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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 29 Dec 15 - 04:13 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 29 Dec 15 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 15 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 28 Dec 15 - 10:21 PM
Amos 28 Dec 15 - 08:29 PM
GUEST,Constance Percival 28 Dec 15 - 06:17 PM
gnu 28 Dec 15 - 01:52 PM
Rapparee 28 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM
Amos 27 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 15 - 09:33 PM
gnu 27 Dec 15 - 08:23 PM
GUEST,L?Ecrevisse 27 Dec 15 - 05:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 15 - 10:01 AM
Amos 27 Dec 15 - 01:04 AM
Acme 27 Dec 15 - 01:02 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 15 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 15 - 11:22 AM
gnu 26 Dec 15 - 05:25 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Dec 15 - 11:33 PM
Amos 25 Dec 15 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 15 - 09:49 PM
Amos 25 Dec 15 - 07:05 PM
gnu 25 Dec 15 - 06:37 AM
Amos 24 Dec 15 - 10:37 PM
gnu 24 Dec 15 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 24 Dec 15 - 04:05 PM
Amos 24 Dec 15 - 12:32 PM
gnu 24 Dec 15 - 05:05 AM
Rapparee 23 Dec 15 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 23 Dec 15 - 10:28 AM
Amos 23 Dec 15 - 01:33 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Dec 15 - 10:24 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 15 - 07:57 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Dec 15 - 12:44 PM
Amos 22 Dec 15 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 15 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 21 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 15 - 08:52 PM
gnu 21 Dec 15 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 21 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM
Amos 21 Dec 15 - 12:53 AM
GUEST 20 Dec 15 - 04:38 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 20 Dec 15 - 02:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 Dec 15 - 01:26 PM
Acme 20 Dec 15 - 12:36 PM
Amos 20 Dec 15 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 15 - 02:57 PM
gnu 19 Dec 15 - 07:38 AM
Acme 18 Dec 15 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 15 - 09:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 15 - 04:13 PM

Shame, I only copied the newspaper report. But..well, okay.

FISTS, KNIVES, GUNS --WHATEVER IS OKAY WITH YOU IS OKAY WITH ME!
GYT, eye gouging, it all goes! Come on, ya coward!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 29 Dec 15 - 01:01 PM

You flippin' LYER!!! I will flippin' kill you for this! You sayin' I been gettin' it on with a chimp???????????? With a goddam monkey???? You are outta yer flippin' mind you idiot!

- Shane (!!!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 15 - 09:42 AM

LOVE NEST NOW HATE NEST!!!
Chimp and Chump Split!


Blind River, Dec 28 -- Local Shane "Shame" McBride and visiting chimpanzee "Chongo Chimp" have called off getting it on.

McBride was overheard at Tim Horton's complaining that Chimp is a "lousy lover and I mean the bugs, but he (if he is a he) isn't real good, either." McBride went on to say that he'd "had better in the lockup."

He also denied that the rift had anything to do with his older brother, Don McBride, returning to the house he owns after a month in Toronto.

Chimp could not be reached for comment.

             --Blind River Bugle, December 29, 2015. p. 1.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 10:21 PM

Frau Percival:

My family's pied a terre in Bavaria was Neuschwanstein Castle. While we were getting it back from Ludwig II (who claimed to have built it!), we used lesser homes such as Schlosslinderhof and Hohenschwangau when we were in Bavaria. Of course, we usually stayed home in Sigmaringenhof but one does need a bit of travel now and then!

You are quite welcome to come to any of them; I assume you are a chambermaid and won't mind helping out as needed. I can assure you of a bed, a washstand, a mirror, and a chair in a room with no more than four others. Being concerned about the welfare of our servants we had the stairs made at a lesser angle than usual even though it took up more space that we might have used for better purposes.

