Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134] [1135] [1136]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 28 Aug 14 - 04:16 AM
Acme 27 Aug 14 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 27 Aug 14 - 10:26 PM
gnu 26 Aug 14 - 12:25 PM
Amos 26 Aug 14 - 11:30 AM
gnu 26 Aug 14 - 04:40 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 14 - 10:39 PM
gnu 25 Aug 14 - 06:37 PM
gnu 25 Aug 14 - 05:08 PM
Acme 25 Aug 14 - 03:08 PM
gnu 25 Aug 14 - 03:58 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 14 - 11:20 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 14 - 11:10 PM
gnu 24 Aug 14 - 08:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 14 - 05:54 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 14 - 05:47 PM
Amos 24 Aug 14 - 04:13 PM
gnu 24 Aug 14 - 02:09 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 14 - 12:22 PM
gnu 24 Aug 14 - 10:59 AM
gnu 24 Aug 14 - 10:54 AM
Acme 24 Aug 14 - 10:36 AM
gnu 24 Aug 14 - 05:04 AM
Amos 24 Aug 14 - 02:45 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 14 - 07:42 PM
gnu 23 Aug 14 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 23 Aug 14 - 09:13 AM
gnu 23 Aug 14 - 04:38 AM
Amos 23 Aug 14 - 02:05 AM
Acme 22 Aug 14 - 11:44 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 14 - 06:09 PM
gnu 22 Aug 14 - 12:09 PM
maeve 22 Aug 14 - 11:12 AM
Amos 22 Aug 14 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 14 - 10:05 AM
gnu 22 Aug 14 - 08:04 AM
Amos 21 Aug 14 - 06:04 PM
Acme 21 Aug 14 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 14 - 09:30 AM
gnu 21 Aug 14 - 05:29 AM
Acme 21 Aug 14 - 12:33 AM
Acme 20 Aug 14 - 02:44 PM
gnu 20 Aug 14 - 01:01 PM
Amos 20 Aug 14 - 10:12 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 14 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 14 - 10:03 PM
gnu 19 Aug 14 - 07:52 PM
Acme 19 Aug 14 - 05:23 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 14 - 09:47 AM
gnu 19 Aug 14 - 05:18 AM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:



Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 14 - 04:16 AM

Sounds gruesomely delicious, Rap.

SRS... yes, I had wondered about "a roaster from Costco" which is one of the reasons for my questions. How long do you crock it or simmer it?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Aug 14 - 11:32 PM

I suspect that Costco, like Sam's Club, sells a rotisserie chicken ready to eat as soon as you get that container home. I have also done what Amos described, gathered up the bones, skin, and drippings from the microwavable container and put them in a pot (or crockpot) to simmer to create a broth to use for soup. Waste not, want not. I use the broth in soup or use it as the stock when I'm making rice. Delicious!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Aug 14 - 10:26 PM

Kill, clean, and pluck a chicken. Be sure to singe off any feather stubs.

Kill some onions, carrots, celery, and potatoes. Rip them from the earth, cut off their heads (and tails), and wash them. Then flay them. Cut them into pieces and throw them in a crock pot.

Drop the carcass of the dead chicken in and drown everything with water and/or crushed, fermented grapes.

Throw in some innocent parley leaves and perhaps some rosemary you tore from the main stalks.

Plug in the crock pot and cover it. Set the heat to "low" so that the innocent beings you've thrown together will be boiled.

At some point you might want to toss in noodles, composed of never-born baby chickens, the dried and crushed gametes of wheat, and water or milk taken from the mouths of calves.

Some salt and pepper, the first raped from Mother Earth and the second the dried and crushed hopes of a pepper plant.

When everything is soft and mushy removed the bones and skin of the chicken you murdered and skim off the oil rendered from its fat.

Serve and enjoy.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 12:25 PM

Details man. I need details. So, one raw chicken, one mess* of (chopped?) parsley, one mess** of (chopped? yellow?) onion, some (lots? to cover?) water. Low setting for ? hours. Were veggies involved? Was alcohol... never mind. What size crockpot?

*mess of parsley = handful?
** mess of onion = one or more?

