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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 06:08 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 04:31 PM
Little Hawk 23 Nov 05 - 04:12 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:24 AM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 09:20 AM
Paco Rabanne 23 Nov 05 - 09:12 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 12:13 AM
MMario 22 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM
khandu 22 Nov 05 - 08:59 PM
Amos 22 Nov 05 - 08:28 PM
Amos 22 Nov 05 - 07:53 PM
Acme 22 Nov 05 - 06:39 PM
Amos 22 Nov 05 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 22 Nov 05 - 12:53 PM
Acme 22 Nov 05 - 11:30 AM
MMario 22 Nov 05 - 11:20 AM
JennyO 22 Nov 05 - 11:12 AM
Rapparee 22 Nov 05 - 09:34 AM
MMario 22 Nov 05 - 08:26 AM
Cluin 22 Nov 05 - 02:45 AM
Acme 21 Nov 05 - 11:51 PM
Amos 21 Nov 05 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM
Acme 21 Nov 05 - 09:12 PM
Bunnahabhain 21 Nov 05 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 04:24 PM
MMario 21 Nov 05 - 03:26 PM
Amos 21 Nov 05 - 03:18 PM
MMario 21 Nov 05 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 01:05 PM
Bunnahabhain 21 Nov 05 - 12:59 PM
MMario 21 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM
Amos 21 Nov 05 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 21 Nov 05 - 09:42 AM
Amos 21 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM
Acme 21 Nov 05 - 12:48 AM
Amos 20 Nov 05 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM
Acme 20 Nov 05 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 20 Nov 05 - 09:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM

In a while I'll post again
Then the finest shall be mine....
Just now it is 10209...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:08 PM

As much as I'd like to, I don't seem to have mastered poetry. Or minored poetry. I love to read it, but I tend toward prose (I just can't see wasting the right hand side of the page!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:31 PM

Oh, yes you say, yes to the Day,
And likewise, Yes to Night.
And there can be none to gainsay,
You've got the answer right,
As right as rain, true as a bell, and yet
I am, within, concerned,
That if the wrong question thus is met
Then, might we all be burned
With love's chagrin and sorrow hot?
Today, all yesses dance; tomorrow, not.


The turn of autumn, on the tides this dawn
Raised the old smokes on the sea-breast once again.
They lingered for an hour, and were gone
Driven by sunrise into light. And then,
Dews sprang up, lit into life,
The chill drew back into its place,
And it might as well have still been summer's fife
Calling the warmer winds to dance, embrace
Seduce us to its summery game.
Still, the question goes unnamed.

Aloyisius Throckmorton IV,
Hudson Estuary Reveries
1927, New York City
(Self-published)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:12 PM

Add a pint of whisky and Shatnerize well until ready...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM

That's good. I ran out of 9's yesterday, so 1,111,111 is perfect.

I blame Sir John....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM

The smells are stonger than they were,
The nuts are getting worse;
The wino's cheeks are redder still,
Easy Rose is out of town.
The boys at Charlie's wear gayer clothes,
And Harry a scarlet gown
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put this stinker on.


--Emmie Dickyson, "My Side Of Town," from
Poems For All Occassions, Even Yours
(New York: Blunt Instrument Press, 1901), p. 2,594.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM

Ok, Bunn, if you insist, here: you can have the 1,111,111th post, guaranteed, if you write no poetry between now and then.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM

But that would leave us doing nothing but writing poetry. This is all well and good, assuming your poetry is better than mine. It would also be nice to get paid for it, or in my case paid not to write anything....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM

I reall y think if you are going to run up serial poetry for the sake of a round number, then there ought to be a rule you have to write it yourself.