If you'd prefer, my wife's folks have some places in Ireland but they are not as spacious or comfortable as our places in Germany -- the sassenach, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 08:29 PM

Insult the Great Plagiaree
ANd he'll demand apology
But should he err, the Plagiarizer
He'll leave yo sit there, none the wiser
With Rapp-wool pulled across your eyes,
And never does apologize.
Thus, in the Holy MOAB sessions
The accusations are confessions,
And Rapp confesses all, as such
By his protesting overmuch!

Quentiss Surly Snarlbelly
Chief Antagonist
Penn Station Men's Room Wall, 1957


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Constance Percival
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 06:17 PM

"crawl on your belly in the dust and dung while craving my forgiveness"

This, I believe, is what employees who have failed in some small way to come up to the required standards and expectations must do for Mistress Penelope and Master Winston in order to continue in service at Rutledge Manor.

Those who have failed in more significant ways, of course are sacked! In former times they'd have been flayed alive or beheaded, but various legal restrictions have been placed on the gentry in the wake of troublesome social movements. One hopes that the advance of corporate globalization will soon restore the working classes to their proper place of unquestioning servitude...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 01:52 PM

The Kee-Kee Birds have arrived from their summer nesting grounds up north. Fuckers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 10:15 AM

Yes, I thought so too, Amos. We can learn from children.

But I must take slight umbrage with your preceding statements. I greatly fear that you have insulted my forebears and kin and I must ask you for a formal apology in this same forum. You need not abase yourself, or give thousands to a church, or crawl on your belly in the dust and dung while craving my forgiveness. But a simple apology and contrition, with a promise that if you do it again you will cut a finger off or something, will suffice. I am not a wrathful, vengeful, god person.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM

Yeah, well Rapp's folks were always telling him to go fork himself, and when he wouldn't do it they told he was forked up anyway.

That is a touching video in spite of the wiseassery, and in spite of my dedicated polyagnosticism---meaning there are a whole lot of gods I don't know whether they are extant or not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 09:33 PM

Yeah, but being from NB you were told over and over "Don't scratch your eye with your fork!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 08:23 PM

I get's me pirate patch on me left eye on the 4th and on me right eye on the 6th. My Rap name will be "Two Patch".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,L?Ecrevisse
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 05:58 PM

 understanding and comfort  

Deleted, then undeleted, because there was a response, but preachy interlopers don't need to be dropping nonsense into MOM's thread. This is serious BS, not xtain stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 10:01 AM

Oh, I feel the same as Amos. I want everyone everywhere to have a wonderful, peaceful, and prosperous New Year and for every New Year to be the same.

But now, I must trudge my road alone, bereft of understanding and comfort. For on January 4 I will have something stuck in my right eye, and on the 19th that eye will undergo the knife. It will be an attempt, which will probably fail, to correct a vision problem. But I am resigned to failure and a life of half-blindness. But there is a ray of hope, for I could then wear an eyepatch and go a-pirating on the Portneuf and Snake Rivers, save that I have neither boat nor ship.

Ah, well, there is always begging.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:04 AM

I am sure Rapp joins me in wishing you all the great and simple joy of a happy New Year.

Don't ask him for anything more complicated, as he will be sure to muddy it up with a cloud of detailed persiflage, obscure conundrums and miscellaneous irrelevancies.

Plus ca change, etc., doncher know.

But all this notwithstanding he is surely an upright man in full, a bold defender of many things, some of which are surely worth defending, and owner of a large and generous heart. So send him blessings too, for the best of all possible years ahead


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:02 AM

We're all getting together on Sunday, so I've ignored the after-xmas sales and such, it isn't "after" yet for our family.

MOM, check your blood glucose after all of that holiday fudge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 10:12 PM

Ah, Boxing Day! Or the feast of St. Stephen! Or Wren Day!

If you can read this, you have survived another Christmas.

Congratulations.

New Year's Day is next.

You'll have to sober up, maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 11:22 AM

An ugly Canuck named Shame
Set out to achieve him some fame.
So he stole him a gun,
From the cops tried to run,
Now he's sharing a cell with his "flame."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 15 - 05:25 AM

Well, at least that's over. The chicken and all the fixins were good. I even had some Spumante Bambino... and liked it. I was looking forward to the full moon but, alas, my catwracks messed that up. I got two dozen date cookies from Aunt Charmaine. I don't eat sweets but her date cookies, which I eat straight from the freezer, are irresistible.

