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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Feb 07 - 09:23 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 07 - 05:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 07 - 04:23 PM
Amos 01 Feb 07 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 01 Feb 07 - 03:05 PM
Amos 01 Feb 07 - 02:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 07 - 12:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 07 - 11:45 AM
Bunnahabhain 01 Feb 07 - 11:37 AM
Amos 01 Feb 07 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 07 - 11:10 AM
Amos 01 Feb 07 - 11:04 AM
Acme 01 Feb 07 - 10:53 AM
JennyO 01 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM
Acme 01 Feb 07 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 07 - 09:22 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 07 - 01:42 AM
Acme 01 Feb 07 - 01:05 AM
Acme 01 Feb 07 - 01:02 AM
Amos 01 Feb 07 - 01:00 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 07 - 11:24 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 08:25 PM
McGrath of Harlow 31 Jan 07 - 07:57 PM
Amos 31 Jan 07 - 07:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 07 - 06:52 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 03:06 PM
MMario 31 Jan 07 - 03:00 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 02:54 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 02:46 PM
Amos 31 Jan 07 - 02:42 PM
Amos 31 Jan 07 - 02:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 07 - 02:23 PM
MMario 31 Jan 07 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 12:30 PM
Amos 31 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM
JennyO 31 Jan 07 - 10:02 AM
Acme 31 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 09:57 AM
Amos 31 Jan 07 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 31 Jan 07 - 07:48 AM
Acme 31 Jan 07 - 12:41 AM
Amos 30 Jan 07 - 04:04 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 07 - 03:36 PM
Amos 30 Jan 07 - 01:40 PM
Acme 30 Jan 07 - 12:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 07 - 12:43 PM
Amos 30 Jan 07 - 10:19 AM
Amos 30 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 07 - 08:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 07 - 01:48 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:23 PM

I told some of the folks up at the Legion about Bee-Dubya's requst and they said they'd be happy to help. Minnesota Tex said he'd be as "happy as a catfish in bottom mud" to help rustle up some grub, but that I'd kinda have to look the other way at the brands since he's not as good with a runnin' iron as he was before he broke his left hand trying to bash in the top of a metal beer keg a while back. Sassy Sis is gonna ride with him and see if she and some of Legionairettes can get some chickens; they don't brand chickens in Idaho.

Anyway, there's gonna be two or three groups goin' out tonight and tomorrow night. Most of 'em are at least half sober half the time, and completely sober none of the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 05:25 PM

I recognized Leona and Alma in that painting!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 04:23 PM

Rapaire, it's a link to a painting by Beryl Cook called "The Birthday Cake". Try a Google Image Search to get around whatever's making gibberish of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:51 PM

If it came across your wire as a page of gibberish you should check your Safe-T-View software for excessive prude profiling.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 03:05 PM

Mom's friends are a page of gibberish? She's not gonna like you talking about Leona and Helen and Dotty and Tilly and Alma and the rest that way. You're gonna get a spankin' you're gonna get a spankin' you're gonna get a spankin' hahahaha!

Pork's the "other white meat." How's about I get some swineherds to see what they can rustle up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 02:15 PM

DANG!! I LOVE a good barbecue party. And such purdy ladies, too!! Be sure and tell them it's come-as-you-are.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 12:03 PM

And I've already extended an invitation to a few of Mom's friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:45 AM

Hey, Rapaire, see if you can get those Idaho Legion friends of yours to sober up long enough to do a bit of honest cattle-rustlin' work. We'll need three or four head of steer for Mom's Sweet Sixteen barbecue. And a handful of emus for the folks that don't eat red meat. I'd say chickens would be okay, but I'm not gonna be the one who calls a Legion member a "chicken rustler".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:37 AM

Last week I had a European friend trying to convince me that she was 16 come Sunday, not 17 as is normal. I don't know why, it's probably a dutch thing. I'll ask upstairs.

