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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 13 Nov 09 - 04:36 PM
Janie 13 Nov 09 - 03:01 PM
Amos 13 Nov 09 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 09 - 01:20 PM
Amos 13 Nov 09 - 01:00 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 09 - 12:38 PM
MMario 13 Nov 09 - 12:23 PM
Acme 12 Nov 09 - 10:58 PM
Janie 12 Nov 09 - 10:50 PM
Acme 12 Nov 09 - 10:42 PM
Acme 12 Nov 09 - 10:38 PM
Janie 12 Nov 09 - 10:34 PM
Amos 12 Nov 09 - 10:22 PM
Janie 12 Nov 09 - 10:06 PM
Janie 12 Nov 09 - 09:57 PM
Amos 12 Nov 09 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 08:52 PM
Janie 12 Nov 09 - 06:23 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 09 - 06:13 PM
Acme 12 Nov 09 - 05:54 PM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 09 - 04:50 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 09 - 04:41 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 09 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 04:33 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 09 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 09 - 04:08 PM
Amos 12 Nov 09 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 03:29 PM
Amos 12 Nov 09 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 12:58 PM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 09 - 12:13 PM
Amos 12 Nov 09 - 11:21 AM
Acme 12 Nov 09 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 12 Nov 09 - 09:20 AM
MMario 12 Nov 09 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 09 - 11:40 PM
Amos 11 Nov 09 - 11:09 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 11:01 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 10:57 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 09 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 09 - 09:29 PM
Acme 11 Nov 09 - 09:27 PM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 09 - 09:06 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 09:05 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 09:01 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 08:58 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 09 - 08:56 PM
Janie 11 Nov 09 - 08:44 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 04:36 PM

Dachshunds fear just the sort of scenario you are describing, Amos. They know well that they appear delicious to larger predators who are higher up the food chain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 03:01 PM

Yeh, I haven't figured out yet how no fat and cream go together on the same label.

No fat half-and-half is half what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 01:48 PM

Run baby, run!
THere's a man with a gun!
He's dirty and he's louche
And he's aiming for your pooch
'Cuz he wants to put your dachshund on a bun.

On a bun!
On a bun!
Yes, he wants to put your dachshund on a bun!
Though it could be a lot leaner
He just hankers for your weiner
So ya better grab that weiner dog and run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 01:20 PM

When I was in Korea you could get barbecued dog in the ville. If you need a recipe there are several on the WWW.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 01:00 PM

SO are fried Chinese grasshoppers. They say you should put them in your mouth tail-first so you don't see those big multifaceted eyes staring at you as you eat it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 12:38 PM

My brother Tony tells me that roasted rat isn't too bad at all, especially with nuc nam sauce. And my brother Ted says deep-fried maggots are crunchy and full of protein.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 09 - 12:23 PM

I'm right behind ya on that, Stilly. "no fat sour cream" is more un-natural then blue M&M's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:58 PM

Ed, I'm entitled to get as worked up as I want when it comes to a food calculated to suck the joy of eating out of any food it touches, and not only that, it will bind up your innards worse that sucking down a bag of plaster of paris.

Here's that screen shot. I had to type in the number of posts myself. So I took out the name of the company handling the linking. Heck with them, if they can't count this high!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:50 PM

Nope. Don't twitter. Barely Facebook.

What's a screen capture? Does it involve trapping Chongo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:42 PM

It didn't show the number of posts. That's what I want. Second try coming up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:38 PM

Okay, any of you twits on Twitter? If Max is going to keep launching penny ante threads up there (and I did a little test yesterday) then I think it's time for a BIG test . . . know what I mean? I'm going to try a screen capture.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:34 PM

If were daylight and I had the time, I confess I would dress it out and use it in a stew.

The Lard don't want any life to go to waste.

'Course, if it hadda been a Norway rat, I would'a been singin', suffer, MF'er before you die, and the Lard be damned. (Or mebbe the Lard damn ye.)

Sympathy does have it's atavistic limits, ya know? (As does appetite.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:22 PM

Bravely done, Miss Janie The lard will forgive you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:06 PM

aww, Ma, I mostly think of squirrels as tree rats, but the high winds we are having blew one out of a tree by my shed and it broke it's back in the fall. I had to thump it's head with a hammer to put it out of it's misery. *sniff*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:57 PM

Lardy, Lardy, I know ya'll would love my pun'kin pies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:37 PM

Oh, Lard ha' mercy, Rapaire has made the perfect crusty pun!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 08:52 PM

There's no crust so blessed as a crust blessed by the lard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 06:23 PM

Applesauce works well as a fat substitute in breads. don't know about cakes.


I use butter in cookies, biscuits and scones - cholesterol be damned. It at least has some food value.

