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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 13 Apr 06 - 02:31 PM
Rapparee 13 Apr 06 - 09:06 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Apr 06 - 08:30 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 06 - 09:00 PM
Rustic Rebel 12 Apr 06 - 08:26 PM
Acme 12 Apr 06 - 07:14 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM
MMario 12 Apr 06 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 06 - 01:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Apr 06 - 01:30 PM
MMario 12 Apr 06 - 01:21 PM
John MacKenzie 12 Apr 06 - 01:20 PM
John MacKenzie 12 Apr 06 - 01:19 PM
Bunnahabhain 12 Apr 06 - 12:48 PM
MMario 12 Apr 06 - 11:55 AM
kindaloupehackenweez 12 Apr 06 - 11:27 AM
MMario 12 Apr 06 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 06 - 10:56 AM
Acme 11 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 07:58 PM
Amos 11 Apr 06 - 06:20 PM
Amos 11 Apr 06 - 04:50 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM
MMario 11 Apr 06 - 01:37 PM
Amos 11 Apr 06 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 11:29 AM
MMario 11 Apr 06 - 10:57 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 10:51 AM
MMario 11 Apr 06 - 10:31 AM
Acme 11 Apr 06 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 08:25 AM
Rapparee 11 Apr 06 - 08:24 AM
MMario 11 Apr 06 - 08:23 AM
Acme 10 Apr 06 - 11:45 PM
Amos 10 Apr 06 - 10:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Apr 06 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 06 - 09:50 PM
Acme 10 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 06 - 04:56 PM
MMario 10 Apr 06 - 03:42 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Apr 06 - 03:20 PM
kindaloupehackenweez 10 Apr 06 - 11:24 AM
kindaloupehackenweez 10 Apr 06 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 06 - 08:43 AM
MMario 10 Apr 06 - 08:21 AM
Acme 10 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM
Amos 09 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 06 - 09:53 PM
Amos 09 Apr 06 - 08:53 PM
Bunnahabhain 09 Apr 06 - 06:35 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 02:31 PM

Hey, MOM, a quick hello on my way past--I'm getting a bit tired of some of these BS threads--I think MOM needs a separate space between the ABOVE THE LINE and the BELOW THE LINE folks, in recognition of the superior quality of BS we shovel here daily. With a separate section we could go below the line without getting our feet wet way below the line. She's be situated just above high tide, know what I mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 09:06 AM

Wunderbar! Job interviews are good any time of the year, but even moreso in Spring.

I assume that it's Spring in Scotland. That's in the Northern Hemisphere, isn't it? I mean, I think it's somewhere near Tir na nOg or the Isles of the Blessed or the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. At least I'm pretty sure it is. Anyway, here's some interview tips.

1. Show them you're interested by playing with stuff on the interviewer's desk. Or drum you fingers on the desk. Or both.

2. Let them know you don't REALLY need the job by letting them know you have money -- jingle some coins in your pocket throughout the interview, or periodically pull out your wallet and count the bills therein.

3. Yawn a lot. It shows them that you'll stay up late and work.

4. Let them think you know lots of famous and/or influential people. Say something like, "Oh yes, Liz. Have you ever been in her bedroom at Buckingham Palace?" or "That Tony Blair! Quite the cut-up, you know!" or "Paul's got nice digs, but they only serve that awful vegetarian food" or even "You know, the last time I was with her Camilla rolled over and said almost the exact same thing!"

5. If the interviewer is a woman, put the moves on her. Same thing if it's a man, if you're so inclined.

6. Expel gas from either the upper or lower orifices and make some comment like, "Whoa! That tasted better going down than coming back up!" It shows you're both well-fed AND witty.

7. Interviewers are impressed if you dress like you don't need the job. A tee shirt that says something fairly tasteful is always appropriate, especially if it's fairly clean.

8. Arrive late; it shows how important you are.

9. Borrow a pen and some paper to take notes; try to remember to return the pen. Or better, surreptiously tape the interview so you can use it later in court if you're not hired.

10. Demonstrate how health conscious you are by refusing to shake hands. You might also consider wearing a surgical mask.

