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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 09 Nov 05 - 09:48 AM
Amos 09 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM
MMario 09 Nov 05 - 09:23 AM
JennyO 09 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM
Bunnahabhain 09 Nov 05 - 08:00 AM
JennyO 09 Nov 05 - 07:20 AM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM
Acme 08 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM
Acme 08 Nov 05 - 10:41 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Nov 05 - 08:37 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 04:40 PM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM
Acme 08 Nov 05 - 03:21 PM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 01:32 PM
catspaw49 08 Nov 05 - 01:29 PM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 08 Nov 05 - 12:07 PM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 10:56 AM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 08 Nov 05 - 10:26 AM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 10:19 AM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 10:16 AM
Acme 08 Nov 05 - 10:12 AM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 10:05 AM
Amos 08 Nov 05 - 09:36 AM
MMario 08 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM
Amos 07 Nov 05 - 10:47 PM
Acme 07 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM
Acme 07 Nov 05 - 09:46 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:59 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:58 PM
Amos 07 Nov 05 - 08:38 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:38 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:15 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 08:11 PM
Amos 07 Nov 05 - 08:10 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 07:44 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 07 Nov 05 - 07:21 PM
Acme 07 Nov 05 - 06:41 PM
Bunnahabhain 07 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM
Acme 07 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM
MMario 07 Nov 05 - 03:16 PM
Amos 07 Nov 05 - 03:08 PM
MMario 07 Nov 05 - 02:50 PM
Acme 07 Nov 05 - 02:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:06 AM

dix-huit


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:05 AM

19


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM

Is it legal to marry blue and white wires to green wires in California? Wasn't there a resolution passed on that or some such thing? Or was that a resolution to define marriage as the joining of wires of different gauges? I get confused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:48 AM

Awright, I'm back. And I don't wanna hear one stinkin' word from any of you punks, ya hear? I go off and keep the promises I made months ago, and when I come back I find that I'm pretty much forgotten.

Well, it ain't gonna be that way no more. I'm gonna stomp around the house, I'm gonna sock any chowederbrain who don't like it, ya hear me? You punks wanna stay healthy you don't even THINK about lookin' at me funny, ya unnerstan?

Cuz I'm gonna change my name. Yeah. No more Mr. Nice Rapaire, no more Mr. Goody Twoshoes Rapaire. I'm changin' my name to Leroy Brown. So suck it up, punkos. Deal with it.






And perhaps then I'll obtain the respect I most certainly deserve. For who, other than myself, has been so compromising, so civil, so peaceloving, so considerate, so caring, so conscientious?    Mother, of course, suggested the name change and the reasons for it. She told me, "Son, unless you carry a thirty-two gun your pocket for fun and a razor in your shoe, Amos won't respect you one bit. Bunny will continue to laugh at you behind your back, and that hot Texas tomato will chortle in her chili when your name is mentioned. Which, I hasten to add, it never is. So you have to be metamorphized into the baddest man in the whole damn town. Now you toddle off to bed, and don't forget to say your nighty-nighty prayers."

"But Mom!" I said, "carrying a razor in my shoe seems not just uncomfortable, but unsafe. I could cut off one or more of my little piggies!"

And she replied, "Well, you just take care when you do it. And if some of your little piggies are sliced off we'll have them sewn back on. Now put on your Care Bears pajamas, brush your teethies, say your prayers, and climb into the world of sweet dreams."

And so I have done just as Mother suggested. I have thirty-two guns in my pocket for fun, and it's quite a burden. My pants fall down, for one thing. And the cord from the razor keeps getting all tangled up in bushes and things and sometimes I even step on it and trip myself.

But as soon as I change my name to Leroy Brown I'll be the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town. First though I suppose I have to determine whether or not there is an "E" on the end of Brown. And whether or not "Leroy" is "Lee Roy" "LeRoy" "Le Roy" or some other variant.

Your assistance would be appreciated.

Thank you for helping me to become the Baddest Man in the Whole Damn Town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM

I am weary to me bones, I am; I spent the whole evening rerouting a phone cable that had once been hidden beneath a carpet, and now had to run overhead behind a beam and down the opposite wall, because of the new flooring. But by Yiminy, when the geen-with-white stripes wire was finally married to the blue wire, the damn phone worked just as it shoulda. A small but distinct triumph.

