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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 09 - 10:13 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 06:51 PM
Acme 25 Dec 09 - 04:27 PM
GUEST,The Audacious Rapaire 25 Dec 09 - 02:15 PM
Janie 25 Dec 09 - 01:20 PM
GUEST,The brave, noble, and kind Rapaire 25 Dec 09 - 01:12 PM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 11:56 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 10:10 PM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 08:30 PM
GUEST,The Brav e and Noble Rapaire 24 Dec 09 - 07:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 06:21 PM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 11:18 AM
GUEST,The Noble Rapaire 24 Dec 09 - 10:53 AM
Janie 24 Dec 09 - 08:49 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Dec 09 - 05:33 AM
Acme 24 Dec 09 - 01:19 AM
Amos 24 Dec 09 - 12:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 08:49 PM
GUEST,Rapaire, the Fave Rave 23 Dec 09 - 08:20 PM
Amos 23 Dec 09 - 07:25 PM
Acme 23 Dec 09 - 06:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM
Amos 23 Dec 09 - 05:15 PM
MMario 23 Dec 09 - 11:44 AM
MMario 23 Dec 09 - 11:42 AM
Acme 23 Dec 09 - 11:38 AM
MMario 23 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Dec 09 - 12:11 AM
Acme 22 Dec 09 - 11:59 PM
Janie 22 Dec 09 - 11:40 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:25 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:24 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:23 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 11:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 09:16 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 08:42 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 07:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 07:29 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM
Janie 22 Dec 09 - 04:43 PM
MMario 22 Dec 09 - 03:56 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM
Amos 22 Dec 09 - 01:19 PM
Acme 22 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 22 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Dec 09 - 12:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 10:13 PM

No bruised butts here. The nasty stuff (heavy rains & 40+ MPH winds) had all passed over by daybreak. And there were no cold temperatures with it. They're coming tonight.

We had brunch at my step-daughter's and dinner later on at her in-laws. No flan was served at either place. Cranberry chutney, but no flan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

I hope you didn't end up with bruised butts, going out in that weather. Though I suppose if you landed on a flan you might not have much of a hematoma.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM

I was gonna be first to wish Mom a merry Christmas, but the storm that came through last night knocked our power out and it hadn't come back up by the time we left to do Christmas with relatives in town. We had some pretty strong winds and they must've knocked a tree onto a power line or something. Anyway, Mom knows it's the thought that counts and she says she forgives me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 06:51 PM

The sun is setting on a yard still with patches of snow. I wonder how many sore butts there are in North Texas, being worn by those who didn't exercise appropriate caution when approaching this white holiday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 04:27 PM

That's what that stink was? Kale?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Audacious Rapaire
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 02:15 PM

Two bottles of cheap wine, a loaf of Wonder bread, some kale in potlikker, and a plate full of grits and red-eye gravy are expensive presents?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 01:20 PM

I take heart in the fact that there is a character limit and Rapaire has probably reached it, so we are not likely to note anymore self-flattering adjectives appended to his name.

Since Mom is spending with me Rapaire, so there was no need to post greetings to her. She was a little upset that you were too cheap pay her air fare to DC, but now that she has opened all the lovely and expensive gifts and is basking warmly in the presence of those who truly care for her, she is much consoled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The brave, noble, and kind Rapaire
Date: 25 Dec 09 - 01:12 PM

Merry Christmas, Mom. I see that I'm the first to say it to you today.

Which is understandable, I guess.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 11:56 PM

Yes, I just saw that. Disconnect between brain and fingers. I was probably going to say something about the end of the year and edited myself. Still baking. Still frozen out. I propped the side door into the garage shut with a couple of bricks. It has been drifting open because the knob thingie doesn't quite engage to keep it closed. My poor pooches will get cold that way! (They have their dog houses filled with hay in a stall covered with a tarp and a radiator heater tied upright to keep them warm.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:10 PM

I assume you meant "next door", Stilly. Only Gluon can take cookies "next year".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 09:36 PM

Ugg. Be careful what you wish for. . .

