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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM
Acme 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM
Amos 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM
gnu 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM
Amos 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM
gnu 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM
Rapparee 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 15 - 09:14 PM
Acme 17 May 15 - 07:15 PM
gnu 17 May 15 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 16 May 15 - 09:21 PM
Rapparee 16 May 15 - 07:18 PM
gnu 16 May 15 - 06:55 PM
Ebbie 16 May 15 - 05:06 PM
gnu 16 May 15 - 01:55 PM
Amos 16 May 15 - 10:21 AM
gnu 16 May 15 - 07:30 AM
Acme 16 May 15 - 12:23 AM
Rapparee 15 May 15 - 11:17 PM
gnu 15 May 15 - 10:48 PM
gnu 15 May 15 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 15 May 15 - 09:03 PM
Amos 15 May 15 - 08:32 PM
gnu 15 May 15 - 07:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 May 15 - 03:43 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 May 15 - 02:04 PM
gnu 15 May 15 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 15 May 15 - 10:02 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 14 May 15 - 08:35 PM
Acme 14 May 15 - 05:14 PM
Amos 14 May 15 - 03:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 May 15 - 03:37 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 14 May 15 - 02:44 PM
gnu 14 May 15 - 11:37 AM
Amos 14 May 15 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 14 May 15 - 10:01 AM
Amos 14 May 15 - 02:34 AM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 13 May 15 - 10:55 PM
gnu 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 11:22 AM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 13 May 15 - 10:24 AM
Amos 13 May 15 - 10:13 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 09:14 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 15 - 06:26 PM

See spot run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:58 PM

And postpone my month in Ireland??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 15 - 12:49 PM

You're more patient than I, Rap. I'd be down at that other office the next day asking the doc to remove the spot. Stay safe, and have a good trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:59 AM

Mom always enjoys a nice hot sesquipedalian breakfast in bed. Good boy, Rapparree!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 15 - 09:41 AM

Good morning, Mom. Here's a dish made from saprophytic fungi cooked with the unfertilized ova of a chicken, some rounds of seasoned pig meat scraps which have been caramelized, and some chopped up tubers -- all sprinkled with sodium chloride and the ground seeds of Piper nigrum.

And an aqueous infusion of the roasted and ground seeds of the Cofea plant!!

Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:50 PM

Reminds me -- today I received a copy of Skarpi's CDs. I'll put them on my iPod and take Iceland's Irish music to Ireland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

Ahhhh.... RFN too soon? Fing bloody hell fer sure! Wishing you all the luck in the world on getting this stripped and zipped, Rap. Not knowing all the details, it sounds, hopefully, that there is a quick fix on this. Whatever... I just hope the updates are as timely as you can manage to post them. Bless.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 10:49 PM

He operates twice a month, once here and once in his other office 25 miles away.

Besides, starting next Tuesday I'm off to IRELAND until June 23. Dublin. Belfast. Westport. Dingle. Cork. Cashel. THAT Ireland.

However, this will be one surgery per quarter since 2014. I've got it on quantity but Pat's got it on quality.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:59 PM

Oh effing bloody hell, Mike!!! Get it over and done with now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 08:07 PM

Phone rings.

"Hi, this is the dermatologist's office. It's basal cell carcinoma. When do you want to schedule surgery?"

July 7, 8:30 a.m. MDT.

How many four-letter, socially inappropriate, words do YOU know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 May 15 - 07:46 PM

My heat pump (mini-split) is pissed off. Heat. Cool. Heat. Cool. Where the fuck did spring go? Dog damn Global Swarming! I want SPRING dammit!

AND... David Letterman is retiring after Wednesday's show. Who am I supposed to watch? Fallon plays Beer Pong with interesting guests so I can't watch him and even when he interviews them, half or more of the interview is about him. James Cordon acts like a silly English twi/at so much that I don't even record him NO MATTER who his guests are. Seth Myers guests who are of interest are few and far between and I have to listen to inane banter with some jackoff in the band who IS NOT A COMEDIAN. Do I really have to look to see who is on Conehead O'Brien because he is even worse with the "Mommy! Look at me!" shit? The guy that took over Colbert's show and turned it into a shouting match? devoid of any true journalism?... NAY! I shall not!

