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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 09:30 PM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 05:10 PM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 09 - 02:58 PM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM
MMario 16 Dec 09 - 01:34 PM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM
Amos 16 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM
Acme 16 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 09:04 AM
Little Hawk 16 Dec 09 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 16 Dec 09 - 08:41 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Dec 09 - 03:32 AM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 09:59 PM
Janie 15 Dec 09 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:50 PM
Little Hawk 15 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM
Little Hawk 15 Dec 09 - 09:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Dec 09 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 07:26 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM
Acme 15 Dec 09 - 04:41 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 03:19 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 03:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Dec 09 - 02:47 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 01:07 PM
Amos 15 Dec 09 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 AM
Hamish 15 Dec 09 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 15 Dec 09 - 09:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Dec 09 - 07:21 AM
Hamish 15 Dec 09 - 06:53 AM
Janie 15 Dec 09 - 01:28 AM
Acme 15 Dec 09 - 12:10 AM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 11:07 PM
Rapparee 14 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 03:36 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:55 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:51 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 09 - 01:38 PM
Acme 14 Dec 09 - 01:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:30 PM

I dunno, man. Every few years lately I've been like, you know, gettin' gorta like a full dose of anesthesia, and then they, like, the last time gave me two shots of morphine when I came out of the operating room and hydrocodone and T4 and like I think I'll like, you know, go get whittled on a coupla times a year 'cause it's like, cool, ya know? Maybe I'll go become a doctor just for like the dope, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 05:10 PM

MM:

My condolences on your appendectomy; I hope you had a good stretch to recover in. Those full body anaesthetic slams can really bend your head around.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM

I had a Dachshund who wasn't the least bit scared of squirrels. He spent most of his life trying to kill them. I'm not sure if he ever got one, but he never quit trying, and in time he began using "stealth" methods instead of the standard old "CHA-A-A-A-RGE!!!!!!!" routine. He would lurk silently at the bottom of a large tree for hours, not moving a muscle, just hide in the foliage and wait for a squirrel to descend...then ZAP!!! I saw him come within a micron of getting a squirrel one day, but the squirrel just barely evaded his lightning fast lunge and snap. It was tremendously upset, of course, and rushed up a different tree where it cursed him loudly for the next 15 minutes or so... ;-)

Squirrels do not expect Stealth Dachshunds.

A whole series of chimpmunks met a sudden and grisly end in the jaws of this same Dachshund. He would lurk silently around a corner of the house...waiting...and some poor chipmunk would eventually come bopping merrily around the corner and...CHOMP!!!!! Finito.    Squirrels weren't that easy, as they don't tend to do the around the corner of the house manueuver. They think more in terms of the vertical axis than chimpmunks do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 02:58 PM

Thanks Mom! It's not raining anymore! But you already knew that 'cause you're the one who did it, huh?

♫♫
Call on Mom when it's bad weather
Call on Mom, she'll make it better
She can do it if you'll let her
And if you're good, she just might knit you a sweater
♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM

MMario, I'm glad you're on the way to full recovery. The physical therapy for that sort of operation is pretty extensive and everyone I know who has had it ended up looking like Henry VIII at the end of his reign.

As for dead squirrels, dachshunds are as afraid of them as they are of live ones. "BARKBARKBARK! I"m defending MY turf oops he's turned around and I'd better hightail it oughta here BARKBARKBARK!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 01:34 PM

yes, Stilly, I got to ride in a damnbulance. They claimed I was "medically unstable" and wouldn't let my brother in law drive me - even tohough it would have got me to the hospital faster and MUCH cheaper....and even though they had had me sitting around for about six hours at that point.

Had lower abdominal pains over the weekend of 12/28-29, so the 30th went in to have it checked out though by that time had next to no pain left - but our medical cat refused to leave me alone....so I figured I had better get checked out because he wasn't leaving me alone even AFTER I fed him. But local hospital no longer has surgeons on call, so they shipped me to the next town over, and eventually told me that I was going to have surgery. I still wonder if they would have bothered if I hadn't specifically asked - since they didn't until I asked.(As they were about to administrer the anesthesia....I wasn't ging under without an estimate of when I would wake up - as at that point I hadn't had anything to tell family....

six days in the hospital and another 8 at home... back to work now...and it's a long long long day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM

Is Rapaire desperate? HE seems to think dead squirrels are a good food source...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 11:02 AM

Sounds kinda sexy, in a doggy sorta way...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:46 AM

I'll see your dachshund and raise you an American Staffordshire Terrier. She smiles. Like this. I caught half a smile when we were getting ready to play fetch with tomatoes that were in the compost. She smiles full-wattage now. Teeth barred, snorting, and body and tail wagging as hard as they can. It's a wonderful (gruesome, if you don't know what you're looking at) sight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 10:44 AM

Easily distracted with a dead squirrel or any other sort of food! I know dachshunds, so I spit on your great-aunt! Ptooey!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM

Resorting to threats, are you? The tactics of the weak! Ha! I laugh at your tiny sword. I have a Dachshund.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:10 AM

I use cracker crumbs fer cookin' lard. But bear in mind that I usually cook my lard in cakes, not sticks. Lard cakes is fer makin' a meal of, lard sticks is finger food fer parties an' weddin' receptions. They kin do with a bit less breadin'.

Mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm jus' imaginin' a big ol' plate of lard sticks, Viennee sausages, an' Slim Jims, all washed down with a Black Label beer! Oh boy! That's good eatin'!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 09:04 AM

I've got a straight, small sword. Swift and to the point. But you wouldn't like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 08:53 AM

My last post here vanished. That keeps happening. I think it's a plot. Someone will pay.

This is my new approach. Short little sentences. Straight to the point. How do you like it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 08:41 AM

Yeah! Deep fried lard sticks! Haven't had none of them in a coon's age! You use yeller er white corn meal, er jis slosh 'em in without no breadin'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Dec 09 - 03:32 AM

All this talk of turkey pot pies is making me hungry. Ya'll know what we haven't had around here in a while? A big batch of deep-fried lard cakes! Oh, yummy! I can just taste 'em now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:59 PM

He couldn't find his butte with both hands with glasses on and an anatomy text in front of him.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:54 PM

Rapaire, I didn't know you were from the South.

Oh wait - Sorry - you said butte


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:51 PM

Dibs on 33233!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:50 PM

Too bad I can't send you the picture my wife took out the back door the morning. Big Southern Butte lit by the rising sun. Ah well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:42 PM

I'll trade ALL of my molehills for just ONE of your mountains!

What a deal, eh? There are hundreds of molehills here. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

I'll trade you my snow and throw in a bunch of cold for your rain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:08 PM

I'll trade you my snow for your rain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 08:09 PM

Hey, Mom! Can you make it stop raining? It's been going on for four days now. In fact, I think we've had ten rainy days so far this month, and it's only the 15th. If I wanted to live where it rains all the time I'd move to Washington or Oregon. At least they have nice scenery to go with the rain. Here, it's just wet dreary on top of the usual winter dreary. And it's not even officially winter yet.

If this is some sort of free trial offer to see if we'd like to try out Seattle's weather, we've decided we're not interested. How do we send it back?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 07:26 PM

I would never waste pot on pies, amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM

Tell ya what--yon Rapaire has overmuch of crust, and p'raps he would spare some for your pot-pies. He doesn't need it for his shrimp satori, you betcha...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 04:41 PM

Janie, I make chicken pot pie, but years ago I added a Martha Stewart kind of runaround the kids, who were reluctant to eat it, for some reason. I rolled out the crust and cut out shapes with favorite cookie cutters. They sat down at the table, were delighted with the pie crust, and were told they could only eat the pie shapes if they ate them with the stew (cooked in a pot and never actually put into a crust and baked). Of course, now, like Spaw's NYCTS, I'm terminally screwed. I have to keep making the pie crust in cookie cutter shapes to make them happy. They're 17 and 21.

Hamish, it's lovely to have a new face pop round to check on us! I hope MOM offered you a cuppa and a comfortable seat. And there is a tape roller out there to take the cat hair off your clothes when you're ready to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 03:19 PM

All your satori are shrimp satori, sirrah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 03:06 PM

I like shrimp satori with those rice noodle things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 02:47 PM

BS is sort of like ego. They both get a lot of bad press, but to truly achieve a transcendent state neither can be ignored. To quote Sylvester (Sly) Stone, "You gotta go through it to get to it!"

One cannot achieve transcendence by never developing an ego. One must first become egoic and then do the necessary work to get beyond ego to a non-egoic state.

Similarly, one cannot achieve transcendence by ignoring BS. One must create and post BS until one reaches the state where BS becomes like a Zen koan, but funnier. When BS is BS and not BS at the same time, you will have achieved MOABic satori.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

How sad, good Manne of Booques, that you seek always to reduce true meaning into its categorical pigeonhole.

I was not referring, in my ditty, to Gnosticism, but rather to gnosis itself: the intuitive knowledge of spiritual truths that was said to have been possessed by ancient Gnostics. IT is this inherent gnosis in individual humans that stands between mankind and complete apathetic surrender to materialism and "mud all the way down".

Stirring, prodding, irritating, bothering, awakening, enlivening or stimulating the gnosis is the True Purpose of Pure BS.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:10 PM

Gnostic, not Gnotic. The Gnotics were a completely difference heresy, wherein the followers would ask each other, "Gnot ic?" much like the "Got milk?" ad campaign.