We could quite easily hit 16 on Sunday, so it would be quite fitting...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:28 AM

Dang, Rap, you keep this up they'll be putting Mom above the line before you know it!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:10 AM

This is a bit more earthy...

WHEN I WAS NOO BUT SWEET SIXTEEN

When I was noo but sweet sixteen,
In beauty just a bloomin', O
O little, little did I think
At nineteen I'd be greetin', O.

cho: For the plooman lads are gay weel lads
They're false and they're deceiving, O
They'll gang awa', they'll sail awa'
And leave their lasses greetin', O

If I'd a kent what I do ken
And done my mother's biddin', O
I would not be here at your fireside
Cryin' "Hishie ba, ma bairnie, O"

O, hishie ba, for I'm your ma,
But the Lord knows where's your daddy, O
But I'll take good care, and I'll be aware
O' the young men in the gloaming, O

When I was noo but sweet sixteen,
In beauty just a bloomin', O
O little, little did I think
At nineteen I'd be greetin', O.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 11:04 AM

Yes, but a post is not a pound. Posts have varying mass depending on their ratio of seriosity to truthiness. A thousands posts by Shambles might mass several thousand pounds, for example. When seriosity gets unusually high at the same time as the divisor of truthiness heads toward minimum, the mass of a post rises dramatically, as in the work of the late unlamented Gibson feller.

It's all relative, as my overweight cousin used to say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:53 AM

That's an idea, we're on the right track. But do the math--we would have to save this song for her 32,000th post. A ton is 2000 pounds (at least it is here in the US).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:38 AM

How about this for earthy. Do you think Mom might like it better?

Sixteen Tons

Some people say a man is made outta mud
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood
Muscle and blood and skin and bones
A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal
And the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain
Fightin' and trouble are my middle name
I was raised in the canebrake* by an ol' mama lion
Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside
A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died
One fist of iron, the other of steel
If the right one don't a-get you, then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 10:34 AM

D'you suppose Dylan has something on the subject that's a little more earthy? MOM was gagging over her breakfast cereal this morning at the idea of being serenaded with the Sedaka song. She thinks she'd feel too conspicuous, especially for someone with her girth, trying to quietly sit and just tap her toes to his song.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 09:22 AM

Gee, I guess Neil Sedaka said it best, huh?

Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Happy birthday sweet sixteen
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la
Happy birthday sweet sixteen

Tonight's the night I've waited for
Because you're not a baby anymore
You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen
Happy birthday sweet sixteen

What happened to that funny face
My little tomboy now wears satin and lace
I can't believe my eyes you're just a teenage dream
Happy birthday sweet sixteen

When you were only six I was your big brother
Then when you were ten We didn't like each other
When you were thirteen You were my funny valentine
But since you've grown up Your future is sewn up
From now on you're gonna be mine, so

If I should smile with sweet surprise
It's just that you've grown up before my very eyes
You've turned into the prettiest girl I've ever seen
Happy birthday sweet sixteen

REPEAT LAST VERSE
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy birthday sweet sixteen
Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy birthday sweet sixteen
FADE: Tra la-la-la-la la-la-la-la Happy birthday sweet sixteen


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:42 AM

Oh boy! Now that we're less than a hundred posts away, it's time to start planning Mom's "Sweet Sixteen Thousand Party"!

I've got the CAKE ordered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:05 AM

I wasn't really thinking about what Amos said, I hadn't read it yet, I'd just opened the page to get to the text screen. I wanted to snag the number and not look like I was snagging the number, so I did the "hmmmmmm" mantra. And it worked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:02 AM

Hmmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Feb 07 - 01:00 AM

Sometimes simplicity transcends all other virtues. And sometimes it transcends all vices.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 11:24 PM

I think it's great that both the bad habit and the clamping tool are spelled "vice" in Britain. It makes spelling them easier, and that's good. In fact, it would make spelling a whole lot easier if all words were spelled "vice". A typical sentence would look something like, "Vice, vice vice vice vice, vice vice vice vice vice vice vice vice." Doesn't make a lot of sense, but it sure is easy to spell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:25 PM

Well, the software upgrade at work danged near killed me today, what with the upgrade being done remotely and all and the Internet connection going down in the middle of the thing. Gonna prolong it into tomorrow: twenty libraries await the upgrade.

