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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 09 Feb 06 - 06:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Feb 06 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 06:42 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 04:41 PM
Acme 09 Feb 06 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 04:14 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 02:06 PM
Acme 09 Feb 06 - 01:48 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 01:43 PM
Amos 09 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 06 - 10:18 AM
John MacKenzie 09 Feb 06 - 05:09 AM
Rustic Rebel 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 PM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 09:50 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 04:56 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 03:36 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 03:27 PM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 02:41 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 02:09 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 12:16 PM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 AM
JennyO 08 Feb 06 - 11:48 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:47 AM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 11:41 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 11:07 AM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 10:51 AM
Acme 08 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM
JennyO 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM
MMario 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM
Amos 08 Feb 06 - 09:12 AM
John MacKenzie 08 Feb 06 - 07:41 AM
Acme 07 Feb 06 - 10:53 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 06 - 06:40 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 06 - 01:12 PM
Amos 07 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM
John MacKenzie 07 Feb 06 - 12:11 PM
Acme 07 Feb 06 - 10:22 AM
Amos 07 Feb 06 - 09:58 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 06 - 09:52 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:51 PM

Shane is always going on about liberrians. He doesn't like them, nor they him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:49 PM

Hi, Mom! I'm composing plagiarizing a musical version of Kafka's "Metamorphosis" and need to blatantly rip off a few more songs from Broadway musicals. So far I've got "I'm Just a Bug Who Can't Say No", "I'm Gonna Wash That Cockroach Out of My Hair", "The Best Little Roach Motel in Texas" and "There's Something About a Bug Like Gregor". Any ideas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:42 PM

Make it "MARC subfields on his cuff."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM

I see you are a liberryan
And not just a common tough;
For none but a liberryan
Writes LC Codes on his cuff!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:41 PM

Us liberryans don't pump no iron. We pump paper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:39 PM

Couldn't think of anything else, but wondered what damage might be done by that volume of paper going kersplat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:14 PM

You have book worms in your toes??? Have you tried a good foot powder? I'll bet it's just athelete's foot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 02:06 PM

Gee, Stilly, ya just spoiled the whole mood! LOL!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 01:48 PM

. . .crushing a book worm in the process


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 01:43 PM

They towered over his shoulders,
They quite obscured his nose,
I woud havwe tried to warn him,
But he dropped them on my toes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM

My ex was a librarian
There's none like him today!
He could quote you half of Liebniz
And all of Henry Clay.

When young, he came to see me
And floored me with his looks!
He stood upon my doorsill
With fifty-two used books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 10:18 AM

I shall arise and go to Blackfoot
And there a wattle branch library rebuild...

When he was young my brother wanted a red convertible. Specifically, he wanted a red Studebaker, about vintage of 1950. Mostly he wanted the little propeller-type thing in the middle of the grill, which he want to make spin around like a true propeller. Of course, at four years old he wasn't likely to get one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 09 Feb 06 - 05:09 AM

As I sat down one evening, within a small cafe
A bald spotted, blonde haired floozie, these words to me did say.
"I see you're sport car driver, my ex husband was one of those,
And he was a cheating bastard" Then she bopped me on the nose.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 PM

Maybe if you find a blonde floozie with a bald spot on the back of her head, your wife will give in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:52 PM

Well that's easy to fix, Rap! Just come near and I'll get out my electric razor. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:50 PM

I thought they just came with it, like windshield wipers and a steering wheel.

'Sokay. I just realized I'd need a bald spot in the back of my head and I don't have one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM

Based on that I suggest the whole impulse was bogus, sir -- you are obviously too well house-broken to have even ASKED for a girl accessory for your sports car.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 04:56 PM

Well, I'm blonde. And I like expensive booze, fine crystal, and stuff like that. For the rest you'll have to ask my wife.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:36 PM

Rapaire - are you saying you are an expensive blonde floozie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:31 PM

Well of course, Rapaire, you are also an acquired taste, often at great expense and travail. But anyway, I meant OTHER blonde floozies.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:27 PM

She was attracted to me....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM

Maybe she's not attracted to blonde floozies -- it's an acquired taste...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:41 PM

I dunno. I thought it was all pretty standard stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:11 PM

so - she doesn't like red, or she doesn't like sunglasses? What was the problem?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 02:09 PM

You betcha! That's why I wanted a little red sports car, a pair of expensive sunglasses, an even more expensive blonde floozie as a car accessory. But my wife said something about purple pigs flying through a frozen hell, so I my experience with "male menopause" was stifled at the outset.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

I told you men suffer from the menopause.
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 12:16 PM

SRS - since I am now dealing with my fourth generation of menopausal women in my family I know far more then I as a male ever had any desire to know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:59 AM

Talking of bowel-like movements, and keeping things 'off the bottom' remind me of the guy who used to play by ear. One day he got in dire trouble, which of course meant he had dire-ear.
But he did enjoy a good run for his money.
That's put the cat among the penguins!!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:48 AM

maintaining the proper bowel-like flow

Yeah, you could say she just keeps moo-ooving right along......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:47 AM

There's a lot you don't know about menopause!

