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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 17 Aug 14 - 02:40 AM
Acme 16 Aug 14 - 11:17 PM
gnu 16 Aug 14 - 04:39 AM
Rapparee 15 Aug 14 - 10:54 PM
gnu 15 Aug 14 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 15 Aug 14 - 09:27 AM
Amos 15 Aug 14 - 03:52 AM
Rapparee 14 Aug 14 - 03:42 PM
gnu 14 Aug 14 - 10:50 AM
Rapparee 14 Aug 14 - 10:23 AM
Acme 14 Aug 14 - 10:04 AM
Amos 14 Aug 14 - 01:04 AM
Amos 13 Aug 14 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 14 - 09:53 PM
gnu 13 Aug 14 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 13 Aug 14 - 10:02 AM
Amos 13 Aug 14 - 01:34 AM
Rapparee 12 Aug 14 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 12 Aug 14 - 05:24 PM
Amos 12 Aug 14 - 11:58 AM
gnu 12 Aug 14 - 07:11 AM
Amos 12 Aug 14 - 12:10 AM
Acme 11 Aug 14 - 10:23 PM
gnu 11 Aug 14 - 09:53 PM
Ebbie 11 Aug 14 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 14 - 08:04 PM
gnu 11 Aug 14 - 04:56 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 14 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 11 Aug 14 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 10 Aug 14 - 11:40 PM
Ebbie 10 Aug 14 - 10:47 PM
Donuel 10 Aug 14 - 08:43 PM
Rapparee 10 Aug 14 - 07:28 PM
gnu 10 Aug 14 - 02:27 PM
GUEST,Rapparee on his mobile thingie 10 Aug 14 - 01:36 PM
gnu 10 Aug 14 - 01:12 PM
Amos 10 Aug 14 - 02:59 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 14 - 10:54 PM
Acme 09 Aug 14 - 10:26 AM
gnu 09 Aug 14 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 09 Aug 14 - 09:51 AM
gnu 09 Aug 14 - 06:32 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 14 - 09:17 PM
Amos 08 Aug 14 - 01:19 PM
Acme 08 Aug 14 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 08 Aug 14 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 14 - 11:26 PM
gnu 07 Aug 14 - 10:24 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 14 - 09:52 AM
Amos 07 Aug 14 - 01:41 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 14 - 02:40 AM

Throw them Vidalias, momma
Throw them sprouts and them peas
Just be a vegetable bomber
T'row anything that you please!
Carrots and parsley and kale, mom
Throw as the passions do seize ya
Bounce them all of their heads, Mom
If your kids no longer please ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Aug 14 - 11:17 PM

MOM was dangling her toes below below the line, bare hours from toppling off the page. I just gave her a bucket of onions and she's liable to throw them at any of you she sees sneaking across the porch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Aug 14 - 04:39 AM

Not Vidalia onions. Deeeelicious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 14 - 10:54 PM

Google sayeth: "Welcome to Vidalia in Historic Boone NC Reservations strongly recommended"

I guess the town is usually pretty full. Here's a bit from the U. of Toronto Libraries:

Onions

Lorna Crozier
From:   Sex Lives of Vegetables.

The onion loves the onion.
It hugs its many layers,
saying, O, O, O,
each vowel smaller
than the last.

Some say it has no heart.
It doesn't need one.
It surrounds itself,
feels whole. Primordial.
First among vegetables.

If Eve had bitten it
instead of the apple,
how different
Paradise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 14 - 01:02 PM

VIDALIA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 14 - 09:27 AM

Yeah, it's rough when your balls are lost. It's usually due to beating your balls with a club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Aug 14 - 03:52 AM

A walnut in the hand is worth more than lost balls in the rough...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Aug 14 - 03:42 PM

With walnuts, if you want them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 14 - 10:50 AM

Dark chocolate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Aug 14 - 10:23 AM

I was not taken by, nor have I 'gone over to' the Dark Side because I AM the Dark Side. C'mon over -- we have chocolate chip cookies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Aug 14 - 10:04 AM

Rap, I saw a whole bunch of balls in a rough that the golfers missed over the last few weeks. You need to hop the fence and head up the hill about 1/4 mile, you'll see them on your right. Careful you don't disturb any rattlers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Aug 14 - 01:04 AM

Rapp, you have clearly been taken whole by the Darkside Daemons, and have no hope of ever seeing clear daylight again.

