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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 12:48 PM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:40 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 12:35 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 12:28 PM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:56 AM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:43 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:34 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 11:27 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 07 - 11:21 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 11:14 AM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 11:11 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 11:06 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 10:51 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 10:38 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 10:37 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 10:26 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 10:11 AM
JennyO 08 Aug 07 - 10:05 AM
MMario 08 Aug 07 - 08:50 AM
Acme 08 Aug 07 - 01:30 AM
Amos 08 Aug 07 - 12:27 AM
Janie 08 Aug 07 - 12:13 AM
Little Hawk 08 Aug 07 - 12:10 AM
Janie 08 Aug 07 - 12:03 AM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 07 - 11:41 PM
Amos 07 Aug 07 - 11:37 PM
Little Hawk 07 Aug 07 - 11:19 PM
Janie 07 Aug 07 - 11:04 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 07 - 10:52 PM
Amos 07 Aug 07 - 10:46 PM
Janie 07 Aug 07 - 09:45 PM
Amos 07 Aug 07 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 07 - 08:05 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 04:00 PM

Amos, you know I love you like a brother, but you're wrong right off the bat:

On the other hand, you have the same fingers, only backwards.

Please don't cry. Being wrong is NOT the end of the world. I know; I was nearly wrong once. Buck up, take it like a man would -- pretend you're John Wayne and the bad guys have mortally wounded you and the stagecoach full of women and children and the money for the orphanage can only get away if you hold off the bad guys for just a bit longer, so put a bullet (no, the OTHER END!) between your teeth and bite down to dull the pain and be the hero Mom knows you are, even though you'll be dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:50 PM

And in case you are doing market research for yourself or for Rapaire, here is a technical white paper on the efficacy of various kinds of tin-foil hats.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:41 PM

Here, Little Hawk, are some much healthier thoughts to help you in your recovery:

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

42.76 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a fool who has real talent.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're going the wrong way on a one-way street

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

No one pays attention until you make a mistake.

Success occurs in private and failure in full view.

The harder the butter the softer the bread.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous!

Always be modest and proud that you are!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many in this room believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.




Ponder them well. There will be a quiz.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:37 PM

No, sir, you may not. You are merely contributing to M. Hack's illness, an unkind gesture. How can you expect him to heal if you keep throwing these fantasies about?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:23 PM

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.

Spoken like a completely slickered self-deluder, if I may be so gentle. Anyone who has REALLY worked with REAL haystacks knows that such things often appear, as do shotguns when her father catches you and her searching for them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:20 PM

if you've worked in a haystack though you know it can feel like they are FULL of needles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:13 PM

a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common

Spoken like a completely deluded city-slicker, if I may be so harsh. Anyone who has worked actual haystacks knows that needles appear in them next to never.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:05 PM

It's even harder to find some hay in a needlestack. You keep getting stuck and the blood loss really weakens you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 03:02 PM

Here are some buttered hot biscuits for ya.

Be quick.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 01:06 PM

Sounds like sorta savoury scones to me, Amos. They'd be nice. I don't think we have them.

Okay, better get MOM and bring her back. I'm going outside and I may be some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

You know, it's not that it's hard to find a needle in a haystack. They're really quite common. What is hard is to find a specific needle in a haystack. That's very hard.

You have to wonder also...what would be the gain in doing so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:55 PM

Well, Jenny, bring her back home. All this flitting about is making me dizzy!!


As to biscuits, American style, they are just baked in the oven, a mix of water and flour or milk and flour and some baking powder, white fluffy inside and tan crispy outside, perfect for butter and honey, or PB, when hot.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:48 PM

These sound really unfamiliar. Maybe we don't have things like that at all here.

Oops! I just remembered - I left MOM sleeping on a haystack somewhere out near Alice Springs. It's a good thing she was in the shade! She should be waking up soon, so I'd better take some paracetamol and some of that iced tea with me, cos when she does wake up she's probably going to have The Mother of all Hangovers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:40 PM

I've heard that peanut butter is good for baiting mousetraps. Haven't tried it yet, though. I've been using small bits of bacon instead, and they work very well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:35 PM

nope. crackers is crackers - and the herring and onions would go well on a nice savoury cracker - but a biscuit....hmmmmmmmmmmm

anyone else want to try to explain? some biscuits are like irish soda bread only individual portion size; some are more like what bread would be if it were made like puff pastry...

so hard to explain....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:28 PM

I'm trying to imagine something between a crumpet and a scone, and nothing comes to mind at all. I think the savoury ones you want for your anchovies and herrings etc would be crackers, MMario.

