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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 30 Nov 08 - 08:39 PM
Amos 30 Nov 08 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 08 - 06:48 PM
Acme 30 Nov 08 - 06:18 PM
Amos 30 Nov 08 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 08 - 10:42 AM
Amos 30 Nov 08 - 10:26 AM
Acme 29 Nov 08 - 01:16 AM
Amos 29 Nov 08 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 08 - 09:23 PM
Amos 28 Nov 08 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 08 - 08:06 PM
Amos 28 Nov 08 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 08 - 04:42 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 08 - 03:30 PM
Amos 28 Nov 08 - 02:22 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 08 - 12:51 PM
Amos 28 Nov 08 - 11:34 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 08 - 10:32 AM
Acme 28 Nov 08 - 01:55 AM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 08 - 01:47 AM
Acme 28 Nov 08 - 12:45 AM
Amos 27 Nov 08 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 08 - 10:06 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 08 - 09:50 PM
Amos 27 Nov 08 - 08:58 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 08 - 06:56 PM
Acme 27 Nov 08 - 05:41 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 08 - 05:23 PM
Amos 27 Nov 08 - 02:50 PM
Amos 27 Nov 08 - 10:10 AM
Acme 27 Nov 08 - 10:07 AM
MMario 27 Nov 08 - 07:43 AM
Amos 27 Nov 08 - 04:59 AM
Acme 27 Nov 08 - 12:37 AM
MMario 27 Nov 08 - 12:27 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 08 - 10:42 PM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 08 - 10:16 PM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 08 - 10:07 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 08 - 05:03 PM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 02:14 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 08 - 01:55 PM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 08 - 01:00 PM
Acme 26 Nov 08 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 08 - 12:08 PM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 11:47 AM
Amos 26 Nov 08 - 09:38 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:39 PM

"Our women", Monsieur Liseur?? Pair'aps you weesh to explain 'how eet is zat not one of them is carrying your brand?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 08:20 PM

..or for that matter, making deep-chested noises like John Wayne.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 06:48 PM

Looky here, pilgrim. Take a gander at other pages of that website with the bull boat and see what our women out here do. Peek at them inflating bladders with the chilluns or dressin' out a buffler. And if iffen you ain't never rid out a ice storm on the Mississippi while in a john boat you ain't never had no naughtycal experience.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 06:18 PM

MOM! I'm so glad to see you alive and well! I could see you earlier bit I couldn't reach you. No number of attempts would let me post to the thread to give you the boost up the page. I'm glad you don't appear to have suffered from a dunking, if it indeed happened.
(Or did you have your bull boat handy and float along till someone pulled you ashore?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 05:10 PM

From a world of books to viewing the world AS a book is a slippery slope indeed, cher Homme des Livres. Reading tales of the sea makes you not a white more a seaman. Neither does playing battleships in the bathtub.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 10:42 AM

Fa! You flatlander mangers du porc speak coracles, which we call bull boats, but even our women make and use them while you only talk about it! And before you say, "He's stretching the blanket again," I will tell you I know these women!, Jill in particular, and they will do to ride the river with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 08 - 10:26 AM

I always thought a coracle was an unwanted growth in one of the chambers of the heart. I see now how wrong I was.

(Nahhh, I knew that.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 08 - 01:16 AM

I preferred Huck's raft down the Mississippi in Huckleberry Finn. What an adventure that was!

But I think you both ought to consider the functionality of the little Welsh Coracles that were a little dab of woven material that got people across some pretty big bodies of water in a pinch.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 08 - 12:19 AM

In your brain, but by the sound of it never in your blood and flesh, sir. Else you would not be quibbling with semantics. Not a sailor's way, sir.

But you have read all the right tales, which is more than some can say.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 09:23 PM

You "landed" a 150 foot ship in Kobnhaven?

Is THAT what happened to the docks there? Would a better skipper have left her afloat instead of landed? Is that why you fuss around in play boats now?

I know about life at sea, about standing watch in the winter gales of the North Atlantic while searching through ice-encrusted binoculars for the tell-tale wake of a U-boat's periscope. About being ice-bound off the shores of Boothia and listening as the ice crushed the very keel and timbers of the ship. About riding the wild storm with the sail ripped to shreds and the rudder nearly gone, the oarsmen all that kept us from wallowing in the troughs of the waves to o'ertopped our mast. And I know too of the pleasures of the quiet harbor and the joys of sacking, rapine, and burning villages before we returned, treasure laden, from going a-viking.