And shortening in piecrusts. Have experimented with canola oil crusts and with things like coconut oil shortening, but it is impossible to get that good, tenderly crisp and flakey crust with them. Lard makes the absolute best crust, but I gotta draw the line somewhere.

In THIS family, tho', lard seems perfect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 06:13 PM

Lighten up, Stilly River Sage:)

Low fat, no fat and fat free (some are interchangable) are regulated food product terms....and they do actually mean something to some consumers. But, they do not actually mean no what we would assume they do....no fat at all (but, I suspect yopu know all this anyway) -;)

http://www.homefamily.net/index.php?/categories/foodnutrition/fatfree_the_real_definition/

http://www.living-a-healthy-lifestyle.com/low-fat.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 05:54 PM

There is NO SUCH THING as "low fat" or "non fat" sour cream. That is spackling compound.

I wouldn't use applesauce in something the consistency of a cookie. I would use it in a bread or cake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:50 PM

"feeling lonely is a feeling better felt in solitude" - George Coventry


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:41 PM

Yes, fats taste good. And is wise to eat it in reasonable quantities.
What are we really saving ourselves for? A few more years in the nursing home?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:34 PM

If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right.
Jules Renard

Virtue cannot live in solitude; neighbors are sure to grow up
around it. Chinese proverb

A man must insult himself before others will.
Chinese proverb

Solitude is impractical and yet society is fatal.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

In solitude, where we are least alone.
Lord Byron

I have never found a companion so companionable as solitude.
Henry David Thoreau


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:33 PM

Yeah, but fats taste so darn good!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:15 PM

Relax Mom, your somewhat aging arteries can be kept open, and Ur (code talk, for Amos and Rapaire) hour glass figure can be 'easily maintained this holiday season...but, don't eat baked goods from anyone U don't know and trusts.

An interesting answer to the purpose of oils (and apple sauce substitute) is found in this site:
http://www.ochef.com/225.htm

And here's a couple of others another that lists other fat alternatives, like Yogurt and sour cream (low fat or not):
http://www.tasteofhome.com/Healthy/Recipe-Makeovers/Baking-Techniques/Yogurt-for-Lower-Fat-Baking

http://ces.uwyo.edu/pubs/WY990.PDF


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 04:08 PM

Just as we have whole magnificent beaches filled with people seeking solitude... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 03:41 PM

Well, there's no question that SOME of us can, Rapaire. People, as you may have heard, have dedicated whole rooms full of volumes dedicated to the fine art of communicating.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 03:29 PM

The real question is whether we CAN actually communicate, Amos. Or are we only mimes, mute players attempting to somehow touch one another in some way, to thereby lessen the loneliness of our existence, and doomed to fail?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 01:23 PM

I haven't, but I haven't tried, either. I greatly enjoy your wit and repartee when you bother to communicate, and not when you don't.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 12:58 PM

Can't crack either one, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 12:13 PM

As is your power to bloviate.... ;-)

And mine to extrapolate.... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 11:21 AM

Goode sirre Rapaire, you need not exert yourself; you have nothing to prove to me. Your powerful ability to not-communicate is legend in these parts.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 10:38 AM

Any of my old recipes that call for that much fat, healthy or unhealthy, have been modified by me over the years. You can usually substitute something like apple sauce for some of the oil (like in my old pumpkin bread recipe) so there is 1/2 cup oil and 1/2 cup apple sauce. etc.

Except when I make spritz. I have used shortening, as the recipe calls for, but this year I'll try butter. They'll probably be like shortbread (maybe this is a shortbread anyway?)

MOM doesn't care what goes into them, just so long as she gets cookies this time of year. But if they're really unhealthy, she has begun to notice that when she gives people plates of her cookies that they get passed along. She's seen them turn up on other plates in places like meetings and schools.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:55 AM

rjite afewa opeen tghin kwbzx qqpin pmvui xsoma amots xxx


Dear Amos: I can make them LOTS more difficult or much easier.


ou-yay till-say ont-way reak-bay he-tay ipher-cay nd-aay xtract-eay he-tay eaming-may.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:20 AM

Young boy, concerned about the length of his "member" went to the wise old man for advice. The WOM knew that in a year or so it would be similar in length to the boy's friends, so he said, "Every day, rub it with a drop of bear grease. That will put the strength of the bear into it."

A year later the boy came back in tears -- he said that he'd done what the wise old man had said every day, never missing one, but it hadn't worked.

The wise old man said, "And you used a dab of bear grease every day?"

"Well," the boy replied, "we didn't have any, so I used Crisco instead."

"Ai!" exclaimed the old man. "No wonder! That's shortening!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Nov 09 - 09:10 AM

Thanks for the molasses cookie recipe Ed; I need to make some Christmas Penguins.

1 cup shortening to 5 cups flour is a lower fat ratio then a lot of baked goods!

