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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 23 Sep 07 - 09:46 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 09:38 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 09:35 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 09:23 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 07 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 07 - 09:12 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 07:23 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 05:04 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 04:00 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 03:39 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 02:30 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 01:58 PM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 01:03 PM
Acme 23 Sep 07 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 07 - 11:19 AM
Acme 23 Sep 07 - 11:19 AM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 10:02 AM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 07 - 01:30 AM
Amos 23 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 10:42 PM
Amos 22 Sep 07 - 10:38 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 08:44 PM
Charley Noble 22 Sep 07 - 08:29 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 06:24 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 06:23 PM
Acme 22 Sep 07 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 06:18 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 06:02 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 04:59 PM
Amos 22 Sep 07 - 04:38 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM
Amos 22 Sep 07 - 04:16 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 03:49 PM
Amos 22 Sep 07 - 03:19 PM
Acme 22 Sep 07 - 01:24 PM
Acme 22 Sep 07 - 11:57 AM
Amos 22 Sep 07 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 07 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 21 Sep 07 - 09:39 PM
Amos 21 Sep 07 - 08:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:46 PM

But the point is, telling people to post when they have nothing to say will never work. If you stimulate them with stirring images, they WILL have something to say. Even if it is just laundry and shopping lists.

I could list all of the things I was able to cross off of my to-do list on the kitchen counter. Lots of yard work, laundry, baking bread, stuff like that. Fascinating reading, no? (No!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:38 PM

Rapaire:

Your fantastic solution to an overstock of anchovies is diabolical and ingenious. Frankly, it worries me to see such a capability for evil genius on your part.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:35 PM

Well, said, Amos. You are so right. I shall have to search for inspiration...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM

Little Hawk,

Have you no leadership skills?

Youneed to INSPIRE people to post. Make it a bold adventure, a race at midnight by a fire-breathing steam locomotive, or a doughty crew battling for a far headland in an overwhelming gale -- both of which themes I have already used. But the point is, telling people to post when they have nothing to say will never work. If you stimulate them with stirring images, they WILL have something to say. Even if it is just laundry and shopping lists.

Use your silvery tongue and bring out the best!! The rest will surely follow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:29 PM

I've managed to dispose of them! And so quickly!

The anchovies will be taken away to a site near Yellowstone National Park (but which is outside the Park) and steamed in naturally occuring "hot pots" there. Various other items will be added, including egg whites, and the whole mess will be sold as a dressing for Caesar Salad.

You'll be able to find the dressing on the shelves shortly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:23 PM

(sigh) Another hundred posts, and no visit from William Shatner. Oh well, I guess it won't take too long to reach the next 100, right?

Get busy, people! Post! Even if you've got flip-all to say...post!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:22 PM

Too bad my dog wasn't there, Rapaire, because he would have disposed of them for you.

Oops.

I think I just deprived Mr Shatner of the chance to post on the century mark. Dear me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:20 PM

Suffice to say that I was attempting to help out an old friend, who had heard that anchovies restored, ah, virility. Bill asked me if I could help him out, because his image as an "interstellar studmuffin" would be damaged if I didn't. Well, far be it from me to deny help to a suffering friend, even though he IS originally from Canada, so I ordered up the anchovies. He was due to come out later this week and, under the nom de poisson of "James T." consume the anchovies (he's already been through aspargus, Rocky Mountain oysters, celery, and plain ol' oysters). Then I read Amos' post quoting the Anchovy Council and called Bill, who canceled the whole trip.

Fortunately, the anchovies have been paid for and he told me to dispose of them as I saw fit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:16 PM

Well, then, what would be the use in asking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 09:12 PM

How I came by the anchovies is simple to answer: I ordered them from deadlittlefish.com. You have not yet asked the obvious question, which is why I wanted them -- and the answer to that remains private information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 07:25 PM

I wouldn't think of doing anything so crass! One does not take the name of Shatner in vain without risking serious consequences.

Are we there yet? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 07:23 PM

Dream on good Hawk; as usual, of there is a risk of your dream not maifesting I am sure you will take measures to make it look as though it had, anyway. Just ask Chongo to log in under a false identity and pretend to be Shatner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 05:04 PM

Meanwhile, the suspense mounts! Will William Shatner make a rare personal appearance to register the 19,800th vote?

Dare we hope that he will???


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 04:49 PM

"An Anchovie! An Anchovie! My kingdom for an Anchovie!!!"

