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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Apr 06 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 06 - 08:41 AM
Acme 03 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 10:41 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 06:44 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 04:33 PM
Acme 02 Apr 06 - 03:45 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 03:06 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 02:36 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM
Acme 02 Apr 06 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM
Little Hawk 01 Apr 06 - 07:20 PM
Amos 01 Apr 06 - 07:11 PM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 05:20 PM
Amos 01 Apr 06 - 01:58 PM
Acme 01 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 06:49 PM
Amos 31 Mar 06 - 06:02 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 04:55 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:56 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:51 PM
Little Hawk 31 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 02:34 PM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 11:57 AM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 06 - 09:33 AM
Bunnahabhain 31 Mar 06 - 07:33 AM
Acme 31 Mar 06 - 12:09 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 03:26 PM
Amos 30 Mar 06 - 02:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 11:49 AM
MMario 30 Mar 06 - 11:38 AM
Acme 30 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 06 - 09:18 AM
Amos 30 Mar 06 - 09:05 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 03:24 PM

I mean, my trumpet seems to be a Conn New Wonder. I meant whatever it is NPR has up it's sleeve(s).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 08:41 AM

Don't expect me to lend them my trumpet, whatever it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM

I can hardly wait to see what the folks at NPR do for April Fools next year. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 10:41 PM

Nah, I was playing the old Al Hirt piece "Java", but kicked up an octave and a half higher than it was written and in a totally different key. And time signature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM

...because you were playing the Vole Areé song, right?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM

No, it's what happens when I put a resonator mute in the bell of my trumpet and blow G# above high C. I don't do that very often, because the last time I did it three buzzards fell stunned off a gut wagon and all the voles in six counties moved to Wyoming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 07:53 PM

I think a resonant is a consonant with extra air-pressure behind it, yes? :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 06:44 PM

May god forgive such dimbulbs.

God had better, 'cause I won't. Not if they're Charles Lamb, or Bowdler, or whomever.

The first time I read Huck Finn the part about the King and Duke stealing the inheritance and some other parts were left out -- I never read them until college. But! Jim was refered to as in Twain's original, Injun Joe was Injun Joe, the description of the attack planned on the Widow Douglas was left in, the eventual end of the King and Duke was left in...why the parts that were left out were censored I have no idea. And Huck's "Well, then, I'll go to Hell!" still resonants from that first, censored, edition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM

The mindset of these atavistic hump-heads is along the lines of "Please don't draw us any pictures of human nature, or human history, or human hopes for the future, or human love. Our philosophy takes care of all that and we don't want to know any more."

May god forgive such dimbulbs.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 04:33 PM

Ah, what's next? Let's see, what are some of those things that are probably out of copyright (don't want to get sued, now!) that might possibly maybe offend me and you....

Othello, The Merchant of Venice, The Tell-Tale Heart, Don Quixote de la Mancha, Hamlet, The Canterbury Tales, Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer Night's Dream, All's Well That Ends Well, Davy Crockett's Almanac, Uncle Remus, Just So Stories, The Adventure of the Yellow Face, Moby-Dick, The Scarlet Letter, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Mother Goose, The Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, White Fang, David Copperfield, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations....

And the newer stuff, like Lord of the Flies or Black Boy or All Quiet On The Western Front or...why, it's just appalling! I can't even read Beatrix Potter without being offended by that Mr. MacGregor!

Ah do thank ah'll jist haf ta sit down with a julep until mah nerves are right again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 03:45 PM

Good one, Amos! Instead, he can spin in Los Alamos, and he can spit if he wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 03:06 PM

Book-burners, everyone of 'em. I spit. If Ray Bradbury were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave thinking about such mindless reactionary pseudo-fascism.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM

The same thing, Rap, only more so.

You see, the new fascists are so intent upon establishing much more subtle forms of slavery via mind-control and enforced conformity, that they must ensure that the more obvious types of historical slavery aren't even spoken of, except in a context that will push people's emotional buttons in the desired direction...that which supports a climate of fear.

A climate of fear enables the establishment of harsher laws, more restrictions on freedom, more dictatorship in the name of "collective security".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:36 PM

Then what will happen to Huck Finn? The Connecticut Yankee? Or, God help us, Puddin'head Wilson?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

Read the sanitized version of Tom Sawyer. He no longer gets in a fight with the new kid in town...that would be promoting violence. Instead, they have a heart to heart talk that results in them seeing past their mutual differences and joining forces to help resolve disputes between all small boys everywhere peacefully.

