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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Dec 10 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Dec 10 - 06:08 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 10 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 10 - 04:55 PM
Amos 07 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 10 - 12:48 PM
Amos 07 Dec 10 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 10 - 10:45 AM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 10 - 12:03 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 10 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 10 - 09:41 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 07:32 PM
gnu 06 Dec 10 - 07:32 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 07:25 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 10 - 06:11 PM
gnu 06 Dec 10 - 04:47 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 04:38 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM
gnu 06 Dec 10 - 03:42 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 03:35 PM
Eiseley 06 Dec 10 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 10 - 02:12 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 10 - 01:03 PM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 11:55 AM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 10 - 10:26 AM
Amos 06 Dec 10 - 10:25 AM
Acme 06 Dec 10 - 12:07 AM
Acme 05 Dec 10 - 11:59 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 10 - 08:22 PM
Amos 05 Dec 10 - 08:15 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 10 - 05:04 PM
Amos 05 Dec 10 - 01:03 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 10 - 12:36 PM
Acme 05 Dec 10 - 12:20 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 10 - 04:35 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 10 - 08:57 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 10 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 10 - 08:44 PM
gnu 04 Dec 10 - 04:47 PM
Amos 04 Dec 10 - 03:32 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 10 - 02:50 PM
Acme 04 Dec 10 - 12:56 PM
Eiseley 04 Dec 10 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 10 - 11:08 AM
Acme 04 Dec 10 - 10:45 AM
Amos 04 Dec 10 - 09:51 AM
Amos 03 Dec 10 - 11:57 PM
Amos 03 Dec 10 - 11:53 PM
Acme 03 Dec 10 - 11:48 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 07:18 PM

You half-pint fleabitten overgrown throwrug, whyncha take those dental plates out and show folks your real smile. It'll scare them into the next county. No winks from chicks for you, you pan-species panderer! Besides, you'd have ta stand down wind or they'd run for the fallout shelter. Bad idea. Why don't you human up and take care of your mother and sister, instead, cheapskate!! Or doesn't that no-good shyster Little Hawk pay you any royalties?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 06:08 PM

I am picturin' Amos and LH havin' it out mano-a-mano, rollin' around on the ground in the dirt, yellin' and screechin' and pullin' hair, scratchin' and gougin' and kickin', fists wavin' in the air, one hand shoved inta the other guy's open mouth just like Dagwood and Herb used ta do in the old Blondie comic strip...

And Rapaire on the microphone wildly callin' the play-by-play while I sell hot chestnuts to the cheerin' spectators and wink at the girls...

I bet we could sell a lotta tickets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 05:51 PM

Sorry, old chap! Maybe next time we shall have the violence and bloodshed you long for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 04:55 PM

Settled like true gentlemen, with an apology offered and accepted.





















Darn it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM

What a scarey image!! I have no relatives, as ffar as I know, who would do such a thing. And th eones I do not know about have not found me yet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 12:48 PM

Well, I suppose that will have to do. Actually, I was merely inspired by your "for reference only" post, enjoyed it, and thought I'd do one of my own in the same fashion. It's fun, after all.

So here's another...

For reference only:

KNACKERED - (British slang expression) Checkmated, frustrated, blocked; similar to the American slang expression: screwed.

An example of the use of the expression "knackered" appears below in the 7th verse of the delightful Jack Thackray song "Leopold Alcocks"...


LEOPOLD ALCOCKS
by
Jake Thackray



Leopold Alcocks, my distant relation,
Came to my flat for a brief visitation.
He's been here since February, damn and blast him
My nerves and my furniture may not outlast him.


Leopold Alcocks is accident prone.
He's lost my bath plug, he's ruptured my telephone.
My antirrhinums, my motor bike, my sofa
There isn't anything he can't trip over.

As he roams through my rooms, all my pussycats scatter.
My statuettes tremble, then plummet, then shatter.
My table lamps tumble with grim regularity.
My cut glass has crumbled and so has my charity.

Leopold Alcocks, an uncanny creature
He can't take tea without some misadventure:
He looks up from his tea cup with a smirk on his features
And a slice of my porcelain between his dentures.

He's upset my goldfish, he's jinxed my wisteria
My budgie's gone broody, my tortoise has hysteria.
He cleans my tea pots, my saucepans, with Brasso
And leaves chocolate fingerprints on my Picasso.

Leopold Alcocks never known to fail
Working his way through my frail Chippendale.
One blow from his thighs (which are fearsomely strong)
Would easily fracture the wing of a swan.

I brought home my bird for some turkish moussaka
Up looms old Leopold I know when I'm knackered.
He spills the vino, the great eager beaver,
Drenching her jump suit and my joie de vivre.