I mourn your capture. Farewell.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 10:26 PM

ANything to damp the spew of such horrid poesy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 09:53 PM

Oh! Mr. Best, you're very bad
And all the world shall know it;
Your base behaviour shall be sung
By me, a tunefull Poet.--
You used to go to Harrowgate
Each summer as it came,
And why I pray should you refuse
To go this year the same?--

The way's as plain, the road's as smooth,
The Posting not increased;
You're scarcely stouter than you were,
Not younger Sir at least.--

If e'er the waters were of use
Why now their use forego?
You may not live another year,
All's mortal here below.--

It is your duty Mr Best
To give your health repair.
Vain else your Richard's pills will be,
And vain your Consort's care.

But yet a nobler Duty calls
You now towards the North.
Arise ennobled--as Escort
Of Martha Lloyd stand forth.

She wants your aid--she honours you
With a distinguished call.
Stand forth to be the friend of her
Who is the friend of all.--

Take her, and wonder at your luck,
In having such a Trust.
Her converse sensible and sweet
Will banish heat and dust.--

So short she'll make the journey seem
You'll bid the Chaise stand still.
T'will be like driving at full speed
From Newb'ry to Speen hill.--

Convey her safe to Morton's wife
And I'll forget the past,
And write some verses in your praise
As finely and as fast.

But if you still refuse to go
I'll never let your rest,
But haunt you with reproachful song
Oh! wicked Mr. Best!--

                --Jane Austen (yes, THAT Jane Austen)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 02:57 PM

Oooohhhhh!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Pub searched for the Holy Grail
From: gnu - PM
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 02:52 PM

Jeri... my lighter is blue so it tweren't me. On a sad note, I had too many Buds last night and put a Grail in the dishwasher without looking under the bottom of it to see if it was dishwasher safe and... well... it's pretty much fucked. Looks like shit. Oh, I can still drink out of it but the table set is ruined and I can only use the set if I have only six guests. I suppose I could invite two threesome couples for supper or... I'll work it out. Just another crumb on the breakfast table, I guess. Roll with the punches eh? (Yes, intended.)
*********************************************************
Yes... yes... I am lazy. So what? Keeps Mom busy and slows down the Craic intake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 10:02 AM

There are worse...here's a good example of that. Note the exquisite use of phrasing and grammar. Big Mick would, I'm sure, be proud of this poem, if only he knew about it.

Grand Rapids Cricket Club
by the same person as before

In Grand Rapids is a handsome club,
Of men that cricket play,
As fine a set of skillful men
That can their skill display.
They are the champions of the West,
They think they are quite fine,
They've won a hundred honors well;
It is their most cunning design.

Brave Kelso, he's considered great,
Chief of the club he is found;
Great crowds he draws to see him bowl
The ball upon the ground.
And Mr. Follet is very brave,
A lighter player than the rest,
He got struck severe at the fair ground
For which he took a rest.

When Mr. Dennis does well play,
His courage is full great,
And accidents to him occur,
But not much, though, of late.
This ball play is a dangerous game,
Brave knights to play it though;
Those boys would be the nation's pride,
If they to war would go.

From Milwaukee their club did come,
With thoughts of skill at play,
But beat they was, and then went home --
Had nothing more to say.
Grand Rapids club that cricket play,
Will soon be known afar,
Much prouder do the members stand,
Like many a noble star.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Aug 14 - 01:34 AM

Sweet everloving Jaysus, but that Rapparree has horrible taste in pomes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 14 - 09:59 PM

Well, Mom, no one else seems to care. So here's a poem to cheer your heart!

