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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 01:30 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 01:23 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:20 PM
Little Hawk 18 Sep 07 - 12:45 PM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 10:09 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:37 AM
MMario 18 Sep 07 - 09:34 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 07 - 09:12 AM
Amos 18 Sep 07 - 01:18 AM
Acme 18 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 11:45 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM
Acme 17 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM
Acme 17 Sep 07 - 07:24 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 03:38 PM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 03:21 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 03:06 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 01:05 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 12:48 PM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 12:38 PM
Acme 17 Sep 07 - 10:52 AM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 10:17 AM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 10:04 AM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 07 - 10:01 AM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 09:54 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 08:47 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 08:39 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 07 - 08:37 AM
Amos 17 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM
Acme 16 Sep 07 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM
Amos 16 Sep 07 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 07 - 09:24 PM
Amos 16 Sep 07 - 09:11 PM
Amos 16 Sep 07 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM
Acme 16 Sep 07 - 12:51 PM
Amos 16 Sep 07 - 12:19 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 03:18 PM

I am sure that if Stilly ever had to resort to an imaginary playmate, she would not elect to create a flea-bitten chimp.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 02:49 PM

Aha! The voice of experience speaking, Stilly? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM

"Couchiching" is what happens when you let a flea-bit chimp sleep on the sofa night after night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:30 PM

Lake Couchiching is one of the two lakes next to which Orillia is positioned. It's about 10 miles long, 2 or 3 miles wide in places...really nice lake. That's "Couchiching". No letter 'a' on the end of it.

I'll have to see if I can get Amos up here for the Perch Festival next year, so I can test my theory. We'll need a big hook, but I think that can be arranged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:27 PM

Oh, fie on you, Leedle Hack!! You invent these spurious aspersions and when I rebut your proclamations you say I am squirming. You are a Republican in the making. Ptui.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:25 PM

Where's Lake Couchichinga?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:23 PM

I wish I could find a worm that wriggles as energetically and desperately as you do, Amos. I could catch any fish in Lake Couchiching with a worm like that. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:20 PM

Feel free, pal. I didn't (recently) criticize you for your invention, although I have in past. I just told Chongo that his problem was with you, who decided he should react the way he did, put the words in his mouth, and got him all het up, and made him act like the plug-ugly mug he is.

My character, Chinga, has, in comparison, acted like a perfect lady, while patiently waiting for you to initiate overtures for her favors.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 12:45 PM

So here's a guy who invents a fictional character, gives her an insulting name, and then criticizes me for inventing fictional characters...

Just what I'd expect from a Californicator. Rank hypocrisy. You guys elected Reagan too. And Schwarzennegger. Don't forget that.

I'd rather deal with someone from.......from....Schenectady!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 10:09 AM

I am relieved, as I have alaways valued my personal repute with the Hadio Legion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:37 AM

Well, that's pretty much how they refer to everyone from "THAT State" (as it is known here), yeah. So there's really nothing personal in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:34 AM

report, which is due out sometime within the next 36 months

My G*WD! They are really rushing this one through; 5 or six years is the more normal report processing time.

But I'm confused about the order Amos is to be referred to as "Amos" or "the slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling Californicator.".

Isn't this pretty much how they've always referred to him? given the current tension between OhadI and Californicatia?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 09:12 AM

I think you should be aware that the Idaho Legion has formed a Board of Investigation to investigate this matter. Colonel-General Smyte-Withers ordered it last evening; she is very concerned about Chongo's sister's self-esteem being harmed by her name and, pending the outcome of the BoI, has ordered everyone in the Legion to refer to Chongo's sister as "Chongo's sister" or "her" or "that poor female chimp with the unfortunate name." In the same order Amos is to be referred to as "Amos" or "the slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling Californicator."

I think the BoI might end up being a bit biased in its report, which is due out sometime within the next 36 months. CG Smyte-Withers is due to sober up sometime during the same period.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:18 AM

I didn't call her "chinga". I invented her and named her Chinga. It's an entirely different thing.

She did mention to me, recently, that anyone would have to understand Chongo's father to understand how troubled their lives were before they left home.

I am not sure what she was meaning to imply, but if I am patient, perhaps she will reveal more of their little secrets.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM

There are a variety of forms that word can take, but I believe it is a verb, not a noun. I've heard experts parse that one grammatcially. One's sister might be asked about it, but she wouldn't have that name.

Just so you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 11:45 PM

No, Amos, it's your problem. You cast an insult. You got a response. What did you expect?