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 11:40 PM

Mayhap that is part of the cipher, old top? Besides, your feeble attempt at deciphering failed most miserably. I would never, for example, call you a "dork".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 11:09 PM

Rapaire:

If you are going to write in code like that, please make very sire it does not contain random typographical errors or it will not decode properly.

tihs shitx?
godni insog
ippet teppi
sfoss ssofs
enism msine
uduro our du
oyrof for yo
ezigo ogize
lopad ' apolo
iknih hink I
tylla allyt
eruoy youre
odyrr rrydo
osfok kofso
rosuo ousor
ysoma   Amos,y

Given the table of inversions shown above, Raparee's cryptic antagionsim translates as:

AMos, yousorkofsorrydoyoureallythinkI'dapologizeforyorudumsinessofsteppindogshit.

It is probable, extrapolating for chronic patterns of known attitude and vocabulary on Rapaire's long and colorful track on the MOAB that his incisive and illuminating remark meant to say:

AMos you dork, do you really think I'd apologize for your dumbness in stepping in dog shit?

But, as can be seen by anyone who traces the cryptographic analysis above, he doesn't spell very well. SO his insult is kind of compromised by a failure in execution. Ah, well, back to the Olde Drawinge Board.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 11:01 PM

Oops, I meant "When using butter or margarine for shortening, add 1 tablespoon milk or water for each 1/2 cup shortening substituted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 10:57 PM

Is someone a Pidgin Poet making a mess of sins?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 10:16 PM

From Land O'Lakes: Shortening:
1 cup butter or margarine (ie Becel) can be substituted for 1 cup shortening. When using shortening in place of butter or margarine, 1 tablespoon milk or water for each 1/2 cup shortening used may need to be added. DO NOT substitute vegetable oil for shortening when recipe calls for melting the shortening.

You can substitute mayonnaise for part of the shortening or margarine in your baking recipes. It adds moistness. Try using half mayo and half shortening at first.

Some healthy folks substitute Spectrum (From the Spectrum site):
We start with organic palm oil, extracted via manual pressing without the use of harmful chemicals. The oil is refined via cold filtration, conjoining oil and a small amount of water at cold temperature�a process similar to the making of ice cream. The palm oil is then whipped using nitrogen, resulting in creamy consistency similar to conventional shortening.

Organic palm oil is not hydrogenated; contains no trans-fatty acids; is lower in saturated fat than butter & has no cholesterol; is widely used in Europe as an alternative to partially hydrogenated oils; is extracted from the palm's fruit NOT the palm's kernel; can be grown organically in tropical regions; of the 3 tropical oils, palm oil is 50% saturated, while palm kernel oil is 86%, and coconut oil is 92% saturated."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:37 PM

xtihs
godni
ippet
sfoss
enism
uduro
oyrof
ezigo
lopad
iknih
tylla
eruoy
odyrr
osfok
rosuo
ysoma


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:29 PM

I'm sorry, Amos. I apologize, abjectly. I abase myself. I pour hot ashes and coals upon my forehead. I will dress in naught but a hair shirt with a barbed wire belt tomorrow and I shall carry a 40 pound candle through the streets, stopping before each place of worship and/or saloon and flagellating myself with my autoflagellator. Finally, when the candle has burned down to a nubbin I shall climb into a barrel of rusty nails and broken glass and rolled downhill into the cold depths of the river downstream from the pipe that empties the raw sewage from the pesthouse. Taken broken, bleeding, and shivering from the barrel I will then dedicate the rest of my life as a hermit caring for lepers. As you can tell, I'm really, really sorry for whatever it was I did.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:27 PM

One cup melted shortening.

Throw out that recipe. It will kill you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:06 PM

You're trying to catch up to Amos, aren't you? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:05 PM

vo·la is the palm or sole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 09:01 PM

Old doctor's saying:
If a drug has an effect....it most likely has a side effect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 08:58 PM

Un médecin est un professionnel de la santé titulaire d'un diplôme de docteur en médecine. Il est chargé de soigner les maladies, pathologies, et blessures ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 08:56 PM

If you have molasses, dont ue it for medecin...and don't want to make rum:

Vola... MOLASSES COOKIES

1 cup molasses
1 cup sugar
1 cup melted shortening
1 cup very hot water with 3 teaspoons baking soda
5 cups flour
1 teaspoon cream of tartar mixed in with flour
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 teaspoons ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
Mix all ingredients in order given. Let dough chill for 2 - 3 hours. Roll out (not too thin) and cut out cookies. Bake at 375 degrees F. for 10 - 12 minutes. Submitted by: Mr. Ed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 11 Nov 09 - 08:44 PM

If he doesn't apologize, MOM will wash his mouth out with an oregano/Scope cocktail.


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