The sexist parts are removed. Tom no longer comes to the rescue of Becky Thatcher and saves her from a caning, because that would be disempowering her as a strong female in control of her own destiny. The teacher who canes her then gets arrested for assault on a child, and is committed to a criminal psychiatric facility. He emerges some years later, having repented fullsomely, and founds an institute for non-violence.

Tom no longer feeds "painkiller" to the cat. That would be cruelty toward animals. The scene is removed. Tom's pal no longer pesters the pinch bug, and Tom no longer pesters the pinch bug either. They rescue it from drowing in a puddle and then release it.

The murderous Injun Joe is deemed a stereotype deeply offensive to all Native Americans. He gets re-written as a saintly Native American mystic with special healing abilities. He cures his drunken pal of alcoholism with herbal remedies, and assists the young doctor in overcoming his compulsion to rob graves by taking him on a vision quest. No one gets murdered.

No references are made to slaves or "n-ggers" anywhere! We can't have people knowing that such things were once considered part of the status quo, can we? Slavery might break out again all over if people knew about it, after all...

The new, improved version of Tom Sawyer is a story for our times. It's totally lacking in dramatic effect, boring to read, historically all wrong, completely inoffensive to idiots with a chip on their shoulders, and about as much fun to read as chewing on an old shoe!

It will shortly be inflicted on a generation of unfortunate school children, hunkered down in their Neo-Orwellian classrooms, who will decide Mark Twain was one hell of a bad writer...and they'll never read another Mark Twain story again if they can possibly avoid it. ;-P


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM

West Side Story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 01:44 PM

It was awful to listen to, it kept going and going. Can you imagine such an operation in the arts? Oh, yeah, that's right, Bowdler. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM

Fuck me. I listened to the whole thing, Stilly, and it was like sucking on an old shoe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM

Carmen: a poor Latino girl who works hard at Wal-Mart meets a soldier.

Thais: a poor girl makes good.

Das Rheingold: the story of a birthday party and a scavenger hunt.

The Flying Dutchman: a nice sea captain sails away to adventure.




Jeez....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 09:58 PM

Did anyone else listen to All Things Considered this evening? The last story. by Alice Furlaud, was agonizing to listen to--and I sincerely hope it was this year's entry in the April Fool's category. It's listed under "Fun and Games" at the site.

Here is the link.

I tell you, this one is excruciating to listen to. Opera, inspired by the positive thoughts of Norman Vincent Peale. I wish my Dad was still alive to send this link to. He'd have loved it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 09:56 PM

Amos? Maturity?

Have you never heard the word "oxymoron"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 07:20 PM

You pullin' the "maturity" thing on me again, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 07:11 PM

You ARE just like Martha Stewart! LOL!!

Ok, Rapaire, I take back my leedle joke. Just don't do it again, whatever it was you did. Mom is wise to you. You never knew that she knew, but she knew all along. I knew she knew, too, and knew, too, that you knew she knew not, which was not really something you knew anyway because it was wrong -- she knew. You just didn't know she knew.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 05:20 PM

Ground cookies? Are you making a pie crust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 01:58 PM

Rapaire,

Your flaming on this thread has gone far enough. Joe Offer agrees. Your cookie is about to be eaten. Forget trying to log in here during your penance period. Mudcat Justice may grind exceeding slow, but it does grind exceeding fine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 11:41 AM

Overcast, threatening rain here in Texas. We may actually get a spring growing season after all! Hey Mom, I dug up a sweet-smelling daffodil, bulb and all, and it's sitting in a pot on my kitchen table. Just like Matha Stewart!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 10:30 AM

Howdy, Mom! How're ya doin' on this, Amos's Special Day, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:27 PM

I can't think of anything to add to this stunning repartee, so I'll just give mom a boost and say "good night!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 06:49 PM

Well, that answers my question. He's the Greatest Dweeb And Poor Speciman of Humanity.

LH, you should have said so right away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 06:02 PM

LH, I think it is time to grow up.

Start a fixation on Gordon Lightfoot or something.

This Shatner fellow is a dweeb and a poor specimen of humanity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 04:55 PM

The greatest what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:59 PM

"Who is the greatest?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:56 PM

To what question?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:54 PM

The answer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:51 PM

As what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:42 PM

As you near 12,000 posts, hope for an appearance by William Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 02:34 PM

Go here

Links to a live feed of a pair of nesting bald eagles in Hornby Island, British Columbia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 01:41 PM

Yeah, I know the feeling. We have Big Lots stores around here and they had the large boxes of Kleenex on a really good sale last week. I picked up about 10 boxes and distributed them around the house where all of our old boxes had been depleted.

