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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 31 Mar 05 - 07:27 PM
Amos 31 Mar 05 - 06:03 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM
rumanci 31 Mar 05 - 02:46 PM
Amos 31 Mar 05 - 02:41 PM
Acme 31 Mar 05 - 02:30 PM
GUEST,MMario 31 Mar 05 - 02:27 PM
GUEST,MMario 31 Mar 05 - 02:26 PM
rumanci 31 Mar 05 - 02:20 PM
Amos 31 Mar 05 - 02:14 PM
Bill D 31 Mar 05 - 11:05 AM
Acme 31 Mar 05 - 10:41 AM
Amos 31 Mar 05 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 05 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 05 - 08:48 AM
GUEST,MMario 31 Mar 05 - 08:48 AM
Amos 31 Mar 05 - 08:43 AM
GUEST,MMario 31 Mar 05 - 08:42 AM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 31 Mar 05 - 08:27 AM
Liz the Squeak 31 Mar 05 - 05:53 AM
Rustic Rebel 31 Mar 05 - 01:02 AM
Amos 30 Mar 05 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 05 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 05 - 09:26 PM
Bill D 30 Mar 05 - 08:21 PM
Layah 30 Mar 05 - 07:34 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 30 Mar 05 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 05 - 05:45 PM
GUEST,Layah 30 Mar 05 - 03:33 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 30 Mar 05 - 03:29 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 30 Mar 05 - 02:06 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 30 Mar 05 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,MMario 30 Mar 05 - 11:25 AM
GUEST,Bunnhabhain 30 Mar 05 - 11:21 AM
GUEST,Bunnhabhain. 30 Mar 05 - 11:14 AM
GUEST,RR 30 Mar 05 - 11:00 AM
Layah 30 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM
Amos 29 Mar 05 - 11:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 05 - 09:47 PM
Amos 29 Mar 05 - 08:45 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM
Little Hawk 29 Mar 05 - 07:52 PM
Layah 29 Mar 05 - 07:07 PM
Amos 29 Mar 05 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 05 - 06:40 PM
GUEST,MMario 29 Mar 05 - 04:30 PM
Amos 29 Mar 05 - 04:13 PM
Acme 29 Mar 05 - 02:22 PM
GUEST,MMario 29 Mar 05 - 12:32 PM
GUEST,Amos 29 Mar 05 - 12:14 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 07:27 PM

Amos, Amos, Amos...

We are, in fact, being extremely polite by not commenting upon your doggerel. You see, when one sets out to imitate shit, one cannot expect to receive lauds if one is successful. Shit's like that. No matter how successful you are at creating it, in the end you still have shit. It is testimony to the quality of the shit you have created that we have merely let it lie without comment instead of saying, "My God, Amos! It's shit!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 06:03 PM

Thanks, Rapaire, and all; I feel really understood! LOL!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 03:49 PM

I am always in awe of you, Amos. Indeed, you fill me with awe. In fact, I think you're awful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:46 PM

Ode 'Ere
I asked for that
Thankyou
:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:41 PM

A verse to them is like a year to me
Merely a breath in the passing waves of fancy;
Averse to them, well, that seems strange to me,
A rhyme in time is like a smile, Rumanci!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:30 PM

Yeah, Amos, if I could write such bad poetry and create such foppish names I'd happily step up to bat!

;->


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:27 PM

seriously - they *do* fill me with awe - and jealousy. Would that I could...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:26 PM

no - Amos - it's just that your talent strikes awe into our hearts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:20 PM

maybe we're all averse to them ??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 02:14 PM

Every time I invent a new dead poet of mythically simpering style and colossal patsiness, it just gets ignored. These are some of the best poor poets you will see -- more subtle in their mediocrity than McGonagle, more flat-footed and brutish in the clinch than Edgar A. Guest. Yet not a word!! Why is this?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 11:05 AM

*puff puff*...just back from following Rapaire's instructions......You would not believe how narrow minded my neighbor are! Luckily, the cops didn't even believe them, and I was safely back in my house before they arrived.

