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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 23 May 15 - 10:38 PM
gnu 23 May 15 - 03:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 May 15 - 06:51 AM
Amos 23 May 15 - 12:47 AM
Acme 23 May 15 - 12:12 AM
Rapparee 22 May 15 - 09:23 PM
gnu 22 May 15 - 11:10 AM
Amos 22 May 15 - 10:58 AM
gnu 22 May 15 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 22 May 15 - 09:40 AM
Amos 22 May 15 - 04:20 AM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 09:39 PM
Acme 21 May 15 - 05:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 May 15 - 01:17 PM
Amos 21 May 15 - 10:48 AM
Rapparee 21 May 15 - 09:49 AM
Amos 21 May 15 - 05:16 AM
Rapparee 20 May 15 - 10:10 PM
Amos 20 May 15 - 01:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 15 - 11:25 AM
gnu 19 May 15 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:09 PM
gnu 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM
Acme 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM
Amos 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM
gnu 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
Amos 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM
gnu 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 15 - 09:14 PM
Acme 17 May 15 - 07:15 PM
gnu 17 May 15 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 16 May 15 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 16 May 15 - 07:18 PM
gnu 16 May 15 - 06:55 PM
Ebbie 16 May 15 - 05:06 PM
gnu 16 May 15 - 01:55 PM
Amos 16 May 15 - 10:21 AM
gnu 16 May 15 - 07:30 AM
Acme 16 May 15 - 12:23 AM
Rapparee 15 May 15 - 11:17 PM
gnu 15 May 15 - 10:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 15 - 10:38 PM

Someday he'll open the door to a knock and find himself face-to-face with a giant bee. He'll fall back in shock, and the bee will say, "Hello. Thanks for the mutation-causing sprays! Say hello to my little stinger."

And that will be the end of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 May 15 - 03:34 PM

JHC! George is mowing his lawn again. He mowed it last night. He mowed it Thursday afternoon. He does not have a putting green. George is truly losing it. If he thinks I am gonna take the hint and mow down my pretty yellow flowers, he's barking up the wrong tree. I wish I could train my honey bees to attack anyone spreading herbicides on my property... George over-sprays onto a third of my front lawn and all of my lawn between our houses. Not one pretty dandelion on a third of my front lawn! Oh the horror!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 May 15 - 06:51 AM

Well, I shall be spending the day burning trash/brush piles. I cleared small trees and bushes from a few areas back in January and haven't had a chance to spend an entire day watching them burn until now. We're currently having an unseasonably cool spell, so I reckon I should get 'er done before the 100°F days arrive. I shall endeavor to spend the blaze-monitoring hours thinking up stupid witty things to share with Mom and her kids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 15 - 12:47 AM

I wish all of Mom's chilluns a fine and sunny Memorial day with a cheerful summer to follow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 15 - 12:12 AM

Long weekend ahead, and a very long list of things to do. The weather appears to be following the same soggy trajectory so I suspect that MOM will be complaining about everyone being underfoot. Break out the board games.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 15 - 09:23 PM

After the past year I might end up wizened and crotchety.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 15 - 11:10 AM

Butter and salt on yer popcorn, folks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 15 - 10:58 AM

Rapparree trying to characterize me as Republican is about as funny as me trying to characterize him as a wizened and gnarled flatulent masturbator. He knows I'm not a Republican, and I know he is neither wizened nor gnarled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 15 - 10:08 AM

Republican??? Better pull the plug, nay, cut the power cord, on the fan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 15 - 09:40 AM

It's about community, Amos. And family. Out here in The Real West we set a great store on community and family. Perhaps sometime in the past you may have heard, in passing, the statement, "It takes a village to raise a child." Out here in the Wide Open Spaces, where there's land, lots of land, people don't like to be fenced in. But everyone knows while everything up to date in, say, Kansas city, still, out here chickens and ducks and geese scurry when one of them gas buggies drives by. But just like in Rumson, we work together out here. Sure, we have our "incidents" and we ask ourselves, "What's Going On Here?" but even then we work together to find out. Even our eccentrics -- like that fella who talks to the trees -- fall to and help out when the chips are down. I know this is hard to understand by a Republican from Sandy Ego, but that's what us simple folk do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 15 - 04:20 AM

I don't think you should be acquiring a bakery at your age, Mister R. Bread and soup stores can be so stressful!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 10:02 PM

WE'RE GETTING A PANERA!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 09:39 PM

Look at the sunny side: the drought is ending and your rice will be doing super!

AND you got 52525!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 15 - 05:47 PM

Looks like more rain. Another week at least. Have I mentioned in the last month how very very very wet my yard and garden are? Too much rain is as bad as too little. MOM has only three ripe tomatoes off of all of those plants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 May 15 - 01:17 PM

Hi, Mom! When Old Paint died, did they bury him in the horse cemetery or take him to the hazardous materials collection site? That's where I have to take my old paint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 15 - 10:48 AM

Ha! You good man, Mistah R. Very good. You.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 15 - 09:49 AM

OK. I try to help you. Just ask me if you need help with words. Big words OK, I will try to help you with those.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 15 - 05:16 AM

Thanking you for your comprlection, Mister R.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 15 - 10:10 PM

How terrible for you! To be so deficient in common vocabulary that your own son uses you for a floor rag and you cannot find the words to complain or remonstrate with him must be a matter of constant annoyance to you.

