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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

khandu 09 Dec 03 - 12:03 AM
Amos 08 Dec 03 - 11:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 03 - 11:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 03 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 11:26 PM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 03 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM
khandu 08 Dec 03 - 09:47 PM
Amos 08 Dec 03 - 08:00 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 07:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 03 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 05:16 PM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 03 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 01:23 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 08 Dec 03 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 03 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 08 Dec 03 - 11:18 AM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 03 - 09:34 AM
Little Hawk 08 Dec 03 - 12:03 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 03 - 12:02 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 03 - 11:01 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 10:56 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 03 - 10:41 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 10:16 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 09:55 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 03 - 07:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Dec 03 - 07:41 PM
Amos 07 Dec 03 - 07:02 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 03 - 06:13 PM
Tweed 07 Dec 03 - 06:05 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 03 - 05:34 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Dec 03 - 12:53 PM
khandu 07 Dec 03 - 11:14 AM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 03 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 03 - 10:22 AM
GUEST,freds 04 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 03 - 12:32 AM
GUEST,freds 03 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM
GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley 03 Dec 03 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 03 - 10:18 PM
Amos 03 Dec 03 - 08:54 PM
Tweed 03 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 03 - 07:02 PM
Tweed 03 Dec 03 - 06:37 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 03 - 10:35 PM
Amos 02 Dec 03 - 07:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Dec 03 - 07:10 PM
Amos 01 Dec 03 - 06:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 Dec 03 - 12:03 AM

And Brittany is from Mississippi!!!! Home of MOAB!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:52 PM

Well as long as it is clearly understood we are talking about bullshit, here....And as for this Holy Triumvirate, what the hell d'you need that for? I allus thought it was a device for the purposes of spirichool obfuscatoration, I did....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:32 PM

Ach! Little Hawk's post wasn't yet up when I started composing mine. His logic is impeccable. The Father, Mother, Child thing is the capper. Britney it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:27 PM

Ms Spears is a possibility there, Rapaire. There is definitely a heap of BS around the girl. Unfortunately most of it is not of her own making. It's mostly the product of the music industry publicity machine. Britney has been made into something way beyond her own control by people who've seen an opportunity to make money off of her. Given her own resources she'd probably be making a decent living as a topless dancer. She is not personally responsible for the BS around her. Shatner and Streisand, on the other hand, are 100% responsible for their own BS.

Let's call Britney a maybe. If nobody better comes along, she just might have to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:26 PM

"And deliver us from Rap"

Don't drag me into it!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:08 PM

The search is over! It is definitely Britney Spears who is the 3rd member of the Holy Trinity of BS!!!

Shatner is the Holy Father, Streisand is the Holy Mother, Britney is the Holy Child.

This is so utterly cosmic that I am nearly at a loss for words.

(If I were though, I would not have posted the above...which is why I said "nearly".)

Our Bill who art in Hollywood
Hallowed be thy name
Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done
Even in places like Schenectady
Give us this day more dramatic pauses
And cease not thy recording of unmatchable songs
Regardless of what the Philistines may say
And deliver us from Rap
For thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory
And thy horses are really neat too

I leave it to the other members of the New Religion to compose appropriate verses of worship for Streisand and Spears...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 09:49 PM

Brittany Spears?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 09:47 PM

bill sables?
Brent Spiner?
Brett Sommers?
Barry Sullivan?
Bick Shay? (Tweed)
Bamos Sessup?
Bittle Sawk?
Bats Spaw49?

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 08:00 PM

Bobby Shafto, who has gone to sea, with silver buckles on his knee.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 07:04 PM

george BuSh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 06:59 PM

Sometime back it was determined that both Bill Shatner and Barbara Streisand are worthy of the title of

*** HOLY BS ***


Now, it is traditional to have holy things occur in threes. To have absolute, total, unquestioned legitimacy, the

*** HOLY BS ***


should exist as a trinity. After all, three is a magic number. I know that 'cause they told me so on "Schoolhouse Rock".

Therefore, we MOABites must embark upon yet another quest!

Oh boy! We really, really, really like quests! Yippee!!!!