No need to thank me for these tips. Good luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Apr 06 - 08:30 AM

I've got a job interview! And the elderflowers are almost in bloom, and they make very nice champagne. And the Camera shop has almost finished repairing the lenses weeks after they said it would be done.

Today is a good day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 09:00 PM

A couple weeks ago it was warm and nice here and all the frogs came out, just a jug-a-rummin' their little hearts out. Hundreds of the things. Suddenly, black clouds on the mountains and a gen-u-wine Blue Norther hit. Temperature dropped something like 80 degrees. At the first shock of falling temperatures the frogs all dove from the bank into the river, but the drop was so fast the river froze solid with them frogs only half-way down. Well, not being a bunch to waste, folks took out their lawn mowers and mowed them frog legs right off.

We're gonna sell 'em to those fancy French restraunts in San Francisco and Denver and Butte.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 08:26 PM

Kindaloupehackenweez- You must be living in a different Minnesota than I am. Today was a cool -10, snowing like a, ah, humm- like a snowstorm, wind hitting 30 mph and all those newly sprung frogs just got the croak froze out of 'em. I did see my first mosquito today though.

Okay, no bullshit- 'twas a lovely day. I watched Potato Lake open from ice this morning to beautiful open water by the afternoon, then came home to hear the first frogs waking up. Think I'll go dig some cattail shoots now.(ha!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 07:14 PM

Set up a library cam somewhere innocuous so we can have a view of your office or the drinking fountain or the sunset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM

http://www.journalnet.com/articles/2006/04/12/opinion/opinion01.txt


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 02:04 PM

conversely, if enough small trees fall on boy scouts they can kill them almost instantly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 01:59 PM

If enough Boy Scouts pee on a small tree they can kill it during a weekend campout.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 01:30 PM

The tender leaves and shoots of some varieties of smylax (aka catbrier, Ho Chi Minh vine, or ouch-you-filthy-cocksucker vine) are quite tasty. But be sure to do a taste-test before picking enough to make a salad. The vines growing on a friend's property about ten miles from my place are delicious, but the ones on my own property taste like turpentine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 01:21 PM

oh! oh! me! lemmee!


I wanna do it!


I can be an eedjit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 01:20 PM

Or I could do it myself!!
G ☺


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 01:19 PM

Almost time for some eedjit who has contributed nothing to this fine thread to come along and claim the X100th thread!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 12:48 PM

I remember a Beltane (never a good idea in itself) with some nice fellow handing out daffodils, which I was eating for some reason. I'm sure it made sense at the time.

It looks like it should be nice and warm this year, and hopefully the cloud will stay high enough to give a beautiful dawn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 11:55 AM

I remember a party I was at one summer - a delightfully laid out tray of hors d'euvres included gladioli and daylilies - each with a cream cheese stuffing


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 11:27 AM

Hey all:

As Minnesota has seen its first 70 degree temps since last fall and the grass begins its come back and the buds on the trees begin to bloom, along with the arrivials of Robins, herions, and swans.

Your recent entrys of the flowers and todays FACT OF THE DAY:

EDIBLE FLOWERS:

Which flowers are edible? Among the most common edible flowers are peonies, pansies, carnations, chamimile, chrysanthemums, dandelions, daylilies, gardenias, geraniums, gladioli, lavender, lilies, nasturtiums, priroses, roses, squash blossoms, sweet violets, pot marigolds, and yucca blossoms.

Thought this maybe of interest to some.. I know for a fact that dandelions make some of the best homemade wine if you got the patience to pick off pounds of the pedals. As Rose hips make a very tasty tea, or alters the flavor of regular tea with blending rose hips with it.

Today looks like another above 70 degree day and will go out and attempt to hook afew crappies for the deep fryer. For there still is ice on one side of the lakes and cold water / ("black ice") makes for excellant panfishing. The only snow thats left is in the shady spots or where they have piled it all winter long. Not a cloud in the sky.

I hope its at least 1/2 as nice where your all at. Have a great day.
ENJOY!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 11:09 AM

the librarian, this communication me to not be understanding am. Orangutang vocational cohort you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 06 - 10:56 AM

Long the Europe city which becomes it conducted 2 person nun bicycles ka'tw. Most new proverb, "the sibling, me this first feeling it did not come assuredly,! And that answer back long the nun who becomes, "she the pebbles, is the sibling.

