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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 May 15 - 03:46 AM
Amos 13 May 15 - 03:45 AM
GUEST,LEJ 12 May 15 - 10:12 PM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 12 May 15 - 10:10 PM
Acme 12 May 15 - 09:07 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 08:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 May 15 - 07:49 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 03:49 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 02:45 PM
Acme 12 May 15 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 12 May 15 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 12 May 15 - 09:31 AM
Amos 12 May 15 - 12:22 AM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM
Amos 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM
Amos 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM
gnu 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM
gnu 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM
Amos 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM
Acme 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM
GUEST 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM
gnu 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM
gnu 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM
Amos 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM
Acme 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM
gnu 08 May 15 - 07:29 PM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 09:33 AM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy 08 May 15 - 01:09 AM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 07 May 15 - 09:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 May 15 - 08:00 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 12:35 PM
Acme 07 May 15 - 12:16 PM
Amos 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM
GUEST,Don McBride 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM
Rapparee 07 May 15 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 06 May 15 - 10:02 PM
Amos 06 May 15 - 03:51 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 May 15 - 11:16 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 03:46 AM

By gar, I should hope bloody not, eh, me son?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 03:45 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 12 May 15 - 10:12 PM

Sorry. just wanted ta say I ain't daid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 12 May 15 - 10:10 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:07 PM

gnu, I've put a few things up on eBay this week myself. Clearing out the sun room and adding to the cash for a trip in the fall. You do seem to have a knack for those online sales.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 08:28 PM

Often, it's just a hacker testing the site with a shite post. Though... I ain't no expert fer sure eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 May 15 - 07:49 PM

Why is Internet SPAM so often indecipherable? If the object is to sell something, doesn't a clear message stating what it is you are selling, at what price, and why someone should want it make more sense than something which only makes a reader go "What the fuck is this all about?"

MOM is too proud of our robust post count to let some illegible whippersnapper try to horn in to add to the number. She shooed that nonsense out the door and gave it a kick in the pants off of the back porch. That said, said whippersnapper may have searched and noticed gnu's prolific sales and thought to piggyback on his sales. --mudelf


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 03:49 PM

$555 dollars in 7 days on Kijiji. Got another $10 sale (new gas can I got with a "Flo N' Go Home Filling Station") in a half hour. Got about 60 ads online. Got a load of stuff to sell in quick time. Figure on moving out of here by 08.15. Anyone need fishin n huntin stuff? or a 7' two leaf maple dining table with 8 chairs? or... whatever? I even have an empty pack of Camel smokes and the butts from it what belonged to yer famous author and musician Amos Jessop. Just send a blank cheque fer the Jessop memorabilia... if ya gotta ask the price, ya can't afford it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 02:45 PM

Rap... Mi'kmaq... mig-maw. The g is half way to a c. Practice for the test.

All my relations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 15 - 01:44 PM

Figuring it out - that is the big part!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:44 AM

And so, charged with convincing Eiseley to come to Getaway, I wrote her hermitage. I mightily strove to convince her to leave her anchorite's cell in the mountains and join in good fellowship and music on the shores of Chesapeake Bay. I explained that the tales of non-stop drunken lechery and lust were simply things made up to avoid too many attendees but that they had the opposite effect. I told her...but I think that the list of possible guests was what changed her mind. I told her that Elvis, Princess Charlotte, Cecily Fox Smith, Childe Harold (of Childe's Ballads fame), Texas Maggie, Pecos Bill, Joaquin Murrieta, Ol' Lewd Beethoven, "Filthy" Lucre, and even the New Brunswick Bohran may show up. Here is her response:

I'd love to see everyone! Let me figure out if I can "get away" and go!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:31 AM

FTL? If it's FTL how do the electrons keep up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 15 - 12:22 AM

You are confusing it with your own, buried and desperate past, sirrah. It is an elegant piece of computer hardware, capable of driving the fastest space flight beyond the orbit of Mars.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM

Or am I confusing it with an Indian tribe of the NB/ME area?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM

Minimac is a little hamburger, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM

In half an hour my new Minimac will have on it all the files my iMac had on it before its logic board blew out. This will be great relief to me, as I was in morbid fear that immortal lines might somehow be lost to human ken for all time, denying the sunlight of their wisdom and cheer to countless needful generations of Homo Novae and delaying the birth of genuine civilization in the West. Now I know this horrible fate has been avoided, the bomb of darkness defused, the barbarous bullet dodged, and I can rest easy and pursue my more ordinary labors with a tranquil heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM

But nobody does it like Bugs, am I right? Noooobody.

Save your nickels, save your dimes,
Make a trip at Getaway time
Don't be shy and don't be lame,
Come to Getaway all a same!
Yeeehaaw!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM

There are many pieces of music like that, pieces that pierce your heart and soul and brings reality back to an unreal world. They keep you going when the mountain seems too steep to continue the climb, when the road is nothing but nails and potholes, when the river is too wild and cold and the night to dark, when the bridge to other side seems about to collapse into the Stygian canyon below, when the unknowable loads of the future seem too much to bear, when straining a bit of joy from life seems impossible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM

Thank you, Rap.

