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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 11 Nov 04 - 11:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Nov 04 - 08:29 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Nov 04 - 05:54 PM
Acme 11 Nov 04 - 04:16 PM
Acme 11 Nov 04 - 11:57 AM
Rustic Rebel 11 Nov 04 - 12:54 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Nov 04 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 04 - 09:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Nov 04 - 08:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Nov 04 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 04 - 03:36 PM
MMario 10 Nov 04 - 03:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Nov 04 - 02:57 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 04 - 01:28 PM
GUEST,MMario 10 Nov 04 - 12:03 PM
Acme 10 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM
Acme 09 Nov 04 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 09 Nov 04 - 03:53 PM
MMario 09 Nov 04 - 02:55 PM
Amos 09 Nov 04 - 02:43 PM
Amos 09 Nov 04 - 02:41 PM
Amos 09 Nov 04 - 02:40 PM
Amos 09 Nov 04 - 02:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Nov 04 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 08 Nov 04 - 10:46 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 04 - 10:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM
Acme 08 Nov 04 - 09:50 PM
Amos 08 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Nov 04 - 07:47 PM
GUEST,TweedwhoisasloKhandu 08 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM
khandu 07 Nov 04 - 09:35 PM
khandu 07 Nov 04 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 04 - 07:58 PM
GUEST,Patrick Henry 07 Nov 04 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 07 Nov 04 - 12:14 AM
Acme 06 Nov 04 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 06 Nov 04 - 07:21 PM
JennyO 06 Nov 04 - 11:03 AM
Rapparee 06 Nov 04 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 05 Nov 04 - 06:42 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 Nov 04 - 04:55 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 Nov 04 - 04:49 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 04 - 01:43 PM
Rapparee 05 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM
Acme 05 Nov 04 - 10:40 AM
Rustic Rebel 05 Nov 04 - 03:14 AM
Acme 04 Nov 04 - 10:32 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 11:53 PM

Speaking of such matters, the New Scientist has filed a report that conditions at Uranus are much more turbulent than anyone ever suspected. You may have some sort of explanation for this phenomenon, but they aren't sure.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 08:29 PM

Yeah, there's toilet paper in there, but it really tastes horrible no matter how much Tabasco ya put on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM

What about the toilet paper? Don't they include toilet paper any more?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 05:54 PM

INSTRUCTIONS FOR PREPARING AND EATING "MEAL READY-TO-EAT" ("MRE")

Option #1: Open the package containing the MRE. Find the package containing M&Ms, Skittles or Tootsie Rolls. Eat the candy and throw the rest of the shit away.

Option #2: Open the package containing the MRE. Find the plastic pouches containing stuff that looks like it should be served hot. If you have access to a stove or microwave oven, throw the MRE crap away and cook something else. If you do not have access to a microwave oven, open the ingenious MRE cooking pouch, stuff whatever you want heated into the pouch (it is not recommended that you heat M&Ms, Skittles or Tootsie Rolls) and fill pouch with water. The water will activate the magic crystals in the cooking pouch which will produce HEAT! After about five minutes the contents of the pouch will be HOT! Remove the pouch. Open it and taste the contents using your olive drab MRE plastic eating spoon. Allow the contents to cool for about ten minutes. Feed contents to your cat or dog.

Option #3: Open the package containing the MRE. Find the plastic pouch containing stuff whose description includes the word "bread" or "cake". Imagine that you and your partner are Frodo and Sam on the way to Mount Doom and that the stuff is really Lembas. Taste the stuff and spit it out when you realize it tastes more like Orc bile.

Option #4: Open the package containing the MRE. Find the plastic pouch containing stuff that has the word "beverage" associated with it, as in "Cherry Flavored Beverage Base". Pour ten or twelve ounces of potable water into a cup. Throw the "beverage base" away and drink the water.

Option #5: If you are absolutely starving to death, McDonald's has been flattened by a tornado, the cats have run off in fear of becoming moo-goo-gai-pan, and you just can't find any earthworms, you may actually have to EAT the MRE. In that case, follow instructions in Option #2 above but DON'T feed it to the dog. Instead, find the small bottle of Tabasco sauce included in the little hermetically sealed pouch that also includes matches, salt, pepper and the chewing gum that sticks to your fillings. In fact, you've probably been saving the Tabasco from all the other MRE's you've been feeding to the cat or using for target practice, haven't you? We hope so. Anyway, pour at least one full bottle of Tabasco sauce on the contents of whatever kind of crap was in the pouches you heated up, stir, and eat the resulting mass using your olive drab MRE plastic eating spoon. The objective is to apply Tabasco sauce in sufficient strength that the Tabasco is ALL you can taste. If you are able to taste anything other than Tabasco, add more Tabasco.

