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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 06:49 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jan 04 - 06:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM
Rustic Rebel 15 Jan 04 - 04:38 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 04 - 03:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM
Amos 15 Jan 04 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jan 04 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 14 Jan 04 - 04:10 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jan 04 - 04:09 PM
Rustic Rebel 14 Jan 04 - 03:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 04 - 11:53 PM
khandu 13 Jan 04 - 10:48 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jan 04 - 07:45 PM
Rustic Rebel 13 Jan 04 - 04:35 PM
CarolC 13 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM
Amos 12 Jan 04 - 11:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM
Tweed 12 Jan 04 - 12:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 04 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 04 - 09:09 AM
Rustic Rebel 12 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM
Amos 11 Jan 04 - 11:52 PM
khandu 11 Jan 04 - 11:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 04 - 11:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 04 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 04 - 11:18 PM
Rustic Rebel 11 Jan 04 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 04 - 10:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 04 - 10:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 04 - 09:55 PM
khandu 11 Jan 04 - 09:42 PM
Amos 11 Jan 04 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 04 - 09:35 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 11 Jan 04 - 09:14 PM
GUEST,Hortense C Durp 11 Jan 04 - 09:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 04 - 07:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 04 - 07:17 PM
Tweed 11 Jan 04 - 06:25 PM
Rustic Rebel 11 Jan 04 - 05:22 PM
Rustic Rebel 11 Jan 04 - 05:14 PM
Tweed 11 Jan 04 - 05:14 PM
khandu 11 Jan 04 - 02:20 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM
Peace 11 Jan 04 - 01:45 PM
Tweed 11 Jan 04 - 01:20 AM
Rapparee 11 Jan 04 - 12:38 AM
Amos 11 Jan 04 - 12:28 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 06:49 PM

I hate "kick ass" too. That was the little purple-talkin' sumbitches that said it, not me! I'm innocent. I would never use the term "kick some ass". Nope.

Kick some ass! Kick some ass! Har-har-har! You can't keep away from us forever you old fart! Just wait 'til next time!

Yeah, right. Whatever you say, you purple-talkin' pipsqueak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 06:03 PM

Har! Har! Well, we got some mileage out of that one, didn't we? I still hate that friggin' expression, and I hate "kick ass" too! Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Rapaire, you are so right. I used to play some Vietnam scenarios on the computer (in Steel Panthers II) and they had VC ambushes set up just like you describe. A vicious and miserable business for all involved. God help people who find themselves in such places. I never want to be in the infantry...or in any war.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM

I understand Little Hawk's point. But "...get his ass shot off..." was the appropriate thing to say because it provided Little Hawk with a "straight line" to use in creating another post to push us closer to M2K. In other words, it gave Little Hawk an opportunity to be a smart ass. And I don't mean that in a negative way at all. On some level, isn't that what the MOAB actually is? A smart-ass convention? In fact, isn't that what most BS is? Aren't we all guilty of picking apart each other's posts looking for fodder for our own posts? Don't we revel in misplaced modifiers, spelling errors and omissions? Don't we love to cruelly subject the makers of mistakes to public humiliation until they squirm like earthworms on hot sidewalks? Are we not, in a sense, the biggest assholes in the known friggin' Universe?

Dammit, boys, there he goes again! Fucker's really goin' off the deep end this time. Who's got the tranquilizer gun? Whattaya mean ya left it at the clinic? Jesus H. Christ! Well then get the nets and straightjackets. We'll have to do it the old-fashioned way. Aw, shit! Hurry he's gettin' away! Down there! By the creek. Aw, nevermind! He's outfoxed us again. I swear I'm gonna kick some ass!

Heeyuck! Heeyuck! You little purple-talkin' bastards'll never catch me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 04:38 PM

It's like saying, " I worked my ass off". I know I didn't work my 'ass' off, the smartasses that have to look, know I didn't work my ass off, but everybody still knows what I mean when I say "I worked my ass off".
Literal, literal, literal. Habitually interperating a matter-of-fact statement, smartasses.