P.S. Now, reply only if you have nothing better to do and consider me a friend. No pressure. >;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 11:30 AM

HAd a buncha kooks over for diner to celebrate BBW's birthday. Cooked a chicken--well, at least I served a roaster from Costco. Threw the carcass in a crockpot with a mess of parsley and onion and H2O etc. and it worked on this mess overnight, and all the bones had disconnected and the soup was delicious.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 04:40 AM

Here's my review... It ain't no by reservation only penthouse dining experience. It's good food at good prices with good service. Must be okay because Vito is worth millionssss.

BTW, the 1kg lasagna at Costco is $8 (4 meals or 2 'that was too much' meals).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 10:39 PM

...We recently went with a group to Vitos for lunch ("oh, come on, the food's good"). When I got there I order the lasagna - how could anyone mess up the lasagna? When the dish was place in front of me, I saw that it was indeed not remotely reminiscent of any lasagna I've previously had. It was composed solely of lasagna noodles and leftover spaghetti sauce (that tasted deplorable). No eggplant or spinach or cheeses.

The appetizer I ordered was also uneatable...

Again, restaurant popularity in New Brunswick, Canada does not equate with "good" food. In fact, I've learned that if a restaurant is "popular", then the dishes will be inadequate for someone who appreciates fine fare....


From a Yelp review of Vito's.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 06:37 PM

Oh-oh. Sorry. It was him.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 05:08 PM

Well, with a fucked up website that I can't scroll thru on accounta some silly ass advert that I can't get off the screen, not much.

I don't do fast food. I cook my own. Closest I get is the 1kg Vito's (Moncton family) lasagna at Costco. I do it slooooowwww... 2 hrs on the counter, 2 hrs at 170F... 35 minutes at 350F. 15 minutes standing. Buddy, ye can't get no better.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 03:08 PM

I haven't been in a Burger King in years, but at least their hamburger patties were cooked on a grill that smoked so they had a little more flavor. I wonder how Whataburger would be received in Canada?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 14 - 03:58 AM

? I ain't got no business edgemecation so's I dunno how as you can own somethin without being a majority stock holder. Ya can't, which is why I went back and read it again. I gotta get me a time delay... or go up ta Hortons and grab a coffee before I read anything at 4:40 AM. I'd have some tea but I gave it up fer yer New Years Revolution.

So, the ugly guy with the fake crown is buying Tim's eh? Why, I'll bet that, pretty soon, all our major retailers will be owned by Yanks, just like now we got Costco and Walmart and Target... hmmm. At least our government... I need some tea.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 11:20 PM

gnu! Read this!!! Tell your buddy Shame McBride.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 11:10 PM

Read the coded message.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 08:06 PM

Ye got King Cole and the stores actually carry other brands? What? Is that fer practical jokes n shit? King Cole, blended just up the road from me (the website ain't shite... it's blended in Sussex, NB) is real tea. The only way it can be better is when...

We got to the back bridge. Dad pointed to a large tomatoe juice can hung cant-wise down on a broken pine branch near the butt of the pine. It had a handle fashioned from a coat hanger. I fetched it and Dad...

Well, you just know how good that cup a tea was gonna be.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 05:54 PM

Oh, dear God! I've just done some checking and found something that will undoubtedly cause gnu a nervous breakdown. It's awful, so I'll put it in secret MOAB code.

Red Rose tea is made by G. E. Barbour, the same company that makes King Cole tea.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 05:47 PM

Oh, we have Tetleys. We also have Barry's Gold, right from downtown Cork. We have King Cole. And there are many more teas, just as there are coffees and beers. Drop around and see about tea.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 04:13 PM

It is just loverly to see that there are matters which can inspire even the long-torpid Gnu from his overheated lassitude into fits of passionate preference!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 02:09 PM

Liptons to Red Rose? Oh Saints be still in yer graves! Red Rose is lucky Saint Kermit, The Patron Saint of Tea Drinkers, hasn't been able to get a Special Smite Chit from Dog. To quote Saint Kermit... "Pffftt! You call that shit tea? You got the fuckin nerve to serve me that fuckin dishwater shit? Get yer ass back in the kitchen and fire up some King Cole Orange Pekoe RFN! Red fuckin Rose? Next thing, you'll serve me that shit made by the Tetley Elves. And elves ain't even real. Seriously, if you pull that crap on me, I will go evil archangel on yer ass and I'll see you in hell."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 12:22 PM

Ain't no Tim's near here, but there is a Tim's-owned subsidiary, Cold Stone Creamery, not very far from where I sit. Ain't no Dunkin Donuts, no Krispy Kreme, no Dixie Cream, no nothin'. Cops gotta go inside The Donut Shop to pick 'em up, or eat the ones from Albertson's or the various Kroger stores (Fred Meyer, Smith's, etc.). Or the ones from Winco or Ridleys. The Donut Shop uses the original Spudnut recipe and they're pretty good but awful pricey.