WARNING: Do not, under any circumstances, eat anything found in any pouch contained in an MRE if that item has the word "cheese" associated with it in any way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 04:16 PM

So rustle up some Turkey Oak for ornamental use at the thanskgiving table. And think of all of those downed leaves and woodchips that you can use to make a special fragrant mix of Florida pot pourri for the holiday season!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 11:57 AM

BWL I have done a little Mudcat research on your behalf and dragged up from way down in my Personal Links the page for Mudcat Crafters and associated it with the BWL and Ivan thread. Who knows, maybe there will be a steady trickle of visitors rapping, rapping at your chamber door, crying "turkey oak, forever more."

Ooops. . .wrong holiday coming up. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Nov 04 - 12:54 AM

Because I have elected myself to be advisor of things that are unadvisable, or not advised, I do not advise that you talk about wood like it is some kind of second class citizen. I would like to advise you all that wood is not only a first class citizen of this world,but without it we would be in dire danger of not being able to have coffee tables.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM

It won't work for a string of consequetive numbers beginning with zero, then, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 09:39 PM

Correction: I should have said "any string of consecutive numbers beginning with one". Won't work otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 09:08 PM

I do. Winning bar bets, for one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 08:07 PM

Boy! Talk about some useless friggin' information....

If you take any string of consecutive numbers, add them together, and divide the result by the last number in the string, the result will be one-half of that last number plus one-half.

For example: 1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9=45 45/9=5 9/2=4.5 So 45/9=(9/2)+1/2

I see absolutely no practical application for this phenomenon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 04:43 PM

Yeah, BillD said his van is not dependable enough to do a Florida trip. And he's wanting live oak which I don't have any of. There's tons of it around, but not on my spread. I have laurel oak which is live oak's more erect cousin. They both stay green through the winter and drop their leaves in the early spring.

By the way, live oaks were once harvested extensively around here for use in making ribs for the hulls of sailing ships. The limbs grow with a natural curvature so they could be made into the desired rib shape with minimal hewing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 03:36 PM

So would my niece, who could use them for her college sculpture class. She's really into wood as a sculpture medium.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 03:02 PM

hmmmm- have you communicated with BillD? He is known to appreciate chunks of wood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 02:57 PM

I hope BWL will chunk a piece of wood on this fire every so often to help out now that he's back.

Okay. In fact, here are chunks of all the species of trees growing on my property that Hurricane Ivan uprooted, broke, split, crushed, or knocked over:

Slash Pine
Loblolly Pine
Spruce Pine
Longleaf Pine
Pond Pine
Southern Red Cedar
Laurel Oak
Turkey Oak
Water Oak
Post Oak
Southern Magnolia
Black Tupelo
Flowering Dogwood
Sweetbay
Sweetgum
Common Persimmon
Chickasaw Plum
Tulip Poplar
American Holly
Southern Bayberry
Florida Maple


And several others that I haven't identified.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 01:28 PM

It's "bores a-ranting." You can't find it because of the misspelling. You also spelling "bares" wrong, but why you'd want to go fishing in the nude in December escapes me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 12:03 PM

just popping in to complain - because a few years ago I found se3veral older variants of the twelve days of christmas - filled with things like "boars a ranting" and "Bears a-baiting" - and I can't find any of them now!

So MOAB, it's all BS - as you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

Here I am, talking to myself, just to boost Mom MOAB back to the top. I hope BWL will chunk a piece of wood on this fire every so often to help out now that he's back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 11:21 PM

Amos' flight of fancy caused him to overshoot his ability to count. It has happened before, and will surely happen again. When he shouted. . .er. . . gesticulated. . . errr. . . articulated. . . errrr. . . ejaculated prematurely that he had reached 6000, we knew and we pitied him. We don't pity him most of the time, mostly we're amused and intrigued, but this time, well, it was just so obvious. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 03:53 PM

MOAB does not lie within the ordinary Space-Time continuum. Discuss, with examples. For additional credit, explain why ordinary Space-Time does not lie within the ordinary Space-Time continuum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 02:55 PM

Amos - since you said "Here Lieth The Six Thousandth Poste" - you essentially told the truth!

not so much premature as preventative.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 02:43 PM

Well.....so? SO???? I can't count, so what? Ya wanna make sompn out of it???

