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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM
Acme 03 Dec 06 - 11:43 AM
Acme 03 Dec 06 - 11:42 AM
Amos 03 Dec 06 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 06 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 02 Dec 06 - 10:50 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 07:17 PM
Acme 02 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 03:27 PM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 11:02 AM
Amos 02 Dec 06 - 01:01 AM
Acme 02 Dec 06 - 12:32 AM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 03:22 PM
MMario 01 Dec 06 - 01:48 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM
Acme 01 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 11:55 AM
Amos 01 Dec 06 - 09:24 AM
MMario 01 Dec 06 - 08:38 AM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM
Amos 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM
Acme 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM
Acme 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM
MMario 29 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 02:40 PM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM
Amos 29 Nov 06 - 03:45 AM
Acme 28 Nov 06 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 11:14 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Nov 06 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 05:54 PM
frogprince 28 Nov 06 - 05:19 PM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 04:56 PM
Amos 28 Nov 06 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 01:47 PM

Then why did I come to on a tramp freighter, managing to jump ashore only seconds before it shoved off and after seeing the Captain give you fifty bucks "for another deckhand, even if he's a poor 'un"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 12:05 PM

Your shoes now fit the poor, your watch fetched $10.00 and the Kearney Pawn, and you wallet was empty when I found it under the back hedge. What were you doing back there, practicing to mudlark?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:54 AM

Amos got me so drunk that I barely brought myself back. I'm hoping that he will return my wallet, watch, and shoes. (I'm really glad that I thought to take my credit cards and other such data out of my wallet before I went to his place!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:43 AM

Oops. That was actually 15,073 and this is 15,074. But who's counting?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:42 AM

Just for reference, we're at 15072.

I'm glad you two had fun. Did Rapaire bring back any souvenirs for the rest of us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 11:18 AM

Wow!! That's a wonderful discovery, Rapaire.

I would have invited you mudlarking with me, but I was concerned you might lark too deep.

This happens sometimes and makes it very hard to get someone back out of the mud in which they have overlarked. Then when the tide comes back in they stop breathing.

I appreciate the things you do while breathing, big fella, so I didn't include that in the evenings agenda. Thanks for the nice visit and I am glad to hear you enjoyed yourself!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:29 AM

fake number 8500.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:28 AM

Gee, Mom. If nobody else is awake, I can claim


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 06 - 10:23 AM

One of the results of my trip to San Diego is a discovery which will most likely win me the Nobel Prize For Discovering Things.

Briefly put, I found out the origin of US Marines. Not the US Marine Corps, but where the come from.

I went to SD primarily to see my nephew (I'm pretty sure it was my nephew) graduate from the Marine Corps boot camp. As we drove onto the base in a shuttle bus, there it was: The Answer. Right in front of a genuine government-issue building was a genuine Marine Corps sign that read

   DEPOT
REPRODUCTION

I wasn't allowed inside so I can't tell you if, as I think, individual Marines are "made" there or if the purpose of the facility is to reproduce the whole danged Unites State Marine Corps Recruiting Depot.

I humbly await my Nobel Prize For Discovering Things, and I'll remember all of the little people who helped me along the way -- especially King Rory of the leperchauns of Kerry, Moonblossom (for, ah, "services rendered") and all the rest.

And I promise that I won't be vain and full of pride and that I will come back and chat with my inferiors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 10:50 PM

Ted's my youngest nephew. He wants to be a paleontologist and clone T. Rexes.

I had an excellent time at Amos's place. He is a gourmet cook and his wife is just as wonderful as he is. And I was raised up not to talk about myself, but to gossip about others.

So....

Amos lives in a tar-paper covered shack down by the docks in San Diego. His primary occupation is what the Brits used to call "mudlarking" -- tromping around in the mud hoping to find something worth selling. To do this he cannot wear any footwear, and so his legs are encased in black stinking muck from the soles of his feet to just above his knees. He plays a Martin "Gibson" guitar and doesn't sing very flat very often. He has a decent taste in wine, and what he drinks is even better than "Boone's Farm." To thank him for a wonderful evening, here are the words to one of the songs I sang:

JOHN COOK
Tom Rowe

        Oh, John Cook, ye have taken us to hell;
        Locked up in the ice off Baffin Island.
        We've been here for a year, now the water's comin' clear;
        Won't you set for home, John Cook, without the oil?

