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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 29 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM
Eiseley 29 Jan 11 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 29 Jan 11 - 10:31 AM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 09:41 PM
Acme 28 Jan 11 - 09:24 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 09:23 PM
Janie 28 Jan 11 - 08:31 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 07:43 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 07:41 PM
gnu 28 Jan 11 - 07:22 PM
Eiseley 28 Jan 11 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 05:30 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 02:27 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 28 Jan 11 - 02:03 PM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 01:39 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 01:24 PM
Eiseley 28 Jan 11 - 11:24 AM
Amos 28 Jan 11 - 11:03 AM
Acme 28 Jan 11 - 10:02 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 11 - 09:43 AM
Janie 28 Jan 11 - 01:51 AM
Amos 27 Jan 11 - 07:50 PM
Amos 27 Jan 11 - 05:53 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 11 - 05:39 PM
Acme 27 Jan 11 - 04:43 PM
Eiseley 27 Jan 11 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 11 - 04:10 PM
gnu 27 Jan 11 - 03:53 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 27 Jan 11 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 11 - 02:46 PM
Amos 27 Jan 11 - 02:20 PM
Eiseley 27 Jan 11 - 02:08 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 11 - 01:49 PM
Eiseley 27 Jan 11 - 11:30 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 11 - 09:57 AM
Janie 26 Jan 11 - 11:42 PM
Acme 26 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM
Amos 26 Jan 11 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 11 - 07:08 PM
Janie 26 Jan 11 - 06:33 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 11 - 06:23 PM
Amos 26 Jan 11 - 04:33 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 11 - 02:56 PM
Eiseley 26 Jan 11 - 12:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Jan 11 - 12:18 PM
Amos 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM
Eiseley 26 Jan 11 - 10:58 AM
Eiseley 26 Jan 11 - 10:57 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:38 AM

Wow!

Hey, MOM, it's a pretty day outside. I'm going to plant some stuff in the garden. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah to those poor sods buried under snow back east. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 11:33 AM

Yes it was real Argentina! I visited Ushuaia(the world's southernmost city), San Carlos de Bariloche, and Buenos Aires. I liked Bariloche the best. It was wonderful! The prize was airfare to Argentina and back, so we spent a month because we didn't know if we'd ever make it back. I'd like to return someday. It was a very good return of a $30.00 pledge!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 11 - 10:31 AM

Yes, changed. She is now convinced she's Eva Peron and she doesn't speak very good Spanish. The last time I talked with her she said, "Yobosayo! Ich bien Evita. Ça va, mon vieux dunderheit? Y como esta votre műtter y todos? Ciao!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 10:29 PM

It was real. A trip to Argentina. ANd she went too. ANd came back, too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:41 PM

Juan Peron invited her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:24 PM

Gives me a stiff neck just looking at it.

Eiseley, let the other shoe drop, please.

Argentina? For real? Or was it Argentina, Idaho?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:23 PM

I wish to acknowledge James Thurber as the origin of the wine-snob remark I posted. With profuse apologies for my oversight.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 08:31 PM

But why in the world would MOM's daughters want to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:43 PM

The density (mass per unit of volume) of water can vary. For example, the average density of seawater at the surface of the ocean is 1025 kg/m³ (10.25 lb/ga, 8.55 lb/US gallon), fresh water on the other hand has a density of about 1000 kg/m³ (10.00 lb/ga, 8.35 lb/US gallon).[1]

Consider a 100-ton ship passing from a saltwater sea into a freshwater river. It always displaces exactly 100 tons of water, but it has to displace a greater volume of fresh water to amount to 100 tons. Therefore it would sit slightly lower in the water in the freshwater river than it would in the saltwater sea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:41 PM

Asking Mom's daughters to give you an udder is in very poor sort of taste indeed!!

Those ladies in silk are just incredible!! Thanks!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 07:22 PM

I have been to tastings. They don't appreciate, "Mmmm. That's tastey. Give us anudder." Especially after tasting a few. Even if ya offer yer keys up. Snobby wine types.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 06:54 PM

Ouch!

Actually, I think we'd have to use the same size box. But there are three of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 05:30 PM

I'll betcha MOM's daughters could do this. And they could use a smaller box, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 02:27 PM

Another thing you shouldn't say is "Man! This stuff always gives me gas!"