As for coffee, there's S******ks, Snake River Coffee, Mocha Madness (I gave up on them when they'd never heard of Kenya AA), and a bunch more.

Tea? We got everything from Liptons to Red Rose to Yorkshire Gold.

Demarara sugar, Powers, thick cream, good coffee -- what more do you want? Oh, I see -- scones! Well, we've got those too, freshly made and warm with honey butter.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 10:59 AM

Now... Tim's??? You got Tim's in Texas? Ya don't buy the coffee, do ya?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 10:54 AM

Yo MOM! Member when Amos n his cuz come ta visit last summer? Member I spent a week cleanin the dump up? Even vacuumed and mopped n stuff? I just vacuumed the whole upstairs an it's only been just over a year! Well, not under my bed cause a all a that shit I stuffed against the wall by the bed so's Amos and his cuz could sit down while they were here. No, no, I didn't do under the empties. I gotta take em to the recyclers? no sense in movin em twice eh? No, no, I didn't do behind the office desk on acoounta? nevermind? ya ain't comin ta visit anyway.

Just ain't no pleasin some women.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 10:36 AM

Two more cucumbers this morning, MOM. It seems like they shoot up overnight, from too small one day to too large the next. I'll leave these in the fridge for salads and use the small ones for pickles. Will someone dust out a pot so I can boil some water and vinegar? The stove has cobwebs and the trash is piled up with Tim Horton's takeout containers.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 05:04 AM

Elm Sawflies are fugly.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 14 - 02:45 AM

I think Gnu already has your number, Rapp. It's not hard...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 07:42 PM

No, it just rained here. As it has for the last week.

51200.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 10:07 AM

Wimp? It's still too hot for me. Problem is, we get very little wind in summer and WAY too much wind in the winter.

Y'all goin up in the hills fer a snowball fight, Rap?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 09:13 AM

Wimp! It's 47 here at the moment and there has been snow in them that hills.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 04:38 AM

Better get yer woollies on, Mom. The Weather Network says 8C tonight.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 14 - 02:05 AM

...or both...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 11:44 PM

"Shit or get off the pot" now as a whole new meaning.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 06:09 PM

So Canada is responsible for all the shit in the oceans of the world!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 12:09 PM

HI! m. Bye m.

One crossing, with a load of new recruits, was made in winter and it was rough. The head was 8 pots in a row forward athird ship, parallel to keel. The plumbing system was essentially ocean/ship driven, in one port and out another. Smooth sailing meant smooth shitting. Rough seas meant rough ass. The two seats in the middle were sought after with great intensity. My old man was a Lewey so he got to shit in the officers quarters. He was also a medic and he dealt with two incidents of severe sprains, one of which also had a broken wrist. "Injured while defecating." on the treatment record must have raised some eyebrows. That guy was on an end pot and got lifted into the 7' high ceiling.

Come on in, the water's fine.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: maeve
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 11:12 AM

I loved the squid story!

Maeve, drifting by.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 11:01 AM

THere's something about those moments in deep water and high winds that never quite goes away; the pictures return, bidden or no, and will not rest until they are told. Then they retreat, but only until the next time something reminds you.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 10:05 AM

That's the problem, or was the problem. The waters were roiling and waves dashed as over the deck as far as the forward 5" gun turret as we plowed the waters of the North Atlantic in winter. Sub patrol, and we were on the open bridge of the old destroyer. Then, sonar pinged a sub, a U-boat! We changed course and brought the old girl to flank speed...this one wasn't going to get away! Another course correction put up parallel to the U-boat and we ran right over the top of her. As we did so I ordered "Roll six! and as we passed six depth charges fell, three from each of our stern racks.

Explosions, and then a bubble, and then a slick of oil...the U-boat was dead and our shipping, at least for a while, safe.

