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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 15 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM
Acme 15 Sep 06 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 06 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 06 - 11:19 AM
Amos 15 Sep 06 - 11:00 AM
MMario 15 Sep 06 - 10:10 AM
Amos 15 Sep 06 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 06 - 09:10 AM
Amos 15 Sep 06 - 12:35 AM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:44 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:42 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:42 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:40 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:39 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:37 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 11:33 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 10:25 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 10:08 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 10:02 PM
Acme 14 Sep 06 - 09:30 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 06:55 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 06:26 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 03:59 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 06 - 09:09 AM
Amos 14 Sep 06 - 08:58 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 10:07 PM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 04:58 PM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 04:03 PM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 03:55 PM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 11:09 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 11:01 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 10:50 AM
MMario 13 Sep 06 - 09:54 AM
Acme 13 Sep 06 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 13 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM
Amos 13 Sep 06 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 11:43 PM
Acme 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 PM
Amos 12 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 06:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM

gee - y'know - back in the old days MOM didn't need help over the hurdles - she just went over them like they weren't even there. But she still does a pretty good steeplchase, doesn't she?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:08 PM

Mmario, it seemed important to help MOM over that hurdle before one of our professional bean counters decided to knock it off as a trophy. Next time stay up late and you can do the job.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 11:23 AM

Rollin' on, rollin' on,
Rollin' on to fifteen kay,
Rollin' on, our dear old MOAB,
Rollin' on -- do not say "Nay!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 11:19 AM

Emmy (as we called her) Dickinson was hardly the "lady" Amos imagines. Sure, she kept up a good front -- daughter of a lawyer who was the treasurer of Amherst and a Congressman and all -- but BOY! could she knock back the drinks! And those white dresses VERY naughty lingerie indeed. One night at the Pi Kappa house she...no, I can't tell about that. Let's just say that she was a very hospitable woman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 11:00 AM

"'T was a cold autumn evening
And the Catters were leaving
With visions of beer in their heads
And the traffic declined
In the Collective Mind
And Joe Offer set to closing the threads.
Then a Gentleman dapper
Came back from the crapper
Sat down at his keyboard and said:
"Oh Catters, unkind,
Turn away not your minds!
Just think of your MOAB instead!:"

Cho:

There will always be a MOAB
To put your worries to bed
A place to confess
All the piles of BS
That have cluttered your poor spinning head !

There will always be a MOAB,
To comfort when you are annoyed;
So Folks, be not mean
Leave this thread on the screeeeeen!
And don't let it fall into the void!


A reprise of noble sentiments formed long ago when MOAB was young.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 10:10 AM

hey! when did we go over 14,000? I missed it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 10:08 AM

It is clear to me that Rapaire's time is spent Handeling pee, while Emily's was spent Shellying peas. I am sure Emily would never have written about pee -- she had no knowledge of it! You don't think a lady of such grace and restraint would actually pee, do you? Of course not!! This is a projection on Rapaire's part.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 09:10 AM

Actually, that first poem was changed by her editor. Here's what Emmy originally wrote. (This is true, because she gave me the original one night when we were sitting around the Fowled Anchor, drinking hot buttered rum and bellowing out ribald songs.)

DIRTY clothes a flavor has
That lawful orchards mocks;
How awful when you find that pee
Has soaked the dirty socks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Sep 06 - 12:35 AM

That Stilly River, honored sage
A woman is for any age
An eye as keen as shattering shards
That glisten on the morning yard
And womanly large of mind and heart
And every other certain part,
For who but one of such a hand
Could heave us all past fourteen grand?
Yet now, at fourteen thousand one,
'T is plain to see, the act is done!
And gaze and wonder many now,
For only Stilly's shimmering brow
Was here to see us all to gain it!
No other prowess can explain it.
The prize is hers by any laws
And hers by rights the due applause
And as the night from dawn is ghosting
We thank her for such valiant posting!

Tater De Maillion Angst, Jr.
On Wings of Guppies Flying
Paris Review, May, 1929


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:44 PM

Okay, they're all Emily's poems, not mine. But I had a beer this evening and was feeling cheerfully interested in the subject and they hit the spot. So to speak. :)

VI.

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in separate drawers,
Until their time befalls.

If only centuries delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.

If certain, when this life was out,
That yours and mine should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind,
And taste eternity.

But now, all ignorant of the length
Of time's uncertain wing,
It goads me, like the goblin bee,
That will not state its sting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:42 PM

Or this gem:

V.

SURRENDER.

Doubt me, my dim companion!
Why, God would be content
With but a fraction of the love
Poured thee without a stint.
The whole of me, forever,
What more the woman can, ?
Say quick, that I may dower thee
With last delight I own!

It cannot be my spirit,
For that was thine before;
I ceded all of dust I knew, ?
What opulence the more
Had I, a humble maiden,
Whose farthest of degree
Was that she might,
Some distant heaven,
Dwell timidly with thee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:42 PM

I. LIFE

I.

