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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Jul 07 - 10:17 AM
beardedbruce 13 Jul 07 - 09:12 AM
MMario 13 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM
Amos 12 Jul 07 - 11:43 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM
Acme 12 Jul 07 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 07 - 05:11 PM
MMario 12 Jul 07 - 04:49 PM
Amos 12 Jul 07 - 04:43 PM
MMario 12 Jul 07 - 03:47 PM
Acme 12 Jul 07 - 03:39 PM
MMario 12 Jul 07 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 07 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 12 Jul 07 - 01:24 PM
JennyO 12 Jul 07 - 01:10 PM
Acme 12 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM
JennyO 12 Jul 07 - 12:42 PM
Amos 12 Jul 07 - 12:25 PM
MMario 12 Jul 07 - 11:56 AM
JennyO 12 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM
beardedbruce 12 Jul 07 - 11:00 AM
JennyO 12 Jul 07 - 10:51 AM
Acme 12 Jul 07 - 01:26 AM
Amos 12 Jul 07 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 09:37 PM
Amos 11 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 08:57 PM
Amos 11 Jul 07 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 06:43 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 05:12 PM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 11:39 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 11:36 AM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:50 AM
Amos 11 Jul 07 - 09:49 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:04 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 09:02 AM
JennyO 11 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM
MMario 11 Jul 07 - 08:56 AM
beardedbruce 11 Jul 07 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 07 - 08:49 AM
JennyO 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 07 - 11:05 PM
Acme 10 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM
MMario 10 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM
Amos 10 Jul 07 - 12:29 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 10:17 AM

Go for it--but it must be on the State of Mom and related issues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 09:12 AM

Amos requested Sonnets!



"The time for Another Epic Sonnet or Adventure In Many Couplets is drawing closer with every post!! "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM

She's worked with you how long and she can make such a major mis-assessment of you? *grin*

Congrats to her from the Finger Lakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 11:43 PM

Bravo, Mike. Good on you, as well. Please pass my warmest congratulations on to her. You might want to explain to her that "always right" is just a front, and not how you really are deep inside.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM

No. I have kept her innocent.

I'm really excited about her winning. She didn't think she would, blah blah blah, as late as 12:30 p.m. today. When she called (I was on the way to lunch) the first thing she said was not "Hello" but "I hate it when you're always right."

We will support her 100%, with the time off and even money to do the job. I know what the other end is like all too well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 07:23 PM

Does she know who MOM is? Now we're in trouble!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 05:11 PM

My #2, Kathy, has just been told that she has been elected Vice President/President-elect of the Pacific Northwest Library Association (which includes Alberta and BC)! Congratulations are trickling in, and if you'd like to send her congratulations PM me for her email address.

'Bout time, too. She's worked here since 1976.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 04:49 PM

I think that's just a contrail


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 04:43 PM

Keep it up, me boyos and lasses. The time for Another Epic Sonnet or Adventure In Many Couplets is drawing closer with every post!! The faint wan loom of the 19,000 even now is showing a faint hint along the horizon far ahead.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 03:47 PM

But I credited Rapaire with the setup and assist!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 03:39 PM

Fish in a barrel, MMario. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 02:26 PM

I claim this post in the name of Rapaire and the Idaho League!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 02:24 PM

I shall refrain, and thereby demonstrate my modesty, from taking 18,300.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 01:24 PM

Your uke too small? We help y9ou with best prices on V1agry and Ci@lis. Singing will last a long long time with pre-approved home loan! Call now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 01:10 PM

I don't think she did, SRS. From what I could see before it was all deleted, it was a whole bunch of music threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM

Attribution always is a good thing, even in MOAB.

Did mom get spammed? Did some cretin have the nerve to pester MOM with that shit? Geez. Is NOTHING sacred?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 12:42 PM

Ha. That was kinda confusing. I see the quotation marks now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 12:25 PM

The quote is from David Diamond, not BB his own seff.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 11:56 AM

I think he's saying Dave Diamond wrote it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 11:55 AM

Bruce, are you saying that you wrote this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 11:00 AM

From the David Diamond Song Book:

"THE TEA SHANTEY

I dreamed I had a cup of tea,
Tea-bags, tea bags away my John!
The way that cuppas used to be
Tea-bags away!

Go lass, and put the kettle on.
Tea-bags, tea-bags away my John!
Don't let the water boil too long.
Tea-bags away!

And don't forget to warm the pot,
Tea-bags, tea-bags away my John!
I won't drink tea if its not hot.
Tea-bags away!

The tea we had when I was young
Tea-bags, tea-bags away my John!
Was twice as good, three times as strong.
Tea-bags away!

Now pour the tea, but what is this?
Tea-bags, tea-bags away my John!
You call this tea? It tastes like ....
Tea-bags away!

The painful moral now is clear;
Tea-bags, tea-bags away my John!
Shun tea in bags and turn to beer.
Tea-bags away!


(To the tune of "Lowlands Away". The first line came to me while throwing tea bags away in approximately 1983. It is credibly reported that this song won third prize in a sea shantey contest at a Hull Sea Song Festival.)"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 10:51 AM

Want a lift, Mom? Now that those nasty spammers have gone, we'll put you back up on top!