But thanks for those lovely pieces, anyway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM

Ode to Autumn
John Keats

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
    Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
    With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
    And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
       To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
    With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
       For Summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
    Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
    Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
    Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
       Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
    Steady thy laden head across a brook;
    Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
       Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
    Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,--
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
    And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
    Among the river sallows, borne aloft
       Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
    Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
    The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
       And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM

Nature XXVII, Autumn
Emily Dickinson

The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM

After Apple Picking
Robert Frost

My long two-pointed ladder's sticking through a tree
Toward heaven still.
And there's a barrel that I didn't fill
Beside it, and there may be two or three
Apples I didn't pick upon some bough.
But I am done with apple-picking now.
Essence of winter sleep is on the night,
The scent of apples; I am drowsing off.
I cannot shake the shimmer from my sight
I got from looking through a pane of glass
I skimmed this morning from the water-trough,
And held against the world of hoary grass.
It melted, and I let it fall and break.
But I was well
Upon my way to sleep before it fell,
And I could tell
What form my dreaming was about to take.
Magnified apples appear and reappear,
Stem end and blossom end,
And every fleck of russet showing clear.
My instep arch not only keeps the ache,
It keeps the pressure of a ladder-round.
And I keep hearing from the cellar-bin
That rumbling sound
Of load on load of apples coming in.
For I have had too much
Of apple-picking; I am overtired
Of the great harvest I myself desired.
There were ten thousand thousand fruit to touch,
Cherish in hand, lift down, and not let fall,
For all
That struck the earth,
No matter if not bruised, or spiked with stubble,
Went surely to the cider-apple heap
As of no worth.
One can see what will trouble
This sleep of mine, whatever sleep it is.
Were he not gone,
The woodchuck could say whether it's like his
Long sleep, as I describe its coming on,
Or just some human sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:24 AM

Gathering Leaves
Robert Frost

Spades take up leaves
No better than spoons,
And bags full of leaves
Are light as balloons.
I make a great noise
Of rustling all day
Like rabbit and deer
Running away.
But the mountains I raise
Elude my embrace,
Flowing over my arms
And into my face.
I may load and unload
Again and again
Till I fill the whole shed,
And what have I then?
Next to nothing for weight,
And since they grew duller
From contact with earth,
Next to nothing for color.
Next to nothing for use.
But a crop is a crop,
And who's to say where
The harvest shall stop?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:20 AM

I am pleased to see the deposed King Khandu has returned to visit his former regime as a civilian, and that, as he always did in his glory days, he has provided us with the Right Answer.

Anyone know what the Right Question was?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:12 AM

Hello girls!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 12:13 AM

You sound (read) like Lawrence Welk: a one ah and a two ah. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM

we are coming up on one-oh-two-ohs


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 08:59 PM

Yes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 08:28 PM

University of Michigan researchers say they are investigating the "placebo effect," in which pills with no medicinal value work in some people.

Placebos are used in studies to demonstrate whether a specific treatment is of value. Usually some patients in the research are given the medication being studied and others, a placebo.

But little is known about the types of people who tend to respond positively to placebos.

The University of Michigan Health System study involved people suffering from fibromyalgia -- a type of chronic pain typically involving tenderness, stiffness and fatigue.

"There is substantial evidence that the placebo effect has strong biological underpinnings, and that some individuals are more likely than others to demonstrate this effect," said Dr. Daniel Clauw, director of the U-M Chronic Pain and Fatigue Research Center.

"This study suggests individuals with greater hour-to-hour and day-to-day variability in their pain may be more likely to be placebo responders," said Clauw, senior author of the paper.

It is not clear if the findings are only present in fibromyalgia, or may also be seen in other chronic pain conditions, the researchers said.

The study appears in the journal Arthritis & Rheumatism.



Man these word-slicers are everywhere. Lessee...the placebo effect occurs when it is suggested to someone they are being given an effective treatment (such as a pill) when they are not (such as a sugar-pill instead of an anti-aids pill or soemthing).

So now they are saying not that such suggestions cause biological effects, but that the whole mechanism has biological underpinnings, whatever that means.

Of course it begs the question why the condition which responds to the placebo exists at all if its response to a non-cure in recovering has biological underpinnings.

