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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 26 Aug 09 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 09 - 10:45 PM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 04:58 PM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 04:28 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 09 - 03:59 PM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 03:44 PM
Acme 26 Aug 09 - 03:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Aug 09 - 03:03 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 09 - 02:48 PM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 01:47 PM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 09 - 12:15 PM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 12:00 PM
MMario 26 Aug 09 - 11:53 AM
MMario 26 Aug 09 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 26 Aug 09 - 11:50 AM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 11:46 AM
Amos 26 Aug 09 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 09 - 09:22 AM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 11:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 09:58 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 07:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 07:21 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:19 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 03:40 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 02:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 02:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM
gnu 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM
Acme 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 10:55 PM

Truly, sir, I pray you be not. For to be the same is to deny time, and resist change; and to resist change, sir, is to court eternal sorrow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 10:45 PM

Amos, I can't tell you what that song of false love did to me. I may never be the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 04:58 PM

A Geek Did E-mail ME

A geek did e-mail me, me, it did astound me
He said he'd searched far, and on Facebook found me.
Python and XML, in his hand did shimmer
He makes web-pages sing, and softly glimmer.

He courted me a week and met for dinner.
He swore his love was true, for he was no sinner.
And both with drinks a few we did conspire
To my bower in real-time, to both retire.

I love to watch my love with his keyboard smoking
I love to hear the keys, the clear code making!
His IM's they are fair, and his tweets go flying!
My love is a cyberstud, there's no denying

My love's is coding now, an e-store building,
It's getting mighty hot, the MkDir filling!
Nothing can be more gay with the new page loading
And at night 'tis bright as day when on me he's coding!

Where is my love a-gone with his cell phone muted??
No SMS he sends, nor emails well-suited!
Too long before the screen, he becomes bedazzled!
I will go seek my love, that he be not frazzled!

Strange news from Google comes, strange news is carried!
Strange news on Facebook says my love is married
I wish him joy though cyber-love's no longer
For I love my old love still, my lost geek yonder

What did you promise me when you lay beside me?
You said we would be one, just like e-Harmony!
It's witness I've got none for our tweets are flown now,
But your karma will repay you, that I am alone now.

I stare at Facebook pages I would like to smash now,
To think I loved a geek whose core would crash so
I hope his code compiles, but he does not hear me;
I'll not DDOS his servers all, he need not fear me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 04:28 PM

I think a metaphor that only goes half way is a mediaphor. At the end of the campaign, a bitter Hillary was heard to say, "I just don't know anymore what's a mediaphor...". A metaphor that never even gets off the ground, such as Ms. Palin's "death panel" is called a noniniphor. This term is derived from the Latin for "Non-starter".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 03:59 PM

Amos needs to visit Idaho this fall, when the scarlet of the mountain maple pours down the hills like static lava streams and the golden aspens counterpoint the gray-green of the cedars. Just don't go anywhere near Boise, home of the broke-dick you-know-whats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 03:44 PM

THanks Still, but I think I'd rather sit on your front porch and drink shandies.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 03:23 PM

Amos, you need to get away.

Here is a good place. I climbed this a couple of times in my well-spent youth. Snow encrusted trees. A lovely cold mountain scene, so welcome on a 100o day in Texas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 03:03 PM

Is a metaphor that only goes half-way a semiphor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 02:48 PM

That's true. I met a phor on the avenue once and asked her to come back to my place and view my collection of rare prints. We never got there, however, because she would only go so far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 01:47 PM

Yes, LH, but that does not mean that everyone who seems mad is secretly sane. Metaphors only go so far.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 12:15 PM

How about just temporary tomfoolery instead? ;-)

I may seem mad to you, sir, but in the land of the mad a sane man is seen as a lunatic, don't forget.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 12:00 PM

Nay, nay, you swollen-cheeked hoser!! You cannot dodge your intellectual responsibilities so easily. Your long and windy dissertations on spiritual dynamics and exalted aloofness of Serene Enlightenment will not serve to excuse you from the burdens of your incivility in other quarters, sirrah. You have no justification for painting such pictures, using borrowed tortures, except to own up manfully to temporary insanity, for which, at least your peers can offer compassion and sympathy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 11:53 AM

MOM;

I think the rest of us should go out on the front porch for some lemonade and hermits....I think LH wants to be alone with Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 11:51 AM

nuthin' like a good tangle un th'ribbons to get the b'day feelings flowing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 11:50 AM

Amos, I must reply to your question, which was: "Seriously, LH, don't you think it is disrespectful to steal other people's violent fantasies and then stick them onto your friends?"

Well...it would be disrespectful in some cases, I suppose, but not in this particular case due to the deep affection and mutual caring that we have built up over the years to the point where we now have what could be termed a "special" relationship, a relationship somewhat akin to that of Holmes and Watson, though not of course suffering from nearly so sharp a divide in intellectual powers and analytical grasp as was evident in theirs.

Whereas Watson was portrayed as the "everyman" and Holmes as the genius, in our case it is more like 2 brilliant beings of equally Einsteinian/Aristotelian dimensions shining out magnificently across a vast gulf of darkness like a pair of luminous stars set in the heavens to guide the less enlightened and aware who labour around us.

You have your incredible mastery of subtle prose and verse, not to mention wit. I have my matchless grasp of spiritual realities and psychological profiles. Together we blaze new trails in the enlightenment and liberation of the human soul.

And all that allows me to say to you things like:
























"Hey, you flippin' bolthole! HEY!!! Dog-breath! Yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU! You lissenin'??? I got 3 words for you. Ya ready???

