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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 07 Nov 12 - 01:46 PM
Acme 07 Nov 12 - 12:54 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Nov 12 - 12:33 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 12 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 12 - 06:12 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 12 - 05:00 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 12 - 04:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 12 - 02:03 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 12 - 02:02 PM
gnu 06 Nov 12 - 02:00 PM
Little Hawk 06 Nov 12 - 12:57 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Nov 12 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 12 - 09:15 AM
gnu 05 Nov 12 - 04:35 PM
Acme 05 Nov 12 - 04:13 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 12 - 03:57 PM
gnu 05 Nov 12 - 03:40 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 12 - 03:04 PM
Amos 05 Nov 12 - 11:45 AM
Amos 05 Nov 12 - 09:54 AM
Rapparee 05 Nov 12 - 08:42 AM
Amos 05 Nov 12 - 12:38 AM
Rapparee 04 Nov 12 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 12 - 01:33 PM
Acme 04 Nov 12 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 04 Nov 12 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 04 Nov 12 - 10:09 AM
Amos 04 Nov 12 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 03 Nov 12 - 09:08 PM
gnu 03 Nov 12 - 06:40 PM
Little Hawk 03 Nov 12 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 03 Nov 12 - 06:04 PM
Rapparee 03 Nov 12 - 05:02 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Nov 12 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 03 Nov 12 - 02:28 PM
Amos 03 Nov 12 - 10:01 AM
Rapparee 03 Nov 12 - 09:39 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Nov 12 - 12:57 AM
Rapparee 02 Nov 12 - 10:22 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Nov 12 - 10:03 PM
Acme 02 Nov 12 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 12 - 06:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Nov 12 - 03:01 PM
gnu 02 Nov 12 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 12 - 02:12 PM
Amos 02 Nov 12 - 01:37 PM
gnu 02 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 12 - 10:27 AM
Acme 02 Nov 12 - 12:09 AM
Amos 01 Nov 12 - 09:35 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Nov 12 - 01:46 PM

Shocking that Rapparee is STILL posting bogus Chongo posts here. Just shocking. I hate to think what his karmic punishment will be.

Ah, well....for the real story, go to the thread about Chongo and the APP celebrating their election gains.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Nov 12 - 12:54 PM

To reassign that old chestnut from the Reagan years It's a good day in America. MOM will sleep it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Nov 12 - 12:33 PM

You guys deserve what you got. I lost and I ain't never gonna run agin cause I found Larry. All of you who voted for me, thanks. Both of ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 12 - 09:22 AM

Oh Gawd! Another election night, another night finding Mom dancing in her bloomers in a cheap saloon. The cops called me and I brought her home smelling of all the cheap whiskey she got by voting early and often. She's gonna have a hangover today that'd kill anyone weaker -- move quietly and Amos -- DO NOT give her that "tomato juice with a raw egg in it" hangover cure you find so funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 06:12 PM

From his last post he'll be chuckling up someone else's pants leg. Is Duffy's that gay bar over near the river, or is it the "leather bar" out on Cicero Avenue where Duffy is the bartender?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 05:00 PM

I'm bettin' you missed it. Well, here it is...

Chongo and his supporters are gathered at Duffy's Bar in Chicago and are already celebrating his projected imminent victory over the Democrats and Republicans. It's quite a scene! Chimps, Bonobos, Gorillas, Baboons, Howlers, Capuchins, Macaques, even the odd Orangutan....and, of course, Chongo's human supporters as well. Every now and then there's a chorus of hooting and screeching that can be heard blocks away. The liquor is flowing freely. This will be THE place to be tonight when Chongo gives his victory speech, thanks all those who contributed to this historic moment, and magnanimously chuckles down his sleeve at his detractors.

It's a damn good thing Duffy's has an outdoor patio and courtyard, cos there ain't nearly enough room in that place to hold this election night crowd. They are hangin' off the chandeliers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 04:48 PM

It could be Amos, Rap, but I think it's you. Amos, after all, considers himself above this sort of thing, doesn't he? Would he really spare the time and effort to impersonate Chongo? Unlikely. So I think you're the guy doing it.

Have you seen my post about Chongo's victory celebrations at Duffy's Bar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 02:03 PM

I will, however, take the palindrome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 02:02 PM

Why do I get blamed? Amos is a more likely candidate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 02:00 PM

Purgatory... ya can't buy yer way outta hell. It's hell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 12:57 PM

Rap, I don't know what they are paying you to impersonate Chongo and spread all this disinformation supposedly in his own name in order to amuse yourself and derail his presidential campaign, but I do predict that it won't be enough to eventually buy your way out of hell for having done it!

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 12:52 PM

I give up the Presidency and will never run again for anything in my life, including booze and skirts. I was in this bar last night, see, and this guy comes up to me and he says, "Monkey, you want a drink?" and that got me riled up. So I politely told him I wasn't a monkey but a chimp and this joe APOLOGIZED. Yeah! So we knocked some back and I found he was a swell guy and, yeah, we...anyway, I'm off the broads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 12 - 09:15 AM

Mom! Down there with the GOP election thieves and other riff-raff! Well, I'll be! Sit down and eat your gruel, drink your water, and have all the moldy bread you can eat! Hmph! The very idea!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 04:35 PM

Here's one SRS...