Or to put it another way,

You feel bad! You not have words to tell son you not a rag so you be mad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 15 - 01:26 PM

IF my wayward son--now in SFO on a new job offer mission--does not use the spot, I will be able to garner 60 points in one fell swoop by playing "DORKS" across a triple-word AND a triple-letter spot under the "K". Thus are small triumphs built. He has been wiping the floor with me at Scrabble for too long now!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 15 - 11:25 AM

"The Sober Louts" would make a great band name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:52 PM

Louts are trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:14 PM

It would be kinda cool to have the surgery leave a scar because then I could tell everyone about my undergraduate days in Heidelburg and how I fought a saber (mensur) duel for the honor of a fair damsel beset by drunken louts who wouldst have their way with her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:09 PM

Granted, this thing could ulcerate, expose my lower mandible and teeth, become infected and have pus drain out with the accompanying gangrenous stink and then metastasize into my bones, but it's actually the most frequent skin cancer in the US. Being of fair skin and baby blue eyes I'm more at risk than someone with dark hair and brown eyes. It is, also, the least threatening sort of skin cancer and rarely metastasizes and beside, it wouldn't DARE! The surgery will be a Moh's procedure (Larry and Curly assisting, I guess) which has a >90% cure rate. Yes, it can recur in <10% of the cases and each time is a new case, rarely a recurrence. I fully intend to enjoy my time Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM

See spot run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM

And postpone my month in Ireland??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM

You're more patient than I, Rap. I'd be down at that other office the next day asking the doc to remove the spot. Stay safe, and have a good trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM

Mom always enjoys a nice hot sesquipedalian breakfast in bed. Good boy, Rapparree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM

Good morning, Mom. Here's a dish made from saprophytic fungi cooked with the unfertilized ova of a chicken, some rounds of seasoned pig meat scraps which have been caramelized, and some chopped up tubers -- all sprinkled with sodium chloride and the ground seeds of Piper nigrum.

And an aqueous infusion of the roasted and ground seeds of the Cofea plant!!

Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM

Reminds me -- today I received a copy of Skarpi's CDs. I'll put them on my iPod and take Iceland's Irish music to Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

Ahhhh.... RFN too soon? Fing bloody hell fer sure! Wishing you all the luck in the world on getting this stripped and zipped, Rap. Not knowing all the details, it sounds, hopefully, that there is a quick fix on this. Whatever... I just hope the updates are as timely as you can manage to post them. Bless.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

He operates twice a month, once here and once in his other office 25 miles away.

Besides, starting next Tuesday I'm off to IRELAND until June 23. Dublin. Belfast. Westport. Dingle. Cork. Cashel. THAT Ireland.

However, this will be one surgery per quarter since 2014. I've got it on quantity but Pat's got it on quality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM

Oh effing bloody hell, Mike!!! Get it over and done with now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM

Phone rings.

"Hi, this is the dermatologist's office. It's basal cell carcinoma. When do you want to schedule surgery?"

July 7, 8:30 a.m. MDT.

How many four-letter, socially inappropriate, words do YOU know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM

My heat pump (mini-split) is pissed off. Heat. Cool. Heat. Cool. Where the fuck did spring go? Dog damn Global Swarming! I want SPRING dammit!

AND... David Letterman is retiring after Wednesday's show. Who am I supposed to watch? Fallon plays Beer Pong with interesting guests so I can't watch him and even when he interviews them, half or more of the interview is about him. James Cordon acts like a silly English twi/at so much that I don't even record him NO MATTER who his guests are. Seth Myers guests who are of interest are few and far between and I have to listen to inane banter with some jackoff in the band who IS NOT A COMEDIAN. Do I really have to look to see who is on Conehead O'Brien because he is even worse with the "Mommy! Look at me!" shit? The guy that took over Colbert's show and turned it into a shouting match? devoid of any true journalism?... NAY! I shall not!

Of course, I won't miss Jack Hanna.


Sweet Jesus! Please stop dumbing down Late Night TV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM

Well, that was fun.

And poor Mom, sitting there, a mere thirteen hours from making us play Hide 'n' Seek. Alack and Alas! Am I the sole one that cares? Am I to shoulder the Burden alone? Ah, but easy is the yoke and the mouths of the kine that tread the grain shall not be bound for should Mom fall into a pit who but I would be there to rescue her?

That's why I'm her favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM

Obviously he was hiding it from Federal confiscation. Did you look inside the ductwork? There are probably more guns hidden there, along with lots and lots and lots of ammunition. A spacious place to hide ammunition is the furnace's heat exchanger, until the heat is turned on. Also look above any suspended ceilings. Is there an old bomb shelter? How about between the wall studs -- did you look there? Some folks, knowing that Obama is going to personally come to confiscate their firearms and short arms, have taken to burying them (inside an appropriate container) in the backyard and then having cows pee all over the place (the iron in the urine foils metal detectors, or so I'm told).