In other news, the MOAB trundles, lurches, staggers, and drags her way to Mudcat history, a Granfaloon to Top All Granfaloons.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:23 AM

We used to enjoy a few rounds of rutabaga bowling in the afternoon when Her Majesty was visiting Warwick, but lately the crowds haven't allowed the room for a proper game of bowls.

Before they put the stairs in between the Upper and Lower Shire Cabbage Bowls was popular.

Stilly - rumour hath it that when you talk about gazing at Mars through the binoculars you are using an acronym** - is it true?

but back to the games - Rutabaga bowling of course uses butternut squash for pins, and by preference White rutabagas, though usually only the (inferior) yellow variety is available. Players claim the white roll more evenly and that the yellow fleshed varieties are more uneven. S'truth!







** Mars = Man Across Road, Starkers


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 09:21 AM

This is a game with a bit of an Aussie flavour - well, we are a weird mob!

WOMBAT TABLE TENNIS

Wombat table tennis is very similar to traditional table tennis with one major exception. A small wombat is used instead of a ball.

THE TABLE
The table is rectangular, 9 foot in length by 5 ft in width. It is made of any material that will give a uniform bounce of not less than 8 3/4 inches and not more than 9 3/4 inches when a regulation wombat is dropped from a height of one foot above the surface. The playing surface shall be preferably dark green, and matt, with a white line 3/4 inch wide along each edge.

The playing surface is divided into two courts of equal size by a vertical net running parallel to the end lines. The net is 6 feet long and its top along the whole length is 6 inches above the playing surface. Another net being 6 inches high covers the perimeter of the table. This net is to keep the wombat from running off the table during a game.

THE RACKET
The racket may be of any size, shape or weight.

THE WOMBAT
A wombat is a marsupial found in Australia. Young common wombats are used only. Use of the endangered Northern Hairy-nosed Wombat of Queensland for table tennis is strictly forbidden.

SERVING THE WOMBAT
At the start of the serve, the player shall insert his hand into the wombat's pouch above the level of the playing surface, and behind the server's end line.

The wombat and the racquet shall be above the level of the playing surface and behind the end line of the server's court or an imaginary extension thereof from the last moment at which the wombat is stationary on the palm of the free hand until the wombat is struck in service.

The server shall then project the wombat near vertically upwards pulling his hand out of the pouch without imparting spin, so that it rises at least 6 inches after leaving the palm of the hand.

As the wombat is then descending from the height of its trajectory, the server shall strike it so that it touches first his own court and passes directly over the net or around or under the projection of the net and its supports outside the table, touches the receiver's court.

If, in attempting to serve, a player fails to strike the wombat while it is in play, he shall lose a point.

POINTS
Points are awarded the same as in regular table tennis with the following exceptions:
A player shall lose a point if :
He obstructs the wombat.
If the wombat urinates on his court.
He strikes the wombat twice successively.
The wombat runs off the player's court.
The wombat bites the player.
The server has unnatural acts with the wombat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 08:00 AM

Well, if we're on silly games, lets have this one.

Cheese Rolling!



Around May day , the people of Coopers Hill, Gloucestershire and many, many outsiders gather to compete in the annual Cheese Chase.
A number of men gather at the top the hill, and a 7lb wheel of double gloucster cheese is bowled down the hill. The men give chase, and the first one to catch the cheese, or cross the finishing line keeps it. The young farmers association, and rugby teams are firm favourites for this.

There is a seperate competition for women, as they're not stupid enough to join in the mens one...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 09 Nov 05 - 07:20 AM

Dunno, but there are 24 winks in a Tiddlywinks set. It's a whole new language!

The squop is the most important shot in the winker's repertoire, involving the placement of the played wink on top of another wink - thus stopping the covered wink from being played, and stopping it from contributing to the score of its owning player. A squop is typically played with the squidger tilted towards the direction of travel of the played wink. Where possible, most people find it easier to squop towards themselves, moving the squidger off the end of the wink most distant from themselves. Many players use a squopping motion, playing away from themselves, to bring winks into the game from the baseline. Squopping sends a wink in quite a low trajectory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 11:18 PM

How many tiddlies does it take to make a bushel?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 11:09 PM

Mom creeps along through the night, heavy with her burden of posts (so many that she's barely distraught at the scrambled nature of many from early this year--they're all here, that's what matters). I'm going to step out on the porch and gaze at Mars through the binoculars then head for bed. I'll check on you bright and early!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:41 PM

Yeah, well at least a few malcontents have been evicted without the help of any clones. Irreverence has its uses!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:37 PM

In the beginning Max created the Music and the BS.