We sailed her out from Gloucester, to hunt the mighty whale;
A crew of twenty seasoned whalin' men.
With Slocum at the helm and me and Drury haulin' sail,
And the Captain shouting orders at the wind.

The Captain's wife had begged to go and Cook could not deny her;
For Annie Cook was sweet and young and fair.
She's been this last year down below, a'huddled near the fire;
The whaler's lot was more than she could bear.

        Chorus

With one year gone and one to go we'd less than half the oil;
Four hundred barrels filled and in the hold.
The Captain turned her north'ard where he knew we'd find the whale
But instead of whales we found the bitter cold.

The Atlantic Queen did shudder as she braved the ocean gales;
But her master would not heed the mate's advice:
Oh, Captain, turn her south'ard and damn the hellish whale;
For if you don't we'll soon be trapped in ice.

        Chorus

Soon the ice stretched all around the proud Atlantic Queen;
And nine months gone the food began to spoil.
The Captain paced the foredeck, tortured, torn between,
His love for Ann and lusting for the oil.

For Annie Cook had begged her John to take her home to Gloucester,
Or sure it was she'd lose her sanity.
And the crew of the Atlantic Queen had charged her lord and master
To point her south or face a mutiny.

        Chorus

The Captain made his choice, he'd not return without the oil.
His pride was more important than his wife.
And when there came the mutiny he shot the Steward Boyle;
To take the Queen they'd have to take his life.

Two more weeks, the ice cleared north, we set out the whales to find;
We took three beasts before the second day.
Michael Boyle had lost his life and Annie Cook had lost her mind,
And the Captain's coal black hair had gone to gray.

        Chorus


And here's another that I didn't sing, really:

SQUID-JIGGIN' GROUND
A.R. Scammell

        Oh! This is the place where the fishermen gather
        With oilskins and boots and Cape Anns battened down.
        All sizes of figures with squid lines and jiggers,
        They congregate here on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Some are working their jiggers while others are yarnin'!
There's some standin' up and there's more lyin' down.
While all kinds of fun, jokes and tricks are begun
As they wait for the squid on the squid-jiggin' ground.

There's men of all ages and boys in the bargain,
There's old Billy Cave and there's young Raymond Brown.
There's a red rantin' tory, out here in a dory,
A'runnin' down squires on the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus

The man in the whiskers is old Jacob Steele.
He's gettin' well up but he's still pretty sound.
While Uncle Bob Hawkins wears six pairs of stockin's
Whenever he's out on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Now says Bobby, "The squid are on top of the water,
I just got me jigger 'bout one fathom down."
When a squid in the boat squirted right down his throat,
And he's swearin' like mad on the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus

There's old Uncle Billy, his whiskers are spattered
With spots of the squid juice that's flyin' around.
One poor little b'y got it right in the eye,
But they don't give a damn on the squid-jiggin' ground.

Now, if ever you feel inclined to go squiddin',
Leave your white shirts and collars behind in the town,
And if you feel cranky without your silk hanky
You'd better steer clear of the squid-jiggin' ground.

        Chorus


Gee, I hope that he gets bailed out soon so that he can read this....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 07:17 PM

He should be showing up here any time. Ask him about Ted. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 05:32 PM

Rapaire needs to Repair his Rapairee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 03:27 PM

He also said I have been mispronouncing his name lo these many years, and it should rhyme with rapparee. I an gob-smacked. All those poems shot to hell! But I am going to stick to my guns and insist he change his spelling if he wants it pronounced differently. It just ain't right to spell it Rapaire ad expect anyone to know his secret pronunciation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 11:02 AM

I had dinner with Rapaire last night, Mom. I don't think he enjoyed himself very much -- he told many tales of courage, glory, humor and accomplishment on the part of other people, and we drank a bottle and a half of vin rouge and sang some obscure sea songs and such. Maybe he did like it, but he said he has given up liking things or disliking them for Lent. So it was hard to tell. But I had a very good time!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 01:01 AM

Unspeakably!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 06 - 12:32 AM

I'm back. Did you miss me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 03:22 PM

The thread, mayhap, amigo. But the BS Protestant Book of Ordinary Hymns is as old as BS Protestation itself, which goes back much further, and so understandably it has many more pages.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:48 PM

15060


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:29 PM

Amos, we're only up to 302 pages so far...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 01:28 PM

Hi, Mom! Gotta run to Dallas to get an old friend who flew in from Arizona then head up to Denton to pick up Moonglow and her boyfriend and take them to lunch, then bring Moonglow and my friend back here this evening.