Of course, I won't miss Jack Hanna.


Sweet Jesus! Please stop dumbing down Late Night TV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 15 - 11:07 AM

Well, that was fun.

And poor Mom, sitting there, a mere thirteen hours from making us play Hide 'n' Seek. Alack and Alas! Am I the sole one that cares? Am I to shoulder the Burden alone? Ah, but easy is the yoke and the mouths of the kine that tread the grain shall not be bound for should Mom fall into a pit who but I would be there to rescue her?

That's why I'm her favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 15 - 10:09 PM

Obviously he was hiding it from Federal confiscation. Did you look inside the ductwork? There are probably more guns hidden there, along with lots and lots and lots of ammunition. A spacious place to hide ammunition is the furnace's heat exchanger, until the heat is turned on. Also look above any suspended ceilings. Is there an old bomb shelter? How about between the wall studs -- did you look there? Some folks, knowing that Obama is going to personally come to confiscate their firearms and short arms, have taken to burying them (inside an appropriate container) in the backyard and then having cows pee all over the place (the iron in the urine foils metal detectors, or so I'm told).

The best way to get the yard dug up is to anonymously contact the FBI and tell them that commies have buried guns there for The Revolution. Of course, if they DO find any guns they'll keep them, but you could sue to get them back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 15 - 09:14 PM

Hi, Mom! Went back to my dad's house to finish getting 40+ years of accumulated crap out of it so it can go on the market. Had an interesting trip. I didn't want to rent a van and I was afraid I'd want to bring back more stuff than our Toyota Highlander could hold, so I drove my old work/fishing truck, a 1993 Toyota T-100. As old as it is, I wasn't comfortable with driving it on the interstate, so I drove the 400 mile trip from Pensacola to St. Augustine (and then back again) on US highways and secondary roads. It's interesting to actually drive through towns you've only known before as names on interstate exit signs.

Here's a list of the things I saw most often on my trip through small town north Florida, in order of frequency:

Buzzards
Dead armadillos
Buzzards eating dead armadillos
Churches
U-Haul dealers
Dollar General stores
Correctional institutions

I'm sure there's a meaning there, but I'm not sure what it is.

I also saw four wild turkeys (but, interestingly, no deer), a big snapping turtle crossing the road, and a water buffalo. The water buffalo was not crossing the road. It was inside a fence at a minor tourist trap near Tallahassee.

And I found my dad's old .22 that I couldn't find last trip and had written off as lost forever. It was inside the HVAC service closet in the garage. I almost didn't even look in there because who the hell keeps anything in an air-handler closet, much less a rifle?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 15 - 07:15 PM

Two biker gangs shot up Waco today. 9 dead, 18 wounded (last count). You don't hear about biker gangs fighting much any more, you hear about them doing peaceful stuff. But this is Texas and that is Waco. Hueco. Wacko. Whatever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 May 15 - 06:32 PM

Three hours from having to go looking for Mom? Oh the shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 15 - 09:21 PM

So this lunk comes at me and he's got a shiv. I can tell from the way he's holding it that he's about as familiar with it as he is with a diving suit. He's holding it all wrong with no guard. I could crotch kick him and leave him bawling like a baby with a dirty diaper.

But I don't. I laugh and tell him, "Who taught you about knives? Your mommy? That's not the way to hold a knife!" and I move to take it away and show him the right way.

But he cuts it up and holds it over his head. Now I could REALLY fix him so he never has kids, but I don't. He says, "Just keep still and turn your head. And this is how we were taught to use it in medical school."

So I do and I can feel the blood running down my cheek. He mops it up and the dame with him put a bandage on it and he tells me to follow the instructions on the sheet and he'll let me know about the biopsy next week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 15 - 07:18 PM

Dude, that's what cousins are for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 06:55 PM

Thanks, Ebbie.

