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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Jul 09 - 01:10 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 01:08 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 01:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 09 - 12:55 PM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM
MMario 07 Jul 09 - 11:54 AM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 11:16 AM
Amos 07 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 08:13 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 09 - 07:49 AM
Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 09:31 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 07:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jul 09 - 07:45 PM
Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 07:08 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 05:03 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 02:30 PM
Rapparee 06 Jul 09 - 02:27 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 11:59 AM
MMario 06 Jul 09 - 11:24 AM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 10:35 AM
Amos 06 Jul 09 - 10:20 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jul 09 - 08:29 AM
Acme 06 Jul 09 - 12:37 AM
Amos 05 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM
Amos 05 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 09:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 01:59 PM
Acme 05 Jul 09 - 01:34 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM
Acme 05 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM
Acme 04 Jul 09 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 11:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 09 - 09:33 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 04 Jul 09 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 06:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,Amos caat Barky's 04 Jul 09 - 04:32 PM
Acme 04 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM
Rapparee 04 Jul 09 - 09:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 09 - 08:42 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:10 PM

YEs, but they bag it first, sir. According to your scheme, the dung heap would simply be thrust upon the unwilling clients without any such niceties as packaging, drying, deodorizing, disinfecting, or advance warning.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:08 PM

Living in the big city you might not believe this, Amos, but there is a thriving trade in things like manure and dung. Just pop around to your local garden store and price a bag of "organic" fertilizer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 01:07 PM

She is not comely, formed or fair,
The lass who runs that table, there,
But homely, stout, and rough of skin
From hauling her own products in.
Her table is not often blessed
With custom, as are all the rest,
Perhaps because her skin is dun,
The public seems her wares to shun!
Or might it be the products there,
Suggested to her by Rapaire,
Are rank and foul, like slops and dung,
Strange fare to sell, for one so young.
And selling dung, and showing slops,
Seems more a show to bring the cops
Than clients to a maiden's stall!
P'raps Rapaire's repute will fall!
He's not so clever, now, I think,
For having fostered such a stink!
ANd when yon sun climbs high and warm,
And ugly flies begin to swarm,
The folks incline toward intervention,
At the display of his invention,
And while the lass's fortunes fail,
They ride Rapaire out on a rail.
Tarred up in pitch, and with a crown,
Made of the finest chicken-down.
Alas, the fate! The mind, so rare!
And now adieu to bold Rapaire!

(Translated from the Middle English original from the writings of Geoffry Saucer, Six Tales of Ordure Enorme
Middlesex Anthologies, Dunkirk, 1926


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:55 PM

I sing in praise of slops unsung,
And steaming heaps of livestock dung.
The odor and the smell and reek
Would make a maggot's stomach weak.
That foul melange of putrid scents
Would knock a buzzard from a fence.
But that obnoxious rank bouquet
Keeps uninvited guests away!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:18 PM

Quite so. But that does not mean the farmer should pour them onto his display table in the marketplace.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM

Exactly. Dungheaps and slops are valuable in and of themselves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:54 AM

ah - but without the slops, the sows would starve, thus no piglets, no pork, no shoats to sell; thus no dung for the dung heap. With no dung, no crops to eat, to produce the slops.

It's a positive feedback cycle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:51 AM

Your stock of such things, good sir, is like unto the slop-pile and the dung-heap maintained by diligent farmer to feed his sows and spread on his crops. He would never claim them, if in his right mind, as his product of value.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 11:16 AM

Oh Amos. I have many more. Wait until I get home and I shall post more of them because I know how much you like poetry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM

I find it unfa6thomable that people actually wrote such stuff once upon a time.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 08:13 AM

Hark 'ee, pretty Golden-Rod, leaning o'er the brook,
How I wish that at your face I might catch a look!
Yet you never let me peep, though I know 'tis fair,
Hid completely out of sight by your yellow hair,
Shake those sunny tresses back, why are you so shy?
None to see except myself and a butterfly!
'Tis so still and shady here where the willows nod
Won't you let me have one peep, pretty Golden-Rod?
          --True W. Williams, et al. Belford's Annual, 1888-9.
             Chicago: Belford Clarke and Co., 1888.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 09 - 07:49 AM

