Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134] [1135] [1136]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 30 Aug 04 - 10:38 AM
Rapparee 29 Aug 04 - 09:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Aug 04 - 07:25 PM
GUEST,Obv Tweed 29 Aug 04 - 01:53 PM
Rapparee 28 Aug 04 - 10:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 08:57 PM
khandu 28 Aug 04 - 07:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 06:11 PM
Acme 28 Aug 04 - 04:27 PM
khandu 28 Aug 04 - 03:43 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Aug 04 - 09:31 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:18 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:16 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Aug 04 - 03:04 AM
Rapparee 27 Aug 04 - 06:43 PM
Acme 27 Aug 04 - 06:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Aug 04 - 06:06 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 04 - 05:40 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 04 - 05:39 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 04 - 05:39 PM
GUEST 27 Aug 04 - 12:44 PM
Acme 27 Aug 04 - 12:25 PM
GUEST 27 Aug 04 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 26 Aug 04 - 10:02 PM
khandu 26 Aug 04 - 09:58 PM
Acme 26 Aug 04 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 04 - 12:19 PM
GUEST 26 Aug 04 - 10:52 AM
Rustic Rebel 26 Aug 04 - 12:22 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 04 - 09:43 PM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM
GUEST 25 Aug 04 - 03:03 PM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 02:51 PM
GUEST,MMario 25 Aug 04 - 01:50 PM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 01:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 04 - 01:36 PM
GUEST,MMario 25 Aug 04 - 01:35 PM
Acme 25 Aug 04 - 11:42 AM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 11:36 AM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 11:03 AM
GUEST,MMario 25 Aug 04 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 04 - 09:38 AM
Amos 25 Aug 04 - 03:31 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 04 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 04 - 08:52 PM
Amos 24 Aug 04 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 04 - 02:41 PM
GUEST 24 Aug 04 - 02:02 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 04 - 10:38 AM

Thanks for posting the cover blurb for The World Accordian to Rap, now on sale in dusty used bookstores everywhere north of Utah, West of Montana, East of Washington and Oregon, and South of Canada.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 09:49 PM

Accordions: The Secret Life Form That Threatens Earth!!

Special to MOAB, August 29, 2004:

Information obtained from the Department of Homeland Security and the Justice Department via FOIA applications and from the Department of Defense from an Unnamed, But Authoritative Source, clearly demonstrated today the threat posed to life on Earth by accordions.

According to the Defense Information Agency and the National Science Foundation, accordions are not the harmless creatures they pretend to be.

Many cases of insanity in those unfortunate enough to hear the horrifying cries of the accordion. Even the accordion's gentle mating call, usually identified as "Lady of Spain," has been known to drive humans insane. These calls are especially deadly when heard over and over and over and over and over, as when an accordion is learning to "play" a human.

No species of accordion is safe, according to Britain's MI5. Even the small "button box" poses dire threats to the person of anyone "squeezing" it. Ties, shirts, bras, and even large chunks of flesh have been ripped away by accordions, according to the National Safety Council. Harry Neuhardt, Vice President For Unearthly Threats at the Council, flatly states "Just kill 'em before the accordions can kill again. A flamethrower is usually sufficient."

Until everyone is armed with a flamethrower, some common sense rules should be followed:

1. Never play the accordion and drive.
2. Never get close enough to an accordion for it to attack. Better, never get close to an accordion.
3. If you find yourself with an accordion in your hands, swing it wildly around your head while yelling "Cordy! Cordy!" as loud as you can so that others will be warned. Then fling it as hard and as far as possible. Get medical help immediately.
4. Always go in groups in accordion territory. And always go armed.
5. Always have a designated banjoist with you.
6. If you see an accordion, strike first.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 07:25 PM

So Tweed moves into a new domicile during the same week in which he becomes an accordion owner! Coincidence? I think not! Admit it, Tweed, the UPS driver with the accordion and the process server with the eviction notice arrived at your door at the same time! Didn't they? No need to lie about it. Face it, you haven't even learned how to play "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" on the thing and it's already taken control of your life!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Obv Tweed
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 01:53 PM

hmmmm....thet iz supossed to read ghosd obv Tweed...

I habv missed a lot here lately it seems...you all habv gone stupider then I could evber hope to become!
As fore my beautimous accordeen, she lays fallow at the moment in the battered case. I yam moving this past week and have neglected my practice sessuns for the most part and figger to gibv my new neighbors a chance to git used to wakingning to the sweat strains obv this most exquiment instrument.
The buzzards follow me incessnantly these days and I suspect they think it is a dead thing, but this will all change soon! HA@W!!

