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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 04 Jul 13 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 13 - 02:28 PM
gnu 04 Jul 13 - 12:16 PM
Amos 04 Jul 13 - 10:35 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 13 - 11:08 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 13 - 09:39 PM
gnu 03 Jul 13 - 09:22 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 13 - 08:58 PM
Amos 03 Jul 13 - 07:00 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 13 - 05:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 13 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 13 - 03:22 PM
Amos 03 Jul 13 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 13 - 03:04 PM
gnu 03 Jul 13 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 13 - 08:46 AM
gnu 03 Jul 13 - 06:15 AM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 13 - 11:28 PM
Amos 02 Jul 13 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 13 - 11:22 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 13 - 11:18 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 13 - 06:57 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 13 - 05:49 PM
Amos 02 Jul 13 - 05:36 PM
gnu 02 Jul 13 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 13 - 02:59 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 13 - 10:59 AM
Amos 02 Jul 13 - 10:31 AM
Amos 02 Jul 13 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 13 - 12:22 AM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 13 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 13 - 07:36 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 13 - 06:06 PM
gnu 01 Jul 13 - 05:46 PM
Acme 01 Jul 13 - 04:48 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 13 - 04:32 PM
gnu 01 Jul 13 - 04:29 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 13 - 04:25 PM
Amos 01 Jul 13 - 04:13 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 13 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 13 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 13 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 13 - 01:00 PM
Amos 01 Jul 13 - 12:46 PM
Acme 01 Jul 13 - 11:06 AM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 13 - 06:43 PM
Acme 30 Jun 13 - 06:34 PM
Amos 30 Jun 13 - 06:25 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jun 13 - 03:59 PM
gnu 30 Jun 13 - 03:44 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 13 - 03:48 PM

Chongo says he's heard "through the grapevine" that Sarah Palin is into paddling bigtime.

His friend Renata has threatened him with terminal violence if he even thinks about getting her (Sarah) as his running mate in the next election.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 13 - 02:28 PM

If you buy it I'll help you paddle it. I'll even bring my own paddle. (This is not to be construed as assisting you in the uniquely Canadian indoor sport of "canoe paddling.")


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jul 13 - 12:16 PM

Finally found a canoe I like.

http://trinitytoday.ca/2013/07/on-board-aristotle-onassis-floating-palace-superyacht-that-hosted-tycoons-wedding-party-to-jackie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 13 - 10:35 AM

Rapp:

Roger, I shall so inscribe your copy, assuming you ever send it to me (or its fiscal equivalent).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 11:08 PM

Inscribe it to "wildebeest."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 09:39 PM

You sell yourself short, sir! ;-) Why, some of the animals I've known have been pretty smart...smarter than some of the people, I'd have to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 09:22 PM

A... Gnu with an upper case G? NEVER! My name is Gary or g or gnu or garygnu. garygnu is what my close friends and relatives call me. Take yer pick. Surprise me... but, please no "Gnu" with an uppercase "G". I am just a dumb animal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 08:58 PM

Brilliant! ;-) That's just the sort of comeback Chongo would have given in a similar situation, except he might've gone for $120.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 07:00 PM

Sure thing, Rapp. But there's an extra charge for taking dictation, so you will have to send $80 for the custom order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 05:16 PM

LOL!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 03:25 PM

So if I send you twenty bucks will you send me an autographed copy too? I'd like the inscription to read, "To the most intelligent and wonderful person on this or any other planet, without whose wisdom and guidance I wouldn't be what I am today", okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 03:22 PM

Mom! Mom! I forgot to tell you! I got the stitches out of the sinus lift on the left side yesterday! Now the left side of my face is pulled up so I always have a half-smile showing! And the grafts are taking well, the surgeon says!

From the number of stitches taken out I think he charges by the yard....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 03:08 PM

I, sir, and not you, claim the distinction of being First Vowel.

Do you want the dedication written to Gnu, Gnu?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 03:04 PM

You are sending this to me? Thank you for whatever it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 02:56 PM

A... mail pickup at the Canada Post outlet at Sobeys, no less, will be in about one hour and a Mr. Jackson will be hurtling toward your abode forthwith. I an interested to find out just how long it takes for his journey to your mailbox.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 08:46 AM

I didn't know Sham even WORE shoes or boots. I assume that his feet have grown out of them, unless that's mold. It's hard to tell the difference with Sham.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jul 13 - 06:15 AM

A... I merely interpreted your PM to read Canuck Bucks are fine and made a... tried to make a joke of it. No problem for me to get USD. It's on my 20130703 list already. Matter of fact, I just took a Yankee $50 out of the mattress as I see the buy/sell is 1.0825/1.025 this AM. I'll simply get the 50 changed at my Credit Onion.