Dunno why the first story I think of is the time my hat flew off when I was on my 3 wheeler during a rain up in the woods... mud EVERYWHERE... I got stopped and I turned back to see Rodney (about 16 years old) in his dune buggy doing donuts on my hat and laughing his ass off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 May 15 - 05:06 PM

Gary, I'm sorry for your loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 01:55 PM

So sad that I couldn't attend the wake last night... many stories accompanied by beverages and his brothers Charlie (guitar, vocals) and Jim (fiddle, vocals) played upbeat Irish Trad until the last song which, of course, was The Parting Glass... not a dry eye in the house (or haus as the building is part of the winery owned by his partner Elke... I think that's how her name is spelled... who came from Germany many years ago with her parents).

I was saddened that there was no eulogy (Perhaps something to do with the wake? Ya knows the Irish, eh?). Sad for the obvious reason and because I had to refuse being a pall bearer because I knew I wouldn't be able to stand at the back of the church during a eulogy. I was offered a chair option but that wasn't a good idea for reasons I won't get into. Big crowd, especially considering the obit wasn't in the newspaper until this AM and it didn't even mention the funeral mass. Odd but there it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 15 - 10:21 AM

Why it was the kind of deluge makes you think you've shown up after yourself, I tell ya! The city is all scrubbed and wind-dried and sun-polished now. Just the way I like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 May 15 - 07:30 AM

Yo! A... I hear there was a light shower in SD. Made the news here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 15 - 12:23 AM

I had an Irish father and a Scandinavian mother and grew up in a Scandinavian community. I have heard of, but never attended, an Irish wake. I've been to a few "celebrations of life" that might qualify, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 15 - 11:17 PM

Sorry to learn of this. Another good one gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 15 - 10:48 PM

I have shorn my mane, shaved my whiskers, laid out my three piece blue pin stripe avec silk red pocket poof and 115+ year old Illinois Railroad watch (thanks Dan) and set out my good shoes. At 11AM, the service begins. I wish I was at the wake which began earlier at 7PM. It will be... is... a true Irish wake. My cousins are excellent musicians and singers. They can't hold a candle to me in story telling but then, few can although they will, are, undoubtedly giving it a go as I type. I can imagine the tunes and stories going on as I type.... oh to be uncursed with this foul disease!!! so I could honour my cousin with song and stories.

See ya when I see ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 15 - 10:32 PM

I don't understand the mane point.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 15 - 09:03 PM

No lions...that's good gnus. A gnu thing, but good gnus all the same, and I ain't lion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 15 - 08:32 PM

Those who need privacy at the waterhole don't like the aroma of long-horned wildebeesties, as the odor attracts lions and that tends to be a distraction from courting and its resultant passions. They usually check it out in advance before they bring their sweethearts down there, believing in the adage that no Gnus is good gnus.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 15 - 07:48 PM

My Honeys are back!!! They nest under my back steps... wooden, enclosed steps.... in the ground. A whack of them buzzing around and it's tricky to avoid stepping on them when I go in and out of the house. That is usually the case until they get used to me. Of course, every time there is a new sentry perched on the steps, same thing happens but it doesn't take as long for them to get used to me.

I just hope they stay. Last two years, they swarmed and left in just several weeks. Then again, maybe it's better that they do because I sometimes have visitors who don't know about bees and the bees become agitated when someone stands on the upper landing too long. Especially if they swat any. Even worse, if they are not paying attention and step on one or do it out of fear, well, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 May 15 - 03:43 PM

In some respects, though, I'd hafta say that downtown Chicago is more dangerous. And a lot noisier.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 May 15 - 02:04 PM

Gnus have a real hard time with the heat. And that is why you find 'em down at the waterhole so much. Lions, of course, know this, and that means the gnus have gotta be pretty careful. I found it a lot easier dealin' with them lions after I got used to usin' firearms, but not long after that I emigrated to the USA, so I ain't had to deal with any lions in a long time now.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 15 - 12:48 PM

Got the air conditioning on! Us Great White Northerners can't take the heat eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 15 - 10:02 AM

Dear Penny,

I report only the truth. I am not, however, going to "share" my magnificent body with a lot of giggling student nurses who work in an environment of disease. Good Heavens! I could come down with the Galloping Nevergetovers! I'm far to attached to my body to risk that.