But I called in the true experts. These are the Unix gurus, the guys who, although they are missing certain parts, can make the operating system do about anything. They are really one-of-a-kind: truly unique Unix eunuchs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:57 PM

Vice is always spelt vice this side of the Atlantic, whichever sort is involved. We don't have vises. Not even invisible ones.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:41 PM

That's one to file away, all right.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 06:52 PM

I bought some Phillies Blunts back in my cigar smoking days. I didn't like 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:06 PM

They have to keep it on a leash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 03:00 PM

hmmm - I didn't think live steel was allowed in SCA


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:54 PM

Mom! Mom! Did I mention that yesterday I bought a new rapier?? Did I? Huh?

You can see a picture of it if you go here and choose "SCA Weapons" on the left side and then scroll down until you come to the R-9 Rapier.

I also got some blunts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:46 PM

The Assyrian came down like a wolf on faux
And his cohorts were gleaming in prupuce and gold.
                           --Gordon George, Lord Briney.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:42 PM

In other news, I thought you might all be fascinated by the relationship between mathematics and the fundamental structure of reality. A brief overview from an essay called "Reality: The Grand Illusion", by one Peter Russell:

"...Numbers such as "pi", the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter, or "e", the base of natural logarithms. They can be defined, but never written down exactly as a number for they go on forever, to an infinite number of decimal places. All this from the notion of distinction.

And there is more. Any positive number has a square root, the number that when multiplied by itself produces that number. The square root of one is one; of four it is two; and of eight it is 2.828... (another irrational number that goes on forever). But what, asked mathematicians of negative numbers, what multiplied by itself gives minus one? Nothing in the range so far discoveredŃany number, positive or negative when multiplied by itself results in a positive number. So they defined the square root of minus one to be a totally new number, an "imaginary" number, not part of the range or "real" numbers, and gave it the symbol "i". From this arose a new and even larger set of numbers, the so-called "complex" numbers, that were a combination of real and imaginary numbers. And these, it turned out were invaluable in helping mathematicians solve equations that had no solution in the realm of real numbers. Moreover the solutions applied to the real world.

Out of this panoply of numbers a most remarkable and intriguing relationship appeared. The irrational number "pi", the irrational number "e", and the imaginary number "i", come together in one of simplest equations ever; "e to the power of i times pi = -1".

Many mathematicians have eulogized over the significance and beauty of this equation. Out on the very edge of number theory a relationship is discovered that seems to show it is all in some way pre-ordained. Little wonder that some mathematicians feel that God is to be found in the beauty and perfection of mathematics.

That these three seemingly unconnected numbers should be related in such a simple way was startling enough; but even more was in store. This simple equation is the basic equation of any wave motion. Every wave from a wave on water, the air waves coming from a violin string, to light waves, can be expressed as a combination of simple equations of this form. It also expresses the orbits of the planets, the swing of a pendulum and the oscillation of an atom. In fact, every single motion in the cosmos can ultimately be reduced to an equation of this form. The whole of quantum physics depends upon it. If mathematicians had not discovered this most remarkable relationship, the strange story of the quantum would never have been told.

And all of this without a single empirical observation. No wonder then, that in the end all science comes down to mathematics. The very fact that it is not based upon phenomena, is why it is probably the best approximation to the underlying reality we have. ..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:32 PM

Vanquish the enemy! Turnip the faux! Eldred the Nervous! Ethelred the unready!

I am deeply indepbted to you for this razor-keen distinction, dear BWL!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 02:23 PM

Amos is not pompous! Amos is faux pompous, just like everything else on the MOAB is faux. We even had faux post reference numbers for a while.