Maybe the study is not complete; if so, that's good, because the findings are holier than my gramma's nylons...

In other news, BS still rules: "The journal Nature said patent 6,960,975 was granted Nov. 1 to Boris Volfson of Huntington, Ind., for a space vehicle propelled by a superconducting shield that alters the curvature of space-time outside the craft in a way that counteracts gravity.

One of the main theoretical arguments against anti-gravity is that it implies the availability of unlimited energy.

"If you design an anti-gravity machine, you've got a perpetual-motion machine," Robert Park of the American Physical Society told Nature.

Park said the action shows patent examiners are being duped by false science. "

I wanna see the reduction to practice, I do...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 07:53 PM

Ah. The tide sweeps high. How beautiful.

In four hours, about 8:40 pm PST, it will be low again.

Such is life.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 06:39 PM

Ah!. . .

. . .As in "I'll have whatever she's having" and not to be confused with

Aww!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 01:50 PM

That was a pretty big O, there, SRS -- multiple, by the look of it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 12:53 PM

O'm goong East for Thanksgovong. O'll post next from Valparaoso, Ondoana, 'cause O'm landong at Chocago's Modway Aorport at 1930 hrs. today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 11:30 AM

Oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 11:20 AM

letter 9 can be despensed w/ because the cosmos s'all about me, me, me, me, me anyway.

so there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 11:12 AM

Speakong as an O person, O thonk a Natoonal O week would fly very well on Australoa toooo.

Jenny who is JennyO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 09:34 AM

Or on Ollonoos or Ondoana or Calofornoa or Hawaoo or Mossossoppo or even on Texas -- a truly self-effacong state whoch has no "O" on ot, loke Vermont and Oklahoma and Alaska, whoch are also self-effacong states wothout the letter "O".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 08:26 AM

stop what? we are excercising our godsgiven rights to peaceably assemble - well - in virtual assembly at least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Nov 05 - 02:45 AM

You people need to put a friggin' stop to this now!

We're getting complaints from the neighbours at both www.mudcas.org and www.mudcau.org.

They're getting nervous.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 11:51 PM

One could find that rather appealing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 10:31 PM

Itmight be psychologically the most revitalizing thing this nation has ever seen if we declared a National "O" Week, in which for one week no-one was allowed to use the word "I" and if absolutely pressed to speak in the first person singular, had to say the letter "O" instead. Can't you just see the nation-wide scattering of egos this would bring about? The broken chains of narcissistic habit? The break out epiphanies?

Wow, that is SOOOO GROOVY. A chance for Bush to do some good for a change.

How would it fly in Odaho, is what O wanna know.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM

You should see the income I get from the medical profession alone!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:39 PM

Well, my initials are MD, but I'll let the Romas use them. If they pay me royalties, of course.

In fact, I'll let anyone use them, assuming that the royalties are paid on time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:12 PM

What about those of us whose initals are also numbers? Are we scarce also (MD)?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 06:01 PM

It's just as the Bee Gee's prophicised, in their all time boy band cover song favourite, 'Words'

"You think that I don't even mean a single word I say.
It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart
away."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 04:24 PM

You have to worry about "C" "M" "L" and "D" as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 03:26 PM

If people should run low on "I's - lover case "l"'s might suffice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 03:18 PM

It's already happening, you see -- Bunn didn't have enough numbers to add two thousand and five to his post.

I would suggest we revert to Roman numerals, since V's and X's have always been underutilized figments of the typographer's art. I agree that "I"'s have been greatly abused in the last century, but they may enjoy an opportunity to do less ambiguous work for a change.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 01:11 PM

by Christmas, certainly - but christmas of what year?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 01:05 PM

Okay, I've done my bit. MY numbers are well stored in non-corrosive atomospheres inside inert barrels. My gusns are loaded and ready to defend my numbers from hoards of rampaging mathematicians, statisticians, and actuaries (I'd use guns instead of gusns except that I don't want to actually hurt anyone).

