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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Mar 07 - 01:08 PM
MMario 13 Mar 07 - 12:01 PM
Amos 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM
MMario 13 Mar 07 - 10:13 AM
Amos 13 Mar 07 - 10:03 AM
MMario 13 Mar 07 - 09:44 AM
Amos 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM
MMario 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM
Acme 13 Mar 07 - 09:36 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Mar 07 - 09:25 AM
Rapparee 13 Mar 07 - 08:45 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Mar 07 - 08:44 AM
Amos 13 Mar 07 - 08:36 AM
GUEST,freds 13 Mar 07 - 08:14 AM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 09:32 PM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 02:40 PM
GUEST,freds 12 Mar 07 - 02:24 PM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 01:56 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 07 - 12:30 PM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 11:00 AM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 07 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 07 - 10:11 AM
Acme 12 Mar 07 - 10:01 AM
JennyO 12 Mar 07 - 09:54 AM
JennyO 12 Mar 07 - 09:40 AM
MMario 12 Mar 07 - 09:14 AM
Amos 12 Mar 07 - 09:10 AM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 07 - 09:04 AM
MMario 12 Mar 07 - 09:02 AM
JennyO 12 Mar 07 - 08:55 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 07 - 08:09 AM
Bunnahabhain 12 Mar 07 - 01:55 AM
Amos 11 Mar 07 - 11:50 PM
Little Hawk 11 Mar 07 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 11 Mar 07 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Mar 07 - 09:34 PM
Little Hawk 11 Mar 07 - 08:12 PM
Acme 11 Mar 07 - 06:46 PM
Acme 11 Mar 07 - 11:08 AM
Amos 11 Mar 07 - 09:52 AM
Amos 11 Mar 07 - 09:33 AM
Rapparee 11 Mar 07 - 09:31 AM
Acme 10 Mar 07 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Mar 07 - 02:34 PM
Amos 10 Mar 07 - 12:35 PM
JennyO 10 Mar 07 - 12:09 PM
Amos 10 Mar 07 - 11:49 AM
JennyO 10 Mar 07 - 11:07 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 01:08 PM

Any pie can be made equal to three if it is a normal size pie. You cut it like a Peace symbol and each person gets one-third.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 12:01 PM

considering we have legislatures that think they can make Pi equal to three, and other absurdities


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM

Current international standards on which planet? I dare you to tell a god that he is going to be prosecuted as though mortal. I can see it now--the great Thor, hammer in hand, cape swinging, sits in the witness box and gets ticked off because one of the jurors rolls her eyes at some piece of his testimony. He slams his hammer on the floor, and heads for Valhalla, leaving a gaping hole in the courthouse roof. The bailiff stands agape, his beer belly quivering over his broad belt and his all powerful Colthanging useless by his side. The winds blow through Thor's exit path, sprinkling dust and divine after-burner residue on the startled judge and jury...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 11:55 AM

Securing convictions had proved the hard part. Charging a god with overenthusiastic smiting, failure to carry out rainmaking duties or buggering about with causality is easy enough, but hard evidence is in short supply

Yes, you may well be after child support after Zeus got you pregnant disguised as a swan again, but how are you going to prove it? The chances of a swan appearing in court, throwing a few thunderbolts about to prove his credentials, and meekly paying up is, lets face it, not good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 10:13 AM

ahhh- but the Code of Thor has been superceded. (Don't ask me how they managed to do an end-run around a God - but it's happenned) and current International standards are to prosecute Gods (and gods) as if mortal.

bummer, ain't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 10:03 AM

Why? He's a god! The legal constraints applying to gods are summed up in the first line of Code of Thor: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:44 AM

Possibly we are jumping to conclusions here - what if the Lawyers of Jupiter are not, as we seem to be assuming, *on* the planet Jupiter, but are rather the Lawyers representing the god Jupiter. given his propenisty for adulterous affairs, Jupiter certainly has need to retain lawyers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM

It was Carl Sagan who said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. This idea that there are lawyers on Jupiter is unsettling and certainly extraordinary. I call on Rapaire, who I am sure will not do so, to provide evidence about these lawyers. Have you ever gottten a subpoena from one of these rascals? WHy are they on Jupiter, anyway? Vacation ?