Get FLIPPED, loser!!!"






And you will know immediately what I really mean by it, and not take any offense, because we have that special understanding. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 11:46 AM

Besides, I don't think I would know how to live in the mountains and swamps. I can't abide being more than fifteen minutes from a Home Depot, or ten from a sandy beach. I prefer being in walking distance to a nice market, as I am now, and with easy freeway access if I have to go any distance. Like this weekend, when I am going to Mudlark's to join her, my MIL, BBW and possibly even Barky, for a weekend celebration of BBW's birthday. HEr actual birthday is today and when she turned ont he kitchen lights at 5:00 this morning she discovered, lo!, gremlins had been reorganizing the kitched with banners, posters, flowers and a gift box with tangled ribbons flowing over it. This made her feel very birthday-ish indeed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 10:13 AM

We care enough about people not to make them carry electricity around in jars, don't we? Don't you know how risky that can be? You open the wrong end, and POW!!!--smoking holes in your hands.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 09 - 09:22 AM

Well, that's because of the collapse of personal service in SoCal. You should move to the mountains or the swamps, where people still care about each other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 11:18 PM

Why, no...here is San Diego we modernized to the grid system many years ago. Before that, sometime in the Truman administration, it was hand-delivered by an old Hispanic guy with a bristly mustache; he would bring it in glass containers, clinking in a wire-frame carrier. I suppose they were Leyden jars or something. But most folks here don't even remember that far back.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 10:37 PM

A girl brings my electricity too. She comes around about the fifth of each month. She gets out of her truck, walks up to the meter and zaps it with a little hand-held device that fills the meter up with enough electricity to last another month.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 09:58 PM

"grid"? Shouldn't that be "girl"? There's a girl who brings us our electricity here in Idaho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:36 PM

Mom!! While Still was burning up all that energy getting the

THIRTY ONE OF KAY,

for which she surely deserves

CONGRATULATIONS,

my SOlar System produced

22 Kilowatt Hours of Electricity in One Day,

while the grid only needed to send in 4.

Pretty good, too!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:21 PM

What number is that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

I'll take care of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

Don't even get up out of your chair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

MOM says don't all rush in at once for that next number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:19 PM

Janie, drop everything and get a free credit report, to see if your identity has been stolen. This could be the tip of the iceberg.

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp is the one I use.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM

I defer to your local knowledge, good Potter.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 04:42 PM

Here in Floribama, "screw it" is a one-syllable word, pronounced more like "skrit". The name "Bill", on the other hand, is at least two syllables, sometimes three, depending on the ratio of Flor to Bama in one's genetic and/or cultural makeup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 03:40 PM

Down in Floribammy
Where I used to keep my Mammy --
She was dear as dear could be to me --
I kept her in a shed
With a crown upon her head
'Cause Mother Moab means the world to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:55 PM

You're reading it without the drawl. Down in FLoribammy the words "say" and "it" have anywhere from 2 to 8 syllables each.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:06 PM

Wouldn't the last line scan better as

"Just say 'screw it' and THEN go fishin'."

Or is that too unlethargic?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM

An Ode to Lethargy

Boredom, tedium, and ennui
Cannot compare with lethargy.
A pot of coffee cannot chase it.
Antidepressants can't erase it.
The only cure for this condition
is to say "Screw it!" and go fishin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM

Little Hawk was a dude from the border
With multiple ego disorder.
He'd walk into some dive
ANd walk out alive
'Cuz he couldn't agree what to order.


Seriously, LH, don't you think it is disrespectful to steal other people's violent fantasies and then stick them onto your friends?

I do.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM

Will this cause multiple personality disorder? I dunno if we can take more than one of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM

Just lie down on the table here, Amos. There. Nice and comfy?    (Click!)(Clank!) (the sound of the manacles being secured)

Now we will start the pendulum. Ka-chink!

Creakkkk...........Creakkkk..........Creakkkk............

In a few hours, Amos, you will discover what it is like to live in two realities at once, a bifurcated existence...try to enjoy watching the pendulum's hynotic motion as the blade ever so sloooooowly descends toward your solar plexus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM

There's a double knife switch next to that nice chair with the arm and leg straps and the hat attached.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM

Made ya nervous? NEver mind--just tell them I said it was okay, Hey, where's the light switch down here???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM

Amos - CELLAR!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM

Butterscotch ripple. Cdn$1.50 per litre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

Wait--wasn't that the company you used to run those Revolutionary War-era muskets down to Mexico with? I vaguely remember some kind of deal...


No, no, just kidding, honest!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM

Hi MOM. The IRS has just notified me they are imposing a penality for my failure to provide 1099-misc to some trucking company in PA for 2007.

What were you up to then, MOM, and how did you get my SSN?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM

And then I'm going to tell them that I'm asking on your behalf, Rapaire....and give them your name and address. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM

"Mommy, look at that man waddling down the sidewalk. He looks funny in those clothes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM

I think Rapaire has been boning up on Tangential Approximations of Intersecting Irrelevance, and taking a minor in "The Use of Protective Outerwear as a Means of Contraception".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM

You've been passing around something since I was here last. I seem to have missed my turn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM

LH is going to ask every American Indian he meets whether or not he (the Indian) has cut off his dick.

LH feels that this is scientific research that needs to be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM

"I am wearing my black suit, white shirt, dark blue tie, and bowler," I replied. "Black socks, and my black wingtip shoes. My umbrella is tightly wrapped, and I have my briefcase."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM

To which the duck replied, "Kayak! Kayak!".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM

"Hmmm," she mused, "I can paddle. Canoe?"


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