Ah, Mom. At least two meetings today and 5.5 hours sleep. 'Twill be interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM

Tarot ta boom-dee-ay,
How did she get this way?....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 10:01 PM

Tarot, to Ceylon
the azure deep,
Is but a promise Imust keep.
Thou'd have us know thou wouldst not balk,
But not Tarot--thee'd rather walk!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 09:46 PM

And thou might be tarot far gone for help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 09:31 PM

Amos, please get thyself to thy nearest old folkie clinic. Thou repeatest thyself within two posts. Or, mayhap, thou thinkest that thy pun was unappreciated or, worse, unrecognized. If that is indeed the case, pray know that thou hast gone tarot far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 07:51 PM

Well, Oncle des tutti oncles, I can only assume you have already gone a bridge tarot far.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 07:45 PM

Two percent of the way
Between thirty and forty K!
Hip, hip, hooray!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 07:08 PM

Considering the money I've put into them my teeth had best NOT fail me! In point of fact, my teeth are mentioned in my will as my most valuable resource, the root of my wealth, and I have a plaque to prove it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 05:03 PM

Ok, I apologize to Mom for the execrable pun in her presence.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 02:30 PM

It means your teeth are probably failing you, and all remedies are hopeless--a bridge tarot far.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 02:27 PM

I am the Uncle of Uncles. What does that mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 12:15 PM

SOrry, I was mixing practices.

The Uncle of Pentacles, or of Coins: A do it yourself project or home-made object is in your future.

The Uncle of Cups: You should enroll in an Adult Children of ALcoholics 12-step program.

The Uncle of Wands, or of Rods: Infidelity, excessive copulation, or debatable genetic links should be watched for.

The Uncle of Swords: Beware of strangers who say "Who's Your Daddy?", offer enticements to recruit you into a cult or armed service, or explain the necessity of war in terms that do not make sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 11:59 AM

Depends on the suite. The uncle of Jewels is a power of richness; of Spades, a sure sign there has been infidelity in the family tree. Of Swords, an indication one must be on guard or will turn into a Republican.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 11:24 AM

Goodness gracious, Amos! Fourthoid behavior in the streets could have attracted freds! You would expose Barky to freds?

I am shocked at your lack of parental concern.

MMario

(gots to play with my great-nieces this weekend, and the neighbors little boy - C-Four; and a friends new Trogdylite, and an emplyee's baby Aiden and lots more young spawnlets.

The gypsies are gonna put me on a Tarot card called "The Uncle" they aren't sure what it reperesents but the are leaning towards confusion and bewilderment.

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 10:35 AM

In Oakland on the Fourth of July, Barky and her companion threw a barbecue party, and in the later, darker hours, we gathered on the front stoop and celebrated Fourthness. One of the invitees had brought a fine bag of small-scale fireworks, and we were having a grand time lighting sparklers, and putting piccolo whistlers off in the middle of the street, and quick-bang little bottle rockets, and generally having a fine old time dancing around on the blacktop being very Fourthoid.

It was fun, but not as a daily diversion.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 10:20 AM

Well, I did giggle, but I suppressed it because your joke had a dirty word in it. So I was giggling inside.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 08:29 AM

Good morning Mom!

Hope you had a nice weekend. We had a 5th of July party. I know the 5th of July isn't usually considered a holiday, but think of it this way: The 4th of July is always a holiday. Very few people have to work on the 4th of July, so you can have a 4th of July party any year. But, in most years, the 5th of July is a day when most people have to work. You can only have a 5th of July party if that date happens to fall on a Saturday or Sunday. That only happens in 28.5714285714...% of years. So, a 5th of July party beats a 4th of July party any old time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jul 09 - 12:37 AM

I was hoping someone spit their coffee on their keyboard after seeing my postage remark.

Oh, well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 11:29 PM

It seems Rapaire and I arrived at Mom's side to rescue her within seconds of each other. from opposite directions!. It's a psychic link, obviously. Siblings know, man, they just KNOW.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 09:52 PM

I found you going down the garden path, Mom, on your shortcut to the other side of the tracks. You've got to know the neighbors talk about you when you hang out with those low-life, lesser threads, Mom. It is not becoming. It's non-U. It's below the salt.