I Wonder Where My Papa Is?
by "The Sweet Singer of Michigan"

I wonder where my papa is,
Oh, where could he have gone,
I wonder why he does not come
And see his Lilly Long.
He would come and sit by me
When the fever burnt my brow,
I wonder where my papa is,
For he comes not near me now.

I hear no more the foot pace
In the hall by my door,
Where he would gently, gently tread
Upon the oaken floor.
His place is vacant by the hearth,
There stands his easy chair;
I hear no more his loving voice
Raising the evening prayer.

The last time I saw my papa dear
Was just five days ago,
He took me in his arms and said,
"You are getting better slow,
Thank God, my little Lilly pet
Will soon be well again,
And run about the house and play
With little Nettie Lane."

I wonder where my papa is,
Oh, where could he have gone,
It cannot be he has forgotten
His little Lilly Long.
No, he never would have left me
And mamma without aid;
I fear my papa has fallen
A victim of the "plague."

The mother listened to her child,
Her heart filled with pain
To hear her loved one mourn for him
Who would never come again.
Tears were falling from her eyes,
From her bossom heaved a sigh;
Little Lilly asked in wonder,
"Mamma dear, what makes you cry?"

"Dearest Lilly must I tell you
That your papa is no more,
That he cannot come and see you
And caress you as of yore.
He has gone to live with Jesus,
In the heavenly home above,
Where are dwelling the blessed
In God's everlasting love."

Lilly listened to her mother,
She uttered not a sound,
O'er her little pale cheeks softly
Tears began to trinkle down;
At last she sweetly murmured,
"Mamma dear, you and I
Must live so we can meet papa
In Heaven, by and by."

"Yes, my child," the mother answered,
"Your words are very true,
While we live on earth we should keep
The heavenly land in view;
Then bright on earth will be our future,
Bright as a shining star;
We will live in love together,
Till we reach that home afar."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Aug 14 - 05:24 PM

Nope, I pushed that reset button and pushed it around with a stick so often I thought I was living under the sink and grinding garbage as a job. Sucker's daid, daid, daid. The new one comes Thursday morning.

Nah, not gonna replace the sink at this time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 14 - 11:58 AM

Gnu, I hav ealready heard the song enough times. But thanks! Thumpathumpathumpa. It sounds better with the fiddle and mando helping it along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Aug 14 - 07:11 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvKyBcCDOB4


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Aug 14 - 12:10 AM

One of the GRand Masters of BS has passed to the Higher PLane. RIP, Mr Williams.

Mom, you know I love my music and I love singing good old songs and even some good new songs. But how many times do I have to listen to a guy with a Yamaha and a flatpick play "Wagon Wheel" in galumphey four-four time sounding like a washbasin being rolled down a frozen street? Or any other of a dozen 1980 standards with the musicality of a starving giraffe meeting an acacia tree? It's not the songs themselves, I suppose, it's the styling that sounds like pressed metal forms coming off a conveyor belt.

I think I am getting grumpy in my silvery years, moi. Sigh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 10:23 PM

Is that wishful thinking that the disposal will die? Did you try the reset button? Maybe it's just playing a trick on you, or Gluon jostled it when she hid under the sink before jumping out to surprise you recently.

My disposal works but I'd love to change my sink and faucet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 09:53 PM

Whoa big fella! Iffin yer lookin at a different kinda sink arrangement, fine. But if yer gonna replace in kind? No. The crap they sell nowadays ain't gonna match up ta the quality ya got. Get out the Comet and a heavy cloth and a scrub brush and pocket yer coin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 09:51 PM

I'll keep an eye out for you, Rap. And I will wear a hardhat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 08:04 PM

Let's see: I have a new water heater, a new furnace, a new air conditioner, and soon a new garbage disposal.