I hope all of you had a great day. I must check Facebook for Texas pics. I am sure a few were taken. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 11:33 PM

I thought I wood right a flippin' pome
To, like, show that I am, like...all growen
And that I am not a flippin' goof
That don't even know the floor from, like...the roof?
And when this flippin' pome is proper done
I will, like, go and steel a flippin' gun
So I can.....so I....

Oh, for flip's sake!

Go rite one yerself then if you think your so smart! I got stuff to do. REal Important stuff. Stuff you only WISH you could do, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 11:25 PM

God spare the day on which I might have died
To see my poetry and Rapp's shown side by side.
My meter, scansion, delicate nuance
Compared to some mud-cloggéd savage dance
By thumping boots on some unfeeling flooring--
Enough to leave me comatose, and snoring!
And if on holy days the Lord sends bennies
Let him send me mine alone, or else not any!
SOme things, for sure, in love are not worth bearing
And one of these must be this grim comparing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 09:49 PM

Poor old Mom was crying in her beer,
For nowhere anywhere did she hear
The lovely sound of Christmas song,
Of wrapping paper being ripped,
Of joyful laughter all along,
Of homemade eggnog being sipped,
The joys to which she was accustomed
On Christmas Day were somehow missing --
And what to her wondering ears should appear
(Above the sounds of submisteltoe kissing)
But her favorite offspring, whom she holds so dear:
The bold Rapparee! Of course she loves
All her other children, all,
And I shall name them: Rapparee, Amos, Stilly,
Acme, gnu, Teresa, Khandu, Bobert, GUEST, Clinton Hammond,
Eisley, Joe Offer, Liz the Squeak, GUEST #, Peace, Bee-dubya-ell,
Oh dear, I can't remember them all...and the rhyme scheme and meter have broken down --

Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Fröhliche Weinnachtfest! Joyeux Noël! Gleđileg Jól! Wesołych Świąt! Giáng sinh vui vẻ! etc.
Geseënde Kersfees!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 07:05 PM

Woe to the sibs on Christmas Day
Who give their minds and hearts away
To folly, social games, and drinking
Never pausing, never thinking
That quietly, in solitude
Our Mom observes the passing Yule
And starved of human admiration
Forgoes all joy and celebration!
How cruel to hide in some bright prom.
ANd leave ignored our loving Mom!
On you who her just fruits deny
I say "For shame!" and also "Fie!"
And more, indeed, I'd also say
For spurning Mom on Xmas day.
But that would need unfortunate timing
As well as far excessive rhyming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Dec 15 - 06:37 AM

Right back atchya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 10:37 PM

God bless the MOAB siblings all,
The manly, wiley, tiny, tall
The kind and mindless, bright of eyes
The wise and, too, the otherwise.
God bless the foolish, loud and banal
The quick, the generous, the anal
The Mother Santa, and her elves.
But better yet, let's bless ourselves!


May you have a grand evening, a rewarding day, and an excellent New Year.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 06:22 PM

Of course they pronounce new as "noo". HTF else does anyone else pronounce it? Neeooh? Nee... oh never mind.

I have flung all my windows open! On Kissmeaas Eve! I just did four laps on my dead end street before my back said, "STOP NOW!" It's positively balmy! Thank goodness winter is over as I have learned (accepted?) to hate snow and cold. The older I get, the colder I get.

It's quiet. Not a creature is stirring except for my mouse and keyboard. The usual distant roar of traffic with open windows is on mute. It is a Silent Night. Can't see the full moon due to clouds but I feel it. Or maybe that's the wine.

