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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Janie 27 Jun 10 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Jun 10 - 10:34 PM
Acme 26 Jun 10 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 10 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 10 - 06:40 PM
Amos 26 Jun 10 - 05:33 PM
Acme 26 Jun 10 - 01:02 PM
Amos 26 Jun 10 - 12:06 PM
Rapparee 26 Jun 10 - 10:15 AM
Amos 26 Jun 10 - 10:00 AM
Janie 26 Jun 10 - 01:44 AM
Janie 26 Jun 10 - 01:29 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 11:42 PM
Acme 25 Jun 10 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 08:21 PM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 03:29 PM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 02:18 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 01:38 PM
Eiseley 25 Jun 10 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 12:39 PM
MMario 25 Jun 10 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 11:37 AM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM
MMario 25 Jun 10 - 11:17 AM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 11:03 AM
Acme 25 Jun 10 - 10:31 AM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 10:24 AM
Acme 25 Jun 10 - 10:17 AM
Amos 25 Jun 10 - 10:10 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 10:17 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 10:10 PM
Amos 24 Jun 10 - 10:08 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 09:47 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 06:47 PM
Acme 24 Jun 10 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 04:24 PM
Amos 24 Jun 10 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 10:09 AM
Acme 24 Jun 10 - 10:08 AM
Amos 24 Jun 10 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 24 Jun 10 - 09:36 AM
Amos 24 Jun 10 - 03:00 AM
Acme 24 Jun 10 - 01:09 AM
Eiseley 24 Jun 10 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 23 Jun 10 - 10:46 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 23 Jun 10 - 10:26 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Jun 10 - 12:20 AM

Priceless, Rapaire!

I really hate to contribute fuel for your grandiose delusions, but gotta give the devil his due.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 10:34 PM

The Ballad of Joan Henny
A Blatant Rip-off By Rapaire

When Joan Henny was a little chickie,
Peckin' at her mama's corn,
Said: "I'm gonna lay eggs till my duct fills up
An' it's gonna be the death of me,
Lawd, Lawd. Gonna be the death of me.

Farmer says to Joan Henny,
Gonna bring me a steam layer 'round,
Gonna take dat steam layer out on de job,
Gonna whop them eggs on down, Lawd, Lawd,
Gonna whop them eggs on down.

Joan Henny tol' that farmer,
Lightnin' was in her eye;
Farmer, bet yo' las' red cent on me,
Fo' I'll beat it through the bottom or I'll die, Lawd, Lawd,
I'll beat it through the bottom or I'll die."

Joan Henny started out on de right nest,
De steam layer started on de lef'---
"Before I 'd let dis steam layer beat me down,
I'd lay my fool self to death,
Lawd, Lawd, I'd lay fool self to death."

Joan Henny said to her rooster,
"Rooster, why don' you crow?
I'm throwin' twelve poun's from my hips on down,
Jes' watch that oviduct ring,
Lawd, Lawd, Jes' watch that oviduct ring."

Oh, de farmer said to Joan Henny,
"I b'lieve this hen house sinkin' in,
Joan Henny said to her farmer, oh my!
"Ain' nothin' but my ducts suckin' win',
Lawd, Lawd, ain' nothln' but my ducts suckin' win."

Joan Henny tol' her rooster,
Rooster, you better pray,
For if I miss with dis sixty-pound egg,
Tomorrow'll gonna be yo' fryin' day,
Lawd, Lawd, tomorrow'll gonna be yo' fryin' day."

Joan Hennry tol' her farmer,
"Looka yonder what l see ---
Yo' layer's done broke an' it's hole's done choked,
An' you cain' lay eggs like me,
Lawd, Lawd, an' you cain' lay eggs like me."

De man dat invented de steam layer,
Thought he was mighty fine.
Joan Henny laid eggs fifteen times,
An' de steam layer only laid nine,
Lawd, Lawd, an' de steam layer only laid nine.

Joan Henny was layin' her a mountain,
An' her oviducts was strikin' fire,
She drove so hard she broke her pore heart,
An' she laid down her body an' she died,
Lawd, Lawd, she laid down her body an' she died.

Joan Henny had a pretty lil rooster,
An' he was dressed in red feathers and blue,
An' de las' words that she said to him:
"Coxcomb, I've been true to you,
Lawd, Lawd, Coxcomb I've been true to you."

Dey took Joan Henny to de fry pan,
An' dey fried her in de grease,
An' every patron at de KFC,
Says, "Dere fries a egg-layin' hen,
Lawd, Lawd, dere fries a egg-layin' hen."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 10:12 PM

The cats are both gone. There wasn't one available for that.

Sing your song for us Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 09:42 PM

I finished the ballad for Getaway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 06:40 PM

Heck, tell 'em you had a cat' scan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 05:33 PM

Well, it's more up-to-date to have a catahoula scan...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 01:02 PM

Today it feels like a raging case of the flu, but I only took one hydrocodone, last night, because the pain was really that bad. No alcohol, I just took a really hard kind of strange nap. I'm back on Motrin today, and have passed tomorrow's drive with my son to Love Field in Dallas over to my son's father, who isn't at this time taking an antibiotic famous for making people dizzy.