So, the weekend is here, the weather is good, I'm feeling better--time to stay in the house and do my income taxes. Whhhaaaaaa!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:57 AM

Two weeks ago we had 14 boxes of kleenex. This morning we had four.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 11:43 AM

Prednisone? Did you stuff poison ivy up your nose to try to deal with your sinus infection? Sounds like your household is a walking advertisement for three-ply Kleenex.

Who has a dirty mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 09:33 AM

March, the Month of Mud. And it's nearly over.

I'm on prednisone and Augmentin, myself. Pat's on Z-Cillin for the same thing. Coughing and infection. You have a dirty mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 07:33 AM

Don't worry, nothing much happened.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 06 - 12:09 AM

Hey, Mom, the doctor didn't get mad at me when I fessed up that I dosed myself with a week's worth of amoxil. Said it was a good guess at getting the sinus infection. It just didn't get it all, so I have a stronger one for 10 days to nuke it.

I seem to have missed most of March. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 03:26 PM

The Izaak Walton League tried a couple years ago, but no remains were ever found. Just a large bubbling burp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 02:35 PM

That doesn't seem very fair. Has anyone tried negotiating with those sturgeons?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:49 AM

A Sparse Grey Quibble tied on a #32 barbless hook is the favored fly for catching the wily Portneuf River sturgeon. Naturally, it's catch-and-release if you manage to land one. If you hook one and don't manage to land it it's catch-and-eat from the sturgeon point of view.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:38 AM

I would personally prefer to see it as "in the pretense of thy religion" - but won't quibble.

Okay, I already did quibble, but you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 11:25 AM

OOOOH! Google is offering salmon for sale at the bottom! But I didn't log on for that, I logged on to share this:

The 23rd Qualm
(Written by a retired Methodist minister. )

Bush is my shepherd; I dwell in want.
He maketh logs to be cut down in national forests.
He leadeth trucks into the still wilderness.
He restoreth my fears.
He leadeth me in the paths of international disgrace
for his ego's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of pollution and war,
I will find no exit, for thou art in office.
Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy media control, they discomfort me.
Thou preparest an agenda of deception in the presence of thy religion.
Thou anointest my head with foreign oil.
My health insurance runneth out.
Surely megalomania and false patriotism shall follow me
all the days of thy term,
And my jobless child shall dwell in my basement forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 09:18 AM

Oh, hell, Amos. That fish was caught and cooked years back!

Demne was the son of Cumhail mac Art, a warrior killed before his mother gave birth to him. Fearing for her son's safety at the hands of her husband's killers, she sent him away to be raised by a woman warrior and druidess. They taught him first to be a hunter. When he raced and caught wild deer and brought them back to the women who raised him they decided it was time for him to learn the skills of a warrior.

Not long afterward, Demne came upon a group of boys playing hurley. For several days running he beat them single-handedly, first a quarter of the boys, then half, and finally the entire group. The defeated boys complained about their shameful defeat to their chieftain and at the chieftain's suggestion plotted to kill Demne. They attempted an attack in the water but Demne not only saved his own life but also drowned several of them.

Unable to avoid pursuit by his father's enemies, Demne decided to become a poet. A poet's status in the Celtic society was so high that being a member of that profession would shield him from harm. He took up study with a poet named Finneces who lived near the River Boyne.

The River Boyne was home to a magical salmon that ate nuts from a hazel tree and was known as the Salmon of Knowledge. A druid had foretold that whoever ate first of the flesh of that magical salmon would have knowledge of all things. After many years of watching the salmon, Finneces finally caught it and told his apprentice Demne to cook the fish.

A hunter and warrior Demne might have been but those skills would not protect him from the burning his thumb while the salmon was cooking. He sucked his thumb to ease the pain, thereby tasting the salmon. Demne told Finneces what had happened and his mentor decreed that the young Demne was the one intended to eat the salmon and changed his name to "Finn". Henceforth known as Finn mac Cumhail, he received three gifts that would make him a great poet: magic, great insight, and the power of words.


There were several pieces of The Salmon left, however, and these were gathered up and fed to other salmon and in this way the powers of The Salmon has been passed on over the generations. These fish are kept in a special pool of the River Liffey (WAAAAAAAAAAAAY upstream from Dublin!) and when the time is right are smoked and sent to Library Schools around the world. Each graduate of each school, having been Deemed Worthy to graduate is given a piece of this smoked salmon to eat -- and what happens is so wonderful that everyone that tastes of it craves both the taste of The Salmon and what it brings.

That's why the traditional graduate degree for librarians is called an "MLS". We've camouflaged the real meaning by telling everyone it means "Master of Library Science" but it really means "More Liffey Salmon."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 06 - 09:05 AM

Off the hook!! Fine for us. But what about that poor Salmon of Knowledge?


A


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