I'm just making a pot of tea. Would you like a cuppa? There's a little home-made apple pie left too. And icecream!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 01:26 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 07 - 12:24 AM

Come on, man! Where do you think the Speziale Illuminati Azuli got its name?? These days, you K-Mart shoppers know it as a Blue Light Special...but it was once similarly known only to the Illuminati.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:37 PM

They...know about the Price Club? I thought that was one of the Illuminati's best kept secrets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:22 PM

Except they found the bloodied scourge you had tucked under the Price Club boxes in the trash. So now they have DNA. It is only a matter of time, old friend. Make the most of it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:57 PM

I'm okay now. My sins are expiated, purged, absolved, and my soul is again as white as that of a newly-baptized babe in its mother's arms. God and my wife have forgiven me and I see no reason to bring it up. I have no plans to resign. Besides, I got an alibi and I wasn't in town anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:39 PM

If you think, as you say, that it is unheard of, that may be because you were just not listening very hard.

But penance cleanses a multitude of sins, so perhaps the right ones will get swept up in the flood.

Good luck with that!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 06:43 PM

My back is raw and bloody from self-flagellation. My head is covered with ashes, and I have changed into sackcloth. I shall go forth now to atone for my error, slight though it was in the grand scheme of things, and beg forgiveness from all I meet. Perhaps too they will give me a good kick, or spit on me, or do some disgusting thing to me to help my penance along. Or I might simply go to work tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 05:46 PM

I was in error! Me! In error! It is totally unheard of! Here is the correct version:

If all be true that I do think
There are five reasons why we drink:
Good wine, good friends, or being dry,
Or lest we should be by-and-by,
Or any other reason why.


I am shamed, shamed by my own hand. I'd jump out the window to my death except I'm on the first floor and I'd probably just sprain an ankle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 05:12 PM

If all be true that I do think
There are four reasons why we drink:
Good friends, good wine, or being dry,
Or any other reason why.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 11:39 AM

In urban areas - that would have been just about everywhere until the mid to late 19th century.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 11:36 AM

Thank you for that, Rapaire. I knew I must have been doing something right. I can now pour that second glass of wine with a clear conscience :-)

Seriously though, there are some places in the world, and there have been times through history when it actually was healthier to drink alcohol than the local water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 10:59 AM

Old Noah the drinking of water decried
For he knew that by drinking all man should die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM

This is important and relates to the health of everyone on Mudcat, not just Mom's Kids. A friend sent this to me, and since her husband works at Argonne National Lab you can believe that it's accurate:

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:50 AM

$5 even!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:49 AM

And what's a PEntecost?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:04 AM

8-{E


Feed me a stright line, and I'll take a byte!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:03 AM

BOOM BOOM!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:02 AM

$3.29 on sale


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 09:01 AM

And what's a piecost?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:56 AM

Reminds me of a song written by a friend, for which three lines of the chorus were
"For what Price Peace?"

Which of course sounds like "For What Price Peas"

He cracked up one day while singing it - and admitted he had a hard time getting through the chorus without commenting "$1.29 in the frozen foods"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:53 AM

What was that about Whirled Peas?

better than Eunuchs under sea, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 07 - 08:49 AM

Yes, it does. And for other things as well. Say, for example, you just want a "drop of tea." This handy-dandy little table (and the formula you can derive from it) will let you find immediately how much that drop is. It gives a new meaning to "let's just nip in for a drop" as well as to the phrases "a drop of the cure," "at the drop of a hat," and "drop in anytime." You will see a whole new world opening up as you decide to drop a subject or a discussion or even someone from your holiday mailing list.

In fact, this little table may hold the entire key to the World Peace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:15 PM

Does this work for curtains? If I want an 8 ft drop, do I have to put 14 stones in them? Might make them a bit heavy when I pull them back. Lumpy too. Not one or two, but fourteen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 11:05 PM

Now, here's a little bit of info you don't find around every day. But you never know when you might need this data. This is the table used by British hangmen to determine the "long drop"; a strong, thick rope is assumed.

Hanging drop (assuming thick strong rope):

Weight                                 Drop

14 stone (196 lbs.)                   8 ft. 0 in.
13 1/2 stone (189 lbs.)                8 ft. 2 in.
13 stone (182 lbs.)                   8 ft. 4 in.
12 1/2 stone (175 lbs.)                8 ft. 6 in.
12 stone (168 lbs.)                   8 ft. 8 in.
11 1/2 stone (161 lbs.)                8 ft. 10 in.
11 stone (154 lbs.)                   9 ft. 0 in.
10 1/2 stone (147 lbs.)                9 ft. 2 in.
10 stone (140 lbs.)                   9 ft. 4 in.
9 1/2 stone (133 lbs.)                9 ft. 6 in.
9 stone (126 lbs.)                     9 ft. 8 in.
8 1/2 stone (119 lbs.)                9 ft. 10 in.
8 stone (112 lbs.)                     10 ft. 0 in


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 03:45 PM

It probably slipped off his his mother's refridgerator larder and was hidden under a cabinet all of this time. Lucky you! Now let's see you sell it on eBay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:40 PM

There is one additional legible line below the smear, which reads, "Bye W. Shxper, age 12 -- Milady Rodmanners' Thirde Year Classe"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:31 PM

I see you got ahold of a final draft of his "Romeo - the early years"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 07 - 12:29 PM

Mercutio: Come sir, we must do away with all these broadsides.

Benvolio: What, cuz? The broad sides of the barns?

MErcutio: There is no hit there, good cuz.

Benvolio: Then, sir, the sides of all the broads? And what of the mewling infants whom wouldst deprive thereby?

Mercutio: The side of a broad is a better home than any broadsided barn.

Benvolio: Aye, but no barn gives out a bairn, and every broadsided broad will do at the drop of a ball.

MErcutio: Drop your balls, not, cuz, but leave your bales for the barn.

Benvolio: Ah, sir, 'twas a baleful riposte. It will undo my wires all.

Mercutio: Better than your own undoing of many a broad's wires, thou deft varlet.

(The balance of this page is obscured by an unidentifiable thick brown smear...)


A


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