Here's some tea you can cool down if you want it that way, SRS. I would too if it was summer - it's a great refreshing drink. I'm having mine hot cos It's a cold night here. Congratulations on your weight loss too! I need to do that, but it's hard to get started.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM

I thought that. I'm not sure what our "biscuits" would be in Oz, England or elsewhere...

hmmmmmm....somewhere betwwen a crumpet and a scone, sorta, but not really - and not sweet.

And those would be the "baking powder" bicuits - then there are the layered or buttermilk biscuits which are really a sorta special roll...only not...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:02 PM

Cool that tea some more! Here's a tall glass of ice. I'll skip the baked goods, whatever they are, I'm trying to lose that last 10 pounds (already lost 20).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:56 AM

The biscuits are cookies - sweet. That was why I had doubts about Amos putting peanut butter on them. But anchovies and onion, or pickled herring? Definitely not! I think you'd like these ones plain, MMario.

I was forgetting you folks call them cookies over there. We Oz folks are more likely to call them biscuits - or bikkies. On the odd occasion we might call some of the round ones cookies.

Meanwhile, they are cooling down and so is the tea. Come and get it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:55 AM

I think Rapaire has been a little to close to some of the forest fires up north burning out of control (and right across someone's patch of maryjane). Or maybe he's trying in his own unique way to tell us that he has developed a bunionBunyan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:43 AM

He is, except for the groupies. HE has lots of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:40 AM

aw shucks, I wuz thinkin' Peace would be somethin' special to meet - but now you go and tell us he's pretty much a standard mudcat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:34 AM

By the way -- we did meet up with Peace. He's a swell guy. Easily two and a half meters tall when we met him*, he was writing a new song with his left hand, chording it out on the guitar with his right, and picking his teeth with a full-grown Lodgepole Pine. His favorite tipple is tea, gasoline, and gunpowder and he owns a pair of blue oxen. He also is on the local volunteer fire department and uses Gulliver's method of extinguishing fires no matter their size or extent. Every day he eats a herd of forty cows (cooked, of course) for breakfast, accompanied by three hundred and sixty-two scrambled eggs, ninety-seven gallons of industrial-strength tea, and a boxcarload of potatoes. For lunch and dinner he needs more food. He shaves by driving his whiskers in with a hammer and cutting them off inside with a double-bitted axe (saves time, he says, because all he has to do is insert it, twirl it, and spit it all out). Of course, this ruins the axehead but Parks Canada Parcs supplies him all he needs as a reward for pushing up and installing the bracing under Mt. Robson when it started to sag a few years back.

Great guy.










*He's still a growing boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:27 AM

hmmmm-- that depends on whether biscuits is cookies or biscuits is biscuits-US style.

If they are biscuit/biscuitss then anchovies and onion - or maybe a bit pickled herring?

But if they is biscuits as in cookies then probably plain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:22 AM

"If" I must??? We're talking about PEANUT BUTTER!! There's no IF to it! Of course, I must!! And Mario tole me his own self he prefers anchovies, so I get all the peanut butter.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:21 AM

T. Mold was the ancestor of T. Rex, you know. Best to eliminate it now before it remembers wheat it once was and stomps out Dallas or Big Neck or someplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:14 AM

All right Amos, if you must. But not too many - you don't want to spoil your dinner you know.

And leave some for MMario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:11 AM

Hey, lookat me! A passing peddler was leading his pet ostrich and I hopped a ride back to the house. Quite a soft ride!

While folks are milling around I'm going to make some more sun tea. I think the batch in Mom's fridge now has mold floating in it. Not a good sign. You all just have a seat on the porch, or go play horseshoes down in the bottom of the yard, it's shady enough down there. (And take the shoes off of the horses before you throw them, please!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 11:06 AM

Kin I have peanut butter on mine?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:51 AM

Of course! Home made and fresh from the oven!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:38 AM

biscuits with the tea?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:37 AM

Cup of tea anyone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:26 AM

Aw, Geeze, now Emms is mad at Jenns and I am sore at Leedle. And Mom's sleeping in a haystackupside down. An' Stilly's sore at all points.

Aw, Geeze.

Shucks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:11 AM

? ! ? When I made that objection because someone claimed a pinwheel with a '4' in the center I was told it would still spin, so it was a pinwheel!

I'm gonna go in my room. - no one better come in. I'm puting up the "No admittance - This means U" sign.

*stomp*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 10:05 AM

MMario, I hate to tell you, but I think you'll find it's only a palindromic number. The middle number is not the same upside down, so not a pinwheel. Close though, and quite nice in its own way.