(Amos, you didn't credit James Thurber.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 02:03 PM

Or how about....

"Kicks like a mule, sticks to yer ribs, bites like a crazed hellbitch. Tomorrow you won't even remember yer own name..."

(real cheap whisky)

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 01:39 PM

"A pleasant little domestic with no real breeding,but you will be amused by its presumption..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 01:24 PM

Oh, yeah. Here are some wine-tasting comments you can use so you seem sofistikated an all:

"A nice body, but perhaps the grapes were picked a couple of hours early."

"A full nose, reminiscent of blackberries, elderberries, and chocolate."

"Ah, just the right touch of a cinnamon taste."

Whatever you do, don't make comments like these:

"Last Tuesday -- in the afternoon, I'd say."

"The tastes of cherries, honey, and turpentine with just the slightest hint of gasoline."

"What a delightful treat for the nose! It reminds me of being tear gassed back in the Sixties."

"Betcha I kin chug more of that Peenot Greggy-oh than you kin!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 11:24 AM

Yay, Janie!

Once I won a trip to Argentina from the public radio station.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 11:03 AM

SOme folks don't like wine; some folks don't like parties. Lucky is the gal who likes both!!

Congratulations on your generous Karma!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 10:02 AM

That sounds like a lovely occasion you can set up for yourself and five friends, Janie! Our local NPR station had a lot of folks call during the hour something similar was being raffled off (a tea party for 6 in the DeGolyer Mansion at the Dallas Arboretum). I suspect no one turned those down!

Lots of Mudcatters are under snow right now, but they're living in climates and places I'd prefer instead of Texas. Texas right now is relatively warm and sunny. That's the bummer, and the reason I'm still here - the spouse didn't want to leave to return to the east coast winters. Now an ex, but I'm still here, anchored by inertia and raising kids.

Where does MOM want to move when she "retires?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 09:43 AM

You sip wine, swish it around like mouthwash (some of it tastes like mouthwash), and spit it out. Then you rench (hillbilly talk) out your mouth with water and do that thing with the wine again. Then the water, and so on. In the meantime you eat fancy tasteless crackers, somewhat decent cheese (not Velveeta!), and chocolates.

You can also swallow the wine, if you live close by or have a designated driver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 01:51 AM

Random acts of good news.

Got a call today from my local public radio station. Have won a drawing, (well, sort of, the first two names they drew declined the prize,) for a private wine tasting party with cheeses and chocolates for a party of 6 at a local winery.

Pondering why the first 2 declined.

" What happens at a wine tasting?" asks the reclusive and socially inept hillbilly woman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 07:50 PM

IV:

And when the sun came out of the ice
In its gray and wintry light
There was naught t'be seen but the pale white sheen
Where the hills and the sea lay white.
And the paths were white, and the sky was white
And white was the lead dog's breath
As if sea, and land, and dogs and air
Had agreed to jes' freeze to death.
And the frost was white that rimed our beards
At the dawn of that frozen day.
And the only glow came from a dream,
A dream of that distant Kay.

For we wasn't close--we had fer to go
We had over five hundred still.
With nothing to aid but the guts of the crew,
Our backs, and the dogs' good will.
We had little enough to eat or drink
And nothing' to ease our way.
And all we could do was mush, and think,
Think on that next of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 05:53 PM

I've heard muttering "Dam Edna!" under her breath. Maybe that's who she meant?

Eiseley, thanks; I think I will pass, even though the breadth and depth of the knowledge therein surpasseth by orders of magnitude the shelf-length and earth-weight thereof.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 05:39 PM

MOM would never have any truck with them hoity-toity types of "nobles" or royalty. MOM is a freedom-loving American! She taught me the epitaph President James Madison's father (which the family changed out of embarrassment):

First fruits and tithes are odious things
And so are bishops, priests, and kings.

MOM made me promise never to bow when I meet royalty, but to stick out my hand like and American and say, "Howdy, King (or Queen)! How y'all? How's your momma an' all them doin'?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 04:43 PM

Dame Edna is on the radio right now, in an NPR spot during the pledge drive. Scott Simon has about strangled himself with laughter.

How come she never comes to visit MOM? I heard they were such good friend years ago. At least that's what MOM said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 04:27 PM

And Poe can keep me up all night!