Regardez,
Khandu/who iz also Tweed


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:25 PM

Here in Idaho we pronounce it "po-tay-to". Someday I'll have to explain to you poor benighted unwashed masses exactly WHAT you call a potato really is. The truth is shocking, but explains so very, very much.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 08:57 PM

I say "to-may-to", but since I have a greatly exagerated sense of my own worldliness and sophistication I think I'm saying "to-mah-to".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: NO SENSE OF STYLE LOST HERE!!
From: khandu
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 07:21 PM

Yes, but do you say "tomato" or "tomato"?

Tweed


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 06:11 PM

I pronounce it "it".

And I pronounce "neither" in such a way that it rhymes with "either".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 04:27 PM

Are you beside yourself?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: TWEED IS I, I IS HIM !!
From: khandu
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:43 PM

For I am not myself today, yet I am neither Rustic Rebel (do you pronounce it "neither" or " neither"?) who seemed to speak of Tweed as being a ghost which I am not beciause I am not quite dead & haunting this thread (which haunts me!)!

King Tweed


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 PM

I do believe your right about that Bee. Imagine how extremely important those 47 posts are and the value to the fuction of the human brain that those 47 posts created.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 09:31 AM

If all the posts related to counting, "significant" numbers and dickering over who has dibs on said "significant" numbers were deleted, the MOAB would currently stand at something like 47 posts instead of 4451.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:18 AM

So after rambling do I get an obtuse number on the scoreboard of MOAB number system?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:16 AM

What does that mean I am not the one posting the first post? I think I was and I seem to be malfunctioning only because there could be not another that would have said such a thing to begin with. (not to mention the name was a functioning member to the Mudcat Cafe Member name)
I believe I am who I thought I could have been, had I been the one that thought I was.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:10 AM

I do not, nor will I admit to being the person that just posted before this post. I think someone was using a disguise or going incognito. I would further like to say I would never call Kandu a ghost. (unless of course he was dead, and haunting us, then I would consider the fact)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 03:04 AM

I do tire of the counting game that takes up a inspired phrame(ha)of mind, go there gleefully anyway.

I can't believe you all would count, instead of giving out a shout...
Tweed is not the majesty.
But alas I am sad, only because those two idividuals pulled off a caper unrecognized by most....
of who is Tweed and who is the King Ghost?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:43 PM

Living next a golf course I hear that a lot.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:31 PM

I can't find the old "legalize pot" thread, but this story is just absurd enough to fit well in a thread dedicated to BS (and send that administrator to the back of the class):

Hempstead T-shirt gets student in trouble
August 27, 2004

ATLANTA, Aug 27, 2004 (United Press International via COMTEX) -- An assistant principal at a Georgia high school who pulled a new student out of class for his provocative T-shirt has apologized to the youth.

The administrator of Grayson High School near Atlanta in Gwinnett County had pulled Terrell Jones out of class because he thought the boy's top, which read "Hempstead, NY 516," was a reference to marijuana, Newsday reported Friday.

Jones, who had moved to Grayson from Hempstead, had to persuade school officials to look up his former hometown on the Internet before they would let him back in class.

Once the mistake was realized, the assistant principal apologized.

The New York's town's Web site states that the municipality may have been named for Hemel-Hempstead, England, or Heemstede, Netherlands.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 06:06 PM

FOUR...FOUR...FOUR...FOUR...

Seems to be an echo in here...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 05:40 PM

4443 -- and being a generous, decent, sharing human being I will let someone else have 4444.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 05:39 PM

4442


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 05:39 PM

4441


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:44 PM

four four four zero!

which in base five is 620 (base ten)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 12:25 PM

Perk up, guys--it's almost the weekend!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 11:25 AM

4438


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 10:02 PM

Eleven more pages to 100.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: The MASTERPIECE !!
From: khandu
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 09:58 PM

Indeed, as I, khandu of the Etherial Kingdom of Mississippi, have taken unannounced leaves of absence from our Fair MOAB (or should that be "leaf of absences"?), the wonderfully well-bred Moabites have done exceedingly abundantly above my expectations! Yes, you are to be honored high above all non-Moabites! You have taken the humble glories of Bullshit to heights unimaginable, &, I believe, previously unattainable! Truly, you astound not only me, but all of creation!

          Your "Mother" is proud of you & your accomplishment!

          May I also express (as a "sidebar") my astonishment at one to whom, outside of Moab, I would refer as a "hated anonymous guest", but yet one who has proven his worthiness with his contributions of inspired Bullshit! The King thanks you, Unknown One!