What you do with the information is up to you.

Tomorrow I inform the Legion of the impending shortage, so get your numbers before your number is up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 12:59 PM

In that case, I'm claiming 12,345. We'll be there by christams at this rate....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM

I don't believe young children should paginate. They should wait until they are older.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 10:38 AM

...and five gallons of water per family member, candles, a bag of junk silver coins, at least a month's requirements in cash, a crank-powered radio, and plenty of Saran Wrap and duct tape.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:42 AM

WARNING!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!!

ALERT! ALERT!! ALERT!!!

All MOABites! Take head!! Listen up!!! Be Prepared!!!!

I am letting you in on a secret so that you can Be Prepared when the time comes. You can either listen to me and come out of the Coming Crisis wealthy beyond your wildest fantasies, not to mention alive and healthy, or broken in health and spirit, destitute and scuttering in the gutter for a discarded cigar butt for dinner.

I am refering to the impending Number Crunch.

The world is running out of numbers. IP addresses are already scarcer than hen's teeth, ISBNs are getting that way, and Who Know What Will Be Next. Well, I do and I'm gonna let you in on it because Mother's children can and must survive the Number Crunch. And I'm doing this for free, because I'm a good-hearted sort of guy, but who wouldn't turn down a gift or a percentage of the take, either.

But what isn't widely known -- YET -- is that we are running out of ALL numbers. Think about it. Mathematicians have known for centuries that this day would come; why do you think that they call them "finite numbers?" And because of the current crowd in governments world-wide we are quickly running out of rational numbers, too! Integers, once the mainstay of arithmetic and accounting, are now replaced by...by...imaginary numbers!

These trends will culminate in your lifetime and mine (well, definitely mine, since I plan to live forever). Highly sophisticated regression analysis, applying the esoteric concepts embodied in Fermat's Second-To-Last Theorem and the crystalline arrays of Laplace Transformations, demonstrate beyond the shadow of a doubt that the world will run completely out of number no later than 2:37 p.m., April 14, 2007.

NOTE THE DATE! Americans will not be able to pay their income taxes!

But I offer to you, fellow MOABites, a chance to stockpile (i.e., hoard) numbers for the coming Number Crunch. There is a number mine here, and you can follow the links (or "veins", as numberologists call them) to more numbers. Most importantly, it doesn't matter if the numbers are pre-owned or even obsolete! Buff out the scratches and you can sell them as new! Accountants, tax attorneys, and even ordinary citizens will praise you while at the same time shelling out Big Buck$ for the numbers YOU had the foresight to stockpile. Your children and grandchildren will thank you, not to mention that they will be able to do their math homework and even paginate their term papers!

As I said earlier, this information is free. The seminars are what cost a bunch of money. And the inkjet cartridges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 09:37 AM

Only if you decompose them to their constituent bosons. Most Cuisinarts can't chop that fine, so you may have to borrow the University's accelerator or ship your table scraps out to these guys for processing to make them more Gluon's speed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 05 - 12:48 AM

Betcha if I go to the back door with table scraps in my hand he'd come quickly. My girls might even beat him to it--traveling at the speed of light IS relative (to how much you want the food being offered--and these two are always hungry!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:25 PM

If you call, he will come; OR, if you call, he will stay away. Depends on the probability matrix of the moment and the direction of attention of the observer, I guess...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM

Invite him. You can never tell. This might be unfortunate, not being able to tell....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 10:23 PM

I've discovered the source of the fire ants in my bathroom (coming in via a little hole under the trim quarter-round behind the commode). I also found an earring that moonglow lost a couple of weeks ago. Getting ready for the holidays means clearing up some of the pest problems before guests arrive and the jewelry recovery is a nice bonus.

I don't suppose Gluon would come chase away my fire ants but leave my dogs alone? They don't need any more encouragement to misbehave.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 05 - 09:47 PM

Frankly, I much prefer Linux or Unix, But Circumstances Prevent.


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