Good night and joy be with you all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 04:05 PM

That's because your ear is accustomed to it. You don't notice your fellow Canucks saying "a whoot?" or "Teem's" or "slooshgoot" either, do you? Natives even pronouce it "Noo Brunswick"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 12:32 PM

Dinna fash thysel', good Gnu
Let Rapp not put you in a stew
He's just a rancorous ole coot
Who dinna ken wha' he's aboot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 05:05 AM

What is all this "aboot" about? I have never heard anyone say "aboot" except on TV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 10:04 PM

Sorry, Boundary County.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 10:28 AM

Amos, I can't achieve a higher State. I'd be in Canada if I tried. I can achieve a higher county, but after Border county I'll have to say "aboot."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Dec 15 - 01:33 AM

Way he's going, he's guaranteed to achieve pastrami. It is inevitably marked on his soul, and is his very nature so to do.


Any higher state, however, is problematic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 10:24 PM

Hmm. Pretty good answer.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 07:57 PM

Because each rebirth should make one better and I must continue being reborn again and again as an annoyance if I am to achieve pāramī.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 12:44 PM

Rap, you said a ways back there that you was gonna come back in the next life as "an annoyance". Why do again what you have already completely mastered in this life?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 11:33 AM

It is clear from school-yard tales that Shane is a Mother-bluster, a whimperer and a sniveling puckmonkey.

In other news, Christmas is coming, and the Goose is getting fat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 10:07 AM

Blustering his own bugle again. I shall refrain from obvious comments regarding Shame and wind instruments as there is enough violins in the world. But his does piccolo instrument to play upon, since he can't get to first bass with the young ladies, much less score a double. While he hasn't been completely sober recently he is a soubrette, having been caught with the lute while plucking Viola's G-string. As a result Shame is missing both his tremolos and his largo because of her father's Dies Irae.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 11:37 PM

Shane has enough bluster to match anyone from Idaho!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 08:52 PM

All that blusters is not bold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 11:44 AM

Thar's bluster in them thar hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 09:25 AM

Never played REAL poker, have ya? The energy expended in the knife fight alone could power San Diego for a year! Why, the wind turbines here are powered solely by the air moved by the insults shouted at each other by poker players.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 15 - 12:53 AM

The table was tournament standard but it came in two halves with a mess of pipes, legs, levelers, and plastic bags full of bolts, washers and odd parts. The instructions and drawings were Ikea-grade. Perseverance and re-inspection and re-reading of the instructions, endless parsing and re-examination of bits saw it through and in the end we set up the net and played energetic ping pong on it. Whew! I had forgotten how much exertion is invested in a lively game of mere table tennis!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 04:38 PM

Faithfully considerate whether concerning spiritual or temporal matters


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 02:15 PM

Artistic = Cubist Surrealism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 01:26 PM

You want a challenge? You play ping pong on a kidney-shaped table. It takes a lot more skill than usin' yer standard rectangular table, and it's gotta be painted purple too, not green.

Another neat trick is to cut some round holes in the table here and there, about 3 inches wide holes, and if yer ball goes through a hole, you lose a point.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 12:36 PM

In addition to favorite cookies, one of my kids (Moonglow) has requested smoked salmon. Now where on earth am I going to store that so everyone stays out of it?

What does an artistic ping pong table look like? It's not like a pool table so it doesn't have to be flat and level, one hazards as a guess? Did you build it out of drift wood or build rock cairns and level a piece of plywood across the top of them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 10:17 AM

I have returned from far-off Jerome, the land of copper mine remnants and kaleidoscope, where I put together a ping-pong table in a most artistic way.

The amazing thing is how long, strong, gracious, humorous and talented Mom has grown in the last 50 thousand posts, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 02:57 PM

Just TRY to keep us out of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Dec 15 - 07:38 AM

COOKIES! I gotta bake cookies. Ginger spice cookies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 11:01 PM

MOM asked me to store the freshly-baked cookies in tins way up high. To keep the Labrador retriever out of them, but also (I think) to keep you guys out of them. She doesn't want them disappearing overnight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 15 - 09:37 PM

Oh, I forgot Shame.

Just as well. Almost everyone wants to.


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