I know this leaves the field wide-open for lawyer jokes, but they started it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:39 AM

I'm intregued that Rapaire has had enough experience to recognize the Lawyers of Jupiter. Has the Legion been involved in Interplanetary scandel?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:36 AM

Bunn, it's all in your technique. I also save soap that way, and find that with gentle persuasion, a light touch that allows one piece of soap that is almost dry to slide alongside the moist and slippery shard and slowly wiggle and massage them together, running ones thumb over and over the edges until the melding is complete. . . er, maybe you will first want to take this bar of soap into a cold shower?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 09:25 AM

Paying careful attention to Rapiere, I notice he has created the Lawyers of Jupiter. I know not if they are an obscure religious sect, a wandering band of 777 left handed banjo players, or merely a very long established law firm.

Besides it is well known that it is impossible to squeeze two bars of soap together without them making several escape attempts, and scattering pieces across a wide area. This would however explain the asteroid belt...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:45 AM

I wish to announce a wonderful new discovery that solves a long-time astronomical puzzle.

The other day when I was having a shower I noticed that the streaks in the bar of soap resembled the various lawyers on Jupiter and other planets. And when I squeezed a nearly-used-up bar of the same soap into the larger bar ("Waste not, want not" as my great-great aunt used to say) lo and behold! the result resembled the so-called "Great Red Spot" on Jupiter!

I therefore wish to announce that Jupiter and planets which demonstrate similar layering are simply humungous balls of soap and their "Great Spots" (of whatever color) are simply where the Universe is saving soap by continuing to use slivers of older soap balls.

Okay, when do I collect my Nobel Prize?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:44 AM

I have been buried under stuff, things, deadlines and lack of sleep, therefore have not had the creative energy to meet the exacting standards of MOAB recently. I have dealt with these, and buried the evidence, so can now return with renewed energy and a strong drink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:36 AM

Free at last! Free at last!
Great Gawdamighty, I'se free at last!


Freds, it warms my heart to hear you let us know that everyone here is free. Thank you. Way things have been goin' the last eight years, it was beginning to look like the "free " part of our lives was goin't hell in a handbasket, right along with the "equal". It's jes' wunnerful how you can make a thing so like that by asserting it is so, and have it jes' be. It makes a powerful impression, I don't mind saying. Especially when the local aspirants to Undying Glory believe it takes a trillion of dollars and bunkerbusters, too.

Lemme know about the skyhook, now, ya hear?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 13 Mar 07 - 08:14 AM

Thank you. We tried those that you call "Republican" and found them to have an off-taste and not suitable for sensitive palates. But we are no longer looking at your planet as a source for yummy protein. We want to be your best friends and help you to achieve great things and good taste. Everyone here is free.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:32 PM

Hey Freds:

Maybe I spoke too soon. Come to think of it, maybe we can make a deal. Now that you have your planet back and so on, you must have a burgeoning technological base in full renewal, right?

So how about this: you come up with a skyhook that will keep Mom from drifting down the threads here on the 'Cat, and we of the MOAB will find some volunteers to be your best friends. Maybe a whole LEgion of them!! We have connections with all sorts of interesting, if semi-scrupulous people.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 02:40 PM

Sorry, we already have best friends, Freds. Our best friends are our fellow humans, wherever we meet them. Except for the Republicans. Ask them, why doncha?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 02:24 PM

Hallo. We have retaken our planet and our planetary system. We no longer want to use you as a source of protein. We want to be your best friends. Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 01:56 PM

Quibble, quibble, quibble. One lousy typo and the man is a sea-lawyer...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 12:30 PM

Do you mean post 15,560 (the signatory of the post just below the post below this one) or post 16,560 (the post below the post below this one)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 11:00 AM

And further that a scurrilous Rapscallion known only as Rapaire has commited identity theft on said post.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:59 AM

Now cometh One Six Five Six Oh, known in the world as 16560, and to this honored hearing he doth affirm:

1. That he is the 16,560th post to the thread known herein and to all and sundry as The Mother of All BS;

2. That he avers he has no bond, link, tie, association, affinity or shared interest with the person real or imaginary known generaly as William Shatner;

3. That said William Shatner is an overweight second-rate balding Canadian who has occasionaly presented himself as an out-of-work actor;

4. That to the certain knowledge of this post, the persona of said Candian, William Shatner, has been misapproriated and injected into the dialogues of the Mudcat, and more particularly the thread aforemention known hereafters as MOAB;

5. That sai dinjection is the primary and confessedly deliberate work of one anonymous Canadian known to the MOAB as Little Hawk;

6. That the inclusion of said boring actor into the dialogues of the MOAB thread is an act of unspeakable perfidy, pusillanimous betrayal of communcal trust, and of bad taste on the part of said Little Hawk;

7. Finally, that these affirmation are known to this post to be true and correct affirmations to the best of this post's knowldge.

