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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 10 Oct 10 - 04:34 PM
Acme 10 Oct 10 - 04:20 PM
Amos 10 Oct 10 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 10 - 12:13 PM
Amos 10 Oct 10 - 11:29 AM
gnu 10 Oct 10 - 11:17 AM
Acme 10 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 10 - 10:40 AM
Little Hawk 10 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM
Amos 09 Oct 10 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 10 - 09:30 PM
gnu 09 Oct 10 - 07:02 PM
Acme 09 Oct 10 - 06:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 10 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 10 - 11:25 AM
Amos 09 Oct 10 - 11:21 AM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 10 - 10:55 PM
Eiseley 08 Oct 10 - 08:17 PM
Eiseley 08 Oct 10 - 08:15 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 10 - 04:36 PM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 03:11 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 10 - 02:48 PM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 02:28 PM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 02:17 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 10 - 01:58 PM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 10 - 01:48 PM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 01:38 PM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 08 Oct 10 - 10:35 AM
Amos 08 Oct 10 - 10:16 AM
Little Hawk 08 Oct 10 - 10:15 AM
Acme 07 Oct 10 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 05:36 PM
Acme 07 Oct 10 - 04:19 PM
MMario 07 Oct 10 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 02:58 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 02:41 PM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 12:28 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 12:09 PM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 11:50 AM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 11:14 AM
Amos 07 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM
Little Hawk 07 Oct 10 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 10 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 04:34 PM

Well, there are a few such women around, but their numbers are fortunately very small.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 04:20 PM

Fortunately, there aren't women's auxiliaries of the same groups. No women would let themselves be eligible for membership.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 02:26 PM

Sounds like we may have to mobilize the California Decrepit Volunteers to come out there and help them re-organize themselves. Just a fraternal favor, as the numbers of True Brothers decline around the world.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 12:13 PM

Wetting myself, screaming, and throwing tantrums around? What's new about that?

As for obtaining stress, I just go down to the Legion Hovel and hope that the bugs drowned in beer aren't a a biohazard and that the Legionnaires won't suddenly decide to gallop off in all directions at once. They last did that a couple months back, got as much as twenty miles away, and are still drifting back. Some of them are MUCH the worse for the wear and most are wearing the some variation on the fashionably-orange jumpsuit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 11:29 AM

Quite....breaking windows and refusing to go to school...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 11:17 AM

I still do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

We seem to be getting close to 38K.

MOM doesn't like it when you start talking about cheating. If you're not careful, she'll start telling the group about what you guys used to do when you were little kids. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 10:40 AM

Now, if you like stress, Rapaire, here are some neat ways of getting it...

1. Always do everything at the last possible moment. Procrastinate and delay the inevitable by any means possible!

2. Don't pay your bills on time. Better yet, don't pay them at all!

3. Tell lots of lies to people, and try to remember them all clearly so you can invent hundreds of new lies to cover them.

4. Cheat on your wife, your partner, your employer, etc....they'll never find out. ;-)

5. Always speed when driving, use a fuzzbuster, and watch constantly for the cops so you'll see them before they see you.

6. NEVER let another car pass you on the highway! It would be an affront to your manhood.

7. Answer any slight with extreme hostility. Be prepared to use physical violence if people don't agree that you are in the right about something.

8. Be late for ALL your appointments. They'll realize how special you are when you finally arrive.

9. Laugh in the face of danger. Swat teams are not nearly as tough as they make themselves out to be.

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM

Indeed. I eventually learned to do that same thing, and BOY, did it ever do away with a lot of stress! Resulted in far better writing too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 09:58 PM

WOrked for me. Great minds think alike...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 09:30 PM

It's people like you who wrecked the Grade Point Average of the rest of us. More, doing things that way doesn't prepare you for the stresses of Real Life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 07:02 PM

I used to set my deadlines several days early and pass in my papers several days early. Great stress reliver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 06:47 PM

When papers are due, grad students get just a little crazy. Best to give them lots of space and few interruptions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 05:55 PM

Eiseley's gone. She was right here, talking about some paper she has due, and she vanished. I think it all finally got to her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 11:25 AM

The oldest is named Orrin Porter....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 10 - 11:21 AM

Those bad boys, Frank and Jesse James, mayhap?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 10:55 PM

LOL!! I can't brlirvr yhat they have a bathroom joke I didn't already know!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 10:55 PM

Their names are Frank and Jesse. Guess who they're named after?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 08:17 PM

They're ten and twelve. I'll be you could have guessed that, though.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 08:15 PM

The boys' favorite knock-knock joke of the day:

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Gope.

Gope who?

I don't have to right now.

They were going to ask Rapaire but got shy at the last minute.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 04:36 PM

Oh...well, that's okay then. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 03:11 PM

No, just a Freudian throwback.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 02:48 PM

Jesus Murphy, that guy IS funny...but I think he's got himself stuck into a sort of a narrow songwriting rut. Kind of like a Phil Ochs for our divided political times.

Amos, are you implying that Shane is a would-be motherflipper????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 02:28 PM

Do you know how hard it is to be a Liberal?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 02:17 PM

...which was probably his covert intention all along...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 01:58 PM

It was, but his mother objected to it being returned to the factory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 01:55 PM

Oh!! I thought, being a recall, it would have been issued by the original Manufacturer...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 01:48 PM

Well, apparently it was a joint effort of the three bodies named. I understand that he will be treated humanely and kept in an artificial satellite until it is dropped into the Sun. There is some objection to this, however, as it would "pollute the sunlight".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 01:38 PM

Can we get in touch with the executive branch that issued the recall? Just to express thanks and all...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 11:43 AM

"the world's first human recall"

Ah-Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 10:35 AM

Why in the world would Shame want to touch any part of himself with anything? I just checked and Health Canada, the CDC, and WHO have not only urgent warnings out about him ("Shoot On Sight: World Epidemiological Reservoir, Class V"), but he is also the subject of the world's first human recall ("Dangerous to life...totally defective").