The search for the third member of the

*** HOLY TRINITY OF BS ***


must begin immediately! The requirements are 1) he or she must have the initials "BS" (though either initial may stand for a given name, nickname, or stage name), and 2) he or she must in some way embody the spirit of BS. In other words, he or she must be full of shit. He or she may be a live person, a dead person, a fictitious person or even a cartoon (though anyone who mentions Bart Simpson may be itchin' for a fight).

Please submit your nominations to this thread at your earliest convenience.

(It is unfortunate that the governor of California is named "Arnold" instead of "Bertold" or there would be no need for this quest.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 05:16 PM

Yeah, LH. Here ya go. They've only been used once before, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 03:51 PM

Oh...I am so overwhelmed! If I was a smoker, I would need a cigarette right now. Anybody got tissues?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 01:23 PM

Well, LH, you had to ask....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:56 AM

Well, hi there, mudcatlings. Got a life yet? Things are going very well indeed, and I am just as pleased as punch. If you need any tips on becoming a legend in your own time, just give me a call...

- William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:52 AM

OH! Oh! Oh! The suspense! Post 1500 could be only seconds away! Who will initiate the moment of truth?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 11:18 AM

Little Hawk (et Lafayette!)! Je suis retournee!

Now let's go whup Kaiser Bill!

Over there, over there
It's a long way to tip a raree
Fairwell Herald Square
The Yanks are comin' born on the Fourth of July.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 09:34 AM

What? No one here all night? Shameful! We are nearing 1500 glorious posts.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 12:03 AM

In Blind River that would be worse than a sentence of death!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 03 - 12:02 AM

I once met a woman from Moab, Utah. She was a fellow artist in a show in which my wife was showing and selling her quilts. She special-ordered a quilt from my wife and we were going to drive to Moab and deliver it when it was ready. Why were we going to drive from Florida to Utah to deliver the thing when UPS could do it for ten bucks? Because the woman was a friend of Edward Abbey and she told me that if we came out to Moab she would introduce us. I was stoked. Ed Abbey - eco-radical - author of Desert Solitaire and The Monkeywrench Gang - a man who hated what they were doing to his beloved desert as much as I hated what they were doing to my beloved beaches. I was gonna go to Moab, Utah and drink beer with Ed Abbey!

And then the fucker went and died before I could get out there. And his friends stole his body from the funeral home and took it out into the desert that he loved so much and buried it and nobody knows where it is. And we never got to drink that beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 11:01 PM

You mean I gotta go go church and can't buy beer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:56 PM

HAW!!!
Look at the third post to MOAB!:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Allan C. - PM
Date: 05 May 03 - 08:41 PM

Not to burst your bubble, Khandu, but this has been tried before with such things as birthdays, welcome-to-new-members, remarks from trolls, and a few others - always with rapidly diminishing results.

Just how big was that bubble anyway?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"always with rapidly diminishing results", hahahahah!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:49 PM

Anyone know the record on # of posts to a thread? If so, which thread?

Oh, Rapaire, every day is Sunday in MOAB City!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:41 PM

Wow! To get your Royal Headdress on Sunday must have cost 'em a fortune! Of course, I'm certain that it was worth every single penny.

(Did you note that this is getting close to fifteen hundred posts? One thousand, five hundred times words of wisdom will have been added. A veritable fount of all knowledge, indeed!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:16 PM

HAW!!!! There is much celebrating in MOAB City tonight!! Some wonderful soul just Fed-Exed me my Royal Headdress which has been missing since my forced stay at the NYCFTTS!!!!!

Bless you, whoever you are!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 09:55 PM

BWL has once again excelled and risen to the office of K.O.T.!!!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 07:47 PM

Hey guys! I need your lyrical skills for a "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" parody...check out the music threads now!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 07:41 PM

The MOAB Mississippi Blues

I'm goin' to MOAB Mississippi
Way down in the delta land
I'm goin' to MOAB Mississippi
Way down in the delta land
If you ever been to MOAB
I know that you will understand

They got turnip greens an' collards
Cornbread an' biscuits by the yard
They got turnip greens an' collards
Cornbread an' biscuits by the yard
You know I head on down to MOAB
Any time that life gets hard

Now the people down in MOAB
They don't ever treat you mean
Now the people down in MOAB
They don't ever treat you mean
All the women there are pretty
An' khandu he is the king