(Signed)

15560

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:52 AM

You'll need
Adobe Acrobat Reader 'cause it's in PDF.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:11 AM

Like this, only different. (The picture enlarges if you click on it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 10:01 AM

That's pretty funny, Little Hawk!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:54 AM

Meanwhile, in other news, biochemists say that the WOAD plant has been discovered to have strong cancer fighting properties - complete article here.

From woad warriors to cancer-buster

The medieval Scottish rebels made famous in the movie Braveheart used dye from the woad plant to paint their faces blue for battle. Now Italian biochemists say this plant could become a promising weapon in the fight against cancer.

The researchers have demonstrated that under the right growth conditions woad (Isatis tinctoria) produces astonishing amounts of glucobrassicin (GBS), a biochemical which may account for some of the cancer-fighting properties of related plants, such as broccoli.

"It can make more than 60 times the amount found in broccoli, and in a much purer form," says Stefania Galletti at the Experimental Institute for Industrial Crops in Bologna, who carried out the study with colleagues at the University of Bologna in Italy.

Glucobrassicin is a natural component of broccoli, cabbage and other members of the Brassicaceae plant family. It is a highly reactive chemical and at least one of its by-products, indole-3-carbonyl, is a well known tumour-busting compound.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:40 AM

Only if you're lysdexic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:14 AM

Normans? Is this a mis-reading of "Romans"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:10 AM

Let us never forget the battle-hymn of the Pict Republic, "On the Woad Again"!

On the woad again
Just can't wait to put on the Woad again
Thing that I like best is fighting Normans with my friends
And I can't wait to put on the woad again...

I am sure Shatner does not know this song. He is culturally illiterate.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:04 AM

Yes, it is quite striking, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 09:02 AM

That's one of the best photos I've seen of the shatman in a long time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 08:55 AM

Is this something like what you had in mind, Rapaire?

Title: Woad - Bufo tinctoria. Common name: Woad

Identification: The Woad differs from the Common Toad in having shorter limbs and in usually possessing blue pigmentation. The head is wider than it is long with large protruding eyes typical of the family Bufoisatis. The skin is tough and adult specimens exhibit distinct whorl markings. The back is dark blue - blue grey with various spiral markings irregularly orientated. The underside of the Woad is pale blue or whitish grey with distinct decorative markings. It is further remarkable for the very loud croak of the males, produced by a large vocal bladder on the throat which, when inflated, is larger than the head. Adults reach a size of about 8 inches in length.

Biology: The Woad had a markedly terrestrial habit being found in many fairly dry habitats and sometimes close to human settlements, this has accelerated the environmental and human pressures on the animal accounting for it's remarkable rarity. The Woad usually makes it's home in a dry place close to a small pool often known as a vat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 08:09 AM

I thought he was Texan, which I gave to Canada quite a few years back. Or maybe Romulan. Or British.

Or Pictish -- just picture him, naked and colored blue with woad. Gives him a whole new perspective, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Mar 07 - 01:55 AM

Thankfully Shatner has not been Canadian forever, as that would make him..... ( cue dramatic chords)... IMMORTAL!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 11:50 PM

Ummm....French? Extra-terrestrial?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 10:53 PM

He's been Canadian since FOREVER, Rapaire. Geez! He was born in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. What did you think he was?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 10:31 PM

Ha! I can use a martingale! It's legal under USFA rules and the rules of the FIE!!! Ha! I knew it! For both foil and epee, but not with a French grip!! Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:34 PM

William Shatner is Canadian? Since when?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 08:12 PM

And now, a word from our sponsor...

I AM -----------!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 06:46 PM

Mom, I don't know where everyone else is today, but I picked up more trash and my neighbor and I have now covered about 2/3 of the chunk of road that we wanted to clean up. Talk about good exercise! The contortions one must exert to reach through the briars to pick up plastic grocery bags and long-neck bottles adds up to a good workout.

Rain on the way, gotta walk the dogs. They got a bath today, lucky girls, and their stall was cleaned and new hay added. I decided I would do all of that stuff in one fell swoop today and change clothes only once, instead of after each chore.