Or the quiet of The River, when the stars above go on forever and me and Huck and Tom paddling like mad to avoid being run over by a steamboat.

Do not think I am a landlubber, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 09:11 PM

The little you know, sirrah, is revealing its true dimensions. Compared to that cake-pan of yours, a sea-kayak is indestructible. As for fish, I have an agreement established during my years as a commercial diver--I don't eat them, and they don't eat me. But that is no reflection on catching fish from one. As for landing fish, explore around here and you will see that fish of sognificant mass are often landed by kayak-fishers.

I, however, do not use mine for such cruel delights.

In my youth I graduated from small sailboats off the Maine coast to deck-hand, watch officer, and eventually skipper of vessels up to 150 feet long, the last being a fine converted triple-expansion North Sea trawler which I had the pleasure of running around the Med from Malta to Rhodes and from Corfu to the Straits of Gibraltar, cruising the Straits of Messina, crossing the Isthmus at the Corinth Canal, and eventually running her up through the lowland sea to land in Kobenhavn, where I left her.

So I think I have some perspective on your challenge. The sea-kayak is not for challenging the elements, but for harmonizing with them in reflection and a quest for a better connection to the ever-changing rhythms of the Whole. Thus, the secret in every true seaman's heart: only the sea shows the truth of change, because every instant pretends only to itself, and never pretends to false constancy. In this truth, the sailor finds the release of being one with the kaleidoscopic cross-currents of life itself, taken as he is and accepting each instant in its own wholeness, following the great lesson of the Sea.

No, the sea-kayak is a small reminder of the greater lessons learned on deep blue water, on night-watches in a gale or dawn watches in a summers sleepy haze. But it is a truthful reminder, and suitable to an older man now bound to the ways of the land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 08:06 PM

You think that what you call a "kayak" is a boat??

Have you even been out on the Mississippi in one of those modified stale hot dogs when a genuine Midwestern thunderstorm blew up? Or do you think for one minute that it would survive an ice storm on the Great Lakes? I don't supposed you've ever tried to land a ten-foot-long catfish or even a foot-long gar in one of those soi-disant "kayaks", much less a sturgeon or spoonbill. As for duck or goose hunting or checking levees for leaks during flood time or taking stuff up to the camp, well, fuggedaboutit.

Start with a REAL boat, say a 14 footer with a 7.5 horsepower kicker (max, oars are better) and work your way up to, say, 32 feet and a 16 or 20 horse motor. And get one of the GOOD motors -- the kind you wrap a rope around to start.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 07:07 PM

Rapaire:

THis thread is for BS. If you want write absurd propositions you will have to start a separate thread. That cake-pan, a boat? Talk about pretensions!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 04:42 PM

There's only one REAL boat. Everything else is pretension.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 03:30 PM

Very nice! It's not nearly as long and slender as the kayaks I'm accustomed to seeing, and it looks very stable, practical, and seaworthy. Must be a heck of a good way to exercise the upper body and cardiovascular system.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 02:22 PM

Certes!! Mine is a sit-on rather than bundle-up-inside type--a Cobra Navigator in Danger Yellow. It could hold someone twice my weight, but it would carry them a good deal closer to the water.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 12:51 PM

Will you still fit in the kayak?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 11:34 AM

A great turkey recommended video!! Just what I wanted!! (Oh, no!! Was that in my outloud voice????)

Well we have slept off the GUiness, the cornbread, the white-meat, the two salads, the asparagus and the frozen yoghurt pie and pecan pie and ice cream.

Gained two pounds. For those too young to remember, that is like gaining 40 shillings or 480p. Which explains why I was up and down all night. Or, it could have been the Guinness. In any case, a lot of p.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 10:32 AM

I saw a GREAT video on turkeys on the History Channel's "Modern Marvels" on Monday night last. They are even using the feathers for insulation and remains such as feet, feather quills, and bones for biofuel and fertilizer. Granted, I wasn't all that enthralled with the recipe for turkey testicles, but as they say in France, "Sacre bleu! Le gout Americaine! Donnez-moi les escargots, s.v.p.!."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 01:55 AM

Mostly, turkeys (in general) are upset that the Turkey Palin (in particular) is giving the rest of them a bad name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 01:47 AM

Yes, but what about turkeys on Thanksgiving? Other than that one whom Sarah Palin pardoned, they have little to celebrate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 08 - 12:45 AM

Cold consolation, those century markers, when compared to hot turkey and warm smiles around a Thanksgiving table.