Your humble servant,

/s/eerappaR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 14 May 15 - 08:35 PM

In reference to the passage: "looked over my magnificent body (to the gasps and cries of amazement and pleasure from his female assistants)"

You must take care, Mr Rapparee, that you don't succumb to the effects of terminal boasting! It has proven fatal in more than a few cases.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 15 - 05:14 PM

That's losing weight the hard way, Rap. Shrinkage by a thousand cuts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 03:52 PM

Oh, I don't! Imagine the buzz at the Liverspots Convention Hall when he gets drugged in for indecent exposure from the shoulders up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 May 15 - 03:37 PM

That sounds like a pretty harrowing dermatologist visit, Rap. I hope you remembered to dress before driving home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 May 15 - 02:44 PM

I wunce get aholt of you Mr Liver Eater and you are flippin' DEAD!!!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 May 15 - 11:37 AM

Baikal 28" vent rib with fine bead, full over modified, double trigger, selective eject with cracked grip but it's okay on accounta I duct taped it (over 650 shells through it after I cracked it). Got knurled grips and the breach has a woods scene with a partridge on one side and a rabbit on the other. Recoil pad too. Very light. But you can't have it because I gave it to my cousin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 11:25 AM

As a recent survivor of medical assault with razor trying to deface the excoriating beauty of my natural visage, I can sympathize. Let the biopsy reveal your Venusian lineage!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 15 - 10:01 AM

Geez, you go away because a dermatologist cuts up you face, and unexpectedly I might add, and some old mountain man is baiting Shame, Amos is staying up waaaay past his bedtime, and gnu is selling off his possessions (if ya got a nice shotgun let me know).

Yes, I went in for simple checkup. He squirted liquid nitrogen on a "sun spot" beneath my right eye and looked over my magnificent body (to the gasps and cries of amazement and pleasure from his female assistants). Then, he turned my head to the left and...told his assistant to "prepare him." She replied that she'd be MOST happy to do that and gave a little wiggle. He told her to send in the other nurse, named "Watch it" or something. So this new nurse jams a square needle with a blunt point with burrs into my right (facial) cheek and injects something. When she does it again I inadvertently register pain and she jabs the needle in further, twists it, and yanks it out.

Yes, I was leaking blood. Even the doctor said so and I could feel it running down my cheek. He put a napkin near the wound, so he wouldn't leave evidence of the assault on my shirt I guess, and whips out a knife and starts whittling and I passed out from the pain.

Two hard stinging slaps awakened me and the nurse said, "The doc wants to tell you something." So he told me that the stuff he cut out would biopsied and he have the results next week. Then they turned me off the table and onto the cold floor (I was still au naturel for the exam), and said to go home and wait for them to call.

I managed, somehow, to drive home and crawl into bed, the blood sometimes leaking from under the cotton ball duct taped to my cheek. I can't shave and I can barely sleep; such opiates as I have don't touch the pain. Then I find Amos up past his bedtime.

Pshaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 02:34 AM

Guess it takes all kinds of L.E.J.'s to make a village, or something like that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:55 PM

Dont know nothin about no Colorader guy. As fer you in Bland River, I aint testin you. Yer a coddle brain mommys boy, a manjer de pork, a flatlander with flat fleet who couldnt cook a beaver tail er skin old Ephraim if ya had to. Yer a pudden faced pail of thin milk that aint brave enuf ta leave home lessen its with tar an fethers on. As fer that McBride stuff, the only one of them I ever knew stunk so bad we gave him in to a hot bath in Colter's Hell an watched the grease rise to the top, kinda like buffler chips in a stagnent pond.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM

SRS... two 4 drawer filing cabinets went for $450. I am now setting out one garbage bag of my business each week (20 weeks... them suckers be HEAVY! and I don't wanna piss off da man).

LEJ? I think not! Imposter I fear. Guys from Colorado are too mellllow fer that kinda stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM

All's I can say is this: DON'T FLIPPIN' TEST ME! I am a McBride, eh? You don't flippin' test a McBride if you got any flippin' cents in yer head, know'm sayin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 11:22 AM

You know what you can do, right?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:24 AM

Rule? You ever cut out and et a man's liver? Raw? Like ah did? Bekaws he anoyed me? Rule. Run home to momma, litle boy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:13 AM

I hate when Imaginary Friends get uppity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 09:14 AM

I still rule, eh? You can take that to the bank. No word of a flippin' lie.

- Shane


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