You call anyone's sister "Chinga", and they are not going to like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:53 PM

My dear Chingo:

Your problem, I have realized, is not with me. You have simply been forced to select a wrong target, which is a typical aberration of people in the undereducated classes. It's like blaming 9-11 on Iraq, see? Makes no sense. The real problem you have, amigo, is with the author of your personality. Usually in these cases I try to invoke a sense of personal responsibility, but in your case, it is not your responsibility, it is just the way you were drawn.

Some people would think you extremely fortunate, because unlike most sentient beings, you can get away with this explanation and thus avoid all responsibility of any weight.

So I suggest you and Monsieur Hack sit down and have a little talk about who's driving the Chongo bus, and where they intend to drive it to. It might not be bananas, you see, so you should get it all out on the table and clear the air. If you can get Your Author to cooperate. I wish you the best of luck with that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 08:57 PM

Chongo, buddy -- Amos is not a sap. A sap is like a flat blackjack, like this one here. A sap is right useful, since it doesn't bulge up your pocket like a blackjack does. You can even stick it down your boot. And you can use it just like a blackjack; some even got a spring in the flat handle to give you that little extra you need when the chump on the receiving end needs that little something extra, ya know? My uncle the cop carried a sap that was made in 1921; he never used it except once, when a punk kid kicked his partner, who was driving, the back of the head. THEN my Uncle Eddy went around to the back of the car and very scientifically sapped the punk on the shins. Then he put ankle cuffs on him.

Kicking his partner wasn't smart, because all the other cops knew about real fast. And cops don't LIKE punks who kick them in the back of the head....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM

It might wobble a little, but I'll take it for a spin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 07:24 PM

Is this a twirly?

19661? Kind of.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 06:29 PM

This is amazin', cos you don't often hear the deceased talkin' out loud and givin' other people advice...except in the movies. You're toast, Roscoe. You are more defunct than Jimmy Hoffa. You're a stool pigeon with its eyes shut and its little toes pointin' up. You are yesterday's discarded banana peel after it got run over by a semi and peed on by a passing stray dog. This is you I'm talkin' to Amos. Get ready to sing in the choir invisible, you sap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 05:57 PM

That would be...unique. Especially if she was his younger sister.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 05:55 PM

LH, take some responsibility here; you decided to name your imaginary playmate with a word that sounded halfway to chinga anyway, and it immediately brought about the perception that you yourself were uno pobro gringo chingado, cabronito. It stands perfectly to reason in the invented language with which you named him that his sister (feminine) would be either Chingate, Chongita or, for simplicity, Chinga.

So chinga te, Chinga she is. I invented her after all, and I say she is Chongo's sister.

Watch your step or I'll have her reveal she is ALSO his mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 04:28 PM

And then there was this AP headline:

Seals Leaking on Discovery

and I immediately thought of aquatic mammals....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:38 PM

Hey! I could make some sugges...no, Amos is a nice guy, for the most part.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:26 PM

You're a nasty man, Amos. ;-) The word "chinga" is the most obscene word in the entire Spanish language. It's also one you hear almost constantly if you hang out with young Mexican men. I can attest to this from my visits to that country.

Chongo is more than a little irritated with you, Amos. He is trying to decide on which way of dealing with it. He's torn between methods involving your sudden death...or those which would simply entail maiming you severely enough to cause a few years of acute suffering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:21 PM

Ah. I meant no disservice or disrespect.

Well, I happen to know that Chongo has recently acquired a Thompson submachine gun with a drum magazine, and a box of something he calls "Chicago pineapples".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 03:06 PM

You do me great disservice assuming the overlap was accidental, Rapaire.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 01:05 PM

Ah, Amos...

Back a few years ago we made the joke, "Why did his Faithful Indian Companion shoot the Lone Ranger?" "Because he found out what Tonto meant."

Before you really, really annoy Chongo you might want to check the Spanish verb "chingar". You could tell Chongo that you just misspelled his sister's name....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 12:48 PM

In other news, I think they have found the secret of erectile dysfunction -- a shortage of inflatons.

"The mysterious dark matter that fills the universe could be made of the same particles that put the "big" in the big bang - explaining both inflation and dark matter in a single stroke.

Cosmologists believe that the early universe went through a period of expansion, known as inflation, soon after the big bang - although they do not know exactly what caused it. Now cosmologist Andrew Liddle at the University of Sussex, UK, and his colleagues say one particle may be responsible for both inflation and the dark matter that has been perplexing astronomers.