          Onward, my Fellow Moabites, you who need no King! Onward to the Reeking Heights of Utter Bullshit & GLORY!!

Kk


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 09:31 PM

Thursday evening. Friday morning is soon. Friday evening not much longer. Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday, this has been one helluva long week. Maybe I'll think of something witty to say over the weekend. Meanwhile, here's a boost back to the top for our MOAB-capped Mother.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:19 PM

Did he drop his accordion? What sort of sound did it make if he did?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 10:52 AM

It is an ancient MOAB-ite,
And he stoppeth one of three.
"By thy accordian and pumping arms,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

"The Mudcat's doors are opened wide,
And I online hath been;
The posts are writ, the songs are set:
May'st hear the merry din."

He holds him with his skinny hand,
"Three men went into a bar," quoth he.
"Hold off! unhand me, musical loon!"
Eftsoons his hand dropt he.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 12:22 AM

Tis' a journey unto the recognized, for all of the MOAB fate that does lie
upon a beaten brow of fate,only to contemplate
a movement of all accordian players to play until the dawn appears
without the fears
brilliantly validating a conspiracy to ears.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:43 PM

Folks wanted for hazardous journey. No wages, long periods of musical darkness. Any return at all doubtful. Success highly unlikely, but total lack of
recognition and honour if somehow achieved. Apply within.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 04:41 PM

LEt us not to the congress of Good Mindes
Admit this excrement, disguised
As Noble Art, while neither art nor nobility
Do therein dwell -- this sort of scheme
Idly promting the whimns and grim ambitions of
A failure long since gone from the lists
Unable to joust or race or throw
Like an old man gumming in the sun,
WIshing for kisses--how pathetic
Such a hollow, rootless, claim!
It has no merit, bears no recognizance,
Stands no virtue for inspection or public weal,
ANd best 't'were shunned and banned herefrom!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 03:03 PM

The quality of MOAB is not strain'd.
It droppeth as the gentle thread from heaven
Unto the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that writes, and him that reads.
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The starfleet captain better than his rank.
His phaser shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of bodrhans;
But mercy is above this goatskin'd sway;
It is enthroned in the heart of Canadians;
It is an attribute to Shatner himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest Shatners's
When MOAB seasons writing.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 02:51 PM

Now, good MMario, you see
That art is often taken from the eye
Less of the artist than of the beholder!

Let good King Henry clarify
From whence cheap imitations swift are made
And how with spirit's honest wit
They are confused!

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:50 PM

okay - Now that one is an obvious rip-off!

I believe the original was...

All human things are subject to decay,
And, when Fate summons, monarchs must obey:
This Myron Floren found, who, like Augustus, young
Was call'd to empire, and had govern'd long


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:49 PM

Oh, hail Rapaire, who full of brilliant noise,
Shows dryest wit, informing Dryden's voice!
And to our finest roots doe skeep us haltered
With ancient wit, appropriately altered!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:36 PM

All human things are subject to decay,
And, when Fate summons, monarchs must obey:
This LAWRENCEWELK found, who, like Augustus, young
Was call'd to empire, and had govern'd long:
In music and song, was own'd, without dispute
Through all the realms of Non-sense, absolute.
This aged prince now flourishing in peace,
And blest with issue of a large increase,
Worn out with business, did at length debate
To settle the succession of the State:
And pond'ring which of all his sons was fit
To reign, and wage immortal war with wit;
Cry'd, 'tis resolv'd; for nature pleads that he
Should only rule, who most resembles me:
TWEED alone my perfect image bears,
Mature in dullness from his tender years.
TWEED alone, of all my sons, is he
Who stands confirm'd in full stupidity.
The rest to some faint meaning make pretence,
But TWEED never deviates into sense.
Some beams of wit on other souls may fall,
Strike through and make a lucid interval;
But TWEED's genuine night admits no ray,
His rising fogs prevail upon the day:
Besides his goodly fabric fills the eye,
And seems design'd for thoughtless majesty:
Thoughtless as monarch oaks, that shade the plain,
And, spread in solemn state, supinely reign.
His warbling guitar, with which he whilom strung
When to King KHANDU was so bravely sung,
Was but the prelude to that glorious day,
When thou on muddy Mississippi did'st cut thy way,
With well tim'd oars before the royal barge,
Swell'd with the pride of thy celestial charge;
And big with hymn, commander of an host,
The like was ne'er in Epsom blankets toss'd.
Methinks I see the new Arion sail,
The guitar still trembling underneath thy nail.
At thy well sharpen'd thumb from shore to shore
The treble squeaks for fear, the basses roar:
Echoes from Pissing-Alley, TWEED doth call,
And TWEED they resound from Aston Hall.
About thy boat the little fishes throng,
As at the morning toast, that floats along.
Sometimes as prince of thy harmonious band
Thou wield'st thy ACCORDION in thy threshing hand.
St. Cecilia's feet ne'er kept more equal time,
Not ev'n the feet of thy own Psyche's rhyme:
Though they in number as in sense excel;
So just, so like tautology they fell,
That, pale with envy, Carol C forswore
The piano accordion which she in triumph bore
And vow'd she would polka never more.
Here stopt the good old sire; and wept for joy
In silent raptures of the hopeful boy.
All arguments, but most his blues, persuade,
That for anointed instrument he was made.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 01:35 PM