The ticking---stop the ticking!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 04:10 PM

"The Raven", "The Tell-Tale Heart" and "Annabelle Lee" are mighty Poe writing, if you ask me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 03:53 PM

"They are good late-night reading"

Nay, nay... Poe I say. Be still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 03:21 PM

The 1958 encyclopedia--how big is it?

It is 33 volumes, Britannica, reddish brown with golden lettering, approximately 29 cm tall.

It is heavy and takes up a lot of shelf space.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 02:46 PM

What rhymes with Pocatello?

Lime Jello?
Fine fellow?
Hearty hello?
Mellow Yellow?
Feather pellow?
Rancid tellow?
Weeping wellow?
Off-key cello?
Loud bellow?
Shakespeare's Othello?


Down in old town Pocatello
Lived Eiseley, a very fine fellow
The Women's Prison she spurned
But for literature burned
So she memorized all of Othello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 02:20 PM

The 1958 encyclopedia--how big is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 02:08 PM

He's TOO YOUNG! No way would I introduce, except in carefully moderated and monitored excerpts, MOAB posts to a 12-year-old! He would too soon become addicted and spend all his time rhyming and posting. This threat, in fact, is related in these words by Meredith Wilson, modified of course for the musical but originally written as shown below:

And all week long, your Pocatello youth'll be fritterin' away
I say, your young men'll be fritterin'
Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime, too
Post for that big number
Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled or the screen door patched
or the beefsteak pounded
Never mind pumpin' any water 'til your parents are caught
with a cistern empty on a Saturday night and that's trouble
Oh, ya got lots and lots o' trouble
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers shirttails,
young ones peekin' into Mudcat after class
Ya got trouble, folks, right here in Pocatello
with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'B' and that stands for "Bee-Ess"

Oh, we got trouble
Right here in Pocatello
Right here in Pocatello
With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'B' and that stands for "Bee-Ess"
That stands for Bee-Ess
We surely got trouble
We surely got trouble
Right here in Pocatello
Right here

Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones
moral after school


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 01:49 PM

So why isn't he posting here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 11:30 AM

Last night Dad and I talked about the many uses of old encyclopedias. Here are some ideas:
They help small children reach the dining room table
You can find really cool pictures to use for school collages
They can be turned into book crafts--like hollowed out treasure boxes
They are good late-night reading
They're helpful if the power goes out and you need an answer to a question
Use them with table leaves instead of mason jars to make ersatz bookshelves.
Fuel
Insulation
Bricks, as Stilly said


Eiseley

P.S. My middle son's jazz concert last night was WONDERFUL! Tom wore a cap and was a smooth cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 11 - 09:57 AM

I used to get the most horrible cases of pink-eye. Well, really red- eye. I don't remember the brand, but the bottle were closed with old Coke and Pepsi caps. The hangovers were unbelievable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 11:42 PM

Ah, Stilly.

Forever young.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM

Donate those old encyclopedias to the local green builders and they can use them like bricks.

Good news about the reduced amount of surgery for Pat. What's scheduled is more than plenty go get over.

MOM, I got ointment for pink eye today. Pink eye! It's like I'm back in the third grade and was sent home from school. I can't go back to the office until the ointment has been in use for 24 hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 08:21 PM

Excellent!! Give her my Kudo and Congratulations!

By the way, unintentionally, Rapparee has come up with a NEW item for our compendium on spatulas. Using them to scrape squashed librarians from the floorboards. Oh, well done.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 07:08 PM

Good News From Pocatello

My wife will only need surgery (next Tuesday, February 1) on the right side. The anomalies on the left turned out to be benign calcifications.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 06:33 PM

Ya'll ain't workin' hard enough. Still at 788 pages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 06:23 PM

If it's the "Compleat Hardbound Edition", a large fork lift truck is required when you wish to move it around from place to place...one of those things accidentally fell on my cousin David in the ancestral library, and he went missing for a week. When he was found, they had to scrape him off the floor with a large spatula. Rather than attempting to bury him, the family had him varnished with a transparent sealer and turned into a wall mural.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 04:33 PM

The 1958 encyclopedia--how big is it?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 02:56 PM

Why would you need encyclopedias when you have...WIKIPEDIA!!??