Crones rule!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:46 AM

That is only true of monthly flows, old feller. Not hourly or more frequent ones, and not logorheic ones like ours. I think you have your ends mixed up. We try to keep Mom off the bottom around here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:41 AM

You will note that the inertial force of over 11 x 10 cubed posts is maintaining the proper bowel-like flow here at the MOAB. I doubt at this point much could deflect her course. - except of course should Mom hit menopause - in which cas her course would not be deflected but become irregular and then cease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM

What bothers me is the name of the Strait of Juan de Fucha, not Puget Sound. You see, after Juan the Fucha entered the Sound and found only Seattle, he said, "Aw, Pug it!" and sailed away. Later, after his ship was wrecked of Titlek in Alaska, the logbook was found. Juan wasn't a very good speller and had much worse handwriting, and what he'd entered looked like "Pooj et" but as one word. Later on, when the people complained about the noise coming from Seattle drifting across the water of "Pujet" (as it was then called) the newspapers started playing up the beauty of the "Pujet Sound." From there it was one a type on a government map to the name we know today.

As for Juan de Fucha, he was originally from Brooklyn where they pronounced "the" at "de." When the ship he commanded sailed between the landfalls and into what became Puget Sound, Juan was playing poker and held the cards four through eight, although of different suits. Like Wild Bill Hickock's "Aces and Eights" later on, this took Juan's name and was known as the "Straight of Juan De Fucha." A cartographer ran out of the letters "g" and "h" and printed it as "Strait of Juan de Fuca", but the "h" has put back in Juan's nickname later on.

Juan's real name, let it be remember, was really Jean-Jacques Casanova and he was French.

Now you know the whole story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:34 AM

Not unless there's a cow in the month SRS, at which time of course the world is your lobster.
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 11:07 AM

I pulled out the dictionary myself and did a double check on "finny" then sent a note about the word along with the words to add to the DT.

I also scanned the page and sent the music to MMario, who can add it in in some form or other to the file.

Sorry about accidentally turning our fine BS thread into a Music thread. Does this mean we get to move above the line today?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:51 AM

Finny denizens of the Sound, and other places, will be glad to hear that finny is a perfectly accceptable word.

ADJECTIVE: Inflected forms: fin·ni·er, fin·ni·est
1. Having a fin or fins. 2. Resembling a fin; finlike. 3. Of, relating to, or full of fish.

Puget, on the other hand, is a word I have never been comfortable with. And, well, I have to ask, if there was no-one about to hear a puget sound, would it still make a noise?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM

My dad wrote a song called "Notice to Mariners" that fits in here. And since I bothered to transcribe it from the book where it is published, I'll also add it to the DT.

Notice to Mariners

Come all you Northwest sailors, who cruise on Puget Sound,
And listen to my story, for well it will astound;
'Tis of a ferry captain, who ventured forth one day,
And of the fate befell him, as he sailed on the bay.

The ferry left Seattle, 'twas on a foggy day,
The captain had no worries, for well he knew the way;
He headed 'cross the water, where finny things abound,
And set his course for Bremerton, across famed Puget Sound.

Now all good skippers have a trick, who sail these waters 'round,
And when the fog is thickest, 'tis then they steer by sound;
Full several times a minute, their whistle loud they blow,
And by the echo bouncing, when land is close they know.

The ferry neared Rich Passage, a place of rocks and shoals,
And narrow as an hourglass, as past Point White she goes;
The captain slowed the ferry, and not to run aground,
He blew upon his whistle, and listened for the sound.

Now, a farmer on Point Glover, across the neck from White,
Had tied his cow that foggy morn, upon lush grass to bite;
So several times a minute, the ferry's whistle blew,
And as the captain listened, the echo came back "Moo!"

The captain turned the vessel, still steering by the sound,
And guided by that silly cow, the ferry ran aground;
So all you Northwest sailors, give listen to me now,
And when you cruise on Puget Sound, don't navigate by cow!

Copyright 1974 John Dwyer
All Rights Reserved

Note: "finny" isn't a typo, at least on my part. I'm not sure about that word, but if it isn't a typo, then he knew what it meant and used it on purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM

Forgot to sound her horn did she?
G


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM

I'm sure Charley Noble won't mind me putting his song about a falling cow on here - it seems apt! Based on a true story too, apparently!

A Cowardly Act

Words by Charlie Ipcar � 1998
Tune: adapted from traditional Irish "The Son of a Gambolier"

Now you've heard of the Titanic, an iceberg her demise;
You've heard of Amelia Earhart, whose plane plunged from the skies;
But have you heard of the Kasii Maru, her fate true tragedy;
When she was sunk by a falling cow while trawling on the sea?

Refrain:
While trawling on the sea, me lads, while trawling on the sea,
When she was sunk by a falling cow while trawling on the sea.