'T IS little I could care for pearls
Who own the ample sea;
Or brooches, when the Emperor
With rubies pelteth me; -
Or gold, who am the Prince of Mines;
Or diamonds, when I see
A diadem to fit a dome
Continual crowning me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:40 PM

Or this one:

V. -

HEAVEN is what I cannot reach!
The apple on the tree,
Provided it do hopeless hang,
That "heaven" is, to me.


For someone who live such an isolated life, she sure made the most of the emotions within!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:39 PM

She has a few others that are mighty tasty on the same page. Thus:

III.

HOPE is a subtle glutton;
He feeds upon the fair;
And yet, inspected closely,
What abstinence is there! -
His is the halcyon table
That never seats but one,
And whatsoever is consumed
The same amounts remain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:37 PM

This one is pretty good also, by our American friend Emily:

IV.
FORBIDDEN fruit a flavor has
That lawful orchards mocks;
How luscious lies the pea within
The pod that Duty locks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 11:33 PM

That card wouldn't cover much, so I'm sure it wouldn't be much of a photo.

I sent a response to that Narcissis thread that was just packed with erotic imagery, if he knows his ancient literature. A fun game, especially when played at great distance!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:25 PM

Adieu, Chere Maman. I am offf to the woods of high Eastern Escondido to spend the weekend with a bunch of burly men-types beating on tambourines and getting in touch with their Inner Shmucks. Should be interesting. I think I know where my Inner Shmuck is--probably right where I left him just after that Gibson feller got excommunicated. Anyway I am sure I can find him, and he'd probably appreciate my checking in and asking after him, maybe asking him out to dance among the bears or some such. See ya Sunday, ok, Mom? Don't leave the light on -- I will be carrying a bear-fat torch when I come down the mountain. Or maybe painter-fat, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:08 PM

Mailing was delayed. They'll go out tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM

Would be inappropriate to ask for a picture of you wearing the birthday card?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 10:02 PM

Can't make heads nor tails of what Thomas the Rhymer is doing on his new thread, but I whipped out a few big names and arranged them artfully.

Anyone else paying attention to the time? And darn it, no shirt today, only a belated birthday card.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:30 PM

Sam Hinton has a song about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:55 PM

Either way, leaving yer thumb in there is not conducive to well-being.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 06:26 PM

Well, you kin dally er you kin tie off hard and fast.

It all depends on yer raisin', I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 05:51 PM

By the passing of my thumb,
Thumb thing wicked this way comes.
Dally not, to yell and shout,
In due course, 't will all come out.

But til the call of Judgement morn,
Gonna keep this dally 'round this horn,
'Cuz there never was no hero born
Who'd stoop to hollerin' "Nuff".

Badger Clark, High-Chin Bob



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:59 PM

Dally man got his thumb caught atween the rope and the horn, the cow come up short, and off goes the thumb! Straight up into the air, and the dog caught and swallered it.

Took the guy to the doc, explained what happened, and the doc asked, "Well, if I have the thumb I mighta been able to sew it back on. Why didn't you shoot the dog?"

Dally man answered, "Shoot the dog! He's the best one we got!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 03:34 PM

WHy thet low-down double-crossing no-good flea-bitten divil-crossed lousy good-fer-nothin' two-timin' snake-bellied two-bit croos-eyed coot of a lame-brain greenhorned sunovabitch!! Shoulda shot 'im!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 01:42 PM

Well, out here in the West dogs are our bestest friends. Wallace McRae knows this, like all good Westerners do, and he writ a poem 'bout his dog. It's kinda like when Timmie fell down a well and Lassie...well, you know. This here poem kinda brings a tear to eyes of us folks out here.....

Old Bluffer         

I've long had to suffer you boys cussin' old Bluffer;
Good a pup as a feller could own.
But let me tell you a story that's both grim and gory
When that cow dog's true colors was shown.
Once old Bluffer'n me is rawhidin' you see
Fer a cow that is shellv and old.
She's twelve years past her youth 'n ain't got a tooth
In her head and she can't fake the cold.
She's lousy as well so this last arctic spell
Will for sure turn her titty-side up.
So we're pokin' around, searchin', coverin' ground,
Me, my hoss and old Bluffer, my pup.
As we're sicklin' along, I'm humrnin' some song
Then my hoss hits a hole hid by snow.
There's no time to get loose. I swaller my snoose.
Somethin' pops when we land and I know
That for sure a leg's been smashed like some egg.
But whose leg? My horse's or mine?
Then I guess I passed out.
Comin' to--ain't no doubt. Pony's gone.
I'm alone. Then a whine
From old Bluffer, my pard, who's been there standin' guard
And I'm thankful that I ain't alone.
Well old Bluff licks my chin 'n wags me a grin
Then I move and I stifle a moan.
I'm gittin' cold and I quiver. The pain sends a shiver
And I pass out again for a spell.
When I come up for air that good dog is still there
But my future looks shorter than hell.
As the waves of pain rage, I tear out a page
From my faithful old worn tally book,
And I carefully write a note of my plight
And location where searchers should look.
With my wild rag I waller old Bluffer a collar
And I carefully tie on my note.
I don't give him no choice.
In my no-nonsense voice "Bluffl Go home!"
Said with tears in my throat.
Can you guess the rest of old Bluff s hero test?
Well sir, you can all see I ain't dead,
But I find myself wishin' I could shed this suspicion
I got rollin' round in my head.
When them boys cut my track,'n brought me on back
Almost out of sight they found Bluffer
Right there by the trail a-waggin' his tail
Curled up, restin', watchin' me suffer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM

Hell, Amos. Dogs are better company than 'most any politician. 'Course, a rabid skunk is also better....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 12:17 PM

Dogs are a fine addition to the species tree, and I think the world's a bette rplace for them being in it, and it is for sartin sho' they are better company than Republicans.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 09:09 AM

The Irish Setter's always free,
Listening only to the Sidhe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Sep 06 - 08:58 AM

The pit bull is a water baby
The Doberman's a fire sprite
The spaniel's an ascended master
Come back to set our lives to rights,
From the decay of lust and sin.
The Schnauzer is a telepath,
The Chihuahua is a djinn.
The golden is a wisp from Irish bogs.
There's more then you'd ever dream you'd have
To know about the secret lives of dogs.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM

You can still hear those kinds of radio stations out in the boonies. Drive from Fort Worth to Albuquerque, for example. The big stations don't come in well out there, so you are stuck with the little ones if you want the local weather, etc. (I've seen some terrific storms out there--you need to know about storm spotters and such).

Nice weather here tonight, though. And cooling down into the 50s tonight! First time it has been that cool since probably back in May! I gave the dogs what is probably their last outside-with-the-garden-hose bath of the season this afternoon. For the next six months it will be in the tub in the hall bathroom. :) The catahoula tolerates the bath because she LOVES to be dried with the towel. The pit bull is a water baby, but she also loves to be dried with the towel. Heck, they love to be dried even if they aren't wet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:07 PM

I always wanted to do the morning traffic report when I worked in Burton, Ohio, right there in Ohio Amish Country:

"Yessir, folks, there's a buggy broke down on Gingerich Road, so y'all be careful right by Emil Miller's place. And up here in town traffic is slowed by a tractor over on the East Side of the Park. It's Earl, and he'll be headin' out the east road in a couple minutes. Over by the cafe there's a pickup takin' up two parkin' places; I think it's Bill Dwyer's old Chevy so Bill's probably inside havin' some of Dorothy's cherry pie and a cuppa coffee. That's the mornin' traffic, folks. And here's a word from Jake over at the hardware store, where he's got a big sale on fence staples and manure forks goin' on."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:59 PM

Yeah, that's close. I haven't been there, but I hear about it on the traffic reports in the morning and evening drive time. :-/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:58 PM

Jeez, a two letter word and he misspells "it".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:36 PM

Visit? I can't even SPELL it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

Poor, poor Pocatello. A rich musical scene, even an annual Bluegrass Festival, and yet no one ever visits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 04:03 PM

Carollton? They are just north of the city. Closer to the city then Jed Marum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 03:55 PM

How near is "near Dallas?" I'm "near Dallas" by about 45 miles in Fort Worth, or is she in El Paso, "near Dallas" by about 700 miles?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:09 AM

I waved at texas! about 25 of the guests were from Texas as my sister has been near Dallas since Katherine (bride) was young. But with the 90th b'day party in florida in february (for my Dad) and a couple more family weddings before my new year of vacation starts next july I gotta be a bit chintzy with how many days I take off! I may get to Texas more often in the future (I have been going once a decade) since I now have a stopeover spot in Clinton, MS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 11:01 AM

Yeah. And turn right to Pocatello. Wassamatter wit' youse?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 10:50 AM

If you were as nearby as Mississippi, why didn't you hang a right and stop by Texas for a couple of days?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:54 AM

Hi Mom! Back from a wedding in Mississississississississippi. 5 out of 12 of the next generation of family married off now. plus 2 of the cousins kids. two more scheduled family wedding in the next year and a couple of associated ones. yikes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 09:53 AM

Ah, Babbitt, I know him well!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM

Yes, indeed, and humble as well. And so very proud of his humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Sep 06 - 08:51 AM

What a good, good fellow is our Rapaire!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:43 PM

They will, if the crick don't rise, be mailed tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 11:29 PM

Sounds like a bedtime song this evening. It's putting me to sleep.

I wonder if those shirts will be here in time to wear for that 14,000th post? Wouldn't that be grand (canyon!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM

Dodgy, dodgy, amigo. But I am bighearted and I will drop the issue. Because I respect you greatly, and love to hear you sing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 06:31 PM

I'm singing them!!! Jeez, don't you know the difference between singing and reciting poetry? You don't footnote songs! Just picture it: "Here's a little ditty from the hills of Midlothian entitled 'Wha' Would Ye Do, Me Jo?' by Angus McGeek open paranthesis Edinborough colon Hamish Rood Music Publishing comman eighteen hundred and ninety-one close parenthesis. Hope you like it."


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