And, with all that in mind, I declare today to be

National Turnip Day!

But you can call it National Faux Turnip Day if you wish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 12:50 PM

Hi, MOM! It\'s me! I\'m surfing in using an anonmynynizying proxy site one of the students discovers so I actually saw the front page of mudcat at work for the first time in three years! not much has changed, has it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 12:30 PM

Speaking of vice, I have to tell you all that the odor of beer can be pretty bad in some parts of town. The other day we had some yellow snow; apparently some of the beer was borne upwards and came down with the light snowfall. Lots of folks going out and getting home-made snowcones and are happy. Except for the ones who get the yellow snow that DIDN'T fall but was locally created....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 10:13 AM

Madam Vice, would you be interested in bench pressing?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 10:02 AM

I used to be the Vice President of my branch of Parents Without Partners. They called me Madam Vice.

I'm not making this up, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM

Why spell it out? It's wordplay. MOM, advise Amos to stop being a pompous ass . . . again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 09:57 AM

I have a large collection of vises, which I keep in an even larger vise. There is a local club of us, and I'm the number two person in charge of the collections. I'm called the Vice Vise Vice Vise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 08:58 AM

SOmetimes these leedle jokes are not even clever enough to be called puns.

"A vise is a jawed device that holds the work piece. Every trade has developed specialized vises over the years. Blacksmiths prefer a post vise (also leg vise), so named because it can be strapped to a post or slender stump. The post vise has a single leg that transfers impact force to the bottom of the post and thus, to the ground."
www.appaltree.net/aba/terms.htm

"Vice is the opposite of virtue. The modern English term that best captures its original meaning is the word vicious, which means "full of vice." In this sense, the word vice comes from the Latin word vitium, meaning "failing or defect".
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vice"

The use of the latter to represent the former is a colloquialism attributable to popular ignorance and mispronunciation, even though gradually being recognized by some dictionaries.

A--Chief Pompous Ass


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 07:48 AM

I've never known a guy to have a bench vice before. Isn't it uncomfortable, what with saws and chisels and things? Or do you mean park bench vice? -- but I'd think the police might take exception to something so public.

Maybe you'd better just confess to Mom about your vice. SHE understands and forgives just about everything, even though she had a very hard time with the worms in her underwear drawer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 07 - 12:41 AM

Play around with vice, see what happens?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 04:04 PM

Yeah, but I was trying to compress them so I could send them to you by e-mail, and they shattered into little fragments and chipped the paint on my bench vise.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 03:36 PM

Hi, Mom! I just bought a Zen Warrior Armory R-9 rapier (with the rapier blade). It's okay, it's blunted!   (Amos, did you get those files I asked you to?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 01:40 PM

LOL, BWL. I apologize.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 12:44 PM

Obfuscation


Now there's a nice word!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 12:43 PM

Hi, Mom! Guess what today is? Why, it's

National Pomposity Day!

No further comment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 10:19 AM

"Are" s/b art.

For those who want weapons against this sort of thing from Rapaire in the future, please see Logolepsy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 10:17 AM

Lurglarate? Scandalous defamation. A luciferian logolepsy upon you.

Thou are a lupanariam lurdan, some weird and lutaceous lusus naturae and dost require a lustrum-length lustration for your lurgulary of the MOAB's gentle stream of ideation, the work of a shameful lygophile or a lypemanic victim of lymacatexis, who should properly be lyssophobic but is not aware enough.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 08:39 AM

As I said, it's one doozy of a sentence. But then, Amos is lurglarate and thus quite capable of such construction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 07 - 01:48 AM

Hi, Mom! Yesterday was

National Please Ignore Today Day!!!

That's why there was no message yesterday. You see, one observes National Please Ignore Today Day by ignoring it, and posting a message would be paying attention to it, not ignoring it, so it wouldn't be observing it. Ponder that for a while and I'll let you know what today is in a few hours.


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