Speaking of high finance. Sobeys (grocery chain) recently had a four day offer. A $200 purchase of gift cards eared 95 Air Miles which is worth $10. That's 5% immediately and more if you spend it within one year. The bank offers a 0.2% annual rate on an account with few fees for normal services. There was no limit on the amount of gift cards one could purchase. You should have see the look on the cashiers face when I told her how many $200 cards I wanted. The front end manager was called as the cashier could not action a purchase over $1000. The manager had to call the store manager who took me and the front end manager to an unused checkout becasue the entire transaction was gonna "take a while". Visa was involved in payment... nobody carries that kinda cash around except for some monkey that needs to do so to impress girl monkeys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 11:28 PM

Yes, and then there are his old work boots...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 11:28 PM

Anyone can be disrobed with a flame thrower--Shane could be stripped raw with a BIC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 11:22 PM

Sham doesn't HAVE clothes -- just leprous, scrofulous, bits of cloth that provide a home for various fleas and lice. The Health Department would probably disrobe him with a flame thrower.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 11:18 PM

Just imagine what they'd say if Shane tried to auction his clothes...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 06:57 PM

I tried to auction my clothes once, but the Health Department put a stop to it. I'd even washed them before I wore them!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 05:49 PM

Yes, and they keep changing. First the US dollar was worth more. Then it was worth less. Now it's worth more again...possibly because Monica Lewinsky's little black dress went up for auction the other day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 05:36 PM

Gnuzer:

I thibnk $20 should cover the postage and the book and a small royalty. How's that?

I don't care if you calculate it in US or Canadian, but US currency is easier for me to deal with. I am at the other border, you see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 04:03 PM

A... hahahahaaa!

Also, as discussed, tell me how much of your droll old fashioned US currancy to buy with our high-tech synthetic artful and colourful Canuck bucks to send to you and I shall have it in the hands of Her Majesty's Canada Post anon.

I would appreciate the autograpgh to Gary written tastefully, mind, as it will be prominently displayed among other such treasures from the likes of Kendall, Oaks, Seamus, many others... and Tom Brady (I believe Tom is working on a book entitled, "Concussions : Huh? Wha?"). To wit, please refrain from using phrases such as, "Here's yer fuckin book fer Chrissake! Now, get off my back." >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 02:59 PM

Perhaps "My Poop Is Quick".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 10:59 AM

Oh...for heaven's sake!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 10:31 AM

An elegant title is terse, but rich with meaning. In Chongo's case, for example, something along the line of I, Feces would do the trick. I leave the cover art up tot he imagination...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 01:33 AM

Gnuzer: The listing at Amazon.ca says it is out of stock BUT there are two copies available, which is a bot contradictory. I sent you the link in my last PM. If there is some hurdle tracking down the copy available at the Book Depository, let me know and I'll send you the first new copy I geft when I order several tomorrow. The way this sort of deal works is they print when ordered (POD).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 13 - 12:22 AM

Yeah. But it's not non-fiction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 10:58 PM

Oh, you Philistine! You specist! You utter dolt...

Do a search on Mudcat thread titles and you will find that there has already been a long Chongo adventure tale here entitled My Banana is Quick: A Chongo Chimp Tale.

Look it up, doofus, and you'll discover that YOU started it way back on 15 Jan 04! You did the first post. Those were the days when you hadn't yet descended into rank specism and you were still calling Chongo by his proper name...which is "Chongo", not "Chonga".

You need to refresh your memory, sir. Read "My Banana is Quick" again. It's a great story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 07:36 PM

What'll it be called?

My Gun Is Ook?
The Big Poop?
I, the Poo-Flinger?
The Continental Ook?
The Maltese Fling-Poop?
My Banana is Quick?

My name is either Chongo or Chonga or somethin' else. Ya see, I'm a private dick. I was expectin' a certain skirt when SHE came in. Didn't knock of course, dames like her never do and besides, she couldn't. I can't afford a door. Good looker. Blonde of course, with raven-black hair the color of polished copper. I said, "Don't dames like you knock?" and she said, "Listen, peeper, I brought your skirt. We couldn't get all the stains out, but we did our best. The boss said to collect ten smackers right now, or I blow the whistle to the cops, ya chiseler."

I tried to make some excuse, because I was flat, but she wasn't havin' any. "Ten, right now. Or do I get a flatfoot up here for some sap work on your head?"

I dug deep into my fur and pulled out a sawbuck I'd been savin' to get embalmed that night. I tossed it to her and said, "Listen, sister, you tell Mr. Big that from now on...."