If you ever go to MOAB
Be sure to wear your dancin' shoes
If you ever go to MOAB
Be sure to wear your dancin' shoes
'Cause when you're down in MOAB
There ain't no need to sing the blues


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 07:02 PM

Well, while I am honored to be included in your mental map, allow me to offer the caveat that identifying oneself with spaces can lead to great complication! :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 06:13 PM

I am basking in the thought of that glorious stretch of 4-lane blacktop known as "Little Hawkway", snaking its way through the MOAB Metropolis. Off to the right, we see the quaint neighborhoods lining Bee-Dubya-Ell Boulevard, and here comes the exit to Amos Avenue, a street renowned for its cultural centers and towering skyscrapers...far from the noisome haunts of the notorious Tweed Alley, hangout of drunks and panhandlers...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 06:05 PM

Yes, yes,...make light of it...Tweed Alley indeed....Mz.Rotlegge is not Tweed, az I am Tweed and thar ain't no more obv me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 05:34 PM

Better that Shatner should record it himself for full effect. They may throw their underwear at Tom Jones, but they throw themselves at Big Bill!

I am trying to picture the intersection of Penelope Rutledge Avenue and Tweed Alley... LOL!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 01:05 PM

Let them be, BW.

With something as wonderful as MOAB, emulation is inevitable.
I would not be surprised at MOAB board games, candy bars, sledge hammers, dog bisquits or anything else.

In fact, it has been rumored that Tom Jones is recording a folk song called "I wish I was a Moabite", penned by Shatner!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 12:53 PM

Yes, even the U.S. gubbament has got into the act. CLICK HERE.

Stealing the name for a WMD from this, the holiest of all Mudcat threads! The bastards oughta be ashamed of themselves. We should sue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 11:14 AM

LH. . . I am (sniff) moved to tears by your profound, yet sensitive poetry. Truly, you do your fellow Moabites great honor! Such originality!!

Rapaire, I am presently afoot in establishing a Moab, MS. All the streets shall be named after my fellow Mudcat Moabites. Rapaire Road shall run parallel with Little Hawkway. P. Rutledge Avenue shall turn into Tweed Alley, since they are one and the same!

The Joe Offer Convention Center will be used exclusively for birthday parties!

Others are in the planning but I have not yet determined them.

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:36 AM

"M" is for his Majesty the Khandu

"O" is for the Other fools who gather

"T" is for the Times they post here madly

"H" is for the Hellish way they blather

"E" is for the End which never cometh

"R" is for the Rule of Mother's Law

PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER!!! THEY SPELL MOABS!!!

The only thread more well-endowed than Spaw.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 03 - 10:22 AM

Many people aren't aware of that MOAB has spawned two actual places! The is Moab, Utah, where they have chamber music concerts during the summer in canyons, mountain unicycling, and other such nonsense. And there is some area along the Red Sea, where there are ruins such as that of Wadi Punon.

Mother Rules!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 04 Dec 03 - 09:30 AM

We do not know if any of you live in Labrador, but if you do please note that it is beginning to drift. This is not part of the "Continental Drift" on tectonic plates, but rather due to the fact that the connection between the surface and the subsurface rocks has been severed, mostly likely by mischevious kobolds as a prank. We expect the drift to occur with the next few weeks.

Except for some danger to shipping (and the captains should really be able to see Labrador drifting towards them long before it becomes a danger), there should be no problems. Unless, of course, it is suddenly broken loose by a storm, heavy traffic, a breeze, heavy sneezing, or too many people flushing at the same time. In this situation we cannot predict with any accuracy the speed or direction of Labrador. Our best guesses are that it will collide, violently, with one or more of these: Iceland, Nunavit, Ireland, the Shetlands, the Orkneys, Massa..Masach..Cape Cod, or Florida; there are outside chances for collisions with British Columbia, Paraguay, and Aduk.

So, if you happen to see Lucy, we'd appreciate knowing where she's gotten to. She a black Labrador Retriever, and large, very, very large. And she likes to be scratched right behind her ears.

Thank you for your assistance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 03 - 12:32 AM

Har! Nice to see you back, Freds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 10:38 PM

Hello again!

Since it is a season when you celebrate, we thought that we'd take ourselves to a tavern. And behold! we found one here!