I feel so foolish....... 900 posts premature. Ain't never BEEN anyone so premature as that before!! Talk about DYSfunctional!! That is SO dysfunctional if it were anymore dysfunctional it wouldn't even exist in ordinary space-time!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 02:41 PM

Here Lieth The Six Thousandth Poste




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 02:40 PM

When he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,
And he will make the face of heaven so fine
That all the world will be in love with night,
And pay no worship to the garish sun.
Romeo and Juliet. ACT III Scene 2.


For your cerebral entertainment, good friends....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 02:38 PM

"High Flight"

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

John Gillespie Magee, Jr.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Nov 04 - 11:43 AM

So I just spent a few moments perusing a bit of what's been going on around here during my eight-week absence and must admit that the overall quality of the BS here has not wavered in any appreciable fashion from the meandering, circumlocutional, self-referential, ego-serving, I-can-be-more-obscure-obtuse-and-abstruse-than-you-can mode of discourse which has been its principle characteristic since shortly after Khing khandu brought it kicking, squirming and screaming into the group consciousness of those of us who have little better to do with ourselves than participate in what His Majesty himself has referred to as a "circle jerk". Now, please pass the bucket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 10:46 PM

Okay, I read yer thread.

So a little wind and rain knocked down a coupla trees. Geez, you'd think a hurricane came...oh, wait. It was a hurricane, wasn't it? I drove into one of them once, not so very long ago. They are unpleasant and I didn't enjoy it at all, nope, not one bit.

Like I said, before, welcome back. And I'm really glad it wasn't worse for you. Trees will grow back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 10:28 PM

Yeah, well, it's danged well time you got back here. SRS and everyone was worried sick about ya. So much so, in fact, that I went and JUST NOW got yer home phone number so that we could call and see how the hell you were or if you were dead or what. I just logged on here so's that I could pm it to SRS. Yeah, I know that it ain't easily available, not being in whowhere.com, bigbook.com, and other suchlike places and that an Internet search don't turn up much about ya (like hell it don't -- I got stuff clear back to your grades in arithmetic in second grade).

And since you won't believe me, read yer pm's.

Good to have you back, dude.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 10:09 PM

Unexpurgated? Well, one thing I didn't mention in that other thread is that a tree smashed the outhouse. Well, I guess it's not really an outhouse. It's just a latrine made from two-by-fours, a tarp, and a hole. But it does have a nice toilet seat. We call it the "Party Pooper" 'cause our indoor composting toilet doesn't handle crowds very well so when we have a party we just lock the bathroom door and anybody that can't handle shittin' in the woods can just pack their ass up and go back to the city. It's repairable and it was time to move it over a few feet 'cause the hole was gettin' sorta full anyway, so it ain't no big thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 09:50 PM

It's about time you got back over here, Bruce! I saw a thread started about your adventures, so I'll go read that one. But I hope we get the unexpurgated version here at the MOAB!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 08:23 PM

Welcome home, Bruce!! Glad ya made it!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 07:47 PM

I'm back! Fuck ya'll an' kiss my ass!

Khandu, how come so many of the damned intersections in yore kingdom that orta have traffic signals is four-way stops instead? Is you afraid summa them drunkass Mizzippi shitbirds'll use th' redlights fer target practice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,TweedwhoisasloKhandu
Date: 08 Nov 04 - 08:42 AM

Well, as you may be aware, the elections at Tweedland were held already. I don't know exactly what day but I am reinstated as President for Life again.
Bobertz has sniffed out a conspiracy and the twins are making my life more than comfortable.
Podunk Times Article

Yores truly,
Papadoc TweedwhoisasloKhanny
President for Life


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 09:35 PM

Correction:
I said "So tomorrow evening we should..."
I meant Tuesday evening!

k


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 09:32 PM

Well the day after tomorrow is Presidential election day in the Etherial Kingdom. (We always go a week later to avoid the rush!) I'll not be voting for Barry Goldwater again this time. I voted for him four years ago & things have just gotten worse. I voted for him because of his running mate, Mr. Miller...I always loved his "Sing Along" TV show, though many have argued that the goatee doesn't really "look" Vice Presidential. But I digress...