The Pope ignored them and the whole heresy died of silliness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:07 PM

Amos, Amos, you're always bringing religion into a good BS discussion. Don't you know that gnosticism was pretty much wiped out by the Albigensian Crusade? There's a few still around but nowhere like the numbers there used to be. The Pope sponsored a barbecue at Montségur in Provance (Langedue) to celebrate. This was back in the early 13th Century; the last person burned for the Cathar heresy was in 1321. (Cathar = Albigensian = Gnotic, with difference that matter only to the Pope.)

And wipe your gnos, it's dripping.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 10:35 AM

There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, dear MOAB
There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, a hole!

Well, fix it dear reader, dear reader...

With what should I fix it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB...

With BS you should fix it, dear reader....

And where do I get it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB...

Create it dear reader, dear reader...

From what should I create it, dear MOAB, dear MOAB....

From your knowing dear reader, dear reader...

And where is my knowing, dear MOAB...

In your self is your knowing, dear reader, dear reader...

There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, dear MOAB
There's a hole in my gnosis, dear MOAB, a hole!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:36 AM

Mom's good for mooning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Hamish
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:35 AM

Yeah. Maybe so. But I'm not gonna fall for it twice...

...hey, what the...? How'd that happen? I'm on the moon!!! (But not over it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 09:18 AM

It's more like a black hole, Hamish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 07:21 AM

Congratulations, Hamish!

Accidentally falling into the BS section is one thing. Accidentally falling into The Mother of All BS Threads is yet another. It's a bit like stepping in something unpleasantly squishy, looking down at your shoe, looking back up, and discovering you're on the moon. The fact that you actually posted something instead of merely hitting the "back" button on your browser is testimony to the vast power Mom exerts over all who come here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Hamish
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 06:53 AM

Help! What am I doing in the BS section???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 01:28 AM

True confession time. I have made plenty of pies and have a light hand with a pie crust.

I have often made creamed turkey or chicken, or chicken/turkey a la king served over my excellent made from scratch biscuits.

I have never, however, combined the two skills to make a pot pie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Dec 09 - 12:10 AM

I have more turkey in the freezer if Janie runs out of pot pies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 11:07 PM

Maybe you shouldn't have raised your arms
At just the time you farted;
I think that this alone explains
Why your poor 'pits have departed!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:15 PM

My last name is Dutch for "Keeper of the Sacred Place" or, in more modern Dutch, "Goalie."

That should explain much to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM

My armpits, they have gone away.
Just where they've gone, I cannot say.
I raised my arms into the air,
looked and my armpits just weren't there.

At first I thought it would be grand,
no need for Right Guard, Sure, or Ban.
But now I'm finding out that life
without armpits is naught but strife.

My favorite shirt no longer fits
due to my shortage of armpits.
Its sleeves hang down around my knees,
and flap each time that there's a breeze.

And when I try to raise my hand,
my arm falls off. I'm telling you man,
I'd rather have the screaming shits
than go through life without armpits.

So now I want my armpits back.
Life without pits is no fun, Jack.
So if, as through this life you roam,
you see my armpits, send them home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 03:36 PM

Ya know, BWL, you raise an interesting point, and it could be us working stiffs have a HUGE amount of overtime coming for working on weekends because of a false calendar. I like that idea!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:55 PM

For those who never saw Wm Bendix play Riley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:51 PM

IDEAS

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.
If your ideas are any good,
you'll have to ram them down people's throats.

                           Howard Aiken


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:43 PM

BWL has lost his pits
The Emm-man his appendix
This mortal coil is just the shits,
In spite of William Bendix.
The Life of Reilly's full of holes
Where body parts go missing.
And nothing stays just as it should,
And cousins do no kissing.
Alack, a-woe, ah me, oh my,
I do feel broken-hearted!
Except for Janie's turkey pie,
Too many are de-parted!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:38 PM

How about if I be Madonna instead? I think that would be more fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:30 PM

I love Dolman sleeves, especially in sweaters. I also like cowl necks. The perfect sweater would be a black or dark green cashmere with those sleeves and neck. Mmmm!

MOM, I'm about over that cold, but pardon me if I run to the loo every so often. It's that old stupid juxtaposition of having had a couple of babies and then getting over a cold that brings on really hard sneezes. Gotta keep the bladder on the empty side (even though this would never ordinarily even be a day-to-day consideration, we must make the occasional exception.) Bummer.

Should anyone else here decide to try the "blotto" therapy, don't let MOM see you in your cups. She makes really awful coffee, I've heard tell, and she's liable to fill you up with it (she doesn't realize you don't sober people that way, you just have an awake drunk.)


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