The important part of the message being that I am going to go drive in Dallas. Yuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 11:55 AM

Stand up, stand up for Mother!
Ye soldiers of BS!
Let not her numbers falter,
Nor fade, her noble dress!
From topic unto topic
Her whackos she will lea-ead.
'Til everyone is slack-jawed
And BS rules indeed!


BS Protestant Book of Ordinary Hymns, page 345


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 09:24 AM

Happy December 1st, 2006, Mom. Next year will be 2007. Beginning in 30 days. Don't you hate it when that happens?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 06 - 08:38 AM

Wierd hearing you talk about possible "snow day" when we haven't had any yet - and that is unusual!!! We often have a good storm or two before Halloween, let alone December!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

After getting up at the regular time he played computer games for a while, but I made him do all of his homework in the middle of the day before he went back to them, so it wasn't as much a holiday as he might have liked. Now he's in practicing his guitar, and I can hear him making progress. He's doing the lessons from his teacher and he's doing some of his own thing--which is as it should be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 07:20 PM

Well, tell him he really, really owes you one for that!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 04:25 PM

Ooops, MOM! You slipped out there! Careful, let me help you up!

I kept my son home from school today, even though the schools were open. I called him in sick so it wouldn't be called an unexcused absence. It looked like it was going to get really icy, and since I have to drive a lot further than most parents, and since his Dad has been out of town and might not make it back because of the weather, I figured I didn't want him home alone at his Dad's (where he catchest the bus in the morning). It has fizzled after some freezing rain and snow. Accumulations on the grass and garden, but not on the street. Looks like the district called it (but my university closed--there are so many commuters that they no doubt figured they wouldn't have many show up). Oh, well. I'll feel guilty for a little while--he's a good student and hasn't missed any other days and every day is important.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:54 PM

And I have indeed done hard time shoveling snow, helping stranded motorists out of a ditch, learning to control four-point skids, and other tribulations concomitant with living in a refrigerator five months of the year. This is one of the reasons I am content to reside in San Diego, where the living is a tad more laid-back by reason of our sunshine, and the salaries proportionately lower.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 09:55 AM

My childhood in Connecticut was alleviated by the Great Indoor Sport of listening to a kitchen AM radio for school closing notices during white, bright snowstorm mornings. Like playing keno -- you only won occasionally but it made your whole day when you did.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 06 - 12:31 AM

Have any done hard time shovelling snow?

Ooooo--I hear the thunder arriving! Rapaire's cold air from Idaho is running hard into the hot warm air from the Gulf of Mexico. Ker-POW! And tomorrow we're supposed to have bad weather, but I'd better get up at the normal time anyway to see if school is open or not, or if the cold and ice or sleet materialized. When it comes to anticipating snow days, there are usually more disapointments than anything else. Usually because the weather failed to advance sufficiently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 10:07 PM

Hey! Almost all of the Legionaires are either doing good probation or they've done their time, those that got caught.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 07:37 PM

The legion has plenty of time. Indeed, they have, on average 15 to 25 years, but they don't get all that many visitors out at Fort Notonthemap State prision and potatoe farm...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 06:59 PM

Well, I'm glad they aren't coming, to be honest, much as I would love meeting them somewhere. I only have so much time!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:35 PM

The Idaho Legion will not be coming. In fact, they're having a hard time getting out of the Hovel right now. The groundsman, Swoopin' Sammy, got a bit too thorough in his duties last night. Sammy ran the snowblower (we've had some snow here!) and cleared the parking lot, hitching post area, and hitchiking area right down to bare pavement. Unfortunately, he did this while most member were meeting inside the Hovel and because of his lack of familiarity with the discharge chute controls he managed to bury the Hovel and everyone in it under about 10 feet of snow.

Rescue attempts are being considered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM

I hope you didn't plan for that thing to scan, Amos. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM

Amos - maybe you should indulge in just a teensy bit of fear - Rapaire is affiliated with the Idaho Legion - it's quite possible his relatives are as well - and that could mean trouble!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:26 PM

You will see...you will see....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 02:56 PM

Dear Rapaire:

I read 'most every word you said
That streamed out from your fevered head
Each phrase and line, succinctly laid,
Advising me to be afraid.