Thanks for taking care of Mom, while I tore through the heartland of the West driving down from Oakland. Eight hours of freeway is enough to make you believe in high-speed rail, dude!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 09:50 PM

I take a nice ride in the country and find Mom consorting with the bottom dwellers.

What a nice lot!

It's okay Mom, I've still here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 01:59 PM

Only put a first=-class stamp on it and he'll receive it postage due, saving you some money. He won't mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 01:34 PM

The post office is set for this kind of shipping. It's called turd-class postage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 12:48 PM

Oh, good! Why not mail it to him? Parcel post isn't that expensive and I'm sure he'd appreciate having more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 12:04 PM

I could offer a supply. The dogs keep the yard well-stocked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 09 - 11:56 AM

Everyone is cordially invited to Bee-Dubya's for the First Annual MOAB Barbecue And Dung Melt. Just bring yourself; he's supplying all the beer, barbecue, and dung.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:39 PM

The best way is to freeze the dung first...it is then quite easy to melt it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:26 PM

Silly, just leave it on the yard in the rain. It'll melt.

Good thing I was able to talk MOM out of putting 233 candles on her Independence Day cake. It would have caught the porch roof on fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:14 PM

I'll be dunged, I didn't know that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:33 PM

You have to tear the dung before it can be melted. If the dung isn't torn, it won't melt. You can chop it, slice it, hack it, saw it, hew it, cut it, or dice it and it still won't melt. Only tearing will do. Ripping may work, but only if the particular piece of dung doesn't know the difference between ripping and tearing. You can fool some of the dung some of the time, but you can't fool all the dung all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:18 PM

How do you melt dung? I've seen it runny, dry, burned, and au naturel, but never melted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 08:11 PM

SIlly--it's the "torn and melted dung of poets", not "the dung of torn and melted poets". Poets melt at the drop of a hat but they do not tear easily, being of extra-terrestrial fibers cunningly contrived by the gods.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 06:31 PM

Torn melted poets have dung? I'd think they'd be too torn and melted for that. I'd think too that would make them raku or whatever that stuff is called where you stick a poet in a kiln full of dung.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 05:26 PM

Did you know that an anagram for "Golden Toned Trumpet" is "Torn Melted Poet Dung"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 05:01 PM

Ahem. Everyone will please note that the "light of [Amos's] life" is someone who plays the trumpet. Not the pianoforte, not the uillean pipes, not the ukelele, not the guitar, not the drums, but the trumpet.

The trumpet. The chosen instrument of the gods (and, by proxy, Amos). The trumpet, whose golden tones have the power to stir hearts to battle or to lull babies into tender sleep. Think of those who have played the trumpet -- Miles, Satch, Diz and the others -- and compare them to the drug-besotted louts like Jimi and Jerry and Liberace and then ask yourself which instrument epitomizes Truth, Justice, Equality, and all that human race holds dearest. The answer comes loudly and clearly: the trumpet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos caat Barky's
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 04:32 PM

Oakland is glowing under an early summer sun, and the streets are quiet, calmed by light winds from the peaceful bosom of Lake Merrit. Barkey is scooping avocados and odds and ends into a bowl for guacamole. Barky is the light of my life. Elvis is singing in the kitchen. I am rested after a long weary drive. Mudlark and I were up until the wee hours swapping tunes. It was most peaceablw evening.

Happy Independence Day, Mom. May you always have more independence than you need, just in case.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 11:46 AM

Reminds me I'll have to bring the dogs in for a while this evening. All of the [illegal as hell and fire danger is high] fireworks in the area get them worked up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 09 - 09:57 AM

Happy Independence Day, Mom. Now, don't you go holding the firecrackers, lighting the fuse, and throwing them at people like last year! And don't light the bottle rockets while holding the stick and then toss them up in the air, either. And stop whining; we'll have some nice sparklers for you later on if you're still awake.

And I've found your M-80s and M-100s and I've hidden them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 09 - 08:42 PM

I took Monday off. I've got THREE DAYS!!! to do what I want (withing the law, ethics, and the local mores, of course).


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