(Unless, of course, you'd like accurate information....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:53 PM

Hey, Siblings,
My library is going through the reference collection and updating it. They've identified ten dictionaries and eight sets of encyclopedias that they'd like to replace, and they're giving employees and their families [you folks] first dibs, since they were very expensive sets. The dates of publication of the encyclopedias are 1958-1961, 1965, 1973, 1977 and 1985. Would anyone like one or two of the other sets, plus several dictionaries? If not, I'll box them up and take them over to Rapp's house. Surely he can find a good use for them.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:18 PM

Instead of writin' the stories, I live 'em, buster. Hammett got some of his best ideas from me. I used to supply him with my old case files for a "stipend" (it's like money, only...it's smaller). You'd never guess how much I have contributed to classic crime fiction.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM

HE can read the labels on whiskey, beer bottles, and boxes of ammo, but it is a limited skill based on imitation, acquired during his apprenticeship under Dashiell Hammett, who was not at fault. Hammett thought he was training a writer to turn out flat-foot pot-boilers he could then publish under his own name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 12:10 PM

Of course I can read! I been all the way through Raymond Chandler, mister, and I have read most of the Sam Spade stories too. Tried Mickey Spillane, but he's kinda vulgar.

Rapparee, I did not tell you about the SECRET ingredient. (If I had, it wouldn't be a secret, would it?) ;-D Ook! Ook! Without that you will not get the full effect, so ya better not try makin' your own.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:58 AM

I just finished reading one that Chongo would enjoy: Half Brother by Kenneth Oppel. It is about a family that adopted a little baby chimpanzee in an episode of cross-species fostering.

Can Chongo read?

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 26 Jan 11 - 10:57 AM

Here is a list of the Young Adult Library Services Association's choices for the top 10 Young Adult titles of 2010. My favorite, of the ones I've read so far, is Last Night I Sang to the Monster.

Eiseley


Bacigalupi, Paolo. Ship Breaker. Little, Brown, & Co., 2010. $17.99. 978-0-316-05621-2.
Nailer is a light crew scavenger tearing up old hulks of ships, living day to day, until a rich girl and her gleaming ship run ashore in a storm on the beach and his life gets more dangerous.

Donnelly, Jennifer. Revolution. Random House Children's Books/Delacorte, 2010. 978-0-385-73763-0; $18.99.
Haunted by the death of her brother, Andi is taken to Paris by her estranged father where an encounter with a mysterious diary may bring her back from the edge.

*Marchetta, Melina. Finnikin of the Rock. Candlewick, 2010. $18.99. 978-0-7636-4361-4.
Finnikin and his fellow exiles from Lumatere wish to return to their cursed homeland. Finnikin must go on an epic journey with a mute novice named Evanjalin to return home.

Matson, Morgan. Amy & Roger's Epic Detour.2010. Simon & Schuster, 2010. $16.99. 978-1-4169-9065-9.
Amy and Roger must both learn to deal with loss while on a road trip across the country which doesn't go as expected.

McBride, Lish. Hold Me Closer, Necromancer. Macmillan Children's Book Group/Henry Holt, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-805-09098-7..
When Sam discovers he is a necromancer he must learn to control his power in order to defeat a powerful and corrupt rival and save his friends.

Mulligan, Andy. Trash. David Fickling Books, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-385-75214-5.
Three garbage-picker boys find an item of great value to a corrupt politician on their rounds, setting off a tense hunt to see who will triumph.

Perkins, Mitali. Bamboo People. Charlesbridge, 2010. $16.95. 978-1-58089-328-2.
Chiko, a Burmese soldier and Tu Reh, a Kerenni refugee meet on opposite sides of war and each must learn what it means to be a man of his people.

Reinhardt, Dana. The Things a Brother Knows. Random House Children's Books/Wendy Lamb, 2010. $16.99. 978-0-375-84455-3.
Boaz is back and hailed as the hometown hero, but he is not at all the same. Can his younger brother Levi help him truly make his way home?

Saenz, Benjamin. Last Night I Sang to the Monster. Cinco Puntos Press, 2009. $16.95. 978-1-933693-58-3.
Weeks in therapy go by and 18-year-old Zach is still unable to remember the monstrous events that left him alone and haunted by nightmares.

Sedgwick, Marcus. Revolver. Roaring Brook Press, 2010. $16.99. 978-1-59643-592-6;
Sig is alone with his father's body when the lawless man his father had managed to escape appears out of the icy wilderness.


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