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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Tweed 31 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM
Amos 31 Dec 04 - 09:53 AM
Acme 31 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM
Amos 31 Dec 04 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 30 Dec 04 - 11:28 PM
Acme 30 Dec 04 - 11:08 PM
MMario 30 Dec 04 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 30 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM
Tweed 30 Dec 04 - 09:06 AM
Acme 30 Dec 04 - 12:28 AM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 09:50 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM
Tweed 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 12:22 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM
Amos 28 Dec 04 - 08:30 AM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 11:23 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 09:27 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 01:36 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM
Tweed 27 Dec 04 - 08:21 AM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 01:16 AM
Amos 26 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM
Acme 24 Dec 04 - 02:17 AM
Acme 23 Dec 04 - 11:36 AM
Paco Rabanne 23 Dec 04 - 03:07 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 02:03 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 01:59 AM
Acme 23 Dec 04 - 01:36 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 01:10 AM
Acme 22 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM
Acme 22 Dec 04 - 02:49 PM
MMario 22 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:55 AM

Harpies



In earlier versions of Greek myth, Harpies were described as beautiful, winged maidens. Later they became winged monsters with the face of an ugly old woman and equipped with crooked, sharp talons. They were represented carrying off persons to the underworld and inflicting punishment or tormenting them. Those persons were never seen again.

[See alsoLa Rutledge returns to Twillingsgate thread]


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 09:53 AM

My mother, at least does not sell hot dogs.

Thanks, Mother.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 01:31 AM

Now you're harping on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 04 - 01:14 AM

(and he even hums,. too!!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:28 PM

Well, Mario asked....

But here, in MOAB, music would be contrapuntal. Indeed, such a discussion would fall flat, I'm certain, or be picked apart by the sharp characters of the natural inhabitants of this place. I would wager a dollar, no strings -- no, I'll treble that amount -- that such a discussion would cause bass comments and bring to light little of note. Probably Joe Offer and the others on the Mudcat staff would waltz right in and prevent such an egregious march of bad puns that such a discussion would generate. Of course, it might collapse of its own a chord....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 11:08 PM

That goofy Rapaire--he's talking Music on a BS thread--over at the Mudcat Tavern for this year. Doesn't he remember that this is the BS side of the line? Geez, Louise. The guy goes out of town for a few days and fergets how it works around here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:21 AM

Amen Brother Rapaire!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:13 AM

Shatner is also insufferable, incompetent, inchoate, incoherent, and inane. He is the Alpha Wave without the Omega-3, beginning of the end, the last of the first, the Moaning Star, the Prince of Pees.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 09:06 AM

Medieval Love Sickness



According to the medieval science of medicine those suffering from the sickness of love i.e. the erotic melancholy will first fall into insomnia. This insomnia will waste the body by evaporating the vital bodily fluids from it and thereby breaking the balance between the four basic fluids in the body. The increasing dryness and the heating of the fluids will prevent the normal functioning of the four bodily fluids and the liver. As a result the person in love will become anorectic. His body will become all the more thinner and drier and his eyes will appear empty, hollow and tearless. In addition the people in love are pale and they sigh, their pulse will slow down in the moments of depression and rise when remembering the moments of joy.
A light diet, sleep, successive baths to nourish and moisten the body, letting out blood and intercourse (usually with someone other than the object of love) were recommended as cures for erotic melancholy. The more "psychological" cures included listening to music, discussing other subjects and travelling.

If these methods also failed to bring results i.e. to return the balance between the bodily fluids and the necessary moist, the continued overheating and overdrying started to produce melancholy fluids (melancholia adusta) in the body. As a result the body dried up completely and the skin turned dark. In a really serious case the result was insanity or death.

The last possible cure was usually considered to be the joining of the object of attraction to his admirer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Dec 04 - 12:28 AM

Here I thought Tweed was going to throw the book at me for my typo--there I was complaining about a "diary" in the chocolate instead of the "dairy." Sheesh! He must be as dyslexic as I am! I think I'll "pass" on the worm treatement (sorry about the pun).