IMHO


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 10:40 PM

Oh, ya, me too, Rapaire. We are all very proud of you for that, yepper.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 10:06 PM

Yes, it's terrible to be alone and unloved on a holiday like Thanksgiving. But I give thanks that this is the third time in a row I've snagged a hundred.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 09:50 PM

I betcha we have our next national election before you too. But that won't be any cause for celebration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 08:58 PM

MWahahaha. DOwn here we call that premature celebration, LH.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 06:56 PM

We in Canada had Thanksgiving way back in October. You people are way behind the times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 05:41 PM

Is that a Royal US?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 05:23 PM

Humph. Some of us don't have family and friends with whom to spend the holidays. Instead we huddle in a cardboard box under the freeway, eating cheap ham-n-beans heated over a can of sterno, which we squeeze for a drop of holiday cheer after our meal is heated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 02:50 PM

The kitchen is steaming with sweet smells, and barkie and her Mom are bustling thither and yon making up plates of sweet-smelling concoctions, salads and sausage and a huge turkey in the oven covered with fat bacon strips, and there is lovely rhythmic African world music playing n the itunes, and we are awaiting guests, and all is right with the world in this very moment in space and time; Mumbai and the economic chaos notwithstanding.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 10:10 AM

Congrats to both of us!!

No, she landed at 8:50pm locql time, and I was just u[ in the night, yes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 10:07 AM

My beautiful bairn will come rolling in with her boyfriend late this afternoon, hat-in-hand, needing cash to get more work done in the car. But it will still be wonderful to see her!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 07:43 AM

Mom just told my she hopes Amos is just suffering from insomnia - and Barky wasn't staggering home at nearly 2 am in the morning. she knows what it is to wait up for children.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 04:59 AM

Barky's home. My wee bairnette has blossomed into a thoughtful, funny, insightful beautiful musical genius in her 20's. A pure joy to have around the auld hearth, I am telling you!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 12:37 AM

Have a good Thanksgiving, folks!

Stay healthy, and be sure to refrigerate that stuffing before it grows into raging case of food poisoning. You don't want MOM in the hospital again like she was a few years ago after the debacle with sausage and oysters in the stuffing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Nov 08 - 12:27 AM

I just thought he was channeling Modred.

Hey! How come the villians get all the fun songs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 10:42 PM

Two, actually. Without a word being changed, Amos.

My Thanksgiving gifts to Mom and everyone: two songs that truly warm the very cockles and mussels of my heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 10:40 PM

Why, Rapaire!! A straight lift from Camelot!!! How positively charming!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 10:16 PM

Fie on goodness, fie
Fie on goodness, fie
Eight years of kindness to your neighbor
Making sure that the meek are treated well
Eight years of philanthropic labor
Derry down dell
Damn, but it's hell
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie

It's been depressing all the way (derry down, derry down)
And getting glummer every day (derry down, derry down)

KNIGHT 1
Ah, but to burn a little town or slay a dozen men
Anything to laugh again

ALL
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie

KNIGHT 1
When I think of the rollicking pleasures that earlier filled my life
Lolly lo, lolly lo
Like the time I beheaded a man who was beating his naked wife

ALL
Lolly lo, lolly lo

KNIGHT 1
I can still hear his widow say
Never moving from where she lay
"Tell me what can I do, I beg, sir, of you
Your kindness to repay"

ALL
Fie on goodness, fie
Fie on goodness, fie

KNIGHT 2
Lechery and vice have been arrested

KNIGHT 3
Arrested!

KNIGHT 2
Not a maiden is evermore in threat
Virgins may wander unmolested

KNIGHT 4
Unmolested!

ALL
Lolly lo let
Gad, it's a sweat
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie

KNIGHT 5
How we roared and brawled in Scotland
Not a law was e'er obeyed
And when wooing called in Scotland
We'd grab any pasing maid
Ah, my heart is still in Scotland
Where the lasses woo the best
On some bonny hill in Scotland
Stroking someone's bonny...