Could get into that point also. How smart is an ass? Is it any more intellectual or any less intellectual than it's nucleus to the nerve cell?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 03:59 PM

The pointman would be at the forefront. I myself would be at the rearback.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Well, then what the hell's a "forefront"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM

Nah, that's called "walking point" and the "pointman" is there no matter if you're in a line or wedge formation -- or even walking down both sides of the road in a double column.

But take a squad of ten. The first guy, the pointman, is a rifleman. He's maybe 10-15 meters ahead and responsible for checking things out. A decent ambush won't be triggered until he's past, and maybe the next couple of guys too. Pointmen are often taken out by boobytraps or mines, not right away by gunfire.

So if you have an L-shaped ambush -- the long side parallel to the road or trail, the short across it -- the ambushers on the short side fire parallel to the long side, where the ambushers fire across. This traps you in a crossfire.

But wait! It's more exciting! A good ambush would also have a rear contingent that would gun you down as you retreated down the road, and maybe even a bunch above the short side of the L in case you broke through there!

So ambush doctrine says to charge at the guys shooting at you and break through their rank, then take them from the rear where they are more vulnerable. Great, except that a REALLY good ambush would have some folks whose guns pointed away from the ambush and whose job was to shoot you if you broke through! (Are we having fun yet, kids?)

Not to mention punji sticks smeared with human feces, directional mines, top-popper mines, castrator mines, bouncing betty mines, fougasse, and the thousand and one other ills designed to puncture, hack, burn, and otherwise damage flesh and bone.

I don't WANNA go back to the Infantry! I don't WANNA!! I don't WANNA!! (It's dangerous out there.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 01:04 PM

Getting your ass shot off is perfectly possdible no matter hwere you are, because of the varying nature of munitions. An RPG round shot from directly in front of you can lift you up and tear your ass off and hand it to you on a plate no matter what a Theorizing Canadian Pacifist Philosopher says. When it comes to weapons of war, remember, "it is no longer a semantic issue!".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 12:07 PM

Actually, if you want to kill an approaching enemy soldier, Bee-dub, you don't shoot at his ass (which will not be visible anyway), but at his chest, stomach or head. Ass shots are generally received only by soldiers who are in full retreat...or by pilots in airplanes. Therefore, I object to your use of the phrase "get his ass shot off". It is unrealistic. So there.

(I hate these stupid modern American phrases...)

Being "on point" is definitely the most dangerous place to be, no doubt about that, but it will not get your ass shot off, it will just get you killed. Of course, once you're dead, does it really matter whether your ass is still attached or not?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 04 - 11:43 AM

ZOUNDS! I just had to rescue the MOAB from the bottom of the page! Well, it actually had about five hours to go before it fell off the page, but it was on the very bottom!

As we approach the M2K point (MOAB's 2000th post) we must double and redouble and even tripledouble-with-a-twist our efforts to keep the MOAB alive, healthy and in the forefront of everyone's consciousness.

By the way, what other kind of front could there be besides a "forefront"? Don't "fore" and "front" mean basically the same thing? Something's either at the front or it's not, right? Second in line is not at the front. So, why this need to concoct a word that means "the front of the front"? There are no degrees of frontness!

No! Wait! I've got it! If advancing troops march forward in a straight line like this "|", everbody's at the front. But, if they march forward in something shaped like this ">", everybody's still at the front, but the guy out there on the point is more in the front than everybody else. He's in the "forefront"! He's also the one most likely to get his ass shot off. Screw being in the forefront.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:10 PM

Okay, and you can write about them so that no one will be disappointed! Here's a new list; I don't remember these being MOABed:

Abalone
Bitterns
Collards
Dum-dums
Extractions
Fuca, Straits of Juan de
Grimaldi
Henri of Navarre
Iodine
Jumper cables
Krakatoa
Lima, Illinois
Manitoba
Northern Harlot, Infamous
Oaths
Preludes
Quarantine
Raunch
Sierra Priatas
Tin glazes
Unser Fritz
Vancouver Island
Whiskey...no, wait...Waifs
Xerxes
Youngstown, Ohio
Zounds


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 04:09 PM

Which brings us to today's subject...anchovies!