I was going to suggest Grace Jones as the poster girl for your golden globs chest protectors, but couldn't find a good photo of her in that fibreglas bustier of hers. There were a couple of other options available here and here (this even has a musical connection!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 10:19 PM

A brief public service announcement:

William Shatner is still the greatest. His long absence from this thread should not be taken to imply that his influence here has in any way diminished. No indeed. Before Abraham there was Shatner. He is the Alpha and the Omega. Where other things end, Shatner begins. Where other things begin, Shatner transcends. Where other things bore, Shatner fascinates. He is timeless, ageless, puissant, and ineffable. He is unsurpassable, infinite, and incomprehensible in his hunklike majesty. Shatner rules.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 10:06 PM

Well, I see you have a point, sir, and in reflection it is plain that saving nature's points from those of steel is a worthy endeavour and worthy of the most sensitive support.

On your assurance that these protectors are well made, and designed to maintain the aesthetics that they are also designed to protect, you may provide our endorsement to the manufacturer thereof.

Fr. Tacitus Gentillus
Senior Touchè Consultant


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 09:50 PM

No, Brother, not because they stand between, but because they protect and comfort. These "protectors" are not worn save in fencing bouts, and like the Kevlar vest are designed to protect those globes from forces which might injure them -- not to stand between them and their worshippers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 09:44 PM

We of the Temple stand ever ready to provide guidance instead of blind feelings whereever needed. These protectors -- we would certify them ... because why? If they stand between the honest awe of the inspired worshiper and the objects of his adoration, are they not just an additional barrier between he who prays and that for which he prays? Who are we to stand between them? Nay, sirrah, we do not need steel, nor parries. All that is needed is to reach out and touch someone.

May your cups ever overflow,

Brother Tacitus Electricus
Senior Advisor and Soft Touch
Temple of the Golden Globes


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM

Mayhap, "j'ai retournee" would suffice? Avec the accent acute, of course.

But I must sing you a song of steel on steel, of parry, riposte, and tierce; the song of the sword and the taking of blades, of counters and plastrons and...hey, chest protectors used by women fencers and the Temple of the Golden Globes really should certify them. Right now chest protectors are just plastic things, but with TGG certification who knows where they might go?

I simply cannot believe that this has been overlooked! Shocked, I am! Shocked and dismayed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM

"Je suis retournée" means "I am a re-run" or perhaps "I am a re-tread".

May I offer you all bientôts of the very finest degree in this coming season.

Amos
Duc Lackaduck


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM

Stilly, I think mebbe you have worms and they are thriving on all that chocolate ovatine you been floodin yoreself with. Tharfore, I habv taken action and searched the worldwide over and found this:

Diary notes by Joan Huydecoper (1625-1704), who was mayor of Amsterdam, inform us about the upbringing of children in high society. His son Jantje Huydecoper was put into the potty chair:

When something was wrong with him, Huydecoper showed an active interest. He was dealing with Jantje's tummy ache which came up after he was given meat for the first time. The child turned out to be suffering from worms and Huydecoper informed after the cures: in the first place a balm for the stomach, and also 'something to hang in the beer which he is to drink'. But the best remedy seemed to him 'hot sweet milk which was poured into in the potty and shoved under him in the potty chair, so that the worms will smell the vapour and wiggle to his arse and into the pot below.


You see? Just put the milk in the crapper instead obv feeding them things what are giving you headaches. No, please don't bother thanking me. It is just another service provided by MOAB to insure the health obv the denizens here.

Yores,
Tweed
Quack du Jour and a bientot obv the highest calibre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Je suis retourné. According to Babelfish, anyway. With "have" or without. Still comes out Je suis. But what the heck. You're back!

Now I need a nap. I have a headache. Mal de tête. (I think it is too much milk chocolate, but we have exhausted the supply and have no plans to restock. It's all of that diary that kills me.) Keep up the good work.

Touché.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM

I thought I had claimed dibs on all the palindromic numbers!

Guess what?

Je retournee, as we used to say in French class, only we used a accent acute over the last e.

Yes! I am returned from my annual Christmastide soujorn into Wilderness, DC, and once again I have escaped the predators there. Harrowing as it was, with ambuscades on my right and left, with fascines before me and redoubts behind, I fought clear. Fortunately I have recently again picked up the sword and began again to tread the piste for I found riposte and remiss, parry in prime and counter in quatre, to be of most excellent use. A horizontal fleche saved me more than once from the blades of those in power there, and with a touch here and a touch there I conquered.