And The BS was without form, and Void: and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Max moved upon the face of the BS.

And Max said, Let there be posts, and there was posts.

And Joe saw the posts, that they were good.

You can see where this is going...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 05:48 PM

We aren't going to go through Mom's entire history, are we?

Some talk of Alexander, and some of Hercules
Of Hector and Lysander, and such great names as these.
But of all the world's great heroes, there's none that can compare
With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, to MOABs peole here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 04:40 PM

Well Mom, I must leave you for today - but I'll try to pop in if I can get on the computer later this evening - I need to do that if possible as I've got a buncha tunes to transcribe and post. but I also have a Christmas stocking to finish for my 2nd Great-niece - whose arrival date is Dec 25.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 03:29 PM

y'know - I miss the recounts of the NYCFTTS, cletus and Pa, and those Reg boys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 03:21 PM

In honor of 'spaw's visit, a pome (and a sublime little pun).

ODE TO A ROAD APPLE
                            by Thea Gavin

                Here, without using chemicals,
                I play the hand that nature deals-
                my garden's where an earthworm feels secure.
                Sky high corn, and these tomatoes
                dwarf their tough-skinned tasteless kin, those
                pathetic mutants at the grocery store.

                If I shared my little secret
                it might spoil your will to eat, yet
                also give you food for thought if you're unsure.
                I use fertilizer so fine
                from the south end of my equine
                friends in-stalled outside the city: horse manure.

                Gardener's gold, I load and pile it
                mix it, turn it, wait and while it
                cooks I test it every smelly couple days:
                plunge my hand into the steaming
                reeking middle, what's it needing...
                air? or water? "One more week," the odor says.

                Manue compost on the side as
                a snug blanket, makes like midas:
                everything it touches turns to veggie gold.
                Green bean vines devour their trellis,
                rabid zucchini overwhelm us -
                that stuff seems to make them giddy and quite bold.

                So try this healthy spinach sample
                courtesy of horses' ample
                capacity for pelletizing hay.
                And if it messes up your thinking
                to be eating what was stinking
                manure, think how you might recycle too some day.


                                            Thea Gavin
                                            11/27/00


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 01:32 PM

'spaw - you do realize just who was the inspiration for this entire thread don't you?

no - it wasn't Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 01:29 PM

From it's inception until now, I would like to congratulate the cast of characters who have toiled along in total silliness to make this indeed the MOABS. Many folks have contributed but there are those few which I and others will always pay tribute to as the main provacateurs of this heap of festering drivel and nonsense which deserve credit for not only their contribution to the power of nothingness (for which I am sure they will receive The Hemingway Award) but also as the living proof and testament to the now apparent fact that one can live, breathe, and yet have no life at all.

I send along as well a 120 pound container of pressurized possum farts which Cleigh has collected to honor the occasion of this thread crossing the line into true immortality. Please release them at the height of the celebration (Keep Away from Open Flame).

Good on ya', good up ya', and good in ya' depending upon any personal philosophies.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 01:07 PM

Do Vogons vogue? Or are they vague?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 12:07 PM

Har!


We have shown your poems to our friends, the Vogons, and they/she/it like them very much indeed. They are on their way to tell you themselves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:56 AM

The ponderous beast went down
With a crack of a broken shaft.
And the night drew through the trees
In one long invidious draft.

The most unquestioning pair
That ever accepted fate
And the least disposed to ascribe
Any more than we had to hate,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:54 AM

With a lantern that wouldn't burn
In too frail a buggy we drove
Behind too heavy a horse
Through a pitch-dark limitless grove.

And a man came out of the trees
And took our horse by the head
And reaching back to his ribs
Deliberately stabbed him dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:26 AM

Ahh, floor boards.