It's snowing steadily. Stuck to the ground and the street. This is friggin Texas, and we have a white christmas. I just took cookies next year and got snow in my shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 08:30 PM

No, Rapaire, it wouldn't really be a flan club. It would be more in the way of a charity. Sort of a flanthropic organization.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Brav e and Noble Rapaire
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 07:24 PM

You want to set up a flan club for me? Well...I'm flattered, albeit still humble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 06:21 PM

Hi Mom! Today was baking day! We baked (in order of appearance) four loaves of honey whole wheat bread, one two-layer German chocolate cake, two pans of gluten-free brownies, a dozen sandwich sized rolls (same recipe as the bread) one cinnamon/brown sugar rolled up thingie (also same recipe as the bread). Sorry, no flan, turgid or otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 11:18 AM

I think we should get Rap back on flans, it keeps him grounded.

Looks like Janie has a long exciting ride ahead.

MOM, why did you turn on the snow machine? I think by now we know that the IDEA of a white christmas is a lot more appealing that the actual EVENT.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The Noble Rapaire
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 10:53 AM

I see no reason why not, Amos. Just as I see no reason why the Universe should not change to accommodate MY wants and wishes. Hmm...as the Creator I can make it so....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 08:49 AM

I'm headed out. I'm on my way
To Ma & Pa's for Christmas Day
Over the Piedmont, into the hills
Nuttin' will stop me, not even roadkills
I'll pass those possums, groundhogs, coons
(I'm pretty sure I'll see no loons)
Up Fancy Gap, through Ol' Virginny
I'm headed home to WEST Virginny.

Big Walker Mountain won't slow me down
On my way to Charleston town
Through East River tunnel, fast, in my Subaree
I'll cross the State line and holler Yippee!
Be there before the ice storm hits
Hope it don't leave Santa's sleigh in bits.
Toll booth money ready in the tray
Hope traffic doesn't get in my way.

Hello Bluefield, Beckley, Pax
Mahan's the last booth to pay the tax
One last hill, then there's the river
Kanawha, beautiful. Makes me shiver.
From there I think I smell Ma's cookin'
Stomp on the gas, now I'm bookin'!
Coal-filled barges, Capital Dome
Signal that I'm almost home.
Hard right turn, then right once more
Then on the porch and in the door.

Home at last.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 05:33 AM

Actually, Stilly, I was thinking more along the lines of this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 01:19 AM

Did you have Lionel locomotives in mind? What gauge?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 09 - 12:39 AM

I promise not to injure myself stopping locomotives with my bare hands. I can't even conceive why anyone would do that, but, maybe BWL's version of my MOAB persona is capable of such.    I can have that.


Rapaire, what--you thought it would be fair to make the MOAB come screeching to a halt to indulge you? Man, don't play the hand if you can't stand the pain, you know?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 08:49 PM

It's worse than that, Rapaire. Now Amos want us to refer to him as "Oh Man of Threes". He's convinced that capturing the 33333 post has given him extraordinary powers. We hope he doesn't injure himself attempting to stop locomotives with his bare hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire, the Fave Rave
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 08:20 PM

Mom,

See? Amos doesn't play fair, just like I knew he would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 07:25 PM

Flaccid,
You 've got me feeling flaccid
Ever since you said good byeeee....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 06:07 PM

Now this silliness: This is what the holiday season is all about! The line forms here for putrid pies and torpid tortes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 06:00 PM

♫♫

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Some insipid macaroni

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two putrid pies
And some insipid macaroni

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Three torpid tortes
Two putrid pies
And some insipid macaroni

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four flaccid franks
Three torpid tortes
Two putrid pies
And some insipid macaroni

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
FIVE TURGID FLANS
Four flaccid franks
Three torpid tortes
Two putrid pies
And some insipid macaroni

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 05:15 PM

Every flan should have a public option.

I would always exercise mine. Nothing beats a well exercised option around the house, or a well-exercised flan, for that matter. Otherwise they grow turgid, like Rapaire's flan.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:44 AM

For those who can't handle a full sized flan:

Flan-ette of the Apes

The Black Flan-ette.

Superman's warm and fuzzy relative: Flan-El


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:42 AM

I keep meaning to start a retirement flan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:38 AM

Anyone else loading up on that new health flan?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM

No flan is an island.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 11:19 AM

"The best laid flans of mice and men..."