Then the radio demanded we return to port...the German Embassy was quite annoyed, the war being over for better than twenty years and all...

I lost my naval commission for some silly reasons, but as I left the Admiral said to me, "Good attack and good work. Too bad it's not 1943. Now THERE was service! I remember I was an ensign on an old open-bridge destroyer, the waves of the stormy North Atlantic crashing over the bow as we plowed the waters in search of U-boats...."

He had the vacant stare of an Old Reminiscing Sailor in his eyes and I managed to sneak away. I never again saw that look until Amos started one of his sea stories at Getaway....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 14 - 08:04 AM

I'll roil the waters here and flick this back up from second last place.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 14 - 06:04 PM

My niece Katy is roiling the art world in Seattle as an emerging mosaic artist, and has many friends. Advise if needed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 14 - 12:30 PM

He has an aunt and an uncle in Seattle and environs, and there are lots of mudcatters. I am from there, and am glad to see one of my kids moving up there for now - perhaps if I ever get a chance to retire and move back he'll still be there. With some moss on his back and new webs between his toes.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 14 - 09:30 AM

There are 'Catters in the Seattle area -- he could contact them if he needs help there.

He DID bring an umbrella, didn't he?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 14 - 05:29 AM

Adventure!

I recall that, somewhat.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 14 - 12:33 AM

Second-born came by the house tonight to see his mother before leaving early tomorrow morning to begin his new life as a computer scientist for Amazon in Seattle. We fixed dinner, discussed cooking and insurance and finding a place to live in Seattle, then he ransacked his room for a few things to take in the limited space inside a Toyota Corolla. It was a lovely evening and I'll read Mike's story tomorrow. I'm sure he has at least one guitar, possibly three, in that car. :)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 14 - 02:44 PM

I'm at work right now, I'll read it when I get home this evening. I love fish stories.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 14 - 01:01 PM

Yeees! Twas at dat, zir!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 14 - 10:12 AM

That was JUST BRILLIANT, Mike.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 14 - 09:19 AM

Geez, I put up one of my finest and nobody reads it. Do I have to test you all before you're allowed to go home?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 14 - 10:03 PM

You'd see them sometimes when you'd go fishing, usually in the Spring but, sometimes, in mid-Fall. Thousands of them in the river, fighting to find the mouth of the creek at the headwaters of which they were born.

        Their colors ? bright gray and brilliant red and deep green and what even looked like a flash of blue ? would dazzle you on a sunny day as they leapt from the water, trying to get to their spawning grounds.

        Most wouldn't make it. They'd be eaten by the bears which gathered along the creek banks or be taken by eagles or, for many, exhaust themselves trying to make the spawning grounds and die in the attempt.

        Those that did make it would spawn and then try to run the gauntlet again to make it to open water -- some few made it, but most didn't. They left their egg stalks cemented to stones on the bottom of the creeks, and one person said that these deposits of eggs looked like gardens of flowers.

        Eventually the eggs would hatch and the squid larva would fight their way to the river, only to repeat the cycle some years later. It had been going on for thousands of years, this spawning of Architeuthis Mississipiensis gigans, the giant squid of the Mississippi, which everyone simply called "big squid."

        Boaters didn't like them. During spawning season or when a school of squid would appear on the surface there would be so many squid that boats couldn't run their motors without damaging the propellers. Fisherfolk didn't like them because they couldn't be eaten ? it was said that they tasted like ammonia ? although a few were used for bait. Barge operators didn't like them because it was said that REALLY big ones attacked barges at night, which really scared the crews even though no one was ever hurt.

        Gradually the numbers of squid declined. Some people said it was because of pollution, but most said that it was because the squid migrated elsewhere. Dam workers reported giant schools of squid moving downstream, and the New Orleans newspapers said that "immense numbers of squid" had passed the city on the way to the Gulf of Mexico.

        So the next year they were missing from Cedar Creek, just as they were missing from all of the creeks around town. And we missed seeing them. Like nearly everyone in town, we liked watching the squid as they made their journey upstream. Even people like boaters liked to watch the shoals of squid, their bodies turning pretty colors and their tentacles waving in the air.

        And of course that was the year the Walt Disney released the movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea," which had a great scene in it about a fight with a giant squid. The same sort of squid that used to be around town in such great numbers was in a movie. A squid was a movie star, and all of them had left. Like all of the kids in town we were really disappointed that they were gone, but we thought that maybe the squid in the movie could have been one of ours.