SRS - Why do you think I do Only the Suess stuff????


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 11:42 AM

Geez, Louise! Where do you guys get the time to write this stuff? I could manage the faux-Seuss stuff, but the rest would take considerable effort! I stand in awe of both the available time and talent you two pour into this tiny inconsequential subject. No one in Florida is going to notice--they'll just think it's something left behind by the hurricane. :)

I say this AFTER not being able to nuke the thing via rockets from space invaders. I messed up enough of the Southeastern U.S. with popcorn. If we can't influence a thing, we have to learn to live with it or ignore it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 11:36 AM

(Enter SCRIMSHAW, an ancient sailor on hard times ashore, carrying a palm, a needle, a rigger's knife, a spool of whipping twine, and a sign reading "WILL SPLICE FOR FOOD!". He sits cross legged stage left and begins serving an end of rope.)

Scrimshaw:
"Now has one hand the fate of world's revised!
With simple brilliance, in a natural wise,
Bold Tweed, heroic in his stature and his sight
Has bravely brought to dusky shadows fulsome light.
Thus in his brilliance, in an era cold,
He has new warmth begot through tactics bold
And with a single stroke of wise conceit
Laid mouldy fixed opinions off thier feet
And paved the path for new things well-begun,
Bazoukis, dirndls and the fair accordion!"

(He lays his work aside and looks up as Lord Neanderthal, accompanied by the Lady Whinge-Jammer, come into the room, accompanied by a Page).

NEanderthal:

Sailor! How is it with thy wounds?

Scrimshaw:

They heal sir, but slowly.

NEanderthal:

And what of that violent sacrilege, the Lord Tweed and his accordion?

Scrimshaw:
It is well bespoke abroad, good sir, and the people expect fair sounds from the devils breeches!

Neanderthal:
I would ne'er have believed to ever hear such heresy from an honest sailor! Come sir, come!! Make your amends!! You are remiss!!

Scrimshaw:
I never have sir, not once, and never can do twice without.

NEanderthal:
Rogue!! Thou speakest gibberish to me? Go to, go to!

Scrimshaw:
Nay sir, and always have I aimed so well and never missed
That in good conscience I may not plead to this --
While in remission, yet I never was remiss!

NEanderthal:
Well, you are a rogue in every case, sirrah. What news of our Precious Shipment?

Scrimshaw:
Sir, it is enroute, and as precious as ever, or else it has been tried and hung.

Neanderthal:
Play you the fool with me, by all that holy is?

Scrimshaw:
Nay sir, and the shipment has arrived, it will be hung, and Tweed's own neck the gallows thereof; and if there, it must be tried, once hung. And as to all that holy may be, the last of all things his dun accordion, or it will have no bearing on affairs at all.

Page:
Sire, a report has been received of a UPS operator entering the abode of yon Tweed; methinks you wished to be advised.

Neanderthal:
Aye, and thanks, good Page. Refresh, reload, and here's a penny for your threads, I will away to stop this chaos at the very moment of its birth! (He exits stage right)

Scrimshaw:
A bolder estimate by far than most of that miserable state will make, having hard-learned the price for standing in the path of wind-born chaos! But never mind; I sense the hour of Tweed's bold escape from all things ordinary is upon us. We must protect ourselves from the monstrous storm he will unleash, and find ourselves a place of safety!

(He gathers his things and the whole lot scuttle off stage left).