Ain't that a real knee-slapper?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 10:38 PM

We've been in the low 80s for a couple of weeks here Mmario--where I come from (north of Seattle) this would constitute summer. Down here it is early spring.

I suffer every year through these hot humid months of spring/summer/fall. There is about a week of what really feels like spring and a week of what really feels like fall. Then it's cold.

Bleah.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 07:58 PM

Is it, perchance, reproductive??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 06:20 PM

Fortunately, sea bass do not play gold, but this may be the gebeticfore-runner, so to speak:

A University of New Hampshire scientist is trying to determine what causes sex reversals among black sea bass and how to prevent it.

Associate Professor of zoology David Berlinsky says the sought-after fish is a good candidate for aquaculture, except for its unpredictable tendency to change gender while in captivity.

"In the wild, black sea bass are born as females and turn into males at around 2 to 5 years old," Berlinsky said, but the sex change occurs more quickly in captivity.

George Nardi, vice president and director of a commercial fish farm in Newington, N.H., says the problem makes breeding the fish a tricky proposition.

"We invest in our brood stocks, the parents of the young fish, much as a thoroughbred horse farm invests in mares and stallions," said Nardi. "It doesn't do us much good if we always have to go out and get new females."


On the other hand, from those very few I have known who wanted to change gender, trying to argue with them about it is not productive at all!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 04:50 PM

A small number of golfers actually borrow balls from others who have them, while they themselves have none. This is consistent with female behaviour in some other species.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM

If I weren't sure that they wore ritual garments I'd say that they dress funny, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 01:37 PM

all golfers have balls, therefore (hypothetically at least) none are female, thus the need for sporulation as a reproductive schema.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 01:26 PM

They are infamous for placing their balls on little wooden stands and striking them with clubs. Surprised they survive with any reproductive capabilities at all. Maybe it is a sporulating scheme, though.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 11:29 AM

My mistake, MMario. I meant to say that I find their balls in my backyard, and so I assume they do some sort of frenzied rite of self-castration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 10:57 AM

golfers sporulate, they don't lay eggs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 10:51 AM

It was 34F when I left for work! There's still LOTS of snow on hills! True, in the lower elevations there isn't much snow and the golfers have begun their annual migration back to their breeding grounds (I find their eggs in my backyard all the time), and even some golfcarts have been seen, but it's barely Spring, much less Summer.

I stopped in the supermarket this morning to get some muffins and was nearly hit by a falling cake. An Easter cake. Is this symbolic of something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 10:31 AM

yumpin yimminy SRS! Let some up us GET to Spring before you move to summer, okay? I has snow on the car every morning last week and I'm still getting frost on the windshield.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 10:28 AM

So, do you think this spring will be just as good? It is still spring, isn't it? No way am I ready for a Texas summer yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 08:25 AM

Maybe, come to think of it, it had a lot to do with being across the road from a sewage treatment plant....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 08:24 AM

The home base of the Cincinnati Iris Society was down (literally) the road from my friend Alice's place in Kentucky. You want irises, you should have driven by there in the Spring! Black to white and every shade, size and variation in between.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Apr 06 - 08:23 AM

we have siberian iris in half a dozen colours, both purple and yellow flag, purple and yellow water iris (forget the exact classification, and a few japenese iris that don't do well. But none of them will be blooming for at least several weeks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 11:45 PM

I knew someone would come up with that. I saw it coming.

BWL, I have only a few purple flags in one spot in the yard, the rest are yellows of various sizes and hues. If you ever weed yours out, thing about throwing a couple in a box and mailing them to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 10:55 PM

I would submit that the beauty of an iris is in the eye of the beheld, and I do not advise, if your iris offend thee, that thou cast it from thee. It might make you pop-eyed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 10:45 PM

My purple flag irises are blooming insanely. We had one large clump on the bank of our pond, but over the years the fish have broken it up and individual little clumplets have floated to wherever they've felt like taking root. Got 'em growing in about a dozen places. The pickerel weed's in bloom as well. Whole damned pond's purple.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 09:50 PM

My irises (irii?) will be out in about two or three weeks. Then, about a month later, the ones in the backyard will bloom. My backyard is about a month behind the front yard, flowerwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM

You have your iris in the house?