She cut me off. "Can it, shamus. You still owe us for that tulle outfit, the black organdy dress, and that little oh-so-naughty red number from last Christmas. Charlie said to tell you that he's takin' you to Small Claims Court. Here's the paper."

She handed me a folded blue paper. On it was written "Charlie Big Cleaners v. Chonga Chimp, a/k/a Chongo Chimp, a/k/a Poo-Flinger Detective Agency." The court date was next week.

I said, "Can't we work this out?"

She replied, "You should pay yer bills, cheapskate" and left, leaving a wisp of the odor of dry cleaning fluid in her wake. Or maybe it was from the skirt.


There, I've even started it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 06:06 PM

Chongo will surely write a book someday too, and it'll be a barnstormer, but right now he's too busy indulging in the active lifestyle of a hard-drinking, hard-fighting, classy dame-dating gumshoe. Who's got time to write?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 05:46 PM

SRS.... APPARENTLY the wrong ones!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 04:48 PM

I think Oprah is still picking books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 04:32 PM

I could nominate it for an ALA Book of Year award.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 04:29 PM

I am sure Oprah will make an exception.

Now... I will not ask again so politely... vas is costen fer das booken in my mailbox... combien da BEANS eh la?

I know it's just ONE sale but if ya don't take care of each and every customer, people talk. I could call Oprah ya know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 04:25 PM

Au contrarie, mon petit birdie. The store only sells used westerns and used...used...stuff like "Hot Motorcycle Mommas With Whips" and "The Ms. Birch Academy For Young Boys" and "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice and Clare and Joe and Mary and Hans and Ingrid and Rick and Bill and Ewe Two and Hamish and Dorothy and the Vienna Boys Choir and Sundry Others."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 04:13 PM

What a loverly idea, LH! Wish Oprah were still in the book business!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 01:29 PM

By which I mean, it's a softcover book. But, no, it's not one of those little paperbacks that you can snag for $2.50 at the used bookstore back of the Idaho Legion. About all they usually have there is tattered old cowboy novels, coffee-stained Harlequin romances, and stuff by Danielle Steele.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 01:26 PM

It IS a paperback, melon-head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 01:24 PM

Is it out in paperback yet? Are there used copies available -- perhaps ex lib?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 01:00 PM

Yes, I'd agree that self-publishing is probably Shane's only hope. That's why he's soliciting funds and trying to get a grant. It has nothing to do with spending the money on beer and smokes. Good heavens, no! Perish the thought.

There are some wonderful, challenging, very fresh concepts put forward in Beyond the Cascade. Much food for thought.

I can understand your trepidation over the years, Amos, wondering "Will this turn out to be a good book or not after all the work I've put into it?" Scary. Well, it's a darned good book. In the hands of the right publisher I think it could become a bestseller and make you a well-known author, maybe get you on shows like Oprah someday. ;-) Seriously. (I have an idea about which publisher. Will get back to you about that in a bit.)

Still reading here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 12:46 PM

It's his only hope.

BTW, Beyond the Cascade has received another five-star review, so it looks like it is actually a good book despite all the horrible misgivings that haunted its development over the last decade.


"...By the time the first two paragraphs were read, I found myself unable to put it down until finished. In short order, the full version was purchased, and I began to devour it, long into the night - several nights, as a matter of fact. Normally one who reads at a fair clip, I found myself encountering thoughts that begged to be re-read, their meanings distilled, absorbed and savored. It was difficult to concentrate on much else, until the book was finished, and this vortex I had been sucked into, spit me out the other side, shell-shocked and contemplative. Far from overtaxing me, the challenges presented by Beyond the Cascade allowed me think in ways I hadn't dared to in many years, and left me feeling uplifted. This is truly a book that everyone should read. I cannot recommend it enough."


From Amazon.com


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 13 - 11:06 AM

I did a quick survey of some of our more ethereal MOAB posters - they advise self-publishing.

QUARK!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 13 - 06:43 PM

Not yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jun 13 - 06:34 PM

Has he found a publisher, Little Hawk?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 13 - 06:25 PM

I expected better of both of youse guys, but hey, this is Mom's place, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jun 13 - 03:59 PM

WTF is Rap on about now? ;-) Or what is he on, period?

Well, here's some exciting news! There's a brief report today in the Manitoulin Expositor, a small newspaper that is based in Little Current, not far from Blind River. Their Arts page reports that Shane McBride will shortly complete a memoir entitled "Beyond Drunk and Disorderly". It's scheduled to be published sometime next Spring, and Shane is presently soliciting funds in the form of a grant (plus private donations) to assist in that endeavour and generate some useful pre-publication hype.

Should make for quite a read, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jun 13 - 03:44 PM

Hell yeah, Bro. Pray at Will. Don't wait to see the whites of his eyes.


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