Thus hollered King Ethelred the Barely Ready as the Saxon hordes closed in around him on the bloodstained, corpse-strewn field.

They killed him. This is what happens when you don't get your Anchovie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 04:00 PM

So solly. It should read, "Seventeen seven and seventy gone".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 03:39 PM

At seventeen nine and ninety gone,
The life and heartbeat carry on.
All vile detractors now confess
There's something to this grand B.S.
It needs no bottles, beers or kegs,
And yet it plainly has some legs!


Perhaps you should arrange a charter flight, Rapaire, to load them anchovies up and air-drop them, unboxed, directly on Orillia, with a note directing them to M. Hawk.   It's the least you can do considering all you have gotten from his creative wellsprings...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 02:30 PM

Anchovies....can you imagine a world without them? Would you want to live in such a world? Take a deep breath, ask yourself that and think carefully before answering.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 01:58 PM

But I have to ask, sir, how you came by several tonnes of anchovies in your dry, remote situation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 01:03 PM

Rapaire:

I like them well enough to talk to, but we have a deal never to eat each other; and I wouldn't much want my sister to marry one, as she threatened once to do.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 11:59 AM

Offer them to the golf course to use as fertilizer. The smell will eventually go away. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 11:19 AM

Oh.

Then...Amos, do you like anchovies? I have several tonnes that have somehow become surplus....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 11:19 AM

I posted at bedtime last night and it has disappeared. Oh, well. And now I can't remember what I said.

Back to what you were discussing. I'll just go take care of the laundry and mowing and weeding and trimming and cleaning house and getting ready for dinner. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 10:02 AM

Yes, quite sure. I have spoken to the Elders of the Anchovy Counsel, and they assure me it is absolutely impossible.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 01:30 AM

Are you quite sure about that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 07 - 01:00 AM

No, it is not possible, Little Hawk. It is simply not.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 10:48 PM

It is also possible that eating large numbers of anchovies will increase sex drive.

Not likely, mind you. But possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 10:42 PM

It is possible that in Ma we ARE a higher band.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 10:38 PM

Actually it is an evolutionary advance in the homo sapiens quest for perfection as organism. The BS gene is a critical survival tool which produces, depending on the species, various degrees of BS detector in the brain. It also produces, as so often is the case, a counter-development in BS predators which enables them to produce more BS, BS with less detectable odor, of a higher persuasion index.

You could argue that constant BS, or perpetual BS, is not possibly good for an organism, and that any self-respecting organism should exercise its talent for BS only intermittently.

But nature's wisdom is, usually, wider and deeper than our own. There are, for example, many examples of organisms which do breath air but which only do so at great intervals, such as certain whales. There are others, such as ourselves, who indulge in breathing constantly, day and night. There are organisms who would panic at the thought of searching for food, because their systems are endlessly filtering it from the environment (certain shrimp do this). The idea of "occasional meals" would panic them as much as the threat of interrupted breathing, whale-style, would panic us.

If, then, we are on a path of evolution which migrates away from the ancestral habit of "occasional BS", to continuous creation, detection and processing of BS, it is in the deeper wisdom of Nature's understanding that our justification must lie. Such wisdom will not be gainsaid by the irascible complaints of mere habituation to other modalities or frequencies. It is possible that in Ma, we are led by a higher hand.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 10:12 PM

Kinda like booze, beer, and broads women.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 08:44 PM

It's a form of comfortable and relatively harmless addiction, Charley. ;-) It's a habit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 08:29 PM

I do admire your persistence in stewarding this thread. Is it an attempt to to transcend our mortal existence? Or is it simply inertia? Or random posts?

Just checking in!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:24 PM

Excuse me...I meant the "misery" of their deprivity. Not the miserly of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:23 PM

Well put, well put! You know, I really think you should do lecture tours and offer courses that could show the deprived all over this great land how to rise out of the miserly of their deprivity and how to achieve their own full measure of well-deserved depravity before they get too old to enjoy it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:23 PM

Hmmm. He remembers getting out of the hot tub, but not getting into it? And look at his typing skills, shot to hell.

I wonder if there was a squid lurking in the background, contributing to his delinquency?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:18 PM

Well, I grew up poor. We couldn't afford the depravity all my friends had, but we struggled along in our deprivity. Sometimes I had to sell things like my grandmother's upper plate in order to enjoy a little bit of depravity with my friends. But I always stole it back for her, so things worked out okay. If I hadn't been so deprived as a child I would have been depraved much sooner. But I think that I'm better able to enjoy my depravity now, to savor it, and I wouldn't have had the necessary experience when I was younger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:07 PM

Nothing beats the cannonball plunge into total depravity, eh, Rapaire? ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 06:02 PM

A twelve-step program would probably help. It certainly helped ME when I was on the slippery slope down the primrose path to perdition.