Carpet burns take some explaining,
Despite their innocent sustaining,
Every sort of imagined vice,
Cross their mind in a trice,
They don't believe you when you say,
I got this, dressed, at play.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:19 AM

and I must say I like this one (slightly edited)

Your nose hair is pleasingly twisted with the roots of a bristlecone pine that is so precariously perched on the side of a cliff it may easily uproot and fall upon the lobbyists below.

We have a bristlecone pine in the garden.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:16 AM

from the Surrealist compliment generator:

Your dashingly colored toupee twists my right boot into a state of ennui with the speed and dexterity of many lemon meringue-coated conquistadors.

Your mucuous membranes glisten with the glow of forty-seven burning violins.

Your eyebrows are as verdantly forrested as the seeded woodworms of my most sombre dreams.

You cannot compare with the apex of a ferris wheel, nor the nadir of a ditch filled with a coelocanth's droppings.

Its a far far better thing I do than to require that you find me a hammer and pummel me with all due diligence.


Seems to sum everything up, yes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:12 AM

It's going to take us a while at this rate. But Amos, I am impressed with the result of your cheerleader musings! Someone ought to send a copy of that to the originating newspaper that carried the story!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 10:05 AM

'tis only forty and five which do remain
before 10 times a thousand MOAB shall claim


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 09:36 AM

It wasna carpet, it was flooring
Which we spent last night adoring
Complimenting each other's taste
And gazing at each board well-placed.

At last, at last, Gratis Ad Scolium
We've lost that ugly bland linoleum
Which carried joys and friends and tears
For damn well over thirty years.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Nov 05 - 08:38 AM

Carpe Adhesive = Sieze the Glue!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 10:47 PM

The line is long, and pained and slow
To the little room where Ladyes go;
No reason can the patrons see
Who wait so desperately to pee.
Alas, what is that awful din?
From deep the Ladye's Room within?
What agony, and pain and fright
Must cause such groanings in the night,
Such screams of bodies clearly torn,
Or else a child is being born!
The lasses in the long line frown
And tighten their sphincters further down
As through the door, the cries and moans
Rattles them down into their bones.
At last, at last, the latch is drawn
And lightly staggering, pink as dawn,
All flushed and bright with passion's dew
A cheerleader bright -- and then there's two!
Two breathless beauties, tart and glowing
With lustful smiles of secret knowing,
Who cruelly all these damsels vexed
While they were busy, having sex.
To top it off, the Sapphic rose
Whacks some poor toper on the nose
And leaving him stunned, escapes the light,
Away in the cool, clear Lesbos night.

Ganymede Philodendron
Tales of Forgotten Thespians
Athens, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 09:55 PM

This story certainly evolved differently than I thought it would when I clicked on the headline.


Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say
November 07, 2005
TAMPA, Fla. - Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex in a restroom.

Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday.

Witnesses said the women were having sex in a stall with each other, angering patrons waiting in line to get into the restroom at the club in the Channelside district.

Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly striking a bar patron when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader who was not in Tampa.

Thomas, who made the trip to Florida for Sunday's game between the Panthers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was released from jail on $500 bail before police learned she was not the person she claimed to be.

Providing police with a false name is a misdemeanor. However, Thomas was charged Monday with giving a false name and causing harm to another - a third-degree felony punishable by probation or a jail term of 1 to 5 years, said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy.

Meanwhile, detectives are trying to determine how Thomas gained possession of the driver's license of the third cheerleader.

Keathley, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, was released on $750 bail about an hour before the Panthers played the Bucs at Raymond James Stadium. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 09:46 PM

For some patriotic verse, you can't go wrong with Barbara Frietchie:

Up from the meadows rich with corn,
Clear in the cool September morn,

The clustered spires of Frederick stand
Green-walled by the hills of Maryland.

Round about them orchards sweep,
Apple and peach trees fruited deep,

Fair as the garden of the Lord
to the eyes of the famished rebel horde,

On that pleasant morn of the early fall
When Lee marched over the mountain-wall;

Over the mountains winding down,
Horse and foot, into Frederick town.

Forty flags with their silver stars,
Forty flags with their crimson bars,

Flapped in the morning wind; the sun
Of noon looked down, and saw not one.

Up rose old Barbara Frietchie then,
Bowed with her fourscore years and ten;

Bravest of all in Frederick town,
She took up the flag the men hauled down;

In her attic window the staff she set,
To show that one heart was loyal yet.