Alas, although I find it queer,
I do not feel a trace of fear!
Not jot, nor tittle even wiggle!
Nothing appears but a muted giggle.

So though it's true, you are no stranger
I must remark, your sense of danger
Must have been bred in some dank mine,
Some place where sunlight never shines.

But when we meet, which will be soon,
You'll sing (I hope)a different tune,
And soon, on generous Bacchus' breast,
Your fears of danger lay to rest.

If not, the God will be annoyed!
And it will be hard to avoid
His wrath, as from his Godly void
He labels you a paranoid!

Kindest regards,

Amos

San Diego extends a sunny welcome to all your kin, and you as well, and offers to relief your early-onset northern Seasonal Affect Disorder with gentle sunbeams and sea breezes.

A


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Subject: Open Letter To Amos
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 02:40 PM

Dear Amos,

Tomorrow afternoon I will land at the airport in San Diego. So will my brother Tony and his oldest son Ralph.

Be very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, etc. afraid.

Your fiend,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 01:29 PM

Here's a limerick that can only be appreciated by a post-hole digger:


A fencer who was plagued by a vole
Thought he'd sever the pest from its soul.
With a jab and a lunge
The vole's soul he expunged,
But he suffers post-trauma, post-hole.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 09:33 AM

You callin' me a mole hole, boy? Well, just for your information I have VOLE holes in my yard, not your common old MOLE holes.

Oh, wait. Sorry. You said "mohel" -- the guy who only works for tips as long as he can get a cut of your action. No, I used an epee with a string-wrapped French grip and a steel blade. Blunt tip, of course; these modern rules take all the fun out of it. "Wear a mask, be sure your jacket and plastron will withstand a hit of blah-blah Newtons, use blunt tips covered with a rubber or plastic..."

Wimps, every one of 'em. Why, back in the days when I started fencing you used a sharpened blade and sharp point, and by God you KNEW when you make a touch! And none of this "protective clothing" either because you fenced in your street clothes! And we were civil, too! We saluted our opponents and shook hands after it was over. Not like today, by crackey! A man wasn't a man then until he'd been in a few...what's that, nurse? Time for my meds? Okay...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 06 - 03:45 AM

No point and very little pay, but the tips are good. In this respect Rapaire is like a Hasidic mohel. An ungay blade, who won't come off the fence.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 11:59 PM

What's the point in that post?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 11:14 PM

A bout of twelve hits tonight, friendly stuff. We each scored a dozen, and neither of us would have gone home unbloodied had there been points instead of tips. Come to think of it, neither of us would have had to pay hospital bills. Funeral expenses, yup, but not hospital bills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 07:23 PM

Will Gluon stop eating my posts...


As I tried to say earlier, the next post which is palindromic in both numbering systems is 13431, which is really 20002. They remain in sync up to 19991, diverge, and then sync again from 23432 to 29992 (public numbers)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:54 PM

I think that I shall never see
A Ra as handsome as is me.

A Ra that is a God all day,                 
And will fleece the supplicants who pray;        

A living God who may in summer wear        
A golden head dress on his hair;        

Who down in lovely muck has lain,        
Happy, 'til he rose again.


Oops, wrong poem and wrong poet. Sorry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 05:19 PM

If this be Ra I see,
I'll kick him in the knee;
No ifs,or ands, or buts,
I'll kick him in the other knee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:58 PM

Aha. I see I have been woefully misinformed both about your circumstances and about the basic parts of an outline. Woe, woe.... LOL!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:56 PM

A. It wasn't a Board meeting, it was a meeting of the Supervisors and me.

2. My Board of Trustees laughs a LOT.

III. My staff laughs a lot, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 04:34 PM

Except the Board thought he meant his pole and his human resources, which made them think he was buggering the crew...plus the Sun Hat...I dunno, man, but....well, let's put it this way: how long since you updated your resume? I mean, a joke's a joke, and all, but these Board types can be more serious than a DLL file in a pocket calculator, if you know what I mean...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 06 - 03:31 PM

What I did not mention is that I also brought my new fly fishing pole to the meeting. When asked why, I explained that I had both my rod and my staff....


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