Fear me, ye MOABites! For I am learning epee, and you might very well see me in the next Olympics, representing Idaho in Individual Epee or perhaps in Modern Pentathalon, or both, or neither (chose one or two).

I am, of course, already an accomplished master in foil, saber, broadsword, barbed, chicken, hog, and other types of fencing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM

A nice numerical palindrome today:

5445


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM

To paraphrase Mark Twain, reports of the demise of the MOAB are greatly exaggerated! (And I have a friend for whom the euphemism "heavy lifting" has nothing to do with picking up stuff with any particular weight. If need be, I'll invoke that term to energize the thread!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM

Yo, Heaaaave Ho!!

Way ta go, SRS!! We need good haulers in these parts, with Tweed spouting Doomsday predictions, Khandu wearing his Cloak of Posting Invisibility, and Spaw in absentia sempre. It leaves the real work up to us.

Buncha dilettantes, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM

I will do a little "fishing by hand" this evening--reaching down, down to the bottom of the page and hauling this mother up into my boat. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Fishing by Hand

COLUMBIA, Mo. - Next summer, it will be legal to plunge into some Missouri rivers and grab catfish by hand - a type of fishing that is not for the faint of heart.

Known variously as noodling or hogging, handfishing has long been a misdemeanor punishable by fines, because state officials fear it depletes breeding-age catfish. It can also be dangerous: Noodlers hold their breath for long periods under water and sometimes come up with fistfuls of agitated snakes or snapping turtles instead of fish.

That does not discourage enthusiasts, who insist there is great sportsmanship in fishing with your bare hands.

So after years of urging by noodlers, and lopsided legislative support for easing up on handfishers, the Missouri Conservation Commission has approved an experimental handfishing season next summer. Forms of handfishing are already legal in 11 states, including neighboring Oklahoma, Arkansas and Illinois.

"It's a start," John Smith, deputy director of the Conservation Department, said Tuesday. "We are moving forward in good faith to answer the legitimate biological concerns that we have, and balance that with the requests for making this process legal."

Missouri's biological concerns are that handfishers, who go for the biggest fish they can wrestle from riverbanks or hollow logs, will take too many sexually mature fish from their underwater nests.

The commission agreed to a June 1-July 15 season, during which handfishers who have bought a $7 permit can use only their bare hands and feet to catch a daily total of five catfish. Fish under 22 inches long must be thrown back.

Handfishing will be legal only along specified stretches of the Fabius, St. Francis and Mississippi rivers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM

Flies





On most dairy farms, five species of flies are predominant.

   House Flies--These flies do not bite; however, they can be very irritating. House flies prefer organic material containing 40% to 70% moisture (such as BS) to breed. These flies carry many different pathogens, and easily transmit disease.

   Stables Flies--Unlike similar looking house flies, stable flies bite. Females require blood to reproduce. Males also draw blood from animals.

   Mudcat Flies--These biting, blood sucking flies lay their eggs in fresh cow manure. Horn flies look like miniature house flies and are extremely irritating, causing cattle production losses due to energy and time spent fighting (stamping, tail switching, etc.).

   MOAB Flies--These flies also resemble house flies, but are usually found on pastured cows. Face flies lay their eggs in very fresh manure. Face flies are not capable of biting; however, they feed on secretions commonly found on the faces of cattle, such as around the eyes. The face fly is most noted for transmitting pink eye.

   Horse Flies--In comparison to other flies, horse flies are very large. Although horse fly numbers are generally low, it only takes a few to cause extreme agitation among animals due to their painful bites.

Fly Control On a Dairy Operation
Sanitation
Because of the intensive management involved on dairy operations, the most effective fly control method is frequent removal of manure from barns, along with an integrated fly control program. Sanitation should be the first and is the most effective part of the fly control program. Sanitation involves:

Removing manure frequently during the day.

Hauling manure to fields or frequently pumping from lagoons.

Cleaning up spilled feed immediately.

Keeping bedding clean and dry.

Filling mud holes or any low spots in lots where water can accumulate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM

I am surprised that MOABITES everywhere have not jumped on my accordian skills, or lack thereobv and generated a huge influx of excellent BS!!!
BeeDubya's absence can only mean that after listening to my accordianated "Silent Nite", he has thrown himself into his kiln with the gas turned on.