Yes, anchovies. "A" is for anchovie. An anchovie is a detestably salty disgusting little fish that is offered everywhere as a pizza topping, but nobody ever wants them. They want cheese, tomatoes, double cheese, mushrooms, pepperoni, green peppers, dessicated mouse droppings, olives, eggplant...but NO ANCHOVIES PLEASE!!! If you've ever tasted one, you know why. Despite this, the anchovie industry continues to supply every pizza place in North America with at least 15 billion anchovies per year. It's mysterious. Where do they all go? Who eats them? I hope the Weekly World News takes a look at this soon, because I think it's a front for some kind of hideous plot intended to destroy the World as we know it!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 14 Jan 04 - 03:09 PM

Well I thank you Bee-Dubya from the bottom of my heart, for all of your thought provoking bullshit these past 20 days. In all sincerity I will miss your daily provoking. You are the the main provoker man, I love ya'.
Hawk- your story about Haggis McCracken was also thought provoking. It's a shame to hear about a good sporran go up in fire though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 11:53 PM

Yeah, I know it's my own damned fault, but I'm gettin' sorta tired of this BS LIST FROM HELL so, without further ado, I'm gonna kill the last five items on it and if anybody doesn't like it they can kiss my ass and make up their own damned list!

Vericose veins

They're ugly. I got 'em. I'm fuckin' old. Whaddaya expect?

Water buffalo

I'd rather have a tractor.

Xavier Cougat

Latin band leader. Better than Desi Arnez, but wasn't smart enough to marry Lucile Ball.

Yoda

A friggin' Muppet who learned English by reading translated Japanese instruction manuals.

Zoroastrianism

A really old religion. All I remember about it is that the god that personified Evil made Satan look like a creampuff.

HOORAAAY!!! YIPPEEE!!! YAHOOO!!! IT'S FINISHED!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 10:48 PM

While on my knees this morning, lifting this thread in prayer, a loud thunderous voice thundered loudly from the heavens! It said. . .

"ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE!!"

I am awed!

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 07:45 PM

And that brings tae mind the dreadful tale of Haggis McCracken, a great strapping lad frae Iniskerin, wha wis minding some sheep ane cauld nicth oot in the craggy heather. Twas bit'erly cauld that nicht. Haggis couldnae find shelter frae the howling wind. Nae a nook or a cranny could he find whit would provide room enow fer a Highland Scot tae shelter in. Then Haggis had a wee idea. He thocht maybe tae start a fire wi' a bit of dry heather, and in it tae put a goodly supply of sheep fat whit wis saved frae the last slaughtering. Well, the fire started up strong and bright but unfortunately Haggis moved a lit'le wee bit tae close and his sporran caught fire! I need nae tell ye whit happened next. (But I'll tell ye anyway.) He tried tae beat oot the fire and it rapidly spread tae his kilt! He ran frantically aboot in the heather beating at the flaming kilt and sporran wi' both hands, and in doing so severely bruised his willie, whit wis badly burnt in any case! Then he had tae face the crowning shame of limping home wi'oot his sheep, which had all stood aroond and laughed at him and then run off. It seems they had had experiences wi' Haggis's willie in the past, and bore him nae sympathy whitsoever...

Not only wis Haggis shamed before his sheep and the whole community...he had tae spend the next 3 months recovering in a Glasgow sanitorium wi' 15 clinically depressed nuns frae a nearby convent. The poor lad wis never quite the same again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 04:35 PM

Ha! A sporran to cover the haggis. Unless haggis is another word for penis, I think the haggis is better off in one of those shit disposable units! ( No offense intended to those who love the gut meal)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Jan 04 - 02:39 PM

Wow. Looks like I really lost track of this thread. Rustic Rebel, we don't need to be in competition, really. There's enough BS in the world to accomodate all manner of shit disposal units.