The best way to get the yard dug up is to anonymously contact the FBI and tell them that commies have buried guns there for The Revolution. Of course, if they DO find any guns they'll keep them, but you could sue to get them back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 15 - 09:14 PM

Hi, Mom! Went back to my dad's house to finish getting 40+ years of accumulated crap out of it so it can go on the market. Had an interesting trip. I didn't want to rent a van and I was afraid I'd want to bring back more stuff than our Toyota Highlander could hold, so I drove my old work/fishing truck, a 1993 Toyota T-100. As old as it is, I wasn't comfortable with driving it on the interstate, so I drove the 400 mile trip from Pensacola to St. Augustine (and then back again) on US highways and secondary roads. It's interesting to actually drive through towns you've only known before as names on interstate exit signs.

Here's a list of the things I saw most often on my trip through small town north Florida, in order of frequency:

Buzzards
Dead armadillos
Buzzards eating dead armadillos
Churches
U-Haul dealers
Dollar General stores
Correctional institutions

I'm sure there's a meaning there, but I'm not sure what it is.

I also saw four wild turkeys (but, interestingly, no deer), a big snapping turtle crossing the road, and a water buffalo. The water buffalo was not crossing the road. It was inside a fence at a minor tourist trap near Tallahassee.

And I found my dad's old .22 that I couldn't find last trip and had written off as lost forever. It was inside the HVAC service closet in the garage. I almost didn't even look in there because who the hell keeps anything in an air-handler closet, much less a rifle?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 15 - 07:15 PM

Two biker gangs shot up Waco today. 9 dead, 18 wounded (last count). You don't hear about biker gangs fighting much any more, you hear about them doing peaceful stuff. But this is Texas and that is Waco. Hueco. Wacko. Whatever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 15 - 06:32 PM

Three hours from having to go looking for Mom? Oh the shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 15 - 09:21 PM

So this lunk comes at me and he's got a shiv. I can tell from the way he's holding it that he's about as familiar with it as he is with a diving suit. He's holding it all wrong with no guard. I could crotch kick him and leave him bawling like a baby with a dirty diaper.

But I don't. I laugh and tell him, "Who taught you about knives? Your mommy? That's not the way to hold a knife!" and I move to take it away and show him the right way.

But he cuts it up and holds it over his head. Now I could REALLY fix him so he never has kids, but I don't. He says, "Just keep still and turn your head. And this is how we were taught to use it in medical school."

So I do and I can feel the blood running down my cheek. He mops it up and the dame with him put a bandage on it and he tells me to follow the instructions on the sheet and he'll let me know about the biopsy next week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 15 - 07:18 PM

Dude, that's what cousins are for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 06:55 PM

Thanks, Ebbie.

Dunno why the first story I think of is the time my hat flew off when I was on my 3 wheeler during a rain up in the woods... mud EVERYWHERE... I got stopped and I turned back to see Rodney (about 16 years old) in his dune buggy doing donuts on my hat and laughing his ass off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 May 15 - 05:06 PM

Gary, I'm sorry for your loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 01:55 PM

So sad that I couldn't attend the wake last night... many stories accompanied by beverages and his brothers Charlie (guitar, vocals) and Jim (fiddle, vocals) played upbeat Irish Trad until the last song which, of course, was The Parting Glass... not a dry eye in the house (or haus as the building is part of the winery owned by his partner Elke... I think that's how her name is spelled... who came from Germany many years ago with her parents).

I was saddened that there was no eulogy (Perhaps something to do with the wake? Ya knows the Irish, eh?). Sad for the obvious reason and because I had to refuse being a pall bearer because I knew I wouldn't be able to stand at the back of the church during a eulogy. I was offered a chair option but that wasn't a good idea for reasons I won't get into. Big crowd, especially considering the obit wasn't in the newspaper until this AM and it didn't even mention the funeral mass. Odd but there it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 15 - 10:21 AM

Why it was the kind of deluge makes you think you've shown up after yourself, I tell ya! The city is all scrubbed and wind-dried and sun-polished now. Just the way I like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 07:30 AM

Yo! A... I hear there was a light shower in SD. Made the news here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 15 - 12:23 AM

I had an Irish father and a Scandinavian mother and grew up in a Scandinavian community. I have heard of, but never attended, an Irish wake. I've been to a few "celebrations of life" that might qualify, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 15 - 11:17 PM

Sorry to learn of this. Another good one gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 15 - 10:48 PM

I have shorn my mane, shaved my whiskers, laid out my three piece blue pin stripe avec silk red pocket poof and 115+ year old Illinois Railroad watch (thanks Dan) and set out my good shoes. At 11AM, the service begins. I wish I was at the wake which began earlier at 7PM. It will be... is... a true Irish wake. My cousins are excellent musicians and singers. They can't hold a candle to me in story telling but then, few can although they will, are, undoubtedly giving it a go as I type. I can imagine the tunes and stories going on as I type.... oh to be uncursed with this foul disease!!! so I could honour my cousin with song and stories.

See ya when I see ya.


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