   So tomorrow evening we should know if it's gonna be Hubert or Richard. I hope it won't be Richard because his Veep has a name which, by rearranging the letters, can spell "Grow A Penis", which is made worse by having a boss known as "Dick"!

   But I guess we have faced worse things...

kwhoisasloT


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 07:58 PM

Ah, Pat, why are you telling us this? I'm the Director of a public library and there seem to be more librarians than any other profession in the Mudcat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Patrick Henry
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 01:37 PM

American Library Association:

"The freedom to read is essential to our democracy. It is continuously under attack? These actions apparently arise from a view that our national tradition of free expression is no longer valid; that censorship and suppression are needed to avoid the subversion of politics and the corruption of morals.
 ...
Why is Intellectual Freedom Important? Intellectual freedom is the basis of our democratic system. We expect our people to be self-governors. But to do so responsibly, our citizenry must be well informed. Libraries provide the ideas and information, in a variety of formats, to allow people to inform themselves....

We trust Americans to recognize propaganda and misinformation, and to make their own decisions about what they read and believe."

And that's no BS!

Pat


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Nov 04 - 12:14 AM

Lemme get home and see what I can do....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 11:37 PM

I did a bit of a search, and came across an article about Bruce's beard, but nothing current. Nothing in Switchboard.com


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 07:21 PM

Have some of this brew, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 11:03 AM

Yes mom, have some of this - parallax lager


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Nov 04 - 10:00 AM

Here, Mom. Have a glass of beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 06:42 PM

I sent him an email (to the email address on his Profile page) and haven't heard anything.

I could probably track down his phone number, I suppose.... Hate to bother someone, though.

I'm not really Sir j0hn from Hull.

I'm really not myself, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:55 PM

Well I checked on Bee-dubya-Ell. His last post was Sept. 13th and he was talking like he might have to pack up and head for the hills because of hurricane Ivan. He thought it might take his electric out and he mentioned Arkansas. Hopefully they're alright.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 04:49 PM

Well now Mr. John from Hull that's much better.

Stilly, I was throwing around the hay bails full of cow turds only directly to Mr. John Ashcroft, who incidentally can't seem to remember who he really is at the moment. I would never call my friends such words unless they truely deserved it or belonged to the asshole club of the month.

I still wonder about Bee-Dub though. I think I'll check his last post also, maybe he left a clue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 01:43 PM

Oh, poop. Alright, I'm not really George W. Bush, either.

I'm really Sir j0hn from Hull and leader of the free world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 10:52 AM

I have been wondering where he is as well. He's not in one of my prisons or in custody, at least not that I know about.

Oh, heck. I'm not really John Ashcroft.

I'm really George W. Bush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 10:40 AM

Rustic, I'm assuming you're addressing the uncloseted Ashcroft, and not myself or the Absent Amos, when you throw around the recycled bails of hay moniker? But you're wise to bring to our attention the absence of BWL. I'll have to go look for one of the substantive threads and ask pertinent questions.

There was something else I was going to ask--it has slipped past--just on the tip of my tongue. . .

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Nov 04 - 03:14 AM

You deciving, manipulating sack of big ol" horseshit. How do you even dare to come across as a friend of MOAB when in reality your are nothing but a big ol" sack of horseshit.
(This is where I insert some kind of smile in type print, you sack of horseshit pretend John A. sshole want to run my life but if you think you can and I don't you won't asshole)

I love everybody!
I love people
I love, love
I love you.


Anyone know where Bee-dubya-ell is? Is he okay? Did he get blown away, by a hurricane?

Changing the subject, not only do I want to reveal that I am doing exercises to make my tounge longer and stronger, but I am also realizing that I can be a strong tounge if anyone wants to listen to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Nov 04 - 10:32 AM

Looks like our pal Amos has skedaddled fer a piece of quiet time. . . (no one is ever going to pay me to write regional dialog!) so we're gonna have to heft this thread ourselves for a while.

Good thing yesterday was gray, sodden, and cold around here. It exactly suited my mood. Today is glorious, but that's because life must go on, and it's in the clear light of day in which we can see what must be done in the near future. And for Amos--"Gone Fishin'" may be that something.


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