It was a rough ride I agree, Stilly, still once one has had a few of those highballs, one is sorta feeling no pain - you know how it is. When cocktail hour was eventually over, we settled MOM down in one of these. She was feeling no pain either. We actually had a considerable amount of trouble finding a haystack WITHOUT a needle in it. The nasty little things are turning up everywhere!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 08:50 AM

iffen I kalkoolaided right this is One-eight-six-eight-one.

PINWHEEL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 01:30 AM

Oh, gawd, you should feel what it feels like to ride on a horse all day in a dress. . . I'm walking home. . . once I can walk again. . . good thing we've done a big loop. . . we're not that far from the house. . . Mom says she's going to wait for something large and comfortable--I think there might be a flatbed truck with hay in the back coming through soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:27 AM

Mom:

I am glad you have a chance to take a vacation, but don't expect the place to be ttidy when you get back.

I got an offer to go to sea as a common deckie hauling cargo out to Singapore from Frisco, today. I am thinking hard about it. Maybe we will cross trails on your way back from Australia, especially if you come back by horseback as well.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:13 AM

Hi Bro's!

Here we are at the cocktail hour near Alice Station. You can tell from the lighting that it is a wee bit early,but we needed Mom to snap the picture while she could still hold the camera. Happy hour just started and she has already downed 3 highballs.

She says the bourbon here tastes very different.

Love,

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:10 AM

Wow! The world's longest fence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Aug 07 - 12:03 AM

Dear Rapaire,

I'm really enjoying my tour of the Australian Outback. We visited
this place today. I was careful to write down directions in case you might like to visit it yourself some day. Look out for your brothers while I am gone.

Love,

MOM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 11:41 PM

What is your problem. Did you get up on the wrong side of bed or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 11:37 PM

Lo, the thickening smoke, the flying mirrors. Scrabble on, scrabbler. There's probably some high ground left for you up there if you scrabble desperately enough. Shatner!! Ugh!!

Rapaire, I don't think that is the outback Janie was referring to. Besides, Mom had indoor plumbing put in when you were about 7. I clearly remember the day we had to fish you out from exploring it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 11:19 PM

Ho! Ho! (snort) Well, this has been most entertaining. It's been almost as much fun as the time I got invited to one of Bill Shatner's barbecues at the place in Tennessee. It seems that he had hooked up with a traveling women's volleyball team that he met while doing a Star Trek convention in Memphis, and he invited them all back to his place for steaks and corn on the cob. I was there doing research for the WSSBA, Bill being kind enough to help out by providing all kinds of background information and anecdotes. Things really got going after sundown, I can tell you. The food was great and the entertainment....even better.

Yesiree. Too bad you couldn't have been there, Rapaire. Chongo has been kicking himself that he missed out on that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 11:04 PM

Now Amos, don't go on so. Girls just want to have fun.

Rapaire, didn't Mom teach you not to use bathroom jokes in mixed company?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 10:52 PM

If Mom has to go to the Outback who are we to stop her? You DID put some more paper in, didn't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 10:46 PM

Oh, great. See what you've done now? Riled the wimmin folk. Great. Just great. Now we won't have Mom!! She's gone off into the Outback!! Curse you, Little Hawk!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 09:45 PM

"Hey, look at the blimp!" she exclaimed, pointing at the sky behind them.

The men turned as one, their eyes following the line of her finger. In the brief second it took for them to realize they had been fooled, the women darted in, grabbed Mom, and ran. Under the cover of the men's loud declaiming and chest thumping, Jenny O had quietly brought the horses up and had been holding them, obscured from general notice, in a copse of trees about 20 yards from the field of dishonor. She broke from the trees, leading the other horses behind her. Her cohorts scrambled quickly onto their mounts and tore away. SRS had to delay. She was holding Mom. Jenny deftly leaned down as she rode past and swept Mom onto the saddle behind her. SRS took off running again. With a wild whoop and a great leap, she sprang over the hindquarters of her steed, and raced away after the others. They were headed for the Outback.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 08:24 PM

Oh stop your nonsense, good Rapaire. It is more than I can bear to have TWO of you go completely around the bend at once.

Little Hawk has become a rude beast, slouching toward Bethlehem to be re-assembled, and you are acting like a hant with more of his attention on the far side than the near one. This is a ridiculous universe, no mistake.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 07 - 08:05 PM

How odd it is that the ghosts of both Amos and Little Hawk still post. They must have loved Mom a lot, but I suspect that they will eventually be exorcised.


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