting a fight.
One night he run up against a knife
On the table where he did dine
And over Amos they held a wake
On the way to ninety-nine.

There was poor MMario, the poor old curio
He never would repent.
Her never was known to miss a drink
Or was away his scent.
At length MMario like all the rest
Who never could decline,
In all his bloom was sent to his room
On the way to ninety-nine.

       --Henrica Portia Longview, Stolen Songs and Other Things
         (Portland, OR: Railroading Publishers, 1876), p. 25


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 07 - 02:44 PM

That frozen night on the mountain grade
Woulda made a hard man cry.
When the moon shown through the blizzard storm,
We saw nothing ahead but sky
There was frozen sky falling off to the right
And cold gray sky behind,
And the winds closed in, and we kept up the fight
To make way towards Twenty, nine.

And some of the hands were desperate cold
And could no more compose,
They complained their bones were growing old,
Up high where the dark storm blows.
And we tore the wood from the passenger coach
To keep thuh driver flyin',
And the ancient wheels turned around again --
One more stroke for Twenty, nine.


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