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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 14 Feb 04 - 07:52 AM
Rustic Rebel 13 Feb 04 - 11:17 PM
Rustic Rebel 13 Feb 04 - 11:11 PM
Amos 13 Feb 04 - 02:16 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Feb 04 - 02:00 PM
Tweed 12 Feb 04 - 01:52 PM
CarolC 12 Feb 04 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 04 - 11:43 AM
Tweed 12 Feb 04 - 09:28 AM
ToulouseCruise 12 Feb 04 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 12 Feb 04 - 09:24 AM
ToulouseCruise 12 Feb 04 - 08:35 AM
Rustic Rebel 12 Feb 04 - 05:12 AM
Amos 11 Feb 04 - 11:41 PM
s6k 11 Feb 04 - 06:21 PM
Tweed 11 Feb 04 - 06:19 PM
Rustic Rebel 11 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM
Tweed 11 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM
GUEST,Shlio 11 Feb 04 - 05:31 PM
CarolC 11 Feb 04 - 04:56 PM
s6k 11 Feb 04 - 04:37 PM
ToulouseCruise 11 Feb 04 - 03:36 PM
Tweed 11 Feb 04 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 04 - 03:26 PM
ToulouseCruise 11 Feb 04 - 03:21 PM
s6k 10 Feb 04 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 04 - 03:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 04 - 01:19 PM
Rustic Rebel 10 Feb 04 - 02:30 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Feb 04 - 01:56 AM
Rustic Rebel 10 Feb 04 - 01:22 AM
Amos 09 Feb 04 - 09:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 04 - 06:19 PM
GUEST,Shlio 09 Feb 04 - 05:09 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 04 - 04:42 PM
s6k 09 Feb 04 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 04 - 03:24 PM
CarolC 09 Feb 04 - 02:05 PM
GUEST,Shlio 09 Feb 04 - 01:58 PM
Amos 09 Feb 04 - 09:19 AM
s6k 09 Feb 04 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 04 - 08:52 AM
s6k 09 Feb 04 - 04:25 AM
CarolC 09 Feb 04 - 01:00 AM
CarolC 08 Feb 04 - 11:50 PM
Amos 08 Feb 04 - 10:55 PM
CarolC 08 Feb 04 - 08:31 PM
Little Hawk 08 Feb 04 - 08:24 PM
CarolC 08 Feb 04 - 08:16 PM
Amos 08 Feb 04 - 07:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 04 - 07:52 AM

In but one short hour or so I shall no longer post to this thread. Or any other one. Until Monday, February 16, when I shall return, because by then you will have either missed my dripping pearls of wisdom and be begging for them with slobber slobbering down your jowls or will not have suffered enough for your sins to be completely remitted. For I go forth out into the cold, into the snow, into the frigid temperatures, yea, though I snowcoach through the mountains of Yellowstone National Park I shall fear no neither evil nor good for my bottle is with me.

Eat your hearts out! Yellowstone, Old Faithful Snow Lodge, snowcoach tours of the park, geysers, mountains, bison, elk, moose, young things cavorting in the heated pools.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Feb 04 - 11:17 PM

Now, damn it, that's not why I even came in here tonight. I came in here to say....
Amos are you almost here with your dancing shoes? Tomorrow I venture in to Fargo, and if I am appointed the North decoder ring bearer, I have to have an inside clue before midnight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Feb 04 - 11:11 PM

I believe I have once again made my underwear dirty from your post Bee-D. Damn if that didn't bust a tube. Amos, how did you possibly think you could come in with your limber humor after we just got done wettin' our pants over Bee's? Do you want us all to lose bladder function all over, twice, pants still un-absorbing the Bee's undie masquerade party? Oh brother's of MOAB, I can't go on like this wetting panties,especially when I don't even wear them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 04 - 02:16 PM

Beg to differ, sir!! Accordions are the proud legacy of Romulus and Remus, the wolf-sucklings of ancient Rome, and the Muses of Paris; accordions are the symbols of a proud heritage of fine music in streets, coming out of windows in springtime, echoing down subway and Metro tunnels, moving souls of all sizes in city fairs and block parties, country weddings, beer halls and gardens all across Europe. I defend them as instruments of fine grace and beauty, challenging to learn but more rewarding by far than a penny whistle or sweet potato or Jew's harp or moonshine jug.

Fie on your analogies!! They are corrupt!! Here's a toast to fine accordion music and fair accordion musicians of all shapes and sizes from Everywhere!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 04 - 02:00 PM

The principle differences and similarities between accordions and dirty underwear:

1) They both stink, but you can wash underwear.

2) Perverts collect dirty underwear. Only sick disgusting people collect accordions.

3) Dirty underwear are only offensive to those within smelling range. Accordions are offensive to anyone within hundreds of yards.

