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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Sep 05 - 11:13 PM
Acme 13 Sep 05 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 05 - 09:38 PM
MMario 13 Sep 05 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 05 - 02:15 PM
Amos 13 Sep 05 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 05 - 11:58 AM
MMario 13 Sep 05 - 11:43 AM
Amos 13 Sep 05 - 11:33 AM
John MacKenzie 13 Sep 05 - 11:18 AM
MMario 13 Sep 05 - 11:08 AM
Acme 13 Sep 05 - 11:00 AM
JennyO 13 Sep 05 - 09:54 AM
Amos 13 Sep 05 - 09:51 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 05 - 08:56 AM
JennyO 13 Sep 05 - 08:08 AM
Amos 13 Sep 05 - 12:33 AM
JennyO 13 Sep 05 - 12:13 AM
Acme 12 Sep 05 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 06:26 PM
Amos 12 Sep 05 - 04:06 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 03:18 PM
Amos 12 Sep 05 - 02:42 PM
Acme 12 Sep 05 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 01:00 PM
Amos 12 Sep 05 - 12:05 PM
Bunnahabhain 12 Sep 05 - 11:56 AM
Amos 12 Sep 05 - 10:51 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 10:50 AM
MMario 12 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM
Amos 12 Sep 05 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 10:25 AM
Bunnahabhain 12 Sep 05 - 06:35 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 05 - 01:31 AM
Acme 11 Sep 05 - 11:05 PM
Amos 11 Sep 05 - 11:01 PM
Amos 11 Sep 05 - 06:45 PM
Acme 11 Sep 05 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 05 - 01:24 PM
Acme 11 Sep 05 - 01:12 PM
Amos 11 Sep 05 - 12:22 PM
Amos 11 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM
Acme 11 Sep 05 - 10:22 AM
JennyO 11 Sep 05 - 05:50 AM
Acme 10 Sep 05 - 09:34 PM
Acme 10 Sep 05 - 07:03 PM
Amos 10 Sep 05 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 05 - 01:14 PM
Acme 10 Sep 05 - 12:40 PM
Amos 10 Sep 05 - 12:35 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:13 PM

But you must be sure to get the unexpurgated versions. In those you will learn such Ultimate Secrets as the truth of the relationship between Bartholomew Cubbins and the Lorax, what happened to Cindy Lou Who when she grew up and moved to the Big City, why the Grinch REALLY "stole" Christmas, and the Secret Meaning of Yertle's name -- to name just a few things.

You can obtain unexpurgated versions only from the Frater Amos J, son of the notorious "J" who wrote The Sensuous Woman and who is Keeper of the Secret Tracts and Texts for the Temple of the Golden Globes. There is no cost, but you must pay shipping and handling.

Or, you can go to Nag Hamadi and dig around in the desert yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 10:21 PM

One Fish, Two Fish and Hop on Pop are the Cliff Notes versions of the secrets of the Universe, and it's accompanying key. For the full text, one must read The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins and it's companion text Bartholomew and the Oobleck.

Crack the code with the rest of these super secret texts.

Don't miss the MOAB secret writing club for the rest of the message!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 09:38 PM

NOW you've done it! The cat's out of the bag. The anchor is aweigh. The beans are spilled.

Anyone who can read One Fish Two Fish can now understand Hop On Pop. And when they understand it they will Know. They will have achieved, they will fathom, apperceive, cognize, comprehend -- they will prize their knowledge of the ultimate, they will have the knack, they will be sophic.

And then what will be left for us who are Perfection Personified?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 02:21 PM

yes - but One Fish, Two fish contains the key to Hop On Pop


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 02:15 PM

Hop On Pop contains within it all the secrets of the Universe. It contains the Key to the Davinci Code, it explains how to turn lead into gold, it teaches the secret of perpetual motion, provides Science And Health With A Key To The Scriptures, details where Jimmy Hoffa went, finds the Lost Chord, opens the Seal of Solomon and lots of other neat-o stuff, if you know how to read it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 02:08 PM

Maybe they had borrowed Hop on Pop and were making too much of it....ya think?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:58 AM

I have just spoken with a Special Agent of the FBI who is also a library patron (he brings his kids and his "fave book" is Hop On Pop). Anyway, he told me that the detainee TPDs have "nearly all volunteered" to be Special Household Informers for the Bureau and will know by the abbreviation "SHITPD," which he considers unfortunate but which was foisted on them From Above. Their primary mission will be to infiltrate the households of known, unknown, suspected, and unsuspected aiders and abettors of Those Who Would Destroy Western Civilization As We Know It (TWWDWCAWKI, pronounced "Tweedwecawky," which is actually a small town in rural New Jersey). He would have told me more, but it's all very, very hush-hush. In fact, he was run over (several times) by a black car driven by men in black (MIB) in our parking lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:43 AM

just recieved this via e-mail:

From: Mother Superior Sanctimonia Pleurisy de Gall
To: Scoldnet.net@yahoogroups.com
BC: MMario@mudcat.org
Subject: The sadly soiled doves of the SSSTT

Dear Kindred in blessing:

It has come to our attention that many otherwise good souls have taken to verbally abusing the poor soiled doves of the SSSTT. I beg you to remember that though many defame their characters it is not the fault of these poor midguided ladies that the animal instincts and urges, the lusts and wordly appetites of others in our society that leads to their suffering at the hands of their fellows.

Indeed, consider their suffering, for it is the rare day when one of these lambs of sin does not have virtually her entire insides torn from her, rent asunder and discarded.

M.Sup. Sanctimonia


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:33 AM

ROFWMAO!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:18 AM

In Auchtermuchty thon wee lassies have been banned by the Church of Scotland minister, since Sandy McAughtrie used the dolly instead o' the paper, and it blocked the drains.
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:08 AM

Those TPD's in the SSSTT ain't no better then they ought to be! My mother warned me about them.

heck ANYBODY can get up their skirts...and in most case have!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 11:00 AM

Tasteless bits of kitsch

Or tasteless bits of knitch. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 09:54 AM

Funny you should mention that, Rapaire. There's been quite a lack of TPD's here in Oz lately. I wouldn't be at all surprised if ASIO or somebody was keeping the Australian ones in the detention centres in Oz. No wonder they won't let us in to their high security areas! There could be TPD torture chambers in there or anything!

SAVE THE DOLLS!

Actually no, on second thought, don't save them. Tasteless bits of kitsch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 09:51 AM

The Socity for the Serene Survival of Sexy Tiny Toiletpaper Terrorists has informed me through their legal agent that you will be hearing from their law firm in the morning, Rapaire. This transmittal of vicious rumours on your part about the FBI rounding up their membership is purely slanderous. No such thing ever happened; the SSSTT has always been supportive of the FBI, providing intelligence and data from an array of miniscule sensors in their petticoats. All over the English speaking world, the tiny light, sound and smell sensors from toilet tanks everywhere provide a veritable Mississippi of data of the most intimate sort on the carryings on of suspicious characters in all sorts of positions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 08:56 AM

The US Federal Bureau of Investigation (the "FBI" as it's known to the cogniscenti) determined some time ago that those toilet paper dolls (TPDs) were actually tiny terrorists. All of them in the US were collected and interned in a camp near Slufoot, New Mexico. This was done without violence, mostly, although a few had to be shot for resisting arrest or as a warning to the others that resistance was futile.

I know this because the FBI has a facility here in Pocatello. It was deeply involved in the TPD round-up after the FBI office in Boise realized that "TPD" is kinda like "WMD" and we all know what that means. Anyway, the TPDs are not suffering anymore than anyone else in Slufoot. They are well kept in clean, airy, buildings with running water and nearly adequate food.

I'd post links, but pictures are not encouraged and the operation ("Operation TPD Roundup") was kept very, very secret so that the American People wouldn't panic or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 08:08 AM

Heh heh. Those toilet roll dolls have been quite common here in Oz, I hate to say.

Reminds me of a time at a session when a friend of ours was wearing a dress that billowed out, much like those dolls. One of the wags there pointed that out quietly to a few people near him as she was singing. At the end of the song, which was rather short, she asked if it would be okay to sing another one, and he said "ya might as well, while you're on a roll". She must have wondered why half the room was erupting into barely concealed mirth!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 12:33 AM

Good thing I can still muster up some French, mopn vieux baignette. You must admit you've been rolled in a most unusual way! :)

Jenny, your JPEG gives new meaning to being on a roll, but I am not sure it is a meaning I want to spend much time with, or on, as the case may be.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 13 Sep 05 - 12:13 AM

Might as well keep this going while we're on a roll!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 11:09 PM

Don't get caraway with your seedy jokes, guys!

Amos, you have crumbs on the front of your shirt. Look out, or Gluon will nail y . . .

oh. Too late. Ouch. I bet that hurts. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 06:26 PM

I did. I got slapped, and then arrested. The cop took me to the station and whispered to the Sergeant on duty. He escorted me to the back room where a bunch of cops beat me up, all the while saying things like, "Pluckin' fervert" and "Weirdo commie punk." Then they tossed me into the main part of the jail and told all the prisoners, and then THEY beat me up. Since I hadn't been charged with anything, I was pulled out and tossed into the street, where a string of cars swerved out of their ways to run over me. As I limped away, small children threw rocks, teeanagers spit on me, a garbage truck emptied on me, and a toy poodle piddled into my pants cuffs.

I really must remember to thank you for that advice, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 04:06 PM

"One side easy up, sunny side over", and you can be on the roll of your life, buddy! Just ask any waitress for that order and see what she says.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 03:18 PM

I don't wanna be on a roll. I'd rather be sunny-side-up, on the sunny side of the street, with all my cares and woes packed up, bob-bob-bobbin' along, with Old Man Depression hangin' out his laundry on the Siegfried Line so that the blue birds over the White Cliffs of Dover can sit under the apple tree with any one else but me.

Or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 02:42 PM

I am little seedy to be on a roll, but I still have some spring left and some dough in case. So sesame, and so say Olivus.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 01:42 PM

I see you guys are on a roll. I have to go to work.

I mowed my back garden so if Gluon makes any ectoplasmic poops back there all it can do is flatten the few scrawny eggplants I left in place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 01:00 PM

Wow, man, that's plasmic, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 12:05 PM

That's a lot of credit to give a creature who is half duck and half dog. Even if he is quarky by nature.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 11:56 AM

Now you're just being silly. It's Gluon's fault. Everything is Gluon's fault, in particular the stuff you can't figure out what it is that has happened, and the stuff that should have happened, but didn't due to Gluon.

Everything else is just a figment of it's own imagination. All clear?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 10:51 AM

Ithink in that particular case it is garden snails, MM. Or slugs, or possibly leeches, if you live somewhere near the WHite House.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 10:50 AM

My father doesn't litter the ground with ectoplasm! There are signs posted everywhere that there's a BIG fine for that! He used an ecto-litter bag like a good citizen.

The very idea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM

So Amos, you are saying that it is Rap's father who keeps dropping that ectoplasm in my gardens?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 10:30 AM

Rapaire:
I know you would like to fault me, but my defense is clear and has already been presented. If you cannot grasp the metaphysics involved, the error is not in my conduct, sir, but in your understanding. I have celebrated the best and greatest of MOAB. Thinking that this thin stream of ASCII is the MOAB, the person of your Mother, is like thinking that your father's spirit will sit full fathom five, mesmerized by the coral of his long-past bones, instead of going to and fro upon the world in spiritual grace and form, spreading joy, insight, guidance and ectoplasmic deposits.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 10:25 AM

We have two computers. I use one and my wife uses the other. It's really, really, really, really better that way.

We've set it up so that our PCs are networked. It's better that way, too. Only thing we can't do is check Quicken from her machine; for that we use sneaker net.

I also have a computer at work. I am in the process of restoring it after the city IT guys had to reformat the HD because, in spite having Trend Micro at the front end and Norton AV on the machine, a worm got into it. I was very, very annoyed because I'm trying to coordinate a state-wide conference here in a MONTH and all my emails seem to be gone (even though I did back up everything to CDs before I turned the computer over to IT).

If I added another computer, and then another, and another and so on, how many would I have to add before they formed a neural network and became self-aware? Or are they already self-aware and are simply too smart to let us know, seeing as what we do with them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 06:35 AM

I do? I don't rembember that. In fact, I had a birthday party? I don't even remember that...

It must be the old computers revenge. I'm wiping it to get rid of all the junk and make it a bit more reliable. It must be doing the same to me.

I'm only daring to play with it tahnks to James's mainifold field of Murphy's law, which is limited to computers.

If something can go wrong, it will go wrong is the basis. From that, we can extrapolate the idea that the more useful it is, the sooner it will go wrong.

A computer is very useful, so goes wrong almost instantly. By aquiring a second computer, it makes each computer less important, as it has a back up. It therefore becomes more reliable, as there is now no point in it refusing to work....
The chance of either of two computers breaking down is less than a solitary one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 05 - 01:31 AM

So! That's it, is it? Amos had a birthday and didn't tell us. Didn't even invite poor old Mom. Humph. I must say, I invite Mom to my birthday parties, and Bee-Dubya does, and Stilly does, and Bunn does, and in fact everyone except Amos does.

It just goes to show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 11:05 PM

Amos, send us some of your birthday cake, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 11:01 PM

Now in pairs and threes the MOABites,
Their revels ended step toward the light of dawn;
ALl their fantasies have drawn to a close
And toward the light of MOAB they return.
There, in th week-ending eworld
They are but actors and their days
Upon the stage like shadows now complete
Have closed, and melted soon away.
Here in their truer light, the dawn begins
And to their valiant Mom return their sins,
Bringing their always true and hidden souls to face
A more real time, in more real stead
Dancing the lights upon the MOAB thread.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 06:45 PM

They have their own MOAB, in their own parts of the continuum, and as SRS wisely points out they would grab this one if they knew about it!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 02:32 PM

Rapaire,

In recognition of the fact that the incomprehensible woman who tried to teach me Algebra in high school died last week, I must bring a mathematical concept to your attention. It actually comes from the realm of geometry. (I enjoyed geometry, taught by a different teacher. Very little of the Algebra stuck with me, except the use of "x" and "y" to denote things you don't know. I continue to find that very useful.) I want to point out a theorem used to extrapolate information regarding intersections of groups of people. Since the definition of "theorem" that I'm using says "A theorem is a statement which has been proved to be true" then this one should be easy.

This theorem involves our hypotenuse Amos. a2 + b2 + c2 aside, this one looks at how one person, who is a dot along an infinite line, can also be the intersection of lines of other people who would potentially be attracted to the richness of the MOAB if they only knew about it but they don't. This, I should clarify, is accute people, not obtuse people.

I've no doubt way overshot my higher math skills, so I'll stop while I'm ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 01:24 PM

...the most wonderful collection of wit, soul, heart and brain anyone could desire.

Couldn't possibly be. Nobody from MOAB (except Amos) was there.

I myself am flying back to Idaho from DC in a few hours. EVERYONE who is ANYONE flies 2000 miles for an anniversary party....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 01:12 PM

Amos: to depart from the BS for a moment, but ONLY in the name of clarifying and improving our BS, might I suggest you install the Google Toolbar? You can get it for IE or Firefox, and once installed, it has a handy little spellcheck that runs in forms (like the text box here at Mudcat). Download for Firefox here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 12:22 PM

I am tired of all these yptographical errors, so I have sought doctrinal guidance, that I may be forgiven them and cleave to the better and more orthodox path.

To that end I have turned responsibility for the MOAB, to whatever degree it is legal to do so, over to a new cleric I have summopnsed for this purpose, Fra. Padrone los Yptos. He will accept your prayers for forgiveness and will dispense with benificent pardons for our errors and sins typographical.

He is well qualified for the position, having spent twenty years condoning flaws and forgiving sins committed in government resumes on behalf of the Arabian Nights Dramatization Association, International (Ali Baba and Forty Thieves division).

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 10:36 AM

I was swept of my feet by a surprise party that started at noon and kept ballooning until the house was overflowing with the most wonderful collection of wit, soul, heart and brain anyone could desire. The house was overflowing with artists and scientists and musicians and oddballs -- and I had anticipated none of it. I think it was 8 PM before the last visitors too leave. I am still reeling from the after-images! The mind boggles that BBW could have pulled this off in secrecy, but she did. So know everyone in San Diego who matters to me knows I am an old fart, but it wasn't exactly a well-guarded secret.

I have just decided to turn 30 for the second time, having not done well at it the first round;' perhaps I shall get it right this time!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 10:22 AM

Weather tease today. Haven't had rain in over a month, and it's overcast, but they say there is only a slight chance of thunderstorms late tonight.

MOM! Tell Rapaire and Amos to quit playing fetch with Gluon--I need her to go shake up these clouds.

Rain rain don't go away!
Little Stilly wants to play (in her parched garden)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Sep 05 - 05:50 AM

Where are they indeed? Never mind, Mother - I'll shift you to a higher paradigm - or at least to the top of the current pile of BS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 09:34 PM

Where are all of you this weekend? I come back from walking the dog, sit down to take a quick read-through, and I'm the last one who was here.

Hmmph. I was looking forward to a little convivial wit. I've had enough hurricane and partisan vitriol for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 07:03 PM

Her paradigm seems to be in fine shape, at any rate. No shifting required.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 01:26 PM

First, you have to do your homework. A short report on bra size estimations will serve. Advanced students will be required to calculate diameter and cantilever of nipples in rest-state. THEN let's hear you complain.

A

If you need to review source materials, the Temple has a handy pocket-book edition of "Estimations in Contemplation of Divinity", by Fra. Tacitus Delectibus, the senior mathematician of the brotherhood. It has all the math and also a section on doing the calculations in Braille.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 01:14 PM

I wanna complain. I don't want LH to complain. I wanna. I wanna!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 12:40 PM

Yeah. And Little Hawk is bound to complain also. Such is life. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Sep 05 - 12:35 PM

Oh, thanks, Mag. I was having a cool day until you threw her into the mix. Now I am all distracted!!

A


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