Which makes me wonder, why not replace the sink at the same time? Hmmmm....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 04:56 PM

My ex went thru three of them when she had her apartment. Seems she couldn't operate spoons properly. Ya think that woulda be a warning sign to me eh? She seemed nice... and then... she spooned me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 12:38 PM

Correction:

1986 - 2014


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Aug 14 - 10:32 AM

RIP
"Old Facefull"
My Garbage Disposer
    ????-2014
What's the NEXT that
will go wrong
   around here?
<@ <@ <@ <@ <@ <@ <@


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 11:40 PM

Well, Ebbie, if you see me like that anytime in the near future you'll know that Yellowstone blew and I'll be flying overhead any minute.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 10:47 PM

Donuel, I can't speak for you but I am aware of a strange thing for me: If I see someone who looks like someone I know - and isn't - I will see the one I know within moments. Don't ask me how that works but it is true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 08:43 PM

I see Doppelgängers of people in which I have no acquaintance.
What does that portend?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 07:28 PM

Well, yeah. Eventually everyone but me will. When the roll is called up yonder I don't plan to be there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 02:27 PM

Wiki : In some traditions, a doppelgänger seen by a person's relative or friend portends illness or danger while seeing one's own doppelgänger is said to be an omen of death.

You mean... I am gonna die? Well, that sucks. Glad I went to the Powerhouse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee on his mobile thingie
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 01:36 PM

Doppelgängers are interesting. I've experienced them a few times, or perhaps I only thought I did. If you think you experienced something, truly believe you have, it's real for you. The human mind is a strange, strong, and wonderful place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 01:12 PM

Just happened and I just wrote this flat out so ignore any typos, grammar infractions.. even logical progression... I was trying to get feelings down on paper, so to speak.

So, I'm down ta the Powerhouse, the one in the building complex what got the Fairlanes Bowling in er, an I see this guy squatted and holding a cardboard sign in front of the vacant shop next door. I got outta me truck (he couldn't see me) and checked me billfold. No fivers, so's I go in making sure not to look in his direction, got me case and got a fiver in hand. I comes out an he's gone. Fuck me!

I was immediately taken back to a similar incident some years ago.
I'm up ta my buddy's corner store an as I am backin out, this guy what looks in his 60s was comin toward the truck with one hand extended. I looked directly in his eyes... I could see a desperation, a fear. I saw red blues eyes and several days of white beard growth. He didn't look good and I felt a desperation, fear. I took off. I turned onto the street and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I asked out loud, loudly, "Why didn't you help that man? What the fuck is wrong with you?" I made a left into a gas bar just 200 m away and went back. He was gone. I drove around the block? he had vanished? no way he could have gotten further away unless he was driving and I just couldn't see that. I was pissed off at me. And then it hit me. I pictured his face in my mind and it was me. I swear that he looked like me. Is that what had frightened me. I continued to look for him but to no avail. It weighed on my mind? still does.

Well, this time? No fuckin way! I roared that truck up to the main drag. Nope. I floored that truck back around the building complex an I spies a guy on a bike an he's got a piece a cardboard. I zipped up alongside an I says, "Hey buddy. I seen ya back there with a sign. What's it say?" "I'm trying to get help." I handed him the fiver and he thanks me sooo much. Then he tells me he's tryin ta get money ta get back home on accounta he's livin in a roomin house on assistance an he lost his job an? I stopped him, got me wallet out and said "I'll trade ya a ten for that fiver. He takes ta thankin me profusely again and I knew? I asked "Where ya from?" Stephenville, NF? he can get a hitch but he's gotta come up with $165 fer gas an? I stopped him and held out the fiver an said "When you get to Stephenville, you look up Ed LaValley an tell him Gary Owens told you to say hello for him." He started all over again and I said "You just remember to tell Ed Lavalley that Gary Owens said hello." I drove away.