"Barefoot boy with cheek of flan..."

"The Flan of the Cave Bear"

"Just make a new flan, Stan..."

"What a piece of work is flan..."

"Aren'tyou glad you use flan?"


and of course


"Yes, we flan!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Dec 09 - 12:11 AM

I think I shall not understand        
The import of a turgid flan        

A flan whose essence by degree        
Becomes one with turgidity        

A flan must breath, a flan must play
Turgid is not the flannish way        

A flan is a dessert so fair        
Turgid is for stale underwear

One wonders just what sort of man        
Would mate turgidity with flan

When flans are made by cooks like me
We don't include turgidity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:59 PM

I think it is the only way it can be "flan," is to be turgid. Otherwise it's just milk.

Good job, Amos. I haven't had time to watch this, we're finishing up the Ivy League apps. What a job. It does take a village. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:40 PM

Define "Turgid flan" please.


Inquiring minds want to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:25 PM

Then with a crash of turgid flan,
He snatched that post and off he ran!!
"Oh NO!! Oh WOE!" cried Rapparee
"The Grinch hath got my thirty three!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:24 PM

He swore to get it was a cinch,
That lowly, foul, immoral Grinch!
ANd softly stole one pace a-lee
Toward that three three three three and three.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:23 PM

And slowly, padded step by step,
Up the the Penultimate Post he crept
Breathing quite hard, and filled with glee,
His wicked face a sight to see!!

"I'll get it yet!" that Grinch, quoth he!
"I'll get that three three three three three!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 11:21 PM

Then from the closet, inch by inch,
There stole the Awful Posting Grinch
Who sneered and said "That three three three
three three, my friend, belongs to me!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 09:16 PM

But I would never be the one
To spoil Rapaire's silly fun
Poo on three, three, three, three and three
It does not mean a thing to me
I'll let one of you other guys
Abscond with the librarian's prize


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 08:42 PM

Now six in line awaited are
To reach Rapaire's long sought-for star
He'd sell his diapers and his bibs
If we would just give him his dibs.
Alas!! Alas!! 'Tis not to be!!

He won't get three three three three three.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 07:42 PM

((((((((Applause to BWL)))))))))))))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 07:29 PM

♫♫

How 'bout them scruffaws, ain't they a some stuff?
Out in them woods just a fawin' that scruf!
Fawin' that fat scruf, fawin' that skinny,
Don't matter if they got a lotta scruf er hardly any!
Look at them scruffaws, ain't they a sight?
Fawin' that scruf in the middle of the night!
Fawin' in the mornin' and a fawin' come noon,
Fawin' all the time, it's enough to make ya swoon!
Ya wanna be a scruffaw? Take this advice and gnaw it,
Get yerself some scruf an' hunker down an' faw it!

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 04:59 PM

I hope this was your office you speak of and not yourhome? THosae danged Scruffaws are such worthless laggard layabout ne'er-do-well nincompoop banderlog dweebs!!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 04:43 PM

Hi Mom. We are back in the building. They did a pretty good job of getting the smoke and fumes blown out so it isn't too bad. No one got a good look at the two scruffaws who lit it, but I am wondering if Rap had a lay-over here on his way to DC.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:56 PM

33333 is so boring; I think the just departed 33322 is much more elegant. three three's two twos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

Eleven posts upon this thread
Hang above Rapaire's poor head
While he, above the frigid sky
Doth carefree lounge and drink and fly.
What will he do? Where will he be?
When claimed is three three three three three?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 01:19 PM

Did you hear the one about the brussel sprout and the phase-coupled oscillator?


Mwahahahaha....




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM

If it is entirely original I don't think it can be a joke. The only way it works as a joke is if there is some ground work laid, so you recognize it as a joke. The names of the characters may change, but there are probably only a couple dozen jokes in the world, making the rounds with different place and character names.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

I think you may be verging on genius... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 09 - 12:13 PM

My point in all this is that, to true BSers, the world is a straight man, always handing one opportunity after another for an easy joke. It's inevitable that multiple people will come up with the same joke, because the world has fed us all the same straight lines. The only way to avoid coming up with a joke someone else has hit upon is to have no BS sensibility at all.


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