4) I would much rather play backup for three fiddlers wearing dirty underwear than three accordion players wearing clean underwear.

5) If you are wearing dirty underwear, you can blame the smell on the dog farting. If you are playing the accordion you can blame the sound on the dog farting.

6) If you throw a pair of really dirty underwear against the refrigerator, they'll stick. If you throw an accordion against the refrigerator, it'll probably just dent the regrigerator.

7) It is much easier to get dirty underwear out of the crack of your butt than it is to get an accordion out of the crack of your butt.

8) Dirty underwear and accordions are both extremely cheesey.

9) If you're wearing dirty underwear in a bar, you reduce your chances of getting lucky to 10%. If you're playing an accordion in a bar, you reduce your chances of getting lucky to 0%.

10) Pawn shops are full of accordions, but not dirty underwear. Why? Because most people would rather have dirty underwear than an accordion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 01:52 PM

Even I wold diztane from speaking obv such things wif the Crapper Queen, O,CarolC. RawPair habv substantiamated the squeeze box for my undergarbles and thet iz mos disquietin' revolution, to my cashew sized brain, at least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 12:36 PM

Was Tweed talking to me about his underwear Rapaire? My mind must have blocked that out. Too something or other to contemplate I guess. My brain must have substituted "accordion" for "underwear" to protect my delicate synapses. Or sensibilities. Whichever of those two I've got... if any.

(Pssst, Toulouse Cruise... only if it damages the karma. Like the time when we hit the instant flying deerma. Did you see the pictures?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 11:43 AM

TC, if you have entered MOAB you are already brain-dead. The other will follow shortly, but not until you have suffered more -- lots more.

And, by the way, MOAB has its very own newspaper and/or magazine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 09:28 AM

Dang! 31 maidens wif four day old thong scent....I am gonna need to jump in the creek an' cool off after that image Rustic. I will try an set up the Kodak on a stump er sumpthin an fire my haif obv this bargin off to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 09:28 AM

Rapaire - My mistake. Apparently I was due for an immediate death, wasn't I? How can I tell if I am still alive, or if I have truly shuffled off of this mortal coil?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 09:24 AM

CarolC, I have it on good authority that the Tweedster doesn't WEAR undies, not matter what he says. He can't afford 'em. He said "boxers" which I assume to mean either pugilists or dogs or both. He's leading you on.

TC, I said "immediate death", not "instant death." You don't have to add anything for immediate death. I'd describe death from systemic hypermanuria, but I can't because of the horror! the horror!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 08:35 AM

Rustic.. I was going to email you in support of your cause, but the email didn't work. Mind you, I may have mistyped something, as since my eyes are still sore from the entire reading the entire blooody thing incident. Or maybe it was the missing .com that I am not intelligent enough to notice.

(Psst CarolC - Would a case of instant karma running over an instant dogma be an instance of cosmic catastrophe?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Feb 04 - 05:12 AM

Right on Amos, you got that right!

Hey Tweedster, I'll make you a deal. I'll take a photo of me with greasy, cockroach, steak fat, drippin' hair, as long as your in it with me. Your wearing 92 day old, making your butt hurt, keeping your friends at a distance, wished you would have changed your underwear 91 days ago, grin, and playing your accordian to 31 younger than you, pretty maidens wearing 4 day underwear and fanning their scent toward you. If you agree to that and can make it happen, e-mail me at..youmakemelaughsohardiwetmypantsandwon'tchangethemonaccountoftheprincipleofthings@hahaha.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 11:41 PM

Good on ya, RR -- don'tcha go buyin' no wooden boxers even from Mayor Tweed his own self. Nor any others either! :>))

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:21 PM

Death to the anti - shatner !!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:19 PM

Well, Rustic, I will just habv to keep on warin' the things in thet case. If you change yore mind fore they are gone completely, let me know and I will pack em in sand or something and send them to you. You habv steaks upon occasion? I ain't had a good piece obv side meat in I don't know how long. Send me a pitcher and some ob thet warshboard~grease so I kin keep it in my mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM

Tweed I've been thinking about you lately and hell no I'm not washing out your shorts.
My washboard is used for more practical things like, putting pretty lines on my steaks, when I throw it on the grill (also keeps the grease from the food), or cockroach races, each roach has to follow the rules though and stay in their own crevice, if they don't they get thrown on the grill, or when you get the board full of grease and cockroaches you can melt it a little by throwing it on the grill and get your head down to it and scrub your hair right in that grease and cockroach stuff . Perfect blend of oil and protein for dry hair.
Course, you can always play music with it, but scrubbin' your shorts? Hell no...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 06:08 PM