I hope he gets home. I hope he contacts Ed. My hello might be worth a lot more than $15.

Odd thing how odd things happen eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Aug 14 - 02:59 AM

Keep it rolling, Mike; it is Good Work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 14 - 10:54 PM

Someone has to do it, and I'm the only person I can guarantee will.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 14 - 10:26 AM

I grew up with an MSW psychiatric social worker mother who was a vet (WAC during WWII, working psych wards in Army hospitals). PTSD as a term hadn't been invented before she retired, though the concept of "shell shock" and the depression following enlistment were known. She worked with child protective services, a tough beat also, and we used to hear stories (sans names or identifying aspects) because she needed to get it out of her system. Had she lived longer, I think she'd have been good at the kind of work you describe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 14 - 10:17 AM

Good on ya, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 14 - 09:51 AM

Ah...I've tried to keep it sorta undercover. Really. But I'll tell now, and it's THE REAL TRUTH.

Last September I took over as facilitator and Peer Specialist for a local VA PTSD Group (Group North, to be exact). I am trained to help veterans (and others, I guess) who have PTSD work through recurrent problems, such as flashbacks, anger, nightmares, depression, and such stuff. I volunteer to do this; for VA purposes I'm a "WOC" (With Out Compensation). My "home base" is the George E. Wahlen Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Salt Lake City (see here.) I took this on because the person who was doing it was retiring and the group would fold if someone didn't step up. It is my very good fortune to be the Peer Specialist most distant from the place in SLC and work out of the most distant Community-Based Outpatient Clinic (CBOC).

Veterans don't talk about their hard experiences except with other veterans, so a Peer Specialized program provides someone who's been there, done that, and won't make judgements like "You shouldn't have machine-gunned that teenager even if he WAS shooting at you, you horrid little man!" It also frees up a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker to do more in-depth work with those who need it.

Yes, there are some pretty hairy stories out there. No, I can't tell you. You see, even Dear Mom MOAB ain't worth going to a federal penitentiary over.

But I'll leave this thought: people with PTSD is far, far more likely to harm themselves that others. Hollywood and the media have a LOT to answer for. And it's no big secret that as the Vietnam vets retire and work doesn't eat up their time, The Memories are coming back and the PTSD that they've had all along to flare up and bite them in the butt.

But it was a good session yesterday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 14 - 06:32 AM

Sounds ominous, Rap. 'Ssssup?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 14 - 09:17 PM

Ah, what a day it has been! Too bad that HIPPA prevents me from telling you about it.

But as I was saying earlier, there is no frigate like a book. Of course, most books don't shoot cannons at other books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 14 - 01:19 PM

They are flaccid, thank you. I should post some photos of your cuisine to raise sales...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 14 - 11:24 AM

Gnu and his dietary delicacies, bearded clam with a side of camel toe. Raw, not cooked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 14 - 09:26 AM

I've cooked a nice, healthy, breakfast for everyone! (Mom's already finished hers.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 14 - 11:26 PM

Mom, you get back up RIGHT NOW!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 14 - 10:24 AM

How are book sales, A?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 14 - 09:52 AM

Perhaps you're a Space Alien and are unaware of it? Take this simple test!

1. Do you have a craving to visit Roswell, New Mexico?

2. Do you have an insider's knowledge of Area 51?

3. If I said "inertialess antigravitic hyperspace drive" would you be able to sketch one from memory?

4. Do you enjoy inserting various probes into people?

5. At night, looking at the stars, do you wistfully sigh, "Third star to the right and straight on 'til morning"?

6. Do you occasionally receive mental messages from the Galactic Overlord?

7. Do you obey them?

8. When you see an attractive human being do you think, "Nice protein!"?

9. Do you consider yourself to be politically liberal or conservative or something else?

10. Are you REALLY certain people landed on the moon? Did you meet them there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 14 - 01:41 AM

Why do my antenna go up to maximum the instant I hear R say he's been "good"?


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