MOAB IS DYING,DYING, DYING......O!!!...I'VE RECENTLY LEARNED THAT KHANDU HAS DELETED HIS ENTIRE COMPUTER AND NOW AMOS IS BABBLING ABOUT OTTS AND NOTTS.
And Rawpears is in DC smelling the President's chair!! Can it get no worse? I think not!

The end is near!!! The only thing left in my arsenal is a paint-by-numbers portrait of Bill Shatner in female clown garb, done by Red Skelton. I pray that I do not have to use it as it could put Liddle Hawrg into weeks of self abusement and flagellation. It will remain a last resort, but I beg you all to PLEASE, PLEASE, copy and paste the ingredients to Bon-Ami or....any other household cleanser....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:22 PM

I'm surprised that link of Tweed's hasn't brought CarolC back to the fold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM

Tweed, I am awed by your quick learning ability on that there squeeze box of yours. Thanks for the morning smile, and thoughts of no silent nights when your playing that thing.
Rustic

P.S. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and now looking forward to the merriment of new years eve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 08:30 AM

There is something profound about Oughts and Noughts; they shake up the world of mathematic apparent reliability just as badly as a misplaced infinity does. Very innerestin', Olive!

A

'S awright, Mag, I got another one on this side....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 11:23 PM

You Ought to know. . . ought!

Seems to be time to do a little magic writing here at the MOAB.

Just pulling your leg, Amos!


.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:27 PM

Not to be confused with a Nought, of which there is no Semi. The concept is untenable, similar to a "Divide by zero" error.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM

I think that's a half-truth, or perhaps a half-sign. Anyway, there is a fine line between semi-Autic and semi-autistic.

I think Autic means "like an Aut", a polar animal loosely related to the narwhal.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM

It's a sign of the times, Amos!

Ducks and runs, in case other lit folks are in the room . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM

Here I sit, semiotic
Our President's a plain psychotic.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:36 PM

So the "and only farted" part of the rhyme is true--he's still there, a fart embodied as president of the U.S. What a shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM

Here I sit so broken hearted
Came to DC and found out that Bush was still president.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:21 AM

MOAB is lagging I see, so it is time to bring out the big guns.
Tharfore, I present to you a present direct from the mirrored recordianating studios (az seen on Miami Vice) of TweedTowers LLC.

A Badly Recordianated Christmas Carole...for CarolC and Beedubya, the Knower of one or more Things


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:16 AM

Amos, I'm glad to see that you jumped in to bring the Mother back up to the top so quickly. I had a phone call come in just as I discovered Mudcat back on line, and couldn't talk and type at the same time. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM

Oh, thank you, ladies, for maintaining the scintillation of the palpitation of the Mother. I was so worried I drove 80 all the way back from Yuma.

Well, part of the way, anyway...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 02:17 AM

I seem to be talking to myself today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:36 AM

Taxus is the scientific (genus) name of yew. It's also a great name to use as a pun now and then.

flamenco ted, have you read the entire MOAB thread to be truly up to speed on the superior quality of the BS we are pushing posting here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:07 AM

Oi, Rapaire, you silly person! ' I drink, therefore I am' Get you and your butt over to Glaisdale, and I will take you for a bike ride over Glaisdale Rigg. Then we will see who exists or not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:03 AM

P.S. That doesn't mean I still(y) don't love the sweet evergreen of the season.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:59 AM

I tell you what Stilly, I am such a gullable type of person I'll say yea, without even knowing exactly what you mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:36 AM

Does this mean you expect someone to raise taxus soon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:10 AM

I have never felt a love like I do for yews
Never have I known a pair of shoes, like I know yews
Never have I gone and layed myself out for yews
Never have I known a friend like yew.


Love and peace to yew all during this festive holiday sex fest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM

This MOAB drops like a couple of tons of posts when everyone goes out of town for the holidays.

Woosh! (I have to use my own Mom superpowers to lift it)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:49 PM

Looks like some diligence will be called for with you two away! Have a good and safe trip, both of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM

I never realized you were a Parenthetic! your posts don't LOOK parenthetic - at least not normally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM

I shall endeavor to do my part, 'tho I shall be enduring the wilds of Washington, DC.

(Parenthetically -- notice the parentheses -- my Bequet caramels just came. I recommend them highly, and not just because 'Catter Alice works there. Find out all about them at www.bequetconfections.com.)


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