Look up.


Look up further.


Even further.


Yer pissin on yer shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 04:13 PM

MOM says the thread has been reduced to a graffiti board. Stuff you guys read over the urinal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 03:57 PM

"Co, co, come up, fair Buttercup!"
I call; and soon her mellow "moo"
And in the flowers she comes up,
For it was a tainted barbecue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 03:40 PM

Co, co, come up, fair Buttercup!"
I call; and soon her mellow "moo"
Across the flowers she follows up,
And we go homeward through the dew.

So sad to say adieu, Fair buttercup
You are now gone and how I do miss you
I will never forget our last sup
And how you tasted on the BBQ.

Sniff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 03:04 PM

Be wary, Amos. I've cataloged my collection of limerick anthologies, including (but not limited to) the Baring-Gould, Asimov, and Asimov/Ciardi compilations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 11:45 AM

A who and a what and a where
Were unconscious and all unaware
When a terrible squeak
On the glass from a beak
Woke them up as they were, then and there!

The who groaned and muttered, "Oh why?
Must you bother my sleep, while poor I
Am all tempest tossed
And am all at a loss
To report on the I in my eye!

The what answered "I, sir, be shamed!"
It's the thing that you're being to blame!
Not the who there behind it!
The who sir, is blind! It
Is whatness alone can be named!"

The where sighed and snored in the air.
"You can't be a what from back there!
You will slalom and veer
In confusion, I fear,
If you try to run life from Elsewhere!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 09:54 AM

Chongo waxes philosophical but is somehow unconvincing...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 08:42 AM

Last line's wrong. Substitute "who" for "where".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 12 - 12:38 AM

Birdy with a yellow beak
Scrape the glass and make it squeak
Shatter, thus, the deep repose
Of Rapparree in his clothes.
See him jump like startled plover
Rising from a bad hangover
Fumbling for the bedside light
He wonders where he was last night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 09:30 PM

Godd bless Mommy -- I know that's right
Wasn't it fun in the bath tonight?
       --Whoever it was who wrote "Winnie the Pooh"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 01:33 PM

Birdy with a yellow bill
You will soon my tummy fill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 01:23 PM

Birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon my window sill
Cocked his shining eye and said
Get up Get up you Sleepyhead!
(RLS, I do believe)

vs (I think Alan King did this)

Birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon my window sill
I lured him in with crumbs and bread
And smashed him on his crumby head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 10:52 AM

I found this poem in an old book. It truly and deeply touched me and I am sure that it will do the same for you.

A Little Milkmaid
by Anna Boynton Averill

Our little buff cow, Buttercup,
Has large eyes, dark and soft and meek;
Her horns in pretty curves come up,
Her coat is fine and sleek.

Her limbs are slender like a deer's,
Her voice is like a mellow horn;
Her tail is tufted, and her ears --
I drive her night and morn.

All day, upon the hills she loves,
You hear her bell through brake and broom;
Her heart is gentle as a dove's,
Her breath is sweet as clover-bloom.

The apples with the crumpled cheeks
The blush to dully in the tree
I pluck for her; she never speaks
Her thanks, but she believes in me.

It is so deep in summer now,
The pasture-bars are almost hid
In daisies, where I call my cow,
And listen to the katydid.

"Co, co, come up, fair Buttercup!"
I call; and soon her mellow "moo"
Across the flowers she follows up,
And we go homeward through the dew.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 10:09 AM

Of course not! As Sir Francis Bacon so famously put it, "Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 12 - 01:14 AM

HE swears he never inhaled any of the books he has on the subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 09:08 PM

Yeah, that too. But of course I only know about it from reading.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 06:40 PM

Cannabis?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 06:36 PM

What a great resource to have, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 06:04 PM

I'm cataloging my books, and have loaded (so far) 711 titles. The software I'm using allows me to assign a book to a "folder" which acts as a subject heading in a library.

One of the subjects I use is "Cartoons and Comics." I find it interesting that as a scroll down the list I know that when I reach "Canada" I'll soon get to "Cannibalism - North America" and shortly after that is the subject I want.

Yes, I really do have at least one book on cannibalism, head-hunting and human sacrifice in North America. It includes recipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 05:02 PM

Chonga, you withdrew a few days ago. Were you so soused you're just now sobering up?

No one has more humble beginnings than I do. Nor is anyone so humble. I'm proud of my humility! Say it long and say it loud, I'm humble and I am proud!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 02:47 PM

Yers is an amazin' story of strugglin' on despite the odds, Rap, overcomin' a difficult childhood, survivin' travails that woulda killed most people, and finally endin' up as a semi-successful nobody in a library in a place that no one can remember the name of! ;-D Ook! Ook!