My yard is at it's peak for the year right now as several colors of irrepressible iris are in full bloom. There are other plants out there that will look nice and smell good, but there won't be a time when there are so many big gaudy bright flowers blooming all over the place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 04:56 PM

MORE
TRUMPETERS!


MORE
TRUMPETERS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 03:42 PM

HEY AMOS! How bout a Barky report sometime...or tell her to stop by here and say "howdy!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 03:20 PM

The Flag Iris just started to flower! I knew trying to grow a pond plant indoors wasn't so silly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 11:24 AM

Hey R.R.

I've been doing some catching up and see that your a KNOTTY girl.

Love it, Keep it up, Good job, Keep on Jamin. And thanks for the jam the other night with your cousin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 11:09 AM

Hey All:
FACT OF THE DAY: LIBRARY

The word library derives from the Latin liber 'book.' In ancient times, there was no differance between a record room or archive and a library. The earliest known library was a collection of clay tablets in Babylonia in the 21st century B.C. The extensively catalogued library of Assurbaninpal (c 7th century B.C.) In Nineveh was the most noted before that at Alexandria (3rd century B.C.). The first public library was established in 330 B.C. in Greece for the preservation of the work of the great dramatists.

Hats off Rapaire and to all other librarieans.
Have a great day


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 08:43 AM

Well, I made the local paper again. This time it's about installing security cameras in the Library to help prevent child molestation and to protect the collection. There are some people who think that we'll spend all day watching the CCTVs and then turn the recordings over to the Feds, others who think that it means we'll be able to find out what they read (we already can, if we really gave a damn), and still others who fell that it will be an infringement upon their privacy (how can you expect privacy if you're in a public place?). I have to do something, though -- a molestation and an attempted molestation at knifepoint AND missing inventory (including much of the Grammy-nominees for jazz, folk, and Native American that I've bought over the past couple years) that will cost about $90K to replace.

Ah, the joys of being a library director in the 21st Century! And it would be such a nice place to work if it wasn't for the staff and the public!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 08:21 AM

SRS - in the ren-faire crowds - "wenching" has two meanings - the more mundane one - and then "wenching" as performed by the Wench Guild - especially when on a "Wench Walk" -- and it is most definately a 'straight' activity!!!!

Ask MattR - *grin* the guild wenched him as a favour to me a few years back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM

What a drive!

Had Kendall and Utah performed together before? I remember reading the story but I can't remember what it was. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM

Ohhh, dang, Rapaire, I would love to but I can't. I'm sorry. I am juggling several things that weekend.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 06 - 09:53 PM

I double dog dare you to drive up to Salt Lake City to see Natalie McMasters on April 21 & 22! You could even see my new tent. Triple dare ya! And I didn't go cozying up to Mom, buying her cheap chocolates and cheap rum to get her to buy the tickets, either. I bought them myself with money I saved from my paper route and from collecting deposit bottles and returning them in Oregon.

So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 06 - 08:53 PM

I yam back. I drove up to San Jose and picked up Barky and her roommate and we went up to Grass Valley and caught the greates pair of funny old white guys on the planet, Utah and Kendall, doing what they do best. The crowd loved them unconditionallly. Joe was there, yep, and Jacqui -- I missed FranzS though. But it was a terrific thing for the young ladies to hear what kind of wisdom comes out of men like Utah and Kendall.

Drove all night and got back in about 11 this morning, wiped but happy.

Had a lovely evening on the way up, staying over at Mudlark's in Paso Robles, toping and singing endless strings of songs.

Wonderful weekend, Mom!! Thanks so much for buying me those tickets! What? Oh, I am sorry, I didn't know it was a secret from Rapaire! Why didn't you SAY something?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Apr 06 - 06:35 PM

New game!

Equipment: one pint of water, two computers.

Put water down on very edgo of desk, directly above both computers. Pick up, put down. repeat until you miss desk and tip over computers.....


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