But, indeed, this forum is about Blues and Folk. So, perhaps it is time for a more serious approach toward the music rather than me being... oh, never mind... let's get serious about real folk music. This American classic from the Ozark Mountains has always provided me with a dose of comfort and reality. Bugs me that some don't consider it a true classic piece of American art.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM

I certainly cannot imagine why it would be, gnu. I am certainly certain that you were a model child and grew into a model adult.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM

I would have to hire someone that Mum doesn't know. Not a good idea.

BTW... the lobster was great! I gotta do all the crackin on accounta she can't do it anymore so it makes me feel even better when I serve it up. So was the chicken dinner on Wednesday from which I made chicken soup last night... mmmmm! The two dozen roses (12 white and twelve red) that I delivered Wednesday are now flowered out and are beautiful. Gotta get a pic. She really liked the card even though I didn't write it. >;-) The HBird feeder has been up for near a week but no Hummers yet... sigh. Got three hanging pots up on her garage eave yesterday. Yellow, red and purple Mini Petunias. She has been having a good week and it brings joy to my otherwise "life". She deserves it... raising me for 58+ years has been exasperating for her, I am sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM

Absolutably!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM

Shall I try to convince Eiseley??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM

Part of that more current information is that your mom might enjoy someone else's cooking for a few days and you should come meet the rest of us face to face, if we all make it this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM

The Advocate GEneral of Domestic Mishaps and Coordination wishes to advise Mister Gnu that any college student will be glad to fill in to cover the alleged circumstances with which he wishes to justify his absence at said Getaway, for a cost less hazardous than said thimble and collateral consequences. The Advocate General requests Mister Gnu rethink his position in light of this more current information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM

Dear Sue,

Didn't you "date" my friends Jim, Brian, Tom, Roger, Dennis, and Steve one night when you were in college? I seem to remember a orgy party the details of which shall remain closed...maybe. Yes, I have photographs and a grainy 8mm film and yes, it's you "sweety pants".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM

Dear Mr. Rapparee,

Mr. gnu, for whom I act as agent, has directed me to issue this correspondence to assure you that Mr. gnu would gladly attend the event in Maryland if various circumstances which preclude his presence were not existent. Additionally, he hopes to attend someday.

Signed under seal for Mr. gnu by,

Sue Yoo, LLB, Barrister and Solicitor
Pluckem, Fuckem and Chuckem Ltd.
Bank of Nova Scrotum Building
Sweet 4263
1 Main Street
Moncton, NB
Canada $1$ 1$1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM

Your systolic gets much lower and you won't pass the exam.

Mr. gnu is cordially invited to a weekend of music, song, and drunken lechery, also called Getaway 2015, which will be held at West River, Maryland, on the first weekend in October. Mr. Rapparee is certain that arrangements for at least one bodhran or other weapon can be arranged, as can some sort of transport from and to Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Should Mr. gnu elect not to come, arrangements will be made for Ms. Jacqui Morse to thump him repeatedly on the head with a heavy thimble.

Répondez s'il vous plaît ASAP.

Cordially yours,
Mr. Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM

NOW I read the posts about bacon. Although, I did not eat the whole package in one sitting. Took me three, over about an hour. Took two beers to wash it down. I figure the 175# will be about 174# tomorrow... just retaining fluids. Hmmm, better check my BP. 116/74 at 69 bpm. Apparently, bacon+beer is good for the BP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM

Them Cleverleys are as cleverly as boys can get, you betcha!

Advice to the wicked: do NOT try and remove a hard drive from one of them unimodular iMacs for the first time. Wait until the fourth or fifth time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM

Gary, I responded to someone recently about bacon, but it apparently wasn't you. Stay healthy, get your butt down to the Getaway this year. Maybe some more of the MOAB clan can get together. But you won't make it if you have a bacon-induced stroke. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM

We buy bacon, cook it, drain it, cool it, and freeze it. That speeds up BLTs and other things because you can cook a couple of pounds in advance. We use a griddle with a couple of bacon presses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM

Gnu, whether eating an entire package of bacon at one sitting is healthy or not is beside the question. It's disgusting either way. Bacon is a low-dosage food.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 May 15 - 07:29 PM

If y'all ain't never heard The Cleverleys, y'all ain't heard shit. The most entertaining band of entertainers on the face of the earth. YT has over 60 videos but ya gotta search em out. Here's one about yer lizard. Lizards?

Now.... on to a much more pressing affair. I posted regarding bacon and my post was ignored. Perhaps y'all thought it was not a serious post or that it wasn't worthy of comment. Well, I have just set another package of bacon in a frying pan so, if I die in the near future from a fucked up cardiovascular system, it's YOUR fault. It will be on YOUR head. Do you want that weight on your mind? If not, check out The Cleverleys and I will only eat some of the bacon. Hahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 01:46 PM

Certain parts of their anatomy also make long-lasting, high-bouncing, golf balls and are eagerly sought after by those who run around in a pasture hitting their balls with a club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:33 AM

I didn't say it was recent. Geez, some people!