This cowardly act took place, 'tis said, in nineteen-ninety-seven,
The Kasii Maru cruised the Sea of Japan, no eye was turned to Heaven;
When suddenly from overhead there came a plaintive "Moooo!"
It was udder terror for her crew as that boat was stove in two.

That boat was stove in two, me lads, that boat was stove in two,
It was udder terror for her crew as that boat was stove in two.

"How could a cow," you might well ask, "fall from the sky above?"
They have no wings to ride the winds, unlike the turtledove;
The truth would surely challenge the most bizarre criteria
That cow'd been rustled by Russians from her pasture in Siberia.

Her pasture in Siberia, me lads, that her pasture in Siberia,
That cow'd been rustled by Russians from her pasture in Siberia.

Those Russians loaded up that cow on a military jet,
They'd not been flying long before Bossy became upset;
She began to thrash about and threatened to stampede,
In panic they opened the cargo doors at 30,000 feet.

At 30,000 feet, me lads, at 30,000 feet,
In panic they opened the cargo doors at 30,000 feet.

And so it was that cow dashed out into the skies so blue,
She struck the trawler far below-w-w, and sore perplexed her crew;
But them fishermen they all survived and lived to tell the tale;
They'll soon be milking royalties when their agent makes a sale.

When their agent makes a sale, me lads, when their agent makes a sale,
They'll soon be milking royalties when their agent makes a sale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:26 AM

it's a sex based thing - cows don't steer - bulls steer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:12 AM

Cows as a rule have very poor steering.

There was a NASA program that in the early years of space exploration was going to test cargo capacity by sending several of them into orbit. Several cows, I mean. It got canceled, eventually, because they wouldn't learn to steer.

It was a bit sad for those cows who had pinned their hopes on being the herd shot 'round the world.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 08 Feb 06 - 07:41 AM

Maybe it crshed into the river after it's steering failed!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 10:53 PM

It could have been a dead cow on the golf course.

Are there power lines going over the river that zapped the cow (the lines zapped the cow, not the river zapped the cow)? Or did it float down from the high country and lodge in your community?

Wish I had something more constructive to add. I've been busy, and I feel a bit drained. All I can think of to conclude with is

How Now, Drowned Cow


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 06:40 PM

This email thank-you note from the City (I won't say which department) just came. I wanted to share it with everyone, and I knew that it fit here. Fortunately, we weren't involved.

I want to thank everyone who helped our department with our dead cow in the river. There is no way we could have gotten it out of the river
without the help of everyone. I am afraid to list everyone by name and
forget someone but please let your guys know that if they helped, they
were greatly appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 01:12 PM

You have to be over 21 for a BM? What a crappy system.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM

LOS ANGELES?Working with evangelical Christian organizations such as Focus on the Family, the Motion Picture Association of America has developed a movie-rating system based on the laws of the Old Testament. "There was some concern that our existing system was neither strict nor specific enought," MPAA President Dan Glickman said. "Hence, such improved ratings as B-M21 [Blasphemy Only To Be Viewed By Males Over 21] for Finding Nemo, as it was only given to Adam to name the animals." The new ratings system will be instituted around Easter, at which time all producers of movies formerly rated NC-17 will be burned at the stake, their fields sown with salt, and their names cursed unto the ninth generation.

(The Onion


(no, no....it's humor. HUMOR!!! Get it????)




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 12:11 PM

I can't count on my ears, sometimes they hear things people didn't say, and sometimes they don't hear things that people do say.

O aye

Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 10:22 AM

Gun cotton? Gun cotton? This looks like the kind of info search that will turn you into a blip on Dubya's NSA radar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 09:58 AM

Well, now, that's fair. Guncotton, ya know, is antiseptic. When dissolved in ether or other organic solvents, the solution is called collodion, which has been used as a wound dressing and carrier of topical medications since the U.S. Civil War. To this day it is used in Compound W Wart Remover as a carrier of salicylic acid, the active ingredient. Thus, Wikipedia.

The things you learn on the Mudcat!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 06 - 09:52 AM

Machines can have rheostats and variable power going to them....

Here's a bit I posted to the "Superb Owl" thread, but which needs to be enshrined at MOAB. It's an actual entry from the 1966 Herter's Catalog (p. 460):

Herter's Gunsmoke After Shave Lotion

The most effective after shave lotion ever made. Toughens your skin, sterilize cuts, kills pimple forming bacteria,and has no perfume that makes you smell like a fairy. Contains pure grain alcohol and dissolved gun cotton with vitamin A. Gives you skin a healthy clean look. Works better than any shaving lotion for the electric or safety razor shaver. Full six ounce bottle last a year. Packed in attractive bottle and carton suitble for gift.            $1.19


Neither my brothers nor I used it. We thought it better not to set fire to our heads every morning. Mom insisted that we wait until at least noon before setting fire to any part of our anatomy.


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