        Then the movie came out and we found out that the squid was a bad guy that tried to sink the submarine. Nobody liked that. We knew that squid were pretty fish which didn't hurt anything except maybe barges at night, and even that wasn't proven. So after the first couple of days the movie closed because nobody went to see it.

        We hiked out to the Swamp the weekend after the movie closed. We were hoping to get some early dewberries so that Mom could make a dewberry pie for Sunday dinner. Naturally, we talked about the movie as we walked, our dewberry buckets in our hands. We each had two buckets, and in one of them was our lunch. Of course, we'd made jokes about which one was to be our "lunch bucket" before we'd left, and finally Mom had had enough and told us to go get the dewberries and, because we'd forgotten them, had tossed our lunches to us.

        But we talked about the movie and the submarine in it and about things under the sea and about the squid and how it had attacked the submarine and about how there weren't any squid around any more. Tony agreed with those who thought that the squid had left because of pollution and Ted thought that they had left because it was time for them to migrate and Martha thought that they'd left because they were angry about being made a bad guy in the movie and I thought that it might have been because of all of these reasons or maybe just because they wanted to move somewhere else for a while..

        Eventually we reached the Swamp. It was pretty much as we'd left it the weekend before: quicksand pools, dead trees, live trees, bushes, shrubs, logs, illigators, Spanish moss, muck, mud, dry land, flowers, lizards, musk ox, and all. Swamps don't change much if you leave them alone, and we liked that.

        Remembering the old saying that you should never ever pick dewberries on an empty stomach, we ate lunch and then set out for the dewberry patches. There were lots and lots of early dewberries, but you had to be careful because they grew next to quicksand pools and you could slip in pretty easily. Falling in a deep pool of quicksand -- and all of them were really, really deep -- could be a major annoyance.

         All of our left-hand buckets were filled and we'd just started on the right-hand buckets when Martha said, "What's that?" and pointed to the quicksand pool.

        "It's a big blue eye watching us," I replied. "Nothing to be alarmed about. Probably happens all the time, only you don't notice it."

        "Why would it be watching us?" asked Ted.

        "Maybe it's part of Santa Claus's surveillance system," opined Tony.

        "Maybe it's the Eye of the Swamp, watching to make sure we don't do anything bad," opined Ted.

        "Maybe it's a really, really big squid and it's going to try to capture and eat us," opined Martha.
        
        "Don't be silly," I replied. "All of the squid have left. And besides, there aren't any squid in quicksand poo....aaaawk!" And a great big tentacle wrapped itself around me and started slowly dragging me towards the quicksand.
        
        Quick as half a wink, Martha and Tony grabbed my feet and stopped my slide towards the quicksand.

        "What's a 'quicksand poo...aaawk'?" asked Ted.

        "You stupid stupid!" I exclaimed. "Help Tony and Martha hold me!"

         "Stupid! You called me stupid!" exclaimed Ted. "I've got the highest reading level in my class! So there!"

        "If you don't help us, Mike'll be dragged into that mouth," said Tony. And I looked and sure enough, there was a beak-like mouth in the quicksand, opening and closing with really nasty sounding clicks.

        "Maybe I'll tickle you, instead," said Ted. "That'd show Mike for calling me stupid."

        And he sat down on the ground with a thump.

        And another tentacle flashed out of the water and started to drag him to the quicksand!

        As he passed me, I grabbed his legs. Now I was holding onto Ted's legs while Martha and Tony were holding onto my legs, and all the while tentacles were drawing Ted and I toward Our Fate (if Tony or Martha let go).

        Just then, there was a great big jerk towards the quicksand and my legs were pulled from Tony and Martha's grips! Ted and I flew towards the Horror In The Quicksand!

        And just before Ted's head touched the quicksand, I managed to hook my right leg around a nice, big tree trunk! With another jerk, we stopped.

        Did you ever wonder what the rope feels like during a tug-of-war? Ted and I know from first-hand experience.

        For what seemed like hours we were pulled and jerked and tossed toward the quicksand. And for what seemed like centuries I hung onto that tree with my right leg.