I think I'll go back to that dark room part........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 10:41 AM

I had to caution MMario about promoting our exemplary brand of BS over on some of those others lists. A considerable amount of the BS that is landing on those censorship lists is downright rancid. I've never found the true cow variety to be unpleasant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 10:28 AM

Speak not to me of cow pats, now I pray,
For on them there is little worth to say
And cowpats, laud them how you may
Never outgrow their origins and stay
Where they are landed, caring not and without form;
Listless and odiferous is the cow-pat norm.

Oh, no--enough of cowpats without cess!
I'd rather spend my hours on B.S.
Golden in variety and magic in its reach,
Leave cowpats behind, smelling each to each,
Go forth, mend up your manners and your dress,
And give the world its worth in pure BS.

Giles Shamrock Arlington
A Pastoral Repast in Rhyme
Brown, Wett, Dung and Company
Edinboro, 1913


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:51 AM

'Nother thing. I dunno how the folks up in Bovill could tell about them cow pats, seein's as how the whole dang town is pretty much a big ol' cow pat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:48 AM

Bovill, huh? That's so far north that all their brains are friz up solid. 'Sides, you run unbranded cattle you're runnin' mavericks an' anybody kin rope an' brand a maverick. Ain't no way of provin' ownership, 'cept maybe an unbranded calf bawlin' after a branded cow.

Now, down here, we'd just grab them cows an' sell 'em. Use the money fer city improvements, like fixin' the curb outsida the Hi-Ho Bar, the one that so danged many folks trip over and end up in the gutter. Roany Ed sprained an ankle pretty bad on that curb 'tother night.

Now, iffen they was branded cattle, that'd be a diffurnt story. THEM the own could git the sheriff or the vigilantes and gather up them folks that took 'em. Wouldn't matter which gathered them rustlers up, neither, 'cuz the Code Of The West tells ya how ta deal with rustlers an' horse thieves.

First, ya git yersrlf some 3/8ths inch rope....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:48 AM

boy - the level of BS over at the censorships threads is much higher then it is here! Mom - we're sorry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:43 AM

WoW! Instant song challenge complete with WINNAH!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:42 AM

I always suspected LTS had some connection with MOAB - now the truth is out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 08:27 AM

Oh, there's cowpies in the street
I've got cowshit on my feet
Even got it in the cracks between my toes
Yes the sidewalks of my town
Are a cowshit shade of brown
Ain't no doubt, those fuckin' cows have got to go

Oh there's cowshit everywhere
I've even got it in my hair
There's a big turd in the middle of the road
'Cause them cows don't give a damn
Where their excrement may land
They just lift their tails and "Plop!" they drop their load

Well the townsfolk had enough
Of bein' covered in cow stuff
So we met one night and hatched a little plan
We lassoed them cows right then
Stuck em in a big cowpen
An' we waited for the shit to hit the fan

'Cause the feller owned them cows
Said "Give 'em back to me right now!"
But a twenty-buck a head fine was required
He said "Ya'll all go to hell!"
We said "That'll work out swell
Barbecue, and we won't have to light a fire!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 05:53 AM

I swore I'd never post here, but found this story that just had to be shared.....

Note how the name of the town is only one letter away from a tasty beefy drink......

Some real BS....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 01:02 AM

Hey Rap, will you snap your fingers so the rest of us can wake up?
I'll sit here and do my cross stitch (I never let up do I?) and watch Bill do that two fisted thing with our Special Intergalactic Spy Moabscopic Transmitting Kaleidoscope. That will give it some redeeming multidimensional features.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 10:45 PM

Ach dis is too turrible. Der Rock of Chibralter hasch cracked open -- our port in a schtorm, der alvays steady-on, schelf-controldt Rapaire hasch gone inter der full-blown revivification uff der early trauma von der military eckshperienches!!

Rapaie, get schleep undt drink lots uff vater undt some B vitamins, ya? Build up yer schtrength and schtay awy von der sources of der schtress fer a week or scho, ya? Den you be back to yourschelf again in no time flat. Truscht me on dis!!