Yaz, CarolC, it iz a groop I yam mos proud obv. They are deranged but somehow habv foun thar way home. If you look close you'll see the Pote Lariat, BeeDubs, and obv corse the elusive insaniac King Kharnag mingling easily amongst the rest of them. Also obv note iz the spare straitjacket hanging from the porch eave in case anybody gets chilly. I hed hope thet the Blueslady would stick your nekkid accordian promo pic somewhar but it iz a summat racy vision and would git them peoples worked up a bit...an' thar is only the one straitjacket obv cors..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 05:31 PM

Well done ToulouseCruise - and I thought I was the only one crazy enough to do that.

s6k? What does "meh" mean anyway? All I've found out about you from what you've said is that you say "meh" a lot, like shatner and send lots of silent posts...
Feel like giving an opinion on the MOAB mission?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 04:56 PM

Nice looking crew there, Tweed. Where's your outhouse, and who've you got in it?

(Pssst... ToulouseCruise... you forgot about instant karma. No water.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 04:37 PM

meh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 03:36 PM

Thanks Rapaire, that is highly comforting to know what this is calle... wait a minute, whaddya mean, instant death?!? I happen to know that water must be added before instant things happen, like instant coffee, which tastes horrendous especially if you only have that powdered sweetener junk instead of top quality... umm.. okay, I forget where I was.

Time to jump in the shower for a minute, be right AAAAAAAARGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

(hehe, kidding. It was an instant shower, didn't add water yet.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 03:34 PM

Rustic, I habv some boxers in bad need of some attention. Kin I UPS them up thar to you? Pound them wif rocks as much as you like, but hold the starch ef you would.
Can't leave you all alone for long, the Holy MOAB nearly fell off the edge.
What a motley crew obv misfits. NOT!!
Now THIS is a motley crew of misfits!
Tweed's Blues Associated Misfits, Miscreants, and Cripples


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 03:26 PM

That'll teach ya! Dude named Oedipus, Greek chappy, did much the same thing a little while back, and you know what happened to him.

It's called in medical circles "BS Syndrome" or refered to by its initials, "BS". In lay language it's called "Systemic Hypermanuria." The first symptom is aching eyes. The next symptom is immediate and horrible death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 11 Feb 04 - 03:21 PM

this is the first time I have looked at this thread. I started looking at it Feb 8th and have read non-stop since then to get to this point.

My eyes hurt. It feels like I had them washed out with Psyche Soap.

Mommy? is that you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 04:39 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 03:39 PM

Thanks, Bee-dub, but I don't need polish. My spirit shines so brightly that it blinds itself. It is a guiding beacon for all for all ages, a pharos guiding the lost ships to safe harbor (harbour for English, etc. ships). Indeed, polishing it would only dull it, since there ain't nothing like what I got. Look to the northwest! Do you see that incandescent glow? That's my spirit.

Thought you'd like to know before you became frightened and thought it might be a comet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 01:19 PM

Forty-two bars of Psyche Soap? I believe you're confusing Psyche Soap with either Karma Kleaner or Dogma Detergent. One bar of Psyche Soap should last for years unless you really want to find out what it's like to have the mind of a slab of granite. Karma Kleaner, on the other hand, can be used often as you like. And, of course, Dogma Detergent should be used three or four times a day.

We do have a special Valentine's Day giftpack of a can of Spiritual Polish, a bar of Psyche Soap, a tube of Karma Kleaner and a bottle of Dogma Detergent all wrapped up in a nice heart-shaped box. Just between you and me though, sales aren't gong too well and if you can wait until Sunday they'll probably be marked down to half-price.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 02:30 AM

I'll take 42 bars of that psyche soap, just 'cuz I like the number 42. It really has nothing to do with needing 42 bars of soap to spiritually polish my spirit that needs 42 bars of polish to spirit my psyche.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 01:56 AM

SPECIAL SALE!!!

Buy one economy-size can of Spritual Polish
and get a free bar of Psyche Soap!


Limited time offer for MOABites only. Limit one per customer. No dealers, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 10 Feb 04 - 01:22 AM

Smell farters are my friends. I long to see them pants clean, for them stains brown are in my laundry everyday.

What? the hell she talkin' 'bout?......