The first one who seems to have known something was wrong was my dog Poppy, who famously charges up to people and gives them a snort in the crotch. On Tuesday she caught me, and really pushed hard, like there was something unusual to detect. It takes humans a lot longer to notice that infection smell. (Too bad this dog is a catahoula, not a Labrador retriever, or I could say I had some lab work done early. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 12:06 PM

Bladders!! What are ya gonna do? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Outside of a bladder, a book is a woman's best friend. Inside a bladder, it's too dark to read.

Need I go on? Heal soon!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 10:15 AM

Simon says, "Don't be sick!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 10:00 AM

Yes, please....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 01:44 AM

Get yourself well, Stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 01:29 AM

Hey Mom,


On second thought, nevermind.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:42 PM

Yes you could have or have wished to. Watch the hydrocodone, as it's sneaky. DON'T drink alcohol while taking the hydrocodone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 08:39 PM

I have only a few words to describe my day (and a doctor's visit, in the nick of time, or I'd have died of this over the weekend. Or wanted to):

Bladder infection.

Cipro.

Hydrocodone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 08:21 PM

Pardon me, that should have been "misfeasance, malfeasance, and nonfeasance" instead of having malsfeasance in there twice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 08:11 PM

You lie twice in protesting the charge of lying but once, sirrah!! Go, rest your sore and weary head and let Lethe restore your innate virtue, that you will again be able to tell night from day!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 03:29 PM

Frund dipper! Slubmeister! Blathershite! How DARE you accuse ME of shoddy scholarship, of the most reprehensible, odious and obnoxious academic malfeasance, malfeasance, and nonfeasance! O tempus! O mores! When a professional, internationally recognized in his field, must be subject to the scrapings from the mind of a geistenforge!   Go to, go to! you halfdock, you burrsaddle, you, you...WINDOWS LOVER!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 02:18 PM

Well done to Eiseley's brother and a pox on the besotted besognio Rapaire for falsifying his research in the most egregious way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 01:38 PM

I therefore dedicate 36,400 to your brother, whats-his-name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 01:18 PM

Today is my brother's birthday. We celebrate his half-birthday, too, in late December. Many other people also exchange presents on that day, but they do it for some other reason. We do it because it's Adam's half birthday.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 12:39 PM

I only quote from the Old Estonian Dictionary, Mario.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:50 AM

Silly me; I always thought Amos and Shame were their FORENAMES....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:37 AM

Lavaterchik: Estonian, ca. 13-14th C. mas. n. derogatory word for those living in San Diego; lit. means "a dirty, disgusting, foulmouthed beast of a human being. Synonymous with the surnames "Amos" and "Shame".
                      --OED, 1897, vol 15, p. 1549.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:28 AM

besognio
. A low, worthless fellow: coll.: ca. 1620?1840. Pron. and often spelt besonio. Ex It. bisogna via S.E. beso(g)nio, a raw soldier.


I just love it when a bunch of morphemes come together in a good way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM

I think he was the guy who cut my leg off after the Battle of Mary's Station, down on Canal Street. It was only a nasty bruise, but he amputated. Fortunately I can regenerate, but it's SUCH a bother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:17 AM

Noticed, however, how automatically "inspired madman" and "Rapaire" go together in Stilly's mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 11:03 AM

LOL!! Zing!! But I was referring to a different inspired madman who made the OED possible...a U.S. Army surgeon named William Chester Minor, who lived in an English asylum for the criminally insane for 30 years but was nonetheless one of editor James Murray's most valuable volunteer assistants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:31 AM

Amos, all seven occurrences of the word on the page are in your post. I didn't notice this in Rapaire's post. Perhaps you were dreaming?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:24 AM

All credit to the OED and the inspired madman who made it possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:17 AM

Excellent work, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 10 - 10:10 AM

puckfist (n.)

(1) A puffball fungus. Eng. regional (chiefly west midl.) in later use. Now rare. (2) A boaster, a braggart. Now arch. (3) A tight-fisted or avaricious person, a miser. Obs.

Used in a sentence in 1637 by J. Shirley:

"Lady, he is no man ? A very puck-fist."


1600 B. JONSON Every Man out of his Humor I. ii. 159 To be enamour'd on this dustie Turfe? This clod? a horson Puckefist?
1605 Hist. Tryall Cheualry sig. G2v, Giue me leaue to incounter this puckfist: and if I doe not make him cry Peccaui, say Dicke Bowyer's a powdred Mackrell.
1615 J. TAYLOR Vrania xxiv, in Wks. (1630) 3/2 Then loue him; else his puckfoist pompe abhorre.
1637 J. SHIRLEY Example II. i, Lady, he is no man..A very puck~fist. Jacinta. What's that, I pray? Vain. A phantom, a mere phantom.
1821 SCOTT Kenilworth II. vi. 178 A base besognio, and a puckfist.
1989 Times Lit. Suppl. 21 July 798/4 Perhaps I am a paranoid puckfist, but when I see my praise being used as a puff for a novel, and my name has been reduced merely to Sunday Times..I begin to wonder if this is..a palpable snub.
1996 Sunday Tasmanian(Austral.) (Nexis) 29 Dec., The only time he has ever sworn over the air-waves was accidentally while trying to say the word `puckfist'a word referring to a person who dominates conversation at a dinner party.
3. A tight-fisted or avaricious person, a miser. Obs.

