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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 24 Jun 08 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 10:51 PM
Amos 24 Jun 08 - 08:03 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 08 - 06:30 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 06:26 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 08 - 06:20 PM
Acme 24 Jun 08 - 06:18 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 08 - 06:11 PM
Acme 24 Jun 08 - 06:08 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 05:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jun 08 - 04:08 PM
Amos 24 Jun 08 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 08 - 03:05 PM
Acme 24 Jun 08 - 02:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Jun 08 - 02:44 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 12:06 PM
Acme 24 Jun 08 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 08 - 09:25 AM
Amos 24 Jun 08 - 08:05 AM
GUEST,Big Brother Don 24 Jun 08 - 01:00 AM
Amos 24 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM
Acme 23 Jun 08 - 11:54 PM
GUEST,Big Brother Don 23 Jun 08 - 11:50 PM
Acme 23 Jun 08 - 11:37 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Jun 08 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 10:04 PM
Amos 23 Jun 08 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 05:18 PM
Acme 23 Jun 08 - 04:46 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 08 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 08 - 03:27 PM
Amos 23 Jun 08 - 02:49 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 08 - 02:45 PM
Acme 23 Jun 08 - 02:40 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jun 08 - 01:12 PM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 01:01 PM
Amos 23 Jun 08 - 11:46 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 11:41 AM
MMario 23 Jun 08 - 11:37 AM
Amos 23 Jun 08 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 08 - 08:49 AM
Acme 23 Jun 08 - 01:08 AM
Amos 23 Jun 08 - 12:57 AM
Amos 22 Jun 08 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 22 Jun 08 - 05:45 PM
Acme 22 Jun 08 - 04:38 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 10:53 PM

For a librarian, Rapaire, your breadth of linguistic pattern recognition is rather skimpy, I must say...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 10:51 PM

So much for "Shane". Why he'd be interested the Hot Box and a bird in rigor mortis is beyond me, but to each his own I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 08:03 PM

You think Russian doldrums of Grand Literary Muscovite Pretension would even be penetrable by an intellect like Shane's? No waaaay, maaaan!! I tell ya, it has to have hot boxes and stiff peckers in it, or he'll bail out at the vey preface. Sorry to break the bad news and all, but you are forgetting what an absolute bolthole this asswipe is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:30 PM

Yeah! Pretty cool. Chongo plans to do a pilgrimage there some day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:26 PM

Edgar Rice Burroughs used to live here in Pocatello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:20 PM

He already knows. He reads Gibbon voraciously. He says it takes a lot more concentration than the Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:18 PM

Don't tell Chongo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:11 PM

Most people don't realize that that book was written by a monkey. A very intellectual monkey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 06:08 PM

I like Hardy. But you could give him Gibbon--The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 05:43 PM

I'd suggest the Russians -- Turgenev, Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, and the gang -- but he'd probably end up committing suicide. Same deal with Thomas Hardy. I knew a guy who only got a quarter of the way through "Jude the Obscure" before he hung, poisoned, gassed and shot himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 04:08 PM

I was going to suggest Proust's Remembrance of Things Past, but even a non-hoser might need more than 250 hours to get through that one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 03:42 PM

YEah--get him started on Quiet Days in Clichy or Sexus, Nexus, or Plexus and he will develop a voracious appetite for good literature!! Might even work him up gradually to Lady Chatterly's Lover!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 03:24 PM

Or...Joyce's Finnegan's Wake!!!

Or Ginsburg's Howl!

Or anything by Henry Miller!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 03:05 PM

Oh! This is awful. Just awful. Don't give the Ontario judiciary such ideas, please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 02:49 PM

Haven't you heard of the Geneva Convention?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 02:44 PM

Yes! Shane's punishment for his tantrum should be 1000 hours community service spent in the library. But, here's the kicker...

He has to spend 250 of those hours reading! And not just any kind of reading either. He'll have to spend the entire 250 hours wading his way through Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow! With a quiz at the end of each chapter! Flunk the quiz, go back and read the chapter again.

Har, har, har! Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 01:05 PM

LOL!!! Oh, you people are mean...! ;-D

Well, with that thought I think I'll go back out and finish the lawn mowing. Lovely day here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 12:06 PM

They're available in audio editions. To force him to watch the last movie of "The Cat In the Hat" would C&U punishment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 11:11 AM

That can be construed as 'cruel and unsual' punishment for this fellow, to have to read a book, Rapaire. Don't want to get the Mudcat into trouble now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 09:25 AM

Well, with "Shane" making new "friends" in jail, I guess Don is selling out, gonna move from Blind River so that "Shane" can't find him. Tough Love, ya know -- force the boy to make it on his own and all when he gets out. Maybe the boy will be forced into reshelving all the books he knocked around in the BRPL. Might even find a book that would change his life -- "Green Eggs And Ham" maybe, or "Hop On Pop."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 08:05 AM

Sure thing, Dpn. Send photos, copy of registration and a copy of the pink slip, Dude. Just to be orderly like you know.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 01:00 AM

Blind River IS a city, eh, Stilly River Sage? Well, okay...it's a town.