Here are the steps I took:

1. Admit that you have a problem.
2. Define the problem.
3. Revel in it.

Those three steps (the program I was in was somewhat truncated) allowed me to avoid the slippery slope, the primrose path, the nose under the tent, and the rest and go straight to perdition! Saved me a lot of time, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 04:59 PM

Perhaps you need to sit down and have a heartfelt session with Doktor Liebenscheiss, Amos? It sounds to me like you are getting caught up in denial here. I think the good Doktor could help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 04:38 PM

I don't recall any sexual activity, Little Hawk. Either you know something I don't, or you are projecting again. In either case, I greatly appreciate the sentiment, but must apologize for being unable to substantiate any of your fevered rumors and/or imaginings.

As for the offer of help, I will certainly keep it in mind. But you don't need to tell me I am not alone -- why would I be going to all these parties if I were going to be alone? I can do that in my own home perfectly comfortably.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 04:21 PM

I sympathize with the load you are carrying, Amos. It's a terrible burden when one begins to succumb to the twin demons of drink AND rampant illicit sexuality!!!

Look, man, there is help out there. Get it. Get it now. We at the WSSBA are all behind you 100%. The Spirit of Shatner himself has been invoked as a light in your darkness, a light that will lead you forth into a glorious new dawn of innocence and purity. Have faith, my friend, because you are not alone!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 04:16 PM

Hey, you, Beaver Boy -- you knew it was coming because you were looking uphill, see?

Jeeze, these were all happy intelligent productive people. Not a drunkard in the lot -- just sorta tipsy, like.

Anyway, I am almost recoverd., and I believe we are slated to go to an artist's birthday party in an hopur.

It's a burden, but someone gots ta do it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 04:08 PM

He is sliding down the slippery slope to complete dissolution and depravity. I knew this was coming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 03:49 PM

See, Mom? Amos was out with reprobates and drunkards, like you thought. Hanging around with that bunch again.

Ground him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 03:19 PM

Mom, I went to a whale of a prty last night, and didn't come home until 2:00. Thanks to ibuprofen I have no headache, but my eyes are making up for it. Whoof!! I remember playing cowboy waltzes while mein host danced around the living room in graceful loops, and I remember getting out of the jacuzzi, but not getting into it. It was a heckuva party, I tell you. Leggy dancers and brainy pceanographers and artsy types and engineers, all yakking away and stowing the vino until the wee hours. My playing fingers are sore.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 01:24 PM

Mom, I'm going to go relocate some flower beds in the front yard. You help yourself to the iced tea and enjoy the weather. It should be nice out on the porch today. Maybe Leo will set you up with a new crochet project in time for the Secret Santa program?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 11:57 AM

Better than "cojones."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 11:40 AM

Rapaire, don't be a brownnose. The legion's slogan could be "Pendejo". D'ya think they'd go for that?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 07 - 10:48 AM

Mom! No one cared enough (except me, of course) to post to you since YESTERDAY! Have the others no shame? No sense of right and wrong or even right and left? There, there. It's all okay now. Stop crying and have a cuppa tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 09:39 PM

"First you plunder, then you burn."

Amos, educated gentlefolk assume that other educated gentlefolk can read languages other than English and would not insult the gentle reader by offering a translation. Besides, your translation might well be better than mine.

Besides, they put it in Latin so they'd sound educated. It was a tossup between this one and "Usquequaque madidus, nunquam siccus." They meant it to mean "Always drinking, never thirsty" but it translates better as "Always wet, never dry." Since some of the Legionaires (but none of the Legionettes) have embarassing bladder troubles (stemming from certain unsavory habits in their youth), well, some wag suggested "Pendeo" but the Legion as a whole rejected the motto "Depends".

This all happened Before My Time, but as Official Historian and Literary Lackey I have access to the minutes. There is some interesting stuff in there, and even more interesting photos of certain political figures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 07 - 08:48 PM

Which, if I remember my Second Form latin I, means, "First you put your right foot in, then you shake it all about." Or something close to that. Rapaire relishes being mysterious, doesn't he? Some kinda power trip, I suppose.

A


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