Liebenscheiss
D. Psych., M.S.G., M.C.A. D.B.A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 09:56 PM

And don't you call me "Sir!" I ain't no officer, I work for a livin'!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 09:26 PM

Bill D., as this thread has demonstrated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over ad infinitum nausuam, the supply of BS within this universe alone approaches infinity. You cannot "run out" of BS any more than you can "run out" of gravity or away from yourself. But you must look within yourself at times to find it. Try sitting in a darkened room, in a comfortable chair, the temperature neither warm nor cold. Close your eyes and try to focus on a spot just an inch or so beyond the bridge of your nose. Use your inward-directed powers to do this. Concentrate on this spot. Let everything else slip from your mind, all the aches and pains, all the cares of the day, feel them washing away from your body...and now, goddamnit, wake the hell up! Do you think that I'm telling you all this good shit just so you can go to sleep on me?! You listen to me, boy, if I catch you sleepin' agin you're gonna drop down in the pigshit and give me fifty one-handed pushups, you hear me? I'm tryin' to teach you the way to Inner Peace and How To Tap Into The Hidden BS Of The Universe and you're goin' to sleep on me! You need to get your blood runnin', you know that? Grab your peice in your left hand and your so-called manhood in your right! Now you do fifty laps around the field here, and you yell at the top of your voice "This is my rifle, This is my gun, This is for killing, and this is for fun." And I want to see you shake the appropriate one when you get to it, too. Now move out!! And I wanna hear you shout a thousand meters away!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 08:21 PM

Just because I ran out of BS over 6000 posts ago, doesn't mean I'm not keeping an eye on you all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 07:34 PM

I probably should have specified what I wrote was about Scottish Gaelic. Irish Gaelic is similar, but I don't know anything about it so I don't know how similar. But anyway Bunn's name is Scottish Gaelic so it doesn't matter. I don't see anything wrong with Bunn-o-matic, but I do have to say that picture you found doesn't look very much like him. I can't pinpoint it exactly, but there's just something not quite right about it. =D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 07:22 PM

Let's just forget about how to pronounce Bunn's name and call him Bunn-O-Matic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 05:45 PM

My cousin-in-law teaches French at the U. of VA, Charlottesville. He's been studying Irish. He says that it is not an obvious language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Layah
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 03:33 PM

What about the inchworm song:
two and two is four
four and four is eight
eight and eight is sixteen
sixteen and sixteen is thirty two

Bunn, you should start a tally of how many people ask you how to pronounce your name. It is rather unfair to use Gaelic though. bh=v usually. And for that matter other odd Gaelic spelling, mh=v or silent, dh=y or silent or gurgle, th=silent or h, fh=silent, sh=silent. All those silent consonants make for some strange spellings. Like Gaelic version of Donald is Domhnail pronounced Dol. That's not the worst one I've seen, jsut the first I could think of. Gaelic is a strange language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 03:29 PM

I've never built one, but I've driven several crates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 02:06 PM

Mathematical posts are sorta like playing hardcore bluegrass. Once a year is enough. And I've already made my one required mathematical post for the year. Something about division by zero being the same as multiplying by infinity, or something like that. Ya'll just carry on carryin' on in yer base eights and all that stuff. I gotta go build some crates.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 12:39 PM

Five times five is twenty-five
Five times six is thirty
Five times seven is thirty-five
Five times eight is forty.

Anyone else ever get that song stuck in their head?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 11:25 AM

Bunnhabhain [however do you prounounce that?]

if perchance you count by ten
the eigth decade postcedes when
Having counted up to seven
thirty counts before eleven

plus one

7081


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnhabhain
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 11:21 AM

Thankyou!
I had the feeling I was dragging the standard of poetry down round here, but things like that cure me entirely.

I'm banking the highest known prime number. You can have half, if you tell me how much that is....

Bunnhabhain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnhabhain.
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 11:14 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,RR
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 11:00 AM

Amos, You are a man of ambition and style
Your elegant prose, always makes me smile.
Your sanity spurs on the brink of a trial,
And most of your poems go into, the X-file!

Rustic(with a smile)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 30 Mar 05 - 09:15 AM

The good thing about banking the extra digits of pi is that they are infinite. You never run out of digits. Last night as I was reading hitchhiker's guide, I found the mathmatical fallacy in their proof of why the universe has population zero. Than I thought there must be something wrong with me to bother thinking about it.
Bunn, I've got plenty of rotten vegetables in my fridge that I'd be happy to give to anyone desiring them (that was a request for rotten vegetables, wasn't it?) Although I have to say that was an improvement, only one line didn't exactly rhyme. And it had a pun.