Yes, Amos, I can do that. That's because I got to the gym and work out AND because I am so very, very intelligent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 10:16 AM

That's nothin'....Rapaire can touch his tongue with his forehead!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Oct 10 - 10:15 AM

This just in! Shane can touch his eyebrows with his tongue!!!!!!

It's not what you think, though. You see...he just has a very low forehead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:56 PM

MOM had some harlequin books around the house. Last time I saw them she had a stack of six or seven stacked under the corner of a dresser, supporting it because the leg broke off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 05:36 PM

Like the Industrial Workers of the World, the Idaho Legion has its own songbook. Unlike the IWW, the cover of whose songbook is red, the cover of the Legion's songbook is rather motley since no one could make a decision about the color. Red was too wobbly, yellow would cause questions of ownership ("Is that yer un er did ya empty yer bladder on mine?"), blue would be too depressing, green too ecological, white too blah, black too dark, and camouflage would be easily lost.

It is therefore called "The Harlequin Songbook Of the Idaho Legion" or, more commonly, "The Legion's Whorey Kin". It cannot be found in bookstores or even on-line. It contains such gems of song as "Three Bastard English Kings Came Down From Winnipeg" and "Roll Your Bell Bottom Over Him". It is acknowledged that transcription of the original songs may not have been completely accurate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 04:19 PM

You'd have to pay him to do that. You could steal the tune anywhere, but who'd pony up for the lyrics?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 03:01 PM

I love the histtorical stories of the Legion...wonder if Jed Marum would write some songs about them......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:58 PM

Not I, good sir, but I do think that you might have been suffering from a touch of mal de mer by the hue of your eyes and general condition. I have been led to understand that someone said, "He puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else" and you muttered, "So THAT'S the trick!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:46 PM

COme to think of, it you were beginning to develop a certain Chartreuse Overt tinge toward the end of the Getaway....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 02:41 PM

Overt. You spelled it wrong; it's O'Vert. Terrence Michael Aloysius Patrick Daniel Brian Boru Bridget O'Vert, nicknamed "Chartreuse" O'Vert (1845 to 1915). Enlisted in the 146th Idaho Volunteer Chaplains' Assistancy Corps in 1863, took leave "to learn French" in the same year. Reappeared, not knowing any French, in late 1865; assigned to Ft. Dix he was, he said, a hero of the Indian Wars and later was in the clean-up squad behind Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Riders (his military records were destroyed in a typhoid epidemic in 1901).

In 1900 he and several other such veterans met in a room in Don, Idaho and formed the Idaho Legion or, as it was also known at the time, "The Legion Of The Rear Guards" and "La Legionne Êtrange et Ivre". When he died he was the first to be honored by the Legion's unique custom of firing a 21 (or more) gun salute into the coffin, using live ammunition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:28 PM

Allrighty then! (grin)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:14 PM

The intelligence I have gathered on this question, Sir Hawk, indicates that the girls prefer my soft and gentle downy male legs; it makes them feel warm and tingly, you see. Shaved legs feel so...overt, if you see what I mean.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 12:09 PM

"although I never knew you could be so full of Schitz"

A disingenuous remark if ever I've heard one, Amos. You have known it for quite some time. ;-)

You should wax your own legs. You'd do better with the local Valley Girls if you did that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:50 AM

Well, you certainly are giving me L about it, although I never knew you could be so full of Schitz.

Never mind with all these German handles; I'm going out into the bacj yard to wax Roth. I don't know her first name.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:35 AM

What the L you talkin' about? I'm not talking about Schlitz, I'm talking about Schitz. It's a grand old German name, much more prestigious than Schlitz. The Schlitz family were mere smalltime dingeldorders compared to the Schitz family. There were sons of the Schitz line riding in the company of Frederick the Great, and there was a Von Schitz in Blucher's personal retinue at both Ligny and Waterloo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:14 AM

He keeps them in his evator.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 11:03 AM

Chongo is the Schitz at heart anyway. What do you do with all the dropped "L"s you collect, anyway? I bet you have one L of a time with 'em.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 10:58 AM

Empty Pabst cans can be pretty intimidating, Rap...but nothing strikes fear into the heart of evildoers like a freshly drunk can of Schitz, the beer that made Schenectady famous!

Always remember their corporate motto: "IT'S THE SCHITZ!!!"

Chongo will drink Schitz Beer if nothing else can be had.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 10 - 10:49 AM

All RIGHT! That does it!

Mom was down at the bottom cavorting in the sewer because no one except me cared enough to be bring her up for MORE THAN TWELVE HOURS!!

Well, I've rescued her. She was beset by a horde of sex-crazed bikers and only had her empty beer cans to fend them off! It was a horrible site, lemme tell ya: all those weird helmets and skin-tight shorts, cowering in front of a poor little old lady who was chucking empty Pabst cans at them...terrible, terrible. I hope I never see such a thing again!

Anyway, tiptoe around. She's sleeping it off napping on the couch and is likely to be a tad touchy when she awakens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 10 - 06:18 PM

King salmon? Or chum?


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