"We have these two mysteries that we don't really understand, so we thought, why not put them together to halve the problem?" Liddle told New Scientist. "It's so simple that at first we worried it might be ludicrous."

Liddle's theory hinges on the notion suggested by other cosmologists that inflation is caused by a hypothetical particle, aptly named the inflaton. "The inflaton has weird pressure properties that we don't see in everyday particles," explains Liddle. For instance, as they are created in the early universe, they push space apart, forcing it to expand.

The standard thinking goes that inflatons would have decayed into normal particles soon after inflation finished in the first fraction of a second after the big bang, with none left hanging around today. However, Liddle and his colleagues realised that if some inflaton particles survived after the intense burst of expansion during inflation, their mass would become important in attracting surrounding matter." (New Scientist)


Now, of course, this all depends on who is particpating in the big bang. Fractions of a second? That's a pretty rapid contraction, you ask me. Mebbe Liddle Hawk was in the test group and kinda skewed the sample, if you see what I mean. 'Course inflatons aren't what they used to be, according to a survey of Baby Boomers conducted by Kinsey Research Foundation recently.

So I hope they find some of them there inflatons. A lot more efficient than Viagra. Ol' Hack could use a couple in his pursuit of Chongo's sister Chinga...



A


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 12:38 PM

LOL, Still! Quick, pointed, and understated.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:52 AM

Now, Amos, don't stretch their capacities beyond reason....

They already beat him to that punch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:17 AM

Now, Amos, don't stretch their capacities beyond reason....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:04 AM

Either that or someone should teach the Bush administration how to use a Goggle page for crying out loud.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 10:01 AM

If you have a gift for detecting terrorism in disguise, Amos, you should be working for the Bush administration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 09:54 AM

Your defense, good Rapaire, would be to post things which are comprehensible. See what you start when you create vacuums of understanding? All kinds of false data can rush into being to fill the void.

If you translate your own post you will see clearly why I suspected it was a terrorist speech disguised.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 09:27 AM

"Shoot if you must my old gray head,
But spare my union suit," she said.
                   -- Bullwinkle J. Moose


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 08:47 AM

Although, deep down inside, I prefer Bullwinkle's version....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 08:39 AM

What? You've never heard of climate change? The Legion puts a lot of faith in climate change. That's why they're building beach front concessions just south of town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 08:37 AM

Up from the meadows rich with corn
Clear and cool in the September morn

The flustered friars of Frederick fanned
Green-walled by the girls of Merry Land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 07 - 12:05 AM

Yeah...I hate the freezing winter winds around here. They get down to 65 and make me shiver in my very boots.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 10:45 PM

My daughter needed to find a poem that told a story for a class in high school, and asked me where to find Barbara Freitchie, because she remembered how we used to read it with great gusto. I'd found a copy of Rainbow in the Sky at my Dad's house after he died. I don't know where the edition from my childhood got to, but I brought this home and immediately made it a regular part of our bedtime reading.

After she finished the assignment she commented that she can't read that without hearing my voice. :)



UP from the meadows rich with corn,   
Clear in the cool September morn,   
   
The clustered spires of Frederick stand   
Green-walled by the hills of Maryland.   
   
Round about them orchards sweep,         
Apple and peach tree fruited deep,   
   
Fair as a garden of the Lord   
To the eyes of the famished rebel horde,   
   
On that pleasant morn of the early fall   
When Lee marched over the mountain wall,?   
   
Over the mountains winding down,   
Horse and foot, into Frederick town.   
   
Forty flags with their silver stars,   
Forty flags with their crimson bars,   
   
Flapped in the morning wind: the sun   
Of noon looked down, and saw not one.   
   
Up rose old Barbara Frietchie then,   
Bowed with her fourscore years and ten;   
   
Bravest of all in Frederick town,   
She took up the flag the men hauled down;   
   
In her attic-window the staff she set,   
To show that one heart was loyal yet.   
   
Up the street came the rebel tread,   
Stonewall Jackson riding ahead.   
   
Under his slouched hat left and right   
He glanced: the old flag met his sight.   
   
"Halt!"?the dust-brown ranks stood fast,   
"Fire!"?out blazed the rifle-blast.   
   
It shivered the window, pane and sash;   
It rent the banner with seam and gash.   
   
Quick, as it fell, from the broken staff   
Dame Barbara snatched the silken scarf;   
   
She leaned far out on the window-sill,   
And shook it forth with a royal will.   
   
"Shoot, if you must, this old gray head,   
But spare your country's flag," she said.   
   