I really don't understand why people bother posting about how pointless other people's threads are. It's BS. What is the point of any BS? Although there is a difference between questioning the usefulness of a Shatner thread, and just insulting Shatner.

Thanks for the converter links, but I've moved on. I've done binaray and hex, and now I am moving on to other bases. Well, I suppose at some point I could do octal and there's probably a converter for that. Although I don't know what post number this is, and it's getting too long anyway, so I'll save that for next time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 11:56 PM

You ever think of volunteering to work for Delay, Rove, and company, amigo? You'd only use a few of your brain cells, and the rest could be banked for some future thinker to use...hopefully to good purpose...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 09:47 PM

That's what I did, too.

Why reinvent the wheel?

But come to think of it, why not? Maybe we could come up with a better wheel, one in which the "wheelness" in more pronounced. After all, there is little in the current wheel which is new, and we should all think "outside the box" these days. I mean, the old concept of pi, which is so critical to determining the current concept of the wheel, is so, so, BCE. Why not simply round it off to three, as has been proposed in the legislatures of both Texas and Indiana -- the additional digits could be carried over into a "pi bank" and used for other things, like balancing the nation debt or for use when we run short of numbers. And yes, we will run short of numbers -- the Congressional Budget Office predicts that we will use the last number somewhere around 10:12 a.m., October 7, 2094 unless we make changes now. One obvious answer is to bank extra numbers, like the decimals on pi, or the "carries" in addition. Just the latter would go far to preventing the coming number shortage:

66 + 43 currently = 109. But if the number bank were in place, 66 + 43 would = 9, and 100 digits would be banked for future use.

Simple and effective!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 08:45 PM

I put "hex decinmal binary conversion" into Google and found a bunch.

Here's one by table. There are many others.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 07:55 PM

Layahs posts, though not currently baseless,
Instead are somewhat pointless,
Dangerous here,
To thereby smear,
As we are all guilty, more-or-less....

I'm expecting groans and rotten vegtables for this effort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 07:52 PM

People who keep this thing going interminably, yet bitch about Shatner threads, are people who seriously need to GET A LIFE! :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 07:07 PM

Rapaire, I did a quick search (and I mean a very quick search) and couldn't find one. That just means it wasn't in the top three hits in google. There was code to program a converter, but that's beyond my abilities. Besides which, the point was I was wasting time, and I'm just working myself up to translating numbers into less common bases. Bet there isn't a converter to put numbers into base three. Like 7072, which in base three would be 100200221


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 06:56 PM

You can use Dark as a Dungeon Way Down in the Mines if you've a mind to sing it MM -- but more'n once will probably get teejus! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 06:40 PM

Why are you bothering to do it the long way, Layah? There are tons of decimal-hex-binary converters on the web.

Oh well. I use a slide rule from time to time, just to keep my hand in. I never did learn to use an abacus, although I do know the theory of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 04:30 PM

Amos! Did anyone say they didn't like it? No news is good news, yes? Especially since you know that when we DON'T like something we are pretty vocal about THAT!

got a tune for it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 04:13 PM

Humph!! Well, I liked it.

Aloysius


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 02:22 PM

That explains it, then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 12:32 PM

on top of all that (or at the bottom of the matter) is that if you don't get the BS out - it *WILL* effect your health!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 29 Mar 05 - 12:14 PM

COme gather 'round, folkies, leave trial and leave stress
And take up the torch in defense of BS
For there's nothing as grim or as sorry to see
As a girl singing lonely from up in a tree.

Come singers and poets, and spinners of tales
Who tell of the Gryffins, and Monsters and Whales,
Who weave wondrous stories of the heathen Chinee,
And Leave not poor Rustic alone in her tree!

And you who write poetry, narrow and long,
Step forth to assist her as she sings in her song,
How the world must be freed of all pain and duress
By making it safe for the best of BS!

How dark, like a dungeon, and dank as a mire
Would our world be deprived of its pure BS fire!
It would be such a bore, nevermore to soar free
So come stand forth boldly, just under her tree!

BS it is wholesome, it is good for the soul,
It raiseth the heart, makes the time sweetly roll
And there's nothing on earth or elsewhere I confess
That passeth the hours like a load of BS!!

Aloysius Whittaker Cummerbund IV
Songs to a Bird in a Tree
Limpwrist and Flaming, New York, 1967


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