Leopold Alcocks stirring my spleen
You are the grit in my life's vaseline.
A pox on you Alcocks! You've been here since Feb'ry
Go home and leave me alone with my debris.

So Leopold Alcocks, my distant relation,
Has gone away home after his visitation.
I glimpsed him waving bye bye this last minute
Waving his hand with my door knob still in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:27 AM

Well, Hawkster, I apologize; the truth is, I took your effort at imitation as a sort of piss-takem so I thought I'd take one in reply, but I see now how terribly, teribly wrong I was and I know I will never be able to make it up to you. I don't know WHAT to do. I suppose you'll have to suck it up.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 10:45 AM

Ya wanna fight a duel? Huh? Do ya? I'll act as your second. Wash out the stain on your honour in blood and all that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 12:03 AM

I am mystified, Amos, by this apparent need you have to castigate me for my supposed gutter mentality and my supposedly vile social origins. You know perfectly well that it isn't so, so why do you do it? Herr Leibenscheiss should look into the matter and determine what sort of deep and dark emotional issues lie at the base of this unhealthy compulsion you have to smear my reputation and thereby symbolically destroy me...or at least banish me from what you imagine to be "polite company". I am hurt sir. Deeply hurt. I do not deserve this sort of treatment from you, and I am sure that one day you will deeply regret your intemperate and scurrilous attacks upon my character. When that day comes, as it must, I will graciously accept your apology.

;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 10:28 PM

In honor of the Feast of St. Nicholas tonight, the Legion Hovel has been decorated for the holidays. As usual, Stinky Smith lit the candles on the tree and as usual the thing burst into flames -- the Supreme Keeper of the Kash told the Decorating Committee last year to stop buying trees after Christmas and saving them for the next Christmas. Now they'll have to get the scorch marks off the skylight again, and once again go buy a tree at retail.

Naturally the outside is decorated in Christmas light and colors; as well as moldy pumpkins; tattered Union banners from Labor Day; various dud fireworks; posters of Abe, Martin, and George; a Guy; a recording of La Marseillaise (stuck on the line Que tes ennemis expirants), and a neon sign (broken) with the words to "O'Kanata" in Inuktuk. Among other things, some of them unmentionable and some no longer describable.

It's the holiday season, the holiday season...even the cannons out front are draped in lights and it's best not to be anywhere around them when the lights are on, unless you fancy electrocution.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 09:41 PM

Why would you stare at a bench? Unless, like, the bench you know, like, talked to you, ya know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:32 PM

Little Hawk's childhood home


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:32 PM

Ahhhh.... huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:25 PM

I knew you were a man of uncharted shallows, Hawk. Thanks for the confirmation...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 06:11 PM

For reference only:

gobsmacked: (English colloquial or slang expression) - Astounded, astonished, flabbergasted, stunned, deeply surprised. Derives from "gob" (slang term for mouth) and "smacked", as in shocked as though by a sudden and unexpected smack across the face.

Example: Upon entering the manorial bedchamber Earl Geoffrey was gobsmacked to discover his pretty wife engaging in intimate carnal delights of a thoroughly forbidden sort with a large, muscular chimpanzee who was wearing a vest, a tie, and a fedora, but nothing below the waist.

"WHAT is the MEANING of this???!!!!??" he finally spluttered.

"You must be jokin'," said the chimp. "The meaning of this is dead obvious. Yer wife needs a bit more entertainment than you been givin' her lately, Roscoe. Got any more stupid questions ya want answered before I leave?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:47 PM

I used to go to The Beaverbrook Art Gallery in Fredericton, NB and sit on the bench in front of Pegasus and stare at it. Unreal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:38 PM

And another:

ANALEPSIS: The recovery into consciousness of unconscious, repressed or forgotten material. Clear examples are in Max Ernst's descriptions of the discovery of frottage and Salvador Dali's paranoiac-critical method.



Mom would like that one. But she would not want that sort of person in the house. No sense of humor.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 03:53 PM

And as long as we are meandering in the corridors of post-deconstructionist prepubescent modernism, here's another:

ALETHEIA: Originally a Greek term meaning "truth" or "the unconcealedness of things." Current writers often use the word with the connotations supplied by Heidegger in The Origin of the Work of Art, in which an artwork is useful to the extent that it can open up a space in which existentially alienated beings (see alienation) can discover the meaning of their existence, which is not synonymous with "truth" in the conventional sense. See Dasein, existentialism, existential phenomenology, Open.