As for your lizard people, we've pretty much killed 'em all off. Sure, one or another will pop up in the statehouse or be elected to Congress (you can tell 'em by their forked tongues) but eventually they're taken care of as folks out here have always done. When we find their eggs we burn 'em, of course, in a funeral crematory. Haven't found any viviparous ones yet but we know how to deal with them too.

Their hides make pretty good boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy
Date: 08 May 15 - 01:09 AM

(1895) "Larkins made a statement denying all knowledge of the affair. He also warned all young men, as they feared death, to beware of dissolute women and whisky, saying his case should be a warning."

What is little known by the general public is that Sid Larkins had become aware of the fact that the secret order of lizard men had taken over the government and the courts in the State of Utah and the general region. It was for this that he was executed in order to hide the dire activities of the lizards and their descendants right to this very day!

Read all about it in the next issue of Final Revelations Magazine!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 10:43 PM

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah, May 1--Sid Larkins was hanged at 11 o'clock yesterday morning at Pocatello, Idaho, for the murder of Josie Hill at Idaho Falls on Christmas. When the trap was sprung the body shot into the air, rebounded once, and then hung limp. Larkins' neck was broken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 07 May 15 - 09:15 PM

You are a major fliphead and a bolthole, Bee-Dub-whatevertheflip! You are also a flippin' liar! I know this becoz...becoz....ummm...

Wait a flippin' minute here. Ah...?

Well.......

Okay, fine. HE did it! Bee-Dubya-Ell stole all that stuff from the Blind River supermarket, eh? And he just admitted it too! Boy, what a terrible bad antisoshall person he must be! No shame, eh? I hope they lock that darn fliphead up and throw away the flippin' key!

Flip me.

Later. I got work to do.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 May 15 - 08:00 PM

It was me! I did it! I stole the canned fruit!

The recall of Bluebell frozen fruit bars has resulted a run on other brands of frozen fruit bars at my local supermarket. There are now none of any kind available! People are buying them all up and hoarding them. I am going to have to make my own to avoid going into frozen fruit bar withdrawal.

Hence, the supermarket burglary in Blind River, Ontario. It was an easy choice because there's some loser up there who's a surefire patsy. The cops are probably knocking on his door as I type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 03:57 PM

That would be like...our backyard, eh?

You should see all the junk that is back there. We got stuff goin' back at least a hunnert years, I think. Piles and piles of it.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 03:08 PM

It was taken off by the undertakers to where old fridges go when their work is through and they retire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 12:35 PM

Them sl;andirons allegations are the worst kind!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 15 - 12:16 PM

Rap, are you going to bury the old fridge in the back yard or under the porch with those old freezers?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM

I was curled up with un coup de rouge and a good, but not important, book.

That wicked Rapparree was SO busy composing sl;andirons allegations he forgot to open his widdle back-flap!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Don McBride
Date: 07 May 15 - 11:56 AM

You shure lead a dull flippin' life, Rap! Ha! Ha! Well, somethin' strange happened last night, eh? Somebuddy broke into the grocery store and alls they seem to have took was a lotta canned fruit and a couple other cheap items. I hearn about it at the gas station. That don't make no flippin' sense! Who the flip steals canned fruit??? What for? If you are gonna steal...make it worth yer flippin' while, eh? This is the first time the grocery store in Blind River has ever been robbed, so people are talkin' about it a lot.

- Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 May 15 - 09:44 AM

Cher Maman, I must be the only one who stayed sober last night. Everyone else seems to have gone to some drunken orgy where they drank the Devil's rum, sang, broke up bars, beat up cops, and caroused with questionable companions.

But not me! I followed your teachings and stayed home, eventually loading the new refrigerator with the food from the old one and then putting on my Winnie-the-Poop jammies and wending my weary way to beddy-bye.

And I didn't wet the bed last night, either!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 May 15 - 10:02 PM

Oui , Amos , et que la recette fonctionnera comme il l'a dans les prisons pour de nombreuses années. Le résultat a été comparé à une bile aromatisé refroidisseur de vin, mais je suis certain que Shane va en profiter comme il n'a pas de goût dans la liqueur ou autre chose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 15 - 03:51 PM

Yep--mutual deserving in action! Goo'ness, what a crop of malarkey, hein? Ma foi! Lorsque le Rapparee c'est un mecce epouvantable, et le Shane c'est un mecce horrible et degalasse, on va voir un peu de drôle ci-dedans! J'en suis sur!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 May 15 - 11:16 AM

Are you kiddin'? I can flippin' handle it, man! No word of a lie.   And it sounds easy! I am gonna do just like you said. I just gotta get the canned fruit first. This is gonna be good!

- Shane


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