Hey, Amos, man...that sounds pretty flippin' nifty about the 6 pack, but I got a 24 in the fridge...and HEY have I got a deal YOU can't pass up that beats all. You lissenin'? I got a fine flippin' truck here to sell, but I was savin' it for someone who deserves it, eh? Someone who is a real pal.

Okay, so this ain't no small truck I'm talkin' about. This ain't no pickup or little 4 x 4. This is a flippin' 18-wheeler and it's almost like new. It is sittin' right out by the highway right now, just waitin' fer a new owner.   

I would not make this offer to anyone, man, but for you...I am willin' to take $16,000 dead even. This is for a truck that is worth 25 times that at least, eh?

You just send me $16,000 buckaroonies in US $ cash, small bills...or I will take a cheque, but only if it is a certified cheque, eh? Send it by currier to Box 99 in Blind River and made out to Don McBride.

This offer is only good for 3 DAYS!!!! Act fast, man.

When I receive this money which I know you are gonna send me cos you ain't stupid...then I will mail you the papers and all, and I will even hire a local guy to drive the flippin' truck down to your place in California.

What a deal, eh? Beats hell out of a buried 6-pack, don't it?

- Don McBride


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 08 - 12:19 AM

Hey, Don, I think Shane is calling you---he found a six-pack buried in the mud just below the docks at Murray Street, and he says its only a little bit rusty and if you don't come help he'll drink it himself. But he needs an old-fashioned church-key--it's the kind before pulltabs, so it musta been there a while, but he says it ain't broken...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:54 PM

Is there a Blind River City, then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Big Brother Don
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:50 PM

You ain't been nowheres till you been to Blind River, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:37 PM

Cave City, KY? I've been there also.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 10:45 PM

I've never been to Perspica City. Never been to New York City or Atlantic City either. Been to Yazoo City, Phenix City and Cave City though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 10:04 PM

Wouldn't have gotten those if an old "friend" hadn't nominated me. Haven't been in any recently, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 07:15 PM

How humble, how pure of soul, thou art, to ignore the flatterings of such false vanities--because you've already been awarded the REAL ones!! LOL!!!

Congratulations on your perspicacity!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 05:18 PM

Yup, that's the one.

I jist ignore 'em nowadays. Iffen they're any good I'd know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 04:46 PM

In the bottom of that email is the faint text:

Madison Who's Who - 3001 Northern Blvd. 2nd fl. Long Island City, NY 11101
Madison Who's Who is not associated or affiliated with Marquis Who's Who or any other Who's Who.


It starts with an M, it has the same general length, has the a and the s sounds, it looks like it is a calculated to look enough like the other one to fool people. But I would send the same answer back to the "legitimate" ones also. Like Groucho Marx, if it would allow me to be a member, I don't want to join. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 04:20 PM

LOL!!! So, did you apply for a membership with them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 04:09 PM

In the past I've been listed in various Marquis publications like "Who's Who In The Midwest" and "Who's Who In The World" as well as things like "Who's Who In Library And Information Science." But I knew the provenance of those and knew they were legit.

The illegitimate ones I ignore. But I got one recently that ask me to be listed in something like "Who's Who Among Fantastically Great Suckers". It has the disclaimer "This publication is not affiliated with any "Who's Who" publication."

Say whaa??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 03:27 PM

Oh, they have made various typical facile appeals to my supposed vanity, Amos. I'm technically (if not actually) a "businessman", so they approach it on that basis. I'm running a company that has existed since 1974, so they assume that I have a big enough head about the glory of that, that I will buy all kinds of expensive BS from them that I can put on the wall or the front desk in order to overawe people who walk through the door and impress the hell out of them with what a big wheel I am...

LOL! Well, they assume wrongly. I have composed some damn funny letters and things to send back to those people and make their day a little more surreal. I also have a cool cartoon of a strange looking dude giving the finger and uttering a bunch of obviously obscene language that is symbolized by various stuff like "&$#&!!" in a word bubble, so sometimes I just send them back a photocopy of that in the self-addressed, pre-postage paid envelope they have so kindly provided.    ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 02:49 PM

What profession did they offer to include you in, LH? Dare I ask? "Renowned imaginarist and figment-monger, Little Hawk, was born in 1902 in Back Door, Ontario, a town he had outgrown by the time he was eleven...".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 02:45 PM

LOL! Way to go, Stilly. I wish they would get nothing back but those kind of replies from people. I have sent similar replies to various similar kinds of BS that I receive from time to time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 02:40 PM

Hey, I have a new source of BS but I'm not going to start another thread. This came to my university email this morning:

    From: Who's Who Publishing [mailto:MJohnson@mwwpublishing.com]
    Sent: Thu 6/19/2008 5:59 AM
    To: You-Know-Who (me)
    Subject: Your Selection Into Who's Who

    Dear Candidate,

    You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent your industry in the Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals, and for inclusion into the upcoming 2008-2009 "Honors Edition" of the registry.