You can find as many of these confused notions as you can possibly want here. Spinny stuff; it is still hard for me to comprehend that there really are people who traffic in these granfalloons as a way of life.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 03:42 PM

SRS.... if I still smoked the ganja I would not be posting this comment on your link... coooool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 03:35 PM

For reference only:

ABSURD: Generally, a state of irrationality or meaninglessness. More specifically, absurdity is 1. a flaw in logic (see reductio ad absurdum) or 2. a basic premise of existentialism which asserts that the meaning of the world does not precede the existence of beings capable of formulating a conception of meaning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 02:23 PM

Whoa, my mind is boggled. Thanks for sharing, Stilly.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 02:12 PM

Starting from Cape San Pio?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 01:03 PM

Rather like a snail measuring its progress as it makes its way from Akron, Ohio to the southern tip of Tierra Del Fuego...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 11:55 AM

Mom measures her progress in yaddayaddameters.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM

"the Humptons"??? Ah-Ha! Ha! Ha! That sounds like where Veronica Rutledge would go on Christmas Break to me....or really any time she had free...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 10:26 AM

Wow! I wasn't aware of yoctometers! I'll have to use that on something/one today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 10:25 AM

Thanks, Stilly. This is just what I needed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 12:07 AM

Oh! I found a LOVELY toy for Amos and Raparee to post and riposte about:

Scale of the Universe. Move the little blue thing back and forth and enjoy! The music is kind of Star-Trekky eerie also. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 11:59 PM

East Egg or West Egg?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 08:22 PM

Last I heard, Chongo was monkeying around with Ronnie Rutledge at a secluded estate in the Humptons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 08:15 PM

He could have flung dung from the scrub oaks. Real slayer, that chimp...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 05:04 PM

Woulda been even better if Chongo had been there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 01:03 PM

This is a wunnerful story!!


I love my puder!!

Last night we went to a party in the woody bluffs over the sea-canyons of Del Mar. I was knocking out big fast blues thangs and there were about twenty shapely lasses swinging it all on the dance floor -- a patio with a lovely wood fire in a brick pit alongside it making terrific shadows in the California night.; a most amazing scene, I am hear to tell you. Wisht I had a pichoor.

It was good, though...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 12:36 PM

Yup. Instant reversal and hypocrisy the moment one's own (monetary) interests are threatened. It's an old story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 12:20 PM

Interesting how that works, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 04:35 AM

Har! Har! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 08:57 PM

In Mt. Vernon, Texas, Drummond's Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase their business.

In response, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
   
After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike the church
folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of
prayer", until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means".

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.      

The judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's
reply and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 08:53 PM

LOL!!!!!!!!!! Marvelous!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 08:44 PM

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm
sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any
testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the
room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried,
"$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 04:47 PM

Rhans go with any music. Especially that Mirimachi stuff. Lot of Irish settled up on The Mighty Mirimachi River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 03:32 PM

Och, aye. The old one will be scrubbed clean and re-loaded and sold to some deserving student with a low budget.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 02:50 PM

If he was any good he was a visitor; if he was a student he's under the court, placed there by his long-suffering dorm mates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 12:56 PM

When I was a kid I was dying for a set of bagpipes. A friend of my Dad's told me he'd teach me when I grew up, but we lost touch with that friend or I might have taken him up on it.

I lived on campus for a couple of years as an undergraduate, and one day I heard bagpipes and tracked them down. Turns out the dorm across the street from mine was laid out on a triangular plan with a center open courtyard and the corridors were open to it. There was a solitary bagpiper in there enjoying the acoustics. He disappeared after that, so perhaps he was only a visitor to begin with. Or he's buried under the courtyard somewhere . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 12:48 PM

My middle son has been begging for bagpipes for Christmas. Okay, I'll get him a set, but I won't ask Rap to teach him.





I'll ask Mom instead.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 11:08 AM

Sheesh, Amos. Don't you know ANYTHING about Mariachi music? Next thing you'll be saying is that bodhrans are un-Mariachi! And even banjos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 10:45 AM

My new quad core has settled right in, but as you say, Amos, the office did get some cleaning when the new toy arrived. After two weeks I'm still tweaking the things installed and remembering passwords and such.

Is MOM going to get your old computer as a hand-me-down? Get rid of those auto-fill credit card files or she'll go nuts shopping on your accounts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 10 - 09:51 AM

Well this is a fine kettle of fish. Now I HAVE to clean up my office to make it appropriate for the new puder. Sheeshe. No peace for the wicked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 11:57 PM

Mom:

My Xmas present has been installed early; it is a 3 gigaherz Intel Core 2 Duo with 4 GB of RAM and 3 MB of L2Cache and a 1 gigaherz bus. It has ust been updated to OSX 10.6 and it shines and twinkles and does things--many, mnay things--very, very fast. Om mane padme om.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 11:53 PM

Still!! Your jealousy is showing.


;>)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 10 - 11:48 PM

Yeah, sure. That's why the squad car rolls slowly past your house a dozen times a day.


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