1606 Wily Beguiled in W. C. Hazlitt Dodsley's Sel. Coll. Old Eng. Plays (1874) IX. 232, I heard your father say that he would marry you to Peter Plod-all, that puck-fist, that snudge-snout. 1608 R. MIDDLETON Epigr. & Satyres sig. B3, Old father pukfist, knits his arteries, First strikes, then railes on Riots villanies. 1631 B. JONSON New Inne III. i. 151 Peirce. A grazier's may. Fer. O they are pinching puckfists! Trun. And suspicious.



There you go--another gem of English retort, a diamond among perjoratives, suitable for application to any whoreson puckfisted simian such as a certain snudge-snout of a bandarlog PI known to us all...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:17 PM

Amos, you'll be happy to know that I'm working on a new ballad for Getaway. It deals with how automation and things crush workers and producers under its iron heel until they die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:12 PM

By the way, the box only needs the bottom lining and hinging to be finished. I kinds thought white satin would be a nice touch, given as how it looks like a coffin for an elf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:10 PM

Nope, I sound jes' like Joe Hill.

More Wobblies!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:08 PM

Dang, you sound jes' like Utah Philips when you write like that,...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 09:47 PM

My will is easy to decide
For I have nothing to divide
My kin don't need to weep and moan
Moss does not cling to a rolling stone

My body? oh, if I could choose
I would to ashes it reduce
And let the merry breezes blow
My dust to where some flowers grow

Perhaps some fading flower then
Would soon rise up and grow green again
This is my last and final will
Good luck to all of you,
Joe Hill


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM

The Time Is NOW!!! Remember Pinky Malarkey and Big Bill Haywood!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 06:47 PM

We need more Wobblies around here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 05:20 PM

What a dammed shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 04:24 PM

Three blastocytes in North Carolina and some bits of his bits in Dallas. Poor Pinky. He was called that because he was an Socialist. He used to hang out with other Socialists like "Red" Skelton, "Pinky" Lee, "Red" Grange, and John E. "Johnny" Hoover (who supplied the money to keep the organization going).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:31 AM

A world-class tale of a world-class traveler, no mistake!!

What was it they found in North Carolina, and parts of in Dalas?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:09 AM

Did I ever mention Pinky Malarkey, up at the Legion? Pinky was from Ireland, of course, and used to do dynamiting on the railroad. Pinky was usually a tad confused, which is why he blew up bridges and trains for the Union Specific (a short-lived company similar but different from the Oregon Short Line). He used to drink rye whiskey mixed with nitroglycerin because every time he burped he'd send everybody diving for cover. Then one evening, at the Idaho Legion's Great Cabbage, Burrito, and Beer Fest he had one too many. Poor Pinky burped in reverse, so to speak, and landed in a direct hit on the edge of Lake Bonneville. All of the nitro he'd accumulated in his system over the years exploded when he landed and blew a HUGE hole in the lakeshore. The Lake burst through the hole, causing the Great Lake Bonneville Flood, which in turn created the Portneuf Gap and changed the course of the Snake River, resulting in the Roll On Columbia Roll On River which was later immoralized by Woody Golftee in his famous song of the same name, "The Great Bonneville Flood". Pinky, you'll be glad to know, eventually ended up back in Ireland: in Cork, in Youghal, in Tralee, in Derry, in Kinvara, in Ballyferriter, in various places in Longford, in.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 10:08 AM

Morning, MOM! I'm going to mow before it gets any hotter. Did you have one of the boys scoop the dog poop?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 09:49 AM

Urgh. Stick to your malarkey...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 09:36 AM

Was there a big fight there? Most armies try to keep their battle stuff rust-free, but when you leave swords and spears and tanks laying around sort of willy-nilly you can get battle rust, among other things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 03:00 AM

They broke the mold, but they may still have to battle rust in that ironic garden.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 01:09 AM

A lot of irony in that vegetation, Eiseley.

Vitamin C for infections, eh? I took some, but I'll add a little more. Am feeling better. Too bad the beer had to just sit there in the cooler. Maybe tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 24 Jun 10 - 12:06 AM

Inorganic vegetation

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 10:46 PM

The stuff I grow is completely organic. Who ever heard of growing inorganic vegetation?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 23 Jun 10 - 10:26 PM

They were selling some beautiful malarkey today at the Farmers' Market. One of the farmers gave me a bag of it and I took it home to have with dinner tonight. It was crisp and fresh and tastes a bit like arugula, but with a kind of tingly aftertaste. I didn't see Rapaire there, though. I think he grows his own in his backyard, but it is a different strain, more pungent. Too bad, because the organic stuff is much better for him. I think it cures infections.

Eiseley


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