Up the street came the rebel tread,
Stonewall Jackson riding ahead.

Under his slouched hat left and right
He glanced; the old flag met his sight.

"Halt!" the dust-brown ranks stood fast.
"Fire!" out blazed the rifle-blast.

It shivered the window, pane and sash;
It rent the banner with seam and gash.

Quick, as it fell, from the broken staff
Dame Barbara snatched the silken scarf.

She leaned far out on the window-sill,
And shook it forth with a royal will.

"Shoot, if you must, this old gray head,
But spare your country's flag," she said.

A shade of sadness, a blush of shame,
Over the face of the leader came;

The nobler nature within him stirred
To life at that woman's deed and word;

"Who touches a hair of yon gray head
Dies like a dog! March on!" he said.

All day long through Frederick street
Sounded the tread of marching feet:

All day long that free flag tost
Over the heads of the rebel host.

Ever its torn folds rose and fell
On the loyal winds that loved it well;

And through the hill-gaps sunset light
shone over it with a warm good-night.

Barbara Frietchie's work is o'er,
and the Rebel rides on his raids no more.

Honor to her! And let a tear
Fall, for her sake, on Stonewall's bier.

Over Barbara Frietchie's grave,
Flag of Freedom and Union, wave!

Peace and order and beauty draw
Round thy symbol of light and law;

And ever the stars above look down
On thy stars below in Frederick town!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:59 PM

And to those who can type, spell, and proof-read. You'd think I could nmange one by now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:58 PM

I belive Amos illustrates perfectly why I should leave poems to those who can.

I will go back to being easily confused about life, the universe and almost eevrythng, especially those bits of that get lest in translation across the Atlantic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:38 PM

And did those fingers, long ago,
Walk to the MOABs thoughts so keen?
And was the Muse of all BS
On MOAB's pleasant postings seen?

And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our murky letters?
And was Jehovah posting here
To light the path to minds yet better?

Bring me my keyboard, and my Mouse:
Bring me my Login made of Fluff:
Bring me my Ethernet: and O, unfold!
Transcendant rhyme of BS stuff.

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my keys give rest my head,
Till I have built Jerusalem
On MOAB's green and pleasant Thread.

Aski Von Geekfest, Cyber-fire, Cyber-Ice
Reykjavik, 1914
Inuit Izz Manifest, pubs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:38 PM

Or should I write my own?

My verse of my own is wanted,
To advance Mom on a place,
But such action is foolish,
For no poet am I.

The lines do not rhyme,
and most of the time,
the words just get stuck on your tounge.

I'll argue not,
when they call it rot,
and write it off out of hand.

But do me a me a favour,
And complain not, but savour,
When we Kipple again in this land.


you can groan now....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:24 PM

Of course, this being William Blake, he had a tendancy to fill everything with imagery of this kind, in a manner we would now attribute to various species of mushroom.


Maybe we're safer with something like this,


The Poet's Song
Tennyson

The rain had fallen, the Poet arose,
   He passed by the town, and out of the street,
A light wind blew from the gates of the sun,
   And waves of shadow went over the wheat,
And he set him down in a lonely place,
   And chanted a melody loud and sweet,
That made the wild-swan pause in her cloud,
   And the lark drop down at his feet.

The swallow stopt as he hunted the bee,
   The snake slipt under a spray,
The hawk stood with the down on his beak
   And stared, with his foot on the prey
And the nightingale thought, "I have sung many songs,
   But never a one so gay,
For he sings of what the world will be
   When the years have died away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:15 PM

Well, if you insist on nationalist raving Amos, I will oblige!


Jerusalem

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green?
And was the Holy Lamb of God
On England's pleasant pastures seen?

And did the Countenance Divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Bring me my Bow of burning gold:
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire.

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England's green and pleasant Land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:11 PM

I was listening to the shipping forecastHere , it's somewhere between hypnotic and soporific. I'm glad I'm inland tonight. I though it was a bit windy and unpleasent. The assortment of Hurricane, storm and gale warnings at sea around here is probabaly really unpleasent. It just put a verse of Big Steamers in mind, and random Kipling is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 08:10 PM

Rapaire he offers sanctimony
To win dear Mother's favours
And Bunnhabain bring chauvinists
Old nationalist ravers,
I cannot try to condescend
With vague important airs
And I won't go down to the nation's ends
To dredge up arms from bears.
But I will stay beside our Mom
Through slow times and frenetic
And offer her my silly lines
And musings all poetic.
Then let who still must brag brag more
And make assertions royal,
While we who really love our Mom
Stay here at home, and toil.