By the way, if you see Lucy, our Labrador Retriever, please let us know. We'll need her to retrieve Labrador very shortly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Harry Lee Wigley
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 10:29 PM

Thespian, the discovery on Ship Island is not the first time this writing has come to light; In 1842, a stone tablet was discovered in Bloomer, Arkansas which contained the same message. It is now on display in the Bloomer Museum & Quick Lube.

The discovery caused quite a stir. A church was eventually formed called the Bloomer Stone of Moab Gospel Congregation. The members considered themselves the "Chosen" and all others were the "Philistine dogs". They also believed in chastity and purity to the point of having no sexual relations at all.

Needless to mention, they died off.

They are still discussed in Bloomer, often referred to as the "Moabites and their ilk".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 10:18 PM

Amos, have you ever seen ClintonHammond and Little Hawk together? I thought not.

Nor have you ever seen Tweed and Penelope Rutledge together at the same time.

For that matter, you've never seen me and you together.

Ergo,

ClintonHammond is LH's secret identity.

Tweed and PR are one and the same.

I, however, am not you. That would be fallacious reasoning, and I can prove my statement beyond any doubt whatsoever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 08:54 PM

MIght as well imagine that Superman was a mild mannered reporter!! Little Hawk a double for the rough-edged gem, Clinton Hammond?? Nay, so not!! For surely, if it were, then all the world is but a cloud of bad humor, and nothing shall hold firm!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM

Penelope Rutledge iz a harpy of the lowest order, Liddle Hargue, and my mos' saje device to you iz stay clear of her. Her tongue is lined wif straight razors and she swills raw Sterno straight from the can. Thar iz no depth obv depravity thet this woman will sink to in order to cut the balls off ob a man, or beast, fish or fowl.

I hab suffered horrible from her scabrous attacks in the passed an' am only now recouped inough to eben respond in a sesnble manner to yore query.

I ain't sure what or who "She" iz but I would not trust her wif my goat nor sleep next to her fer enny lenthg ob time!

Yerz,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 07:02 PM

There's a rumour going around that you are Penelope Rutledge, Tweed! If so, it must be the most extreme case of self-hatred or split personality in history...as shocking as if it turned out that I was Clinton Hammond! Can you shed any light on this perplexing matter?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 06:37 PM

Dammit! If you keep going this direction the thread will become a music thread. Stay on topic if you please!

Yerz,
Tweed
K.O.T.R.O.T.~Pedant de BS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 10:35 PM

Pardom my poi, is that the Honolulu choo-choo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 07:20 PM

OK, ok, I stand corrected. Please replace Chattanooga wherever it appears with Chattahootchie. Please replace "Wooga-wooga-wooga!" with "Ootchie-ootchie-cootchie!". That should greatly improve matters and clear up any confusion.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Dec 03 - 07:10 PM

That would be Chattahoochee as in the Chattahoochee River, which forms much of the border between Georgia and Alabama.

Historico-geographical oddity: The town which is home to Florida's oldest and largest state-supported mental hospital is also called Chattahoochee. Oddly enough, the Chattahoochee River does not flow through or by it. Why? Because Florida, calls the same body of water the Apalachicola River, not the Chattahoochee. The dual naming goes back to colonial times, when Spanish Florida and English Georgia wouldn't agree upon a single name for the river. In the same spirit of non-cooperation, one of the large "lakes" caused by damming the Chattahoochee is called Lake Walter F. George by Georgians and Lake Eufaula by Alabamians.

More than you ever wanted to know, but somebody's gotta keep the thread refreshed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 03 - 06:39 PM

Pardon me, Carol C
Is that the Chatanooga Lye-bare-eeee?
Where Chatanooga goes to read,
On Saturday night?

Pardon me Carol C,
Is that the Chatanooga Lye-bare-eee?
Where Chatanooga Societee
Gathers seekin' the light?

You can check out any novel after quarter to five
The doors will open wide, and you'll be glad your alive!
Finest in the nation!
What an inspiration!
Sitting in the readin' room Gettyin' ed-yoo-cashun!

Oh, pardon me Carol C
Is that the Chatanooga Li-bare-ee?
Yes it's really pretty plain to see,
You're in that Chatanooga,
Wooga-wooga-wooga!
Chatanooga li-braire-eeeeeeee!!


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