Loincloths are just a waste of time, don't you think? I like a man with a big old hairy sporran to cover his haggis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 11:08 PM

Well, I useter be a real cowboy, but now I think I'm a thesbian, as the old joke goes....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:18 PM

Dammit, Tweed! Shatner is not an excellent thesbian. The Indigo Girls and Melissa Ethridge are excellent thesbians. There's lotsa thesbians out there, but Shatner ain't one of 'em. Now, the other two members of the Holy Trinity of BS, Barbara Streisand and Britney Spears certainly may have some thesbian tendencies but, hey, it ain't none of my business. They wanna yodel in the canyon every now and then, it ain't no concern of mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 12:00 PM

Now, please understand that the previous excerpt came from a post MOABite TWEED made a few hours ago to the "Do NOT Post to This Thread!" thread started by MOABite Bee-dubya-ell and addressed to MOABite CarolC.

First ob all I did not post to the "Do NOT Post to This Thread" non-thread.

Secondly Shatner is captain of nothing these days, as far az I can tell. He is an excellent thesbian who habz fell upon hard times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:14 AM

If I had balls on my truck they damned sure wouldn't be blue.

And that Sugar Booger standin' in line to use the Bumper Dumper is the spittin' image of Hortense C. Durp. You sure it's not her?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 09:09 AM

At 9 degrees F., everyone here who was wearing only a loincloth has now frozen Certain Parts solid, if they have not had them -- and their hopes and dreams -- completely shattered by the cold.

One guy, called hisself Loincloth Louey, used to swing from tree branch to tree branch and rock to rock and sagebrush to sagebrush, doing that Tarzan yell. You know the one. He now yells in a falsetto, sort of a "ooooooooooooooooooooooooo" thing. He has also taken to wearing hiking boots and five-buckle overshoes. Must have been rich once, because people here talk about his "former endowment."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 12 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM

I believe this here contraption could give Carol the Crapper Queen a little competition in the roving toilet department!

And don't you think this accessory would look just lovely on the dildozer?

The ride was just like I 'imagined' it would be!


Damn I'm blue clicky happy today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:52 PM

Uvula




The uvula is of course the little piece of flesh that hangs down from the rear portion of the soft palate. It is formed during development as the last step of fusion of the two halves of the soft palate, as it "zips up" from front to back.



Because of the way the uvula forms, it can have several variations of appearance. The uvula ordinarily appears to be a solid cylinder of tissue. This cylinder may show a groove that divides one side of the cylinder from the other. This reflects the fact that the two halves of tissue joined but only partially fused.



More intriguing to see are uvulas that appear to be an upside down "Y," that is, partially split at the lower end. Rarely, the uvula is completely split from top to bottom, and hangs as two parts. Such a finding would alert me to check for a submucous cleft palate, especially before clearing a child for an adenoidectomy.



I have seen bacterial infection of the uvula alone; this is very rare, especially compared to the incidence of inflammation of the uvula from Group A streptococcal infection ("strep throat"). If the infection is not caused by Streptococcus, it is probably caused by a Staphylococcus infection. Massive enlargement of the infected uvula can potentially cause respiratory obstruction.



But ordinarily, the uvula remains out of sight, out of mind.

From http://www.drhull.com/EncyMaster/U/uvula.html

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:31 PM

Loinclothes are daily garb for me, what with me being King & all... gotta keep up the Royal image!

BWL, let me put a bug in your ear(since you so well told off Shatner!)...Hortense C Durp loves loincloths!

RR...other than Carol C , you're the only regular (you are regular, aren't you??) female here, except for a few femme guests, & Carol C doesn't count...she plays an accordion!

How goes the dildozer ride?