Mater et Fecalori
Pontificus Coupletus Inanus, Factorum Senatii
Rome, A.D. 23

Sentiment O. Verbering, trans.

Little, Thoughts, San Francisco, 1929


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 07:44 PM

Big Steamers
1914-18

"Oh, where are you going to, all you Big Steamers,
   With England's own coal, up and down the salt seas?"
"We are going to fetch you your bread and your butter,
   Your beef, pork, and mutton, eggs, apples, and cheese."

"And where will you fetch it from, all you Big Steamers,
   And where shall I write you when you are away?
"We fetch it from Melbourne, Quebec, and Vancouver--
   Address us at Hobart, Hong-Kong, and Bombay."
                     
"But if anything happened to all you Big Steamers,
   And suppose you were wrecked up and down the salt sea?"
"Then you'd have no coffee or bacon for breakfast,
   And you'd have no muffins or toast for your tea."

"Then I'll pray for fine weather for all you Big Steamers,
   For little blue billows and breezes so soft."
"Oh, billows and breezes don't bother Big Steamers,
   For we're iron below and steel-rigging aloft."

"Then I'll build a new lighthouse for all you Big Steamers,
   With plenty wise pilots to pilot you through."
"Oh, the Channel's as bright as a ball-room already,
   And pilots are thicker than pilchards at Looe."

"Then what can I do for you, all you Big Steamers,
   Oh, what can I do for your comfort and good?"
"Send out your big warships to watch your big waters,
   That no one may stop us from bringing you food.

"For the bread that you eat and the biscuits you nibble,
   The sweets that you suck and the joints that you carve,
They are brought to you daily by all us Big Steamers--
   And if one hinders our coming you'll starve!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 07:21 PM

Dear Mom,

You go away for a few days -- 4 days, 3 cities, 3 airlines -- and everyone forgets you. Ah well, when I return we'll see. We'll see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 06:41 PM

He's putting down new carpet. They must have to do some sticking of stuff, don't they? (I have tile, hate carpet, but I remember removing those tack boards from around the edge of the room that seem to have been stuck down). Or maybe it's just the backing and carpet itself that is making him woozy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM

Carpet Adhesive? Why do we want to stick him to the carpet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 03:55 PM

MMario, I think the carpet adhesive is getting to him.

Amos, open a window and turn on a fan! (Good stuff, but we don't want to see your genius abruptly ended. Remember--practice safe laying.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 03:16 PM

y'know - it's taken me a long time to be comfortable with the idea of Moab-mom being on top (there are some things a kid doesn't want to know) and now Amos you go talkin' about climaxes and all that sorta stuff.

I know you are out there in sunny california - but I wuz raised in New England - and we just never talked ubout such stuff!

boy - the things you learn out in the wide world!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 03:08 PM

Of quality, we are full blessed
Our stuff enriches all the rest!
So rich of content, sweet in odor
Thickly spread, by kind encoder,
Thoughts of depth and insight vasty,
Quickly etherized to ASCII!
Lo, how brilliance flaunts each test
To shine more brightly than the rest,
Sparkling in moonlight, and day-shine,
Beyond the scope of mortal time!
Honor to MOAB! See her stand
Above all others in the land.
Now come ye forth, with drums, with thunder
And help her reach Her Magic Number,
With passion, jest, and colored phrases,
From far-flung, visionary places
Until, with glory, rhyme, and song
The thread grows to ten thousand strong!
Than shall we cheer, and jump around,
And shivered cries come tumbling down
And glamour shine from every head.
Then, spend us all two days in bed,
Resting and wasted, too drawn to speak,
From reaching that climactic peak!
Oh, what surprise and glorious thunder,
When Mother makes her Ultimate Number!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 02:50 PM

I really should be doing some conversion to ABC for the shanty thread - but that would require a functional brain cell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 05 - 02:47 PM

Maybe a clone is toying with us. Let's see if THIS ONE disappears. . .


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