A shade of sadness, a blush of shame,   
Over the face of the leader came;   
   
The nobler nature within him stirred   
To life at that woman's deed and word:   
   
"Who touches a hair of yon gray head   
Dies like a dog! March on!" he said.   
   
All day long through Frederick street   
Sounded the tread of marching feet:   
   
All day long that free flag tost   
Over the heads of the rebel host.   
   
Ever its torn folds rose and fell   
On the loyal winds that loved it well;   
   
And through the hill-gaps sunset light   
Shone over it with a warm good-night.   
   
Barbara Frietchie's work is o'er,   
And the Rebel rides on his raids no more.   
   
Honor to her! and let a tear   
Fall, for her sake, on Stonewall's bier.   
   
Over Barbara Frietchie's grave,   
Flag of Freedom and Union, wave!   
   
Peace and order and beauty draw   
Round thy symbol of light and law;   
   
And ever the stars above look down   
On thy stars below in Frederick town!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:47 PM

How DARE you intimate that the Idaho Legion is an unAmerican terroist organization!

I have a good mind to inform the Legion's "Special Services Corps", who will descend upon you and drink you out of house and home! Then you (not your wife or Barky, just you) would wander the streets and byways of This Great Nation, begging for scraps, dumpster diving for a thin coat to shield you against the fierce cold winds of Winter, trying to sell a few matches for the few coppers that would buy you an evening in a flophouse and, failing to acquire them, your frozen body would be found atop a snowbank, spread-eagled just to annoy those who have to clean it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:28 PM

But you sure would diss my citizenship, Dude!!! You passing on speeches from some terrorist leader, there?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:24 PM

Amos, I give you this from the Official History of the Damned Legion (Boise: Official Idaho Legion History Publishing House, 1915), p. 167 et seq., hoping that it will explain much to you:

Hic etsi virtute nostri antecedebant, adversarii loco superiore se defendebant acerrime, et vehemens fiebat ab utrisque clamor telorumque missu concursus, sic ut nostri prope diffiderent victoriae. Congressus enim et clamor, quibus rebus maxime hostis conterretur, in conlatu pari erat condicione. Ita ex utroque genere cum parem virtutem ad bellandum contulissent, pilorum missu fixa cumulatur et concidit adversariorum multitudo. Dextrum ut demonstravimus decumanos cornum tenuisse. Qui etsi erant pauci, tamen propter virtutem magno adversarios timore eorum opera adficiebant, quod a suo loco hostes vehementer premere coeperunt, ut ad subsidium, ne ab latere nostri occuparent, legio adversariorum traduci coepta sit ad dextrum. Quae simul est mota, equitatus Caesaris sinistrum cornum premere coepit, ita uti eximia virtute proelium facere possent ut locus in aciem ad subsidium veniundi non daretur. Ita cum clamor esset intermixtus gemitu gladiorumque crepitus auribus oblatus, inperitorum mentes timore praepediebat. Hic, ut ait Ennius, pes pede premitur, armis teruntur arma, adversariosque vehementissime pugnantes nostri agere coeperunt. Quibus oppidum fuit subsidio. Ita ipsis Liberalibus fusi fugatique non superfuissent, nisi in eum locum confugissent, ex quo erant egressi. In quo proelio ceciderunt milia hominum circiter XXX et siquid amplius, praeterea Labienus, Attius Varus, quibus occisis utrisque funus est factum, itemque equites Romani partim ex urbe, partim ex provincia ad milia III. Nostri desiderati ad hominum mille partim peditum, partim equitum, saucii ad D adversariorum aquilae sunt ablatae XIII et signa . . et fasces? praeterea hos habuit?

(I would not insult your intelligence by translating it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 09:11 PM

"I finally gave up in disgust..." ==> So I'm like whatever, dood!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 02:24 PM

HE was a close friend and colleague of my own uncle's, and I met him once when I was much too small to understand who I was meeting.

He did good work.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 01:40 PM

And it goes back to the literate piracy of mine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 12:51 PM

Untermeyer edited one of my all-time favorite children's books, the poetry collection called Rainbow in the Sky. It goes back to the very heart and soul of poetic literacy in my childhood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 07 - 12:19 PM

Give me miraculous eyes to see my eyes --
Those rolling mirrors made alive in me,
Terrible crystal more incredible
Than all the things they see.

Sunder me from my soul that I may see
The sins like streaming wounds, the life's brave beat
'Till I shall save myself, as I would save
A stranger in the street.


G.K. Chesterton
The Sword of Surprise
from "Modern American Poetry", Louis Untermeyer, ed.
Harcourt, Brace New York, 1942


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