    We are pleased to inform you that on June 9th, your candidacy was approved. Your confirmation for inclusion will be effective within five business days, pending our receipt of the enclosed application.

    The Office of the Managing Director appoints individuals based on a candidate's current position, and usually with information obtained from researched executive and professional listings. The director thinks you may make an interesting biographical subject, as individual achievement is what Who's Who is all about. Upon final confirmation you will be listed among thousands of accomplished individuals in the Who's Who Registry. There is no cost to be included.

    We do require additional information to complete the selection process and kindly ask that you access this form on our website by Clicking Here

    Sincerely,

    Matthew Johnson
    Managing Director


Of course his email is set up so you can't actually respond, but I followed the link to the company and sent back a reply to their info address:

    You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent your industry in the Who's Who Among Executives and Professionals,

    Translation: You were picked as a sucker to submit personal and professional information and then to buy a personal copy of this expensive and meaningless book.

    I have absolutely no interest in participating in such a scurrilous part of the publishing world as these expensive ego-boosting NON-authoritative nonsense books as these Who's Who publications of yours.

    Am I perfectly clear?

    Take my name off of your list and don't bother me with it again.

    Thank you.

    (me)
    Library Publications
    Box etc
    817-etc-etc


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 01:12 PM

Do with Shane did. Never even get married to reality in the first place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 01:01 PM

I've never been divorced from reality! If I were, reality would have to pay me alimony and a share of the mutual property and I haven't received anything! If reality is divorcing me I haven't received any court papers. Perhaps I've been deserted by reality, as I have never left.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:46 AM

A great thesis, Rapaire, only slightly divorced from reality, considering that orcas don't usually exist in these wtaers.

Otherwise, impeccable and imaginative.

Is "slightly divorced from reality" similar to being "a little bit pregnant"?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:41 AM

Oh, okay. I understand now.

He was acting like an orca, trying to attract other orcas to him (I assume you checked)so that his seal buddies, who were waiting below, could beat the crap out of the orca. Just another Socal turf war between rival gangs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:37 AM

Maybe the seal was playing "shark"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:34 AM

This seal was holding his flipper up toward the sky in a most unnatural pose, while blowing softly and swimming slowly.

On reflection, perhaps I should have whipped out the old cellphone and called someone..Gawd knows who..to alert them, but I chose to allow him his life-cycle without human intercession. It just seemed more respectful. Or, I was being lazy. I guess you have to draw the line somewhere; we can't fix everything.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 11:32 AM

By the way, how did you strain your ankle? Did you fall into a colander or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 08:49 AM

Seals have flippers, Amos. If you were a seal you would have a strained flipper, but you probably wouldn't have been invited to the company thing because seals only get invited to parties given by orcas because the orcas then eat the seals and it doesn't matter to the orca whether or not the seal has a strained flipper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 01:08 AM

Mix up some of this garlic pepper tea and put a dilute amount in a poultice for your ankle. I guarantee, soon the strain will not be a problem. You won't notice it (and the burning sensation will go away after a while with no scaring. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jun 08 - 12:57 AM

What a party. WHAT a party. A huge crowd came to the oceanographer's house ot say goodbye to the English girl who they have known for so long, a dancer who danced with the choreographer who is married to the oceanographer, and dozens of bright young twenty and thirty somethings who were friends of the English girl from her passionate pursuit of salsa dancing, of billiards and of American baseball. She had so many people coming to her farewell party as she is returning to England, it was like a whole graduating class. All bright, interesting from many many different walks of life.

Yesterday I went out on La Jolla 's coastal waters at sunrise in my wee kayak and talked to a seal who was nursing a bad arm/wing/paw.

This afternoon I played an hour or two of intense volleyball at the company pique-nique. Although I played like a much younger man, this evening I am beginning to feel like an older one! :D I strained an ankle and am limping about like an old fart.

ANd if you've never seen a fart limp, you haven't lived much.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Jun 08 - 06:51 PM

And prolly skunks, 'coons, and O-possums to boot.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jun 08 - 05:45 PM

AND vampires. It would also repel vampires.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Jun 08 - 04:38 PM

Garlic Sprays

To make garlic/pepper tea, liquefy 2 bulbs of garlic and 2 hot peppers in a blender 1/2 to 2/3 full of water. Strain the solids and add enough water to the garlic/pepper juice to make 1 gallon of concentrate. Use 1/4 cup of concentrate per gallon of spray. To make garlic tea, simply omit the pepper and add another bulb of garlic. Add two tablespoons of blackstrap molasses for more control.

Great for controlling pest on plants, and the garlic tea, sprayed around, does two things. It makes your yard smell like a fine Italian restaurant, and it repels mosquitoes.


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