CHORUS
Fie on Scotland, fie
Fie on Scotland, fie

No one repents for any sin now
Every soul is immaculate and trim

SOME KNIGHTS
Immaculate!

CHORUS
No one is covered with chagrin now
Lolly lo lim
Gad, but it's grim
Oh, fie on goodness, fie
Fie, fie, fie

There's not a folly to deplore
Derry down, derry down
Confession Sunday is a bore
Derry down, derry down

KNIGHT 1
Ah, but to spend a tortured evening staring at the floor
Guilty and alive once more

CHORUS
Oh, fie on virtue, fie
Fie on mercy, fie
Fie on justice
Fie on goodness

Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 10:13 PM

Well, that seems highly improbable, given the cruel neglect of both her and her mom exercised by Chongo all these years. You can bet they wouldn't let the bum into their house OR their houses.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 10:07 PM

You're ALL goldigging wannabees riding on MY coat tails to greatness.

But then, I created you all...well, I'll have better luck next time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 05:03 PM

Well, I'm just giving you my opinion. I think she's a golddigging wannabee who wants to ride on Chongo's coattails, him being famous and all. It's not the first time that sort of thing has happened. Imagine what would occur if he suddenly got rich! I bet there'd be lost "relatives" emerging by the score.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 02:14 PM

You don't get to tell us what she is. Only her Author can do that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 01:55 PM

I've decided it's more fun to pretend she's real. ;-) (But she ain't Chongo's sister. She's a pretender to that throne.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 01:22 PM

As did the finest in Mexico. But, stay! What credence in yonder skeptic doth appear? It is belief in Chinga, bright as dawn, and Little Hawk the sun!! How now the overdone protests, the tearful plaints, the vows of unfair vilification! The author imputes fleas to those who copy his mongrel, and in doing so, asserts that they are fully as real as his own.

Scratch in peace, Little Hawk!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 01:00 PM

"being Wicked has its own rewards"

I guess that's what impelled you to get involved with that disgusting simian slut, Chinga, was it, Amos? Have you noticed any odd symptoms appearing yet in the nether regions?

I had a wisdom tooth extracted a couple of weeks ago...my first tooth extraction ever...and I was expecting to be in some pain afterwards. Amazingly enough, I experienced no pain or swelling or any kind of unpleasant symptoms after the freezing wore off. I'd hardly have known that I'd had a tooth taken out, except I could feel the missing spot with my tongue. Once again the finest dental office in Canada lives up to its well-deserved reputation for excellence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 12:46 PM

Indiana seems to agree with you. Are your relatives wondering why you're off in a corner by yourself scribbling or googling for adaptation?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 12:08 PM

The seven deadly virtues, those ghastly little traps
Oh no, my liege, they were not meant for me
Those seven deadly virtues were made for other chaps
Who love a life of failure and ennui
Take courage-now there's a sport
An invitation to the state of rigor mort
And purity-a noble yen
And very restful every now and then
I find humility means to be hurt
It's not the earth the meek inherit, it's the dirt
Honesty is fatal, it should be taboo
Diligence-a fate I would hate
If charity means giving, I give it to you
And fidelity is only for your mate
You'll never find a virtue unstatusing my quo or making my Beelzebubble burst
Let others take the high road, I will take the low
I cannot wait to rush in where angels fear to go
With all those sevn deadly virtues free and happy little me has not been cursed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 11:47 AM

Not only did I go through a tooth extraction on Saturday and this damn alien probe operation on Tuesday, I also played a four-hour gig on Sunday, full of rowdy skippers and seadogs. I mean to tell ya, there's no rest for the wicked, Mom. Isn't that right? You should know.

On the other hand being Wicked has its own rewards, just as virtue has its own damnation. Just ask any candle how dark life would be if it couldn't be wicked.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 08 - 09:38 AM

Well, Mom, I am back at my honest labours despite having been through two medical invasions in five days. Thanks to my lucky stars and stellar core constitution, the tooth extraction is healed up and the other thing is all taken care of. Next month, ocular implants. We are the Cyborg--resistance is futile!! Getting old has its rewards, but it also has its penalties!


A


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