BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:43 PM

Some one please find me an abyss just the right size in which to shove a 1997 Subaru Legacy Outback Wagon with only 140,000 miles, in nearly perfect condition except for the engine, which would cost $7200 to replace.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 05:24 PM

Janie, I have a couple of bags that work that way. And though I've tried to reduce the size over the years, the number of smaller things one can store there still make finding any one of them quickly a challenge.

It's snowing here again, MOM. I thought you were going to make it snow on Rap and LH this year? And you always send a generous portion to Leo. We've had enough now. I gladly offer up the rest of it for the guys.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 04:26 PM

Well, at least that way he can keep the athlete's foot at bay.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 03:30 PM

Shame couldn't manage to pee without soaking his socks, much less manage a pit, a hole, an abyss, or even a gentle dimple.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 02:07 PM

When Shane starts managing it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 01:35 PM

An excellent point, Janie! When does an ordinary hole become a pit or even an abyss?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 11:53 AM

My purse resents being defined as a mere hole. It takes great pride in being a bottomless pit!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 10:09 AM

Other people would say: "That depends on your medication"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 10:08 AM

This answer to the "When does a depression become a hole?" dilema has been offered by our old friend Tweed:



"If you can lose your keys in it, it's a hole."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:54 AM

Rapaire, if you felt a general weakening while in Silver Spring it may have been due to your proximity to my kryptonite collection here in Silver Spring. I take it out of the lead box at Xmas for holiday cheer and color.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:44 AM

Did it involve ammonia and iodide?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 09:09 AM

Don't let kids test the dynamite, don't use them to see how sharp the axe is, don't use them for firewood, don't let them play with your home-brew nitroglycerin, keep them away from your band saw, don't do this and don't do that...sheesh, Bee-Dubya! Can't a kid have ANY fun these days? I mean, granted we never had dynamite or nitro, but we DID make our own...nevermiind. Forget I said anything.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 08:59 AM

♫♫

Never drop a bowling ball upon a baby's head
It might squash the little blighter
Yes, it just might make him dead
So if you get a wanton urge to drop a bowling ball
Please gather up the children first
And tie them in the hall

And if you should be fishing out upon the ocean great
And there should be a child with you
Don't use him for shark bait
His mother wouldn't like it, she'd give you a dirty look
And children, they are far too soft
They won't stay on the hook

And if you're shooting skeet some day way out in the country
And you run out of clay pigeons
And some children you should see
Resist the urge to send a couple arcing through the air
They're large, slow, and easily hit
It wouldn't be quite fair

♫♫

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 09 - 12:07 AM

It came from an Adam Sandler song link. I knew Nimoy was, but not Shatner. Learn something new every day. (Now Shane is going to pipe up and give us a gem about Shatner, no doubt. . . )

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 11:22 PM

Someone asked if William Shatner is Jewish. Yes, he is. And he's from Montreal, Canada.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:46 PM

Plain Jane has once again returned to the bosum of her parent's home, after again having her Subaru towed, this time to the local dealership.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:25 PM

In Canada the vernal juggernaut don't come around till sometime in the spring, eh? I think youse are way ahead of skedjuwal.

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:23 PM

Just when you begin to think this thread is running out of steam, something like flan comes along, and bowling balls on babe's heads, and it all starts right up again. A verbal juggernaut of staggering proportions.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 10:21 PM

So...yer MILF-in-law finally kicked yer sorry ass out the door, eh? Don't expect no flippin' simpathy from ME! I will be movin' to Californica soon becoz weed is legal their. Eether that or it will be Wahshingten BC becoz it is legal their too. One of them citys is reely in luck, man, cos the Man from the Northlnand is on his way!

- Shane

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:32 PM

The gracious and noble Rapaire was posting as a guest whilst he was in Silver Spring, Maryland, visiting his MIL over Christmas. The awe-inspiring Rapaire is again back in his home in Idaho, and will be going to work tomorrow. He greatly fears the horrors that may be lurking there.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Those who are already perfect....
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:01 PM

...don't have to repent!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:33 PM

Just think about it. If one of your anonymous posts should be deleted, this wouldn't be post #33400. Then everything would be a mess.

Repent your misguided ways!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:28 PM

I would log out and join in the anonymous posting fun, but the possible consequences are far too dire. The Mudcat does have rules about anonymous posting on BS threads, you know. If one of your comments should be deleted, it would disrupt the continuity of the MOAB, thus leaving a huge gaping hole in the fabric of BS as we know it. Sorry, but even though I know the mods have far better things to do than monitor this crappy thread, and even though chances are none of them have even opened the thing in years, the possibility of a post being deleted fills me with fear, dread, angst, terror, horror, and other synonyms. YOU can take the risk of opening the BS equivalent of a black hole, but I'm not gonna do it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:24 PM

This years Tall tales Whopper award goes to...   Rapaire.


The horse, train and ship poem award goes to... Amos.


I gave myself the MM award.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bubba the Bodacious
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 07:39 PM

Ya'll suck. Yer MOM is real fun, though.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The amazingly incredible Apotheosis of All t
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 06:04 PM

You are so right. I have been heard to say the same thing myself, and when I've said it, it's been said!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Universal Overmind
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:42 PM

As the immediately past post here shows, the freds are no more. I could not permit their continued existence, preying as they did upon the genetic materials of other sentient beings. They served their purpose long ago and they are no longer necessary.

You of the mote you call "Earth" are, however, quite important in the schema of things, as laughter is a Universal panacea.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Incomparably Magnificent and Splendid LH
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:32 PM

I just had to get in on this latest craze. Match that, Amos. Eat my dust, Rapaire.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 05:01 PM

I thought it was a hypothetical bowling ball and an imaginary toddler?