        Tony and Martha got up and got some big sticks and started beating on the tentacles which held Ted and me.   They were forced back when other tentacles came out of the water and nearly caught them.

         "Oh no!" cried Tony. "Whatever shall we do?"

        "Oh no!" cried Martha. "Our brothers who just ate lunch with us are going to be lunch!"

        "I could let go of Ted's ankles," I said.

        "Oh no! Don't do that! I don't want to be et!" cried Ted.

        "I'm getting a cramp in the ankle that's holding us to the tree," I said.

        With that bit of news Tony and Martha jumped up and ran into the brush. They were back in just a couple of seconds, dragging a long length of grapevine. With that they proceeded to lash my leg to the tree, which let me relax my ankle just a little bit.

        Still, the thing was pulling and jerking us, trying to pull us free of the tree, and all of us knew that it might succeed. The grapevines would snap, I wouldn't be able to snag the tree again with my ankle, and then -- sluuuuuurrrrpppp! Chomp, chomp, chomp!

         "It seems to be awfully hungry," Ted panted. "I wish it could find something else to eat."

        And with that, Martha reached into one of the buckets, pulled out a handful of dewberries, and flung them right into the mouth in the quicksand! A couple sort of spattered to the side of the mouth, but a big, ugly tongue came out and licked them inside.

        With that, Tony too started throwing dewberries at the mouth. Both he and Martha missed much of the time, but that tongue would lick up the splattered dewberries. In fact, the tongue got to catching the dewberries while they were still in the air!

        All of this would have been as interesting as heck if Ted and I weren't still being pulled mouthward.

        And then, just as Martha and Tony were throwing the last of the dewberries into the mouth, the tentacles let us go!

        Ted and I flew backwards towards the tree I was tied to. I hit the tree first and then he landed on me.

         The eye and the mouth and the tentacles disappeared into the quicksand. A minute later there was a big bubble that came to the surface and broke with an "UUURPPP!" sound. Then smaller bubbles trailed off towards the other side of the quicksand pool and finally disappeared.

        "Well, that settled the left hand dewberries," I observed. "And we're going to have to pick quick if we're going to take home any at all."

        Ted got up and walked over to the buckets. I got up to follow him and fell down. Tony came over and untied the grapevine that had still tied my foot to the tree.

        "Wow! That was exciting!" I said.

        "Falling down often is," replied Tony.

        "No, no. The fight with whatever that was," I replied to his reply. "I think that must have been a big Big Squid. And I thought that they were all gone, too."

        "Well, whatever it was, it's gone now. And I don't think that I want to go over to the other side of the quicksand pool. But, maybe, hmmmm....I bet that there's a tunnel or something that connects this quicksand pool to another one and so on until you get to the river. I bet that's where whatever it was went, too. To the river," said Tony, in his longest statement thus far that day.

        "Here, Mike," said Ted. "I filled your buckets with dewberries because you saved me from being et." And he handed me two buckets full of dewberries!

        We quickly filled all of the buckets with dewberries again, and then we walked home. I had to walk with one foot in the gutter for quite a ways, but eventually my right leg returned to the same length as my left leg. Ted's legs never did return to the same length, and we had to sew strips of cloth around the bottom of his pants legs so that they'd be long enough to cover the tops of his socks (and no matter what he says, we didn't use lace ruffles).

        Mom was happy to see all of the dewberries we picked, and the next day we had dewberry pie. She also made a bunch of dewberry jam and jelly for the Winter. But that night we had carrots and caviar and croutons and crackers for dinner, and when Mom brought the calamari to the table Ted yelled, "PAYBACK!" and ate it all. Mom just looked at him and sighed, and got the cake for dessert.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 14 - 07:52 PM

Ahhh geeze, SRS. I feel bad ya got auto-screwed. Been there, done that, got the grease marks ta prove it. Back in the day, I'd just fix it. Nowadays, the only tool I have that fixes a Ford is a Visa card. >:-(


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 14 - 05:23 PM

And alas, my transmission job cost me about 2 months takehome after all of the expenses are totalled. Unless I win the lottery, I won't make it either.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 14 - 09:47 AM

I'm afraid that I'm going to miss it again -- I have a nephew (finally!) getting married.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 14 - 05:18 AM

Y'all know I can't, A. Not until I get the pardon.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 24 November 7:45 PM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.