Exeunt


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 11:03 AM

Behold the knit of our most precious clan
Ripped cruelly asunder by our Tweed's dark plan
Who ere the youthful flush of MOAB's e'en begun
Will have it wasted by a dun accordion
And thus to trembling shards reduced,
It's men unmanned, and all its women goosed,
Its policies and government made dumb
And all its sense and humor turnèd numb.
All from this music, essence of corruption!
Its caterwaul the hymn of our disruption,
And at the hand of this fell Southern toker
Our harmony destroyed by mindless ooompah polka!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 10:25 AM

I sit in awe of you all....

I do not like accordians
I do not like them
MOAB, ma'am.

I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like them in a boat.
(But Brucie likes them with a goat)

I will not play them in the rain.
I do not play them on a train.
I do not play them in a box.
(But CarolC plays them - she's a fox!)


I do not like them in this thread
I do not like them played in bed
I do not like accordians
I do not like them,
MOAB, Ma'am!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 09:38 AM

Rather proclaim it, Amos, through MOAB,        
That s/he which hath no stomach to this concert,
Let her/him depart; his/her passport shall be made,        
And crowns for convoy put into his/her purse:        
We would not e'en die in that wo/man's company        
That fears her/his fellowship to listen with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Genesius:        
S/He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,        
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,        
And nauseate her/himself at the name of Tweed.
S/He that shall live this day, and see old age,        
Will yearly on the vigil feast his/her neighbours,        
And say, 'To-morrow is Saint Genesius:'        
Then will s/he strip her/his ears and show his/her aids,
And say, 'These wounds I had on Genesius's day.'        
Old wo/men forget: yet all shall be forgot,        
But s/he'll remember with advantages        
What things s/he listened to that day. Then shall our names,         56
Familiar in her/his mouth as household words,        
Rapaire, Bee Dubya Ell, SRS and Amos,        
MMario and Rustic, Khandu and Little Hawk,        
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.        
This story shall the good wo/man teach his/her daughter/son;        
And St. Genesius's Day shall ne'er go by,        
From this day to the ending of the world,        
But we in it shall be remembered;        
We few, we happy few, we band of survivors;        
For s/he to-day that sheds her/his hearing with me        
Shall be my sister/brother; be s/he ne'er so vile        
This day shall gentle his/her condition:        
And gentle wo/men in Mudcat, now a-bed        
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,        
And hold their wo/manhoods cheap whiles any speaks        
That listens with us upon Saint Genesius's day.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 03:31 AM

Now is the winter of our discontent,
Made brilliant summer by the boldest Tweed;
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths;
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments;
Our stern accordions brought out   to merry meetings,
Our dreadful marches to delightful measures changed.
Grim-visag'd war hath smooth'd his wrinkled front,
And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries,
He capers nimbly on a lady's squeezebox
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute.
But I -- that am not shap'd for sportive tricks,
Nor made to court an amorous looking-glass --
I-that am rudely stamp'd, and want love's majesty
To strut before a wanton ambling nymph --
I -- that am curtail'd of this fair proportion,
Cheated of feature by dissembling nature,
Deform'd, unfinish'd, sent before my time
Into this breathing world scarce half made up,
And that so lamely and unfashionable
That dogs bark at me as I halt by them --
Why, I, in this weak piping time of peace,
Have no delight to pass away the time,
Unless to play accordion in the sun
And descant on mine own deformity.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 09:32 PM

Alas! poor Tweed. I knew him, Bee-Dubya; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy; he hath played his blues a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that sang blues I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your guitar? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning? quite chapfallen? Now get you to Carol C's chamber, and tell her, let her practice accordion as she will, to this favour she must come.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:52 PM

LAMENT FOR TWEED UPON BECOMING AN ACCORDIAN OWNER

Our dear friend Tweed has now succumbed
To the lure of "accordion",
That foulest of all instruments
A box well known to cause offense
And make small children run away,
A thing that a madman would play.

Have pity on poor Tweed's guitar
That he will disown and ignore
As he his neighbors does harangue
With polkas and "Lady of Spain"
Until the poor souls move away
To someplace quieter, like Bombay.

And give a thought to Tweed's poor wife
Who's lived with him through toil and strife
Who must find a new place to stay
Unless she wants to hear him play
"Roll Out the Barrel" all night long
Or some other obnoxious song.

It's farewell to the Tweed we knew
As he becomes an idjit who
Sits with grin firmly locked in place
Upon his drooling idjit face.
Our warnings he just would not heed
So it's "Goodbye" to our friend Tweed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 03:01 PM

Guest:

That only works in gold fonts...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:41 PM

There's a picture of Tweed preparing to play it here.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 02:02 PM

SILENCE


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 20 November 2:12 PM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.