I wonder at the others--lounging on warm sunny beaches, soaking in hot tubs, dining in five-star restaurants? Don't be too hard on them, Mom. They didn't mean to forget you hear at home, approaching the cellar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 11:08 AM

It gives new meaning to "don't go flying off the handle" or "don't go flying off in all directions," doesn't it?

Now I hope to find stuff that doesn't fly off of my handle--more trash pickup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:52 AM

Mom, I thought you should know something about the universe. In the 1970s, astronomers began noticing something that didn't seem to fit with the laws of physics. They found that spiral galaxies like our own Milky Way were spinning at such a rate that they should have long ago wobbled out of control, shredding apart, shedding stars in every direction. Yet clearly they had done no such thing.

They were living fast but not dying young. This seeming paradox led theorists to wonder if a halo of a hypothetical something else might be cocooning each galaxy, dwarfing each flat spiral disk of stars and gas at just the right mass ratio to keep it gravitationally intact. Borrowing a term from the astronomer Fritz Zwicky, who detected the same problem with the motions of a whole cluster of galaxies back in the 1930s, decades before anyone else took the situation seriously, astronomers called this mystery mass "dark matter."

This is terribly important, Mom, for the future of the Mudcat and everyone in it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:33 AM

Mom,

Today I went to a dusty dark storage center east of town and spent four hours opening old boxes of stored belongings. I restacked and combined and moved things to the dumpster. Then I came home and made a dinner for six, and had some wine and now all the clocks have gone off by an hour. It's been a loooong day.


But I am glad to see you, Mom, and I want you to know that I really appreciate you. I am not going to kiss your ass by making imaginary delicacies or anything, but I am glad you are here.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 07 - 09:31 AM

Here, Mom. Have some refreshment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 09:14 PM

Mom, I did my good deed for the day, probably for the week. A neighbor and I went out and picked up several large heavy-duty bags full of litter on the road near our homes. It has a lot of greenbriar and brambles. If we go out again tomorrow I'm taking the loppers to trim a few of those vines so we can pick up the trash without the contortionist moves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 02:34 PM

Actually, Stonewall Jackson didn't say anything at all like that. He was a man of peace, and those weren't soldiers with him, it was an anti-war rally on the way to New York City. They did not shoot up poor old Barbara's window and flagstaff, but what they actually did was stand underneath and sing "Give Peace A Chance" until the pigs clubbed and gassed them to make them move on. Hell man, I mean, this WAS the '60s, ya know?

(Did you ever hear about Chance Talliaferro, a member of Tappa Kegga Beer fraternity down at old UVa? He was trying to "make it" with a chick from the sorority next door, but she wasn't having any. He complained to his frat brother, who gathered outside her window and sang "All we are saying/Is give Chance a piece." No, I didin't think so.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 12:35 PM

Well, I confess, it was intentional, an overlay of risqué humor in sharp contrast to the grim intent of Stonewall Jackson's communique to his soldiers.

But I am curious what it means. I guess it means in a rough outdoorsy way with no pomp or circumstance, no wake, and no trimmings.

Speaking of that, there are a number of traffic control signs in the inlets of Mission Bay here in San Diego which threaten people who mis-behave driving their motorboats, in a similar vein. Not that they threaten doggy-style dying in toto but they do say, sternly, "No Wake". I suppose to some folks that is like going to bed without any supper. It's enough to make you throttle back, and you can see the efficacy of ity as boats approach the harbor and slow down. I am surprised how many people care that much about death rituals, but there is no accounting for what some folks have on their shaggy-baggy minds.

And speaking of that, did Toto die like a dog after the WIzard of Oz had run its course? Or did he face his death like a man? How about the Tin Woodman?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 12:09 PM

Amos, every time you mention doggy-style, it brings to mind entirely different images from the things being discussed here. Mom would be shocked! Although I imagine she's been round the block sixteen thousand times or so, so maybe not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 11:49 AM

If the list is so long, it must not answer the question in the context of Stonewall's threat. All organisms can die of many means -- shock, organ failure, lightning, drowning, etc. But what is so different about the way -- not the means but the style or manner -- of dying doggie-style? What is the secret of dying like a dog?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Mar 07 - 11:07 AM

Well! I'm shocked! How could Mom possibly think I would post an untruth? The very idea! I might have to go and drown my sorrows in a few glasses of scrumpy. Preferably with no dead dogs in it.

But of course you know what they say - never let the truth get in the way of a good story ;-)


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