It's such an amazin' story that I think you oughta write a book. Then run for president. But first you gotta wait for me to get elected and straighten things out in this country. After that I think you should take a shot at it. After all, humble beginnin's are a big asset to a presidential candidate, right? Look what they did for Lincoln.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 02:28 PM

Particularly since it was THEIR conception, not mine. You see, my parents never met because they died before they were born. All of my ancestors did, as did their children (except for me and my siblings). I think it might be a genetic thing, or maybe it's because of that curse that a gyđja placed upon the family when my great x 109 grandfather caused her cake to fall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 10:01 AM

It was sad; both his parents died at conception, in what can only be described as mysterious positions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 09:39 AM

Chonga, my parents died before I was born. My brothers and sister and I were orphans. As the oldest I tried to teach them right from wrong and which fork to use and not to bust a cap on someone who beat you at jacks and which wine should be served with what dish, and I think I did an okay job. I like to think that, had they lived, my parents would have been proud of me, yes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Nov 12 - 12:57 AM

Now yer showin' more class than I woulda thought, Rap. I'm bettin' yer parents were pretty proud of how ya turned out after such a rough start in life.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 10:22 PM

No, Chonga, you'd be wrong. It was a simple nosegay of wild violets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 10:03 PM

Boy, you are almost makin' me cry with these hearbreakin' tales of yer youth, Rap.

Okay...now I am wonderin' what you wore the first time you took a girl out? I'm bettin' you wore nothin' but a barrel (with no bottom) and you picked a sprig of dandelion flowers for her. Am I close?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 07:01 PM

My mother's high school prom dress was sent to Norway by her step-mother. It was worn by several young women in their village as a wedding dress. I don't know if it was sent right after the prom, or once WWII was started. They had a practical bent, didn't fool with recycled paper and molding oranges. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 06:06 PM

Well, Chonga, my brothers wore hand-me-downs from circus chimpanzees and organ-grinders' monkeys. Ugly clothes, those, and usually full of fleas. Often I wore only my precious blanket; we shared a sock and in the winter a rubber boot because we couldn't afford a pair of anything. We got the socks from a local business that catered to the needs of one-legged men; we found the rubber boot in the trash behind the hospital and after we took the foot out it served us well for years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 03:01 PM

Tell us about yer clothes back in them days, Rap.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 02:54 PM

"We've been collecting it for him in a special box, and it has never been used for a second time, just the once. Most of it, you couldn't even tell."

Is it authographed by Sheryl Crow?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 02:12 PM

Thank you, Amos.

For years we used the "single sheet folded in quarters with a hole in the middle for your finger" method. We used it with whatever paper we could find: newsprint, catalogs, badly counterfeited money, whatever homework you could swipe off a desk at school, some old watercolors my mother had by some guy named "Gaugin" or something, labels off broken bottles and so on. Sometimes we had to wash the paper and reuse it, and that creek water was cold in the winter and the stones were icy! We made our own soap, of course, from homemade lye and rancid fats we'd collect from road killed animals.

Ah, the poverty of my happy youthful days!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 01:37 PM

I feel for Rapp and am sending him a really nice surprise--his very own case of fluffy white T.P., which he doesn't have to share!! He can keep it all for himself. We've been collecting it for him in a special box, and it has never been used for a second time, just the once. Most of it, you couldn't even tell. Happy Christmas, my boy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM

Oddly enough, Mum was telling me (again.. she's 86) about the Chrisdtmas ALL six daughters got an orange. They weren't moldy. I must ask her if the sons got moldy oranges.

Now, the year she got new shoes for her birthday was a definite highlight. She was about 8 years old and told she could pick them out. She wanted fancy looking ones that would be ruined if they got wet. Me Mere pointed that out and Mum said she would wear her old shoes in bad weather. Me Mere told her that her old shoes would be passed on when she got the new ones. Mum pointed out there were no sisters that could use hand-me-downs and Me Mere ensured her that there was. Mum opted for the "sensible" shoes and was instructed that she should never say anything if she saw her old shoes again. It puzzled her but, back then, you did what you were told. The next time she saw her old shoes they were on the feet of a girl that lived up the street a ways... a "sister" who needed those old shoes. A valuable lesson indded.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 10:27 AM

I once got an orange for Christmas that wasn't completely moldy. I hardly knew what to do with such riches! Another Christmas I was given an ever-so-shiny spoon just for my own use -- I didn't have to share it with my siblings and while the handle was broken off there was still enough to hold onto if I was careful!

But the nicest gift was the blanket-with-holes-in-it. It was wool and when I wore it to school the other kids were jealous because it had the words "TB Sanatorium" on it and the holes weren't very big, but it was kind of stiff in places where it was stuck together kinda like the hankies some of us used after they'd dried.

Ah, the memories....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Nov 12 - 12:09 AM

I'm thinking of the scene in Jane Eyre when she begs for the bowl of oatmeal that a girl is going to throw to the pigs. It would read so differently if the girl was going to throw Pop Tarts to the pigs. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Nov 12 - 09:35 PM

Nah, I think he'll go for the Lego Waffles soaked in rotgut bourbon...


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