I'm so confused.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 01:29 PM

Yes, I see now that I left out an important step in the the thought experiment. I neglected to stipulate that children should be removed from the sandbox before dropping the bowling ball from the step ladder. I hope nobody dropped an imaginary bowling ball onto the head of a hypothetical toddler.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

It's a hole if the child playing in that sandbox falls in and can't get back out. And if that child lands on a bowling ball in the bottom of that hole, it'll hurt, and his parents are going to be pissed off and wonder what in hell is wrong with that BWL, anyhow?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 09:53 AM

I would agree with Bee-Dubya.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Dec 09 - 08:38 AM

I think I have it! For regular fokes who don't care about what mathematicians call a hole or not, a depression becomes a hole when its depth is equal to or greater than its width. A six foot diameter depression with a one foot depth is a dimple. A one foot diameter depression with a one foot depth is a marginal hole. A one foot diameter depression with a six foot depth is a by God hole.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 08:47 PM

When they have dug themselves in deep enough that they can't crawl out. Bubba has a real talent in that direction.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:51 PM

I understand that, from a mathematical/topological standpoint, a hole must go completely through a surface. But in terms of common everyday usage, when does a depression reach sufficient depth that Bubba or Jim Bob would call it a "hole"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Omniscient Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:43 PM

When it goes through the sandbox and everything under it and comes out on the other side.

A hole is a board goes completely through the board, a dent or depression does not. Same thing for your sandbox.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 07:25 PM

Hey, Mom! While you're driving down the highway in your that trucker's highjacked Kenworth, ponder this:

Imagine you have a good-sized child's sandbox filled with damp, unpacked beach sand. Now, imagine you were to gently place a bowling ball onto that sand. It would make a shallow depression, right? Then, imagine you were to lift that bowling ball an inch or so and drop it onto the sand. It would make a slightly deeper depression, right? Now, imagine you were to climb a step-ladder, lift that bowling ball over your head, and throw it onto the sand. It would make a hole, wouldn't it? So, at what point does the change from depression to hole occur?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos the All Imaginative
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 06:36 PM

Trucker Abandoned Penniless by Highway by Imaginary Friend!! Claims She Took His Truck Too!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 04:00 PM

So the question, Janie, is did you have your vehicle towed back to your parents house or closer to your own house? Are you sleeping in the car tonight?

I'll keep any eye on CNN. They like exciting news stories, so I'm sure they'll keep their eyes open for MOM and her trucker.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:11 PM

The good news is my car over-heated within just a few miles of me leaving my parents' to head home, and that Triple A had a tow truck there very quickly.

The bad news is I could not keep MOM from sticking out her thumb, or of refusing the offer of the Overnite trucker to take her to Louisiana for a little holiday down in the bayou.

I hope the trucker will be safe.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:09 PM

Take care up in Grass Valley. Wish your brother a fond farewell.

It's sunny and cold here. It's usually sunny and warm here, so though I grew up in a northern clime, I'm no longer acclimated to sunny and cold. I'm thinking the suitable response is to head for dark and warm (a movie theater).

MOM, do you want to see Sherlock Holmes kick ass, or some blue creatures on a made up moon kick ass? Or George Clooney symbolically kick ass? Or John Travolta and Robin Williams act like asses?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:01 PM

If a southern Californian thinks your traffic is bad, (    insert punchline of your choice here    ).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos the Beyond All Imagining How Cool
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM

I will support him, indeed, from the neck with some stout hemp rope we keep out here just for his sort. Fifteen minutes, max.


Berkeley is bodacious. But, man, the traffic!! We did the King TUt exhibit at the De Yoounge museum yesterday. Most impressive.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Daring, Yet Delightful, Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 08:18 AM

I hope Shame does. Amos has immense amounts of good dope stashed in his house, along with lots and lots of beer, and the girls in his neighorhood are always "willing." Shame could hang out there for a long, long time and Amos would be happy to support him.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Dec 09 - 01:16 AM

Amos, take a look at Bobert's Stoner Christmas Story thread. It seems that Shane is hoping to pay you a visit in the near future.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 10:03 PM

Mom, pay no mind to the bodacious narcissism of yon Rapaire. I have been working hard to bring a wunnerful Xmas to Barky and BBW. Tomorrow we head north yet again for a memorial service in Grass Valley. Your name is on the tip of all our tongues.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 08:26 PM

My house is sooooo quiet. And the dogs need baths, so they're outside (otherwise I might let them in for the company).

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 07:07 PM

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my mother fixed for me
Smoked turkey breast
And all kinds of other good food.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 05:03 PM

I'm not observing Boxing Day this year. Well, actually, I am observing it, I'm just not participating in it. I'm being a passive observer.

These are my Boxing Day observations so far:

1) I haven't observed anyone doing any boxing.

2) I haven't observed anyone doing any fencing either. But I'll probably be doing a bit tomorrow.
    The deer and rabbits have about wrecked the winter garden.

3) I've heard a fair amount of shooting, but that's normal. One of the neighbors seems to have gotten a new black powder rifle for Christmas.
    (Click-BOOM!) Another seems to have scored a new semi-automatic rifle. (Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat-Bat... until the clip runs out.)
    I haven't seen or heard anything to indicate that any of the shooting is being shot at anyone.

That is all. If I observe anything exciting, you can bet I'll let you know about it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Wonderful, Gracious, Rapaire
Date: 26 Dec 09 - 04:16 PM

Happy Boxing Day, Mom! I hope that everything has gotten boxed by now and put in the boxing ring in the box room. I'm still in Maryland, but I'm flying home on Monday.