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:30 PM

Thanks, BW, but I don't need a brangle for my angle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:30 PM

Rap - "Brangle" is a contraction of "bracelet" and "bangle". Really. No lie. What the hell it has to do with penises, though, is a big mystery. Unless maybe the spammer is trying to sell you some jewelry to decorate it with after the plaster makes it defiant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:18 PM

The last time I wore a loin cloth my mommy had to change it for me, sometimes several times a day. Nobody photographed this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 11:09 PM

Are there no women that come to MOAB that enjoy the marvels of a man in a loin cloth? Are there no men that come here that can enjoy the wonderous sight of men in loincloths? I was certain that Mr. Shatner would have been included in those photos, but I must have missed him somewhere, although I am certain I saw a picture of King Khandu in there.
Remember way back when you were lost for a few months King, and I remarked about seeing you take off into the jungles in your loincloth? Well it seems you might have been photographed. I can't tell you where it is in that site, but I can assure you it's there. Plain ass the day you were born.
I must now take my leave because I was promised a ride on the dil-dozer and how can a girl turn that one down?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 10:58 PM

What, pray tell, IS a brangle??? If you have it, can it be cured by medicine or is surgery necessary?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 10:28 PM

Mr. Shatner,

You will please make note of the fact that your post was not #1900. That honor was claimed by the new love of my life, Ms Hortense C. Durp, former Royal Dancing Tart and future Wal-Mart cashier. (Hortense, I am composing a missive to you as soon as I get through dealing with this Shatner character.)

And your claim to be the Captain of this ship is utter hogwash. This ship, scurvy infested though it may be, is captained by The King of Mississippi and no other. At this moment, that happens to be khandu, though it may well have been my former pet pot-bellied pig Slim Piggins if it weren't for an unfortunate accident involving Slim and a barbecue pit at a VFW Memorial Day barbecue in Ocean Springs, Mississippi last May.

Anyway, khandu plays guitar much better than you act, so scram!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:55 PM

Yep, there's a veritable plethora of "pen,is"es, "pe.nis"es "peni$"es and so forth out there now. Since everybody with word-blocking spam filters has them set to block any message with the word "penis" in it the spammers have figgered out a way around them.

By the way, I've blocked messages with "Nigeria" in them. So now I'm getting scam-mail from South Africa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:42 PM

As all know, I have spoken flagrantly well of The Great Man, Mr. Shatner, for decades.
Never has there been heard a disparaging word about him from me! Never shall there be.
However, there seems to be a wee conflict here.
(Perhaps it is merely egos, as it was with the legendary Shatner/Dylan recording sessions!)

As Captain of the Great Starship, you were well aware of protocol & procedure.
Indeed, you honored them greatly!

Now, you seem to be overlooking protocol & procedure with your recent post.
"I am still the Captain of this ship. The rest of you are just ensigns and alien lifeforms".

Indeed, you are "Captain".

However, I am neither an "ensign" nor an "alien lifeform".

I AM kHANDU, CREATOR OF MOAB, KING OF ALL MISSISSIPPI, which includes the LAND OF MOAB in which you are ever welcomed!

King khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:37 PM

Man, wota load!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:35 PM

I received this in my email today. I didn't read the message, but I assume that I can obtain the essence thereof from MOABites.

"stick plaster and see ur pe,nis grow longer defiant brangle"

Why would I want a longer defiant brangle on my penis? Why would I want a brangle at all, much less a longer defiant one? What sort of plaster should I stick, and where should I stick it? And where can I find or see this ur-penis?

Can anyone provide answers or at least some bad advice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:14 PM

I am still the Captain of this ship. The rest of you are just ensigns and alien lifeforms. Remember that.

BING! Another hundred posts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hortense C Durp
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 09:13 PM

Oh, How the Mighty are fallen!

But I shall rise!

It appears that bee dubya ell knows me and knows me well! His poetry has captured my essence as well as my heart.
I think I'm in love!!!!!

Hey, bee dubya! I think I lub ya!! You wanna have a good time? Then come and get it Big Bee! Pick me up at the Bloomer "Rooms and Eats"!

Your Dancing Tart,

Hortense


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 07:33 PM

Before we begin tonight's sermon from THE LIST, please take a moment to peruse the following:

Make two Möbius strips. One strip has to be twisted clockwise, the other anticlockwise. Stick them at right angles as before.