I talkin' 'bout the new stains that have appeared ever since Rapaire warned us of the end 'o time that we know it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 09:27 PM

Nice song, BWL!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 06:19 PM

Excerpt from my song about the time I picked up Jesus while He was hitchhiking along Interstate 10 somewhere between Pensacola, Florida and Mobile, Alabama

He said, "Son, when I was down here before with you all
I just put up a sign pointin' the way, that was all,
But it makes me so mad I could just about explode.
They done polished the signpost so dad-burned bright
You can see that sucker shinin' in the middle of the night
But nobody's doin' any travelin' down the road."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 05:09 PM

I think even the fart-smellers have to draw the line somewhere, CarolC. Eternal Spaw fragrance may just be too much for them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 04:42 PM

Only a good dose of Bill Shatner could really clear the air around here at this point...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 04:28 PM

/me lets rip


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 03:24 PM

Y'all have been warned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 02:05 PM

And if they turned away the spirit-polishers of the MOABites, they would be consumed in the eternal stench of Spaw, as the heavens themselves are disrupted

But to the fart smellers, would this not be heaven? I think it would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 01:58 PM

Did you not know it is written:

"And God created the smellers of farts and decreed that they should be looked down upon for their sins, until they could be cleansed by the polishing of their spirits.

And if they turned away the spirit-polishers of the MOABites, they would be consumed in the eternal stench of Spaw, as the heavens themselves are disrupted"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 09:19 AM

Yes, yes yes.

Now, if there ARE such people, my question is do they get to go to Heaven? Is fart-smelling condemned by any Book?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 09:18 AM

i fear nothing, smeg head


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 08:52 AM

Oh, stop this right now!

There are far far more important things than BS!

In April and May, there may well be TWO comets visible to the naked (or nekkid) eye! And you know what THAT means!

Right.

It could well be the End Of The World when C/2002 T7 (LINEAR) and C/2002 Q4 (NEAT) appear in the skies.

If you doubt me, go here, here, and for a Canadian view, here.

Load the lifeboats! This could be worse than last August when the Martians attacked!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: s6k
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 04:25 AM

Meh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 09 Feb 04 - 01:00 AM

( ...BTW, you did a beautiful job of setting me up for my 'smart feller'/'fart smeller' punchline. Thanks for that ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 11:50 PM

;-)

Amos, have you forgotten which thread this is?

(In case you did forget... it's the Mother of all BS threads. It's a thread for BS. You should assume that anything I post here may be, and probably is, humor.)

Anyway, and I'm not joking on this part... if I'm going to strive for anything, spiritually speaking, I think I would prefer to strive for inner luminescence and not polish. But that's just me. If polishing works for you, go for it.

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 10:55 PM

Carol:

I would never suggest that anyone needed SP; inherently one cannot be lacking it, basically. But I did suggest burnishing up your faith in human nature in response to your suspicions about random individuals turning out to be fart smellers on a perverted quest for the perfect methane sulfide. So far, and no further.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:31 PM

I'm not dyslexic, but I do have early stage cataracts and pretty bad astigmatism. So I have some difficulty making out some letters in combination. Does that count?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:24 PM

Ah-hah! I thought I detected someone taking the Great Man's name in vain (not to mention my own)...

Well, Amos, you are quite correct in describing my cunning plot to establish Mudcat iconhood for myself and Mr Shatner. You see, when I first looked in here I noticed that there was this weird character called Catspaw49 who had turned himself into an icon through various similar strategies...such as behaving like a thoughtless yahoo (at times) and polluting the Cat with inane stories about farts and hillbillies named Paw & Cletus. Dreadful stuff!

I figured, "Hell, if he can do it why can't I? What would be the most annoying thing I could come up with...yet the most hard to eradicate?" Shatner!!! The moment I thought of him in his harvest gold lycra (ripped) T-shirt I knew it had to be! The rest is history. :-)

Then Shane stepped in to give Paw & Cletus a run for their money in the stupidity department. Decent, eh?

Spaw responded by attacking Shatner with utter contempt, and finally by ignoring him totally...but this was actually an admission of defeat! Yes, Shatner routed the mighty Catspaw and his stable of fictional idiots, because Shatner is REAL! And Canadian!

Ahem *   Moving on to other things, are you people all dyslexic or something? Despite the fact that Shlio has always spelled her name on this forum as "Shlio"...note: Shhhhleee----O...you keep writing it as "Shilo". C'mon! Just because a famous Civil War battle happened in Shilo, not Shlio, is no excuse! Get with it. Read the letters and pronounce with care.

Along the same line, when Japanese commit suicide the term is not "harry carry"! There is a Japanese expression from which that Americanism arose...and it is "hara kiri". Okay? Hah rah kee ree.

Furthermore, Iraq is not pronounced "Eye Rack". It is pronounced Eeee Raaahk. Got it? Somebody tell the State Department, please.

- LH


Heh! I love excuses to get pedantic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 08:16 PM

Are you suggesting that my spirit needs to be polished, Amos, or that I should be polishing other people's spirits?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 04 - 07:48 PM

Spiritual polish only effects the surface, Amos.

I think you have it confused with lemon oil, CC!! :>) I suggest that anything that actually works a polish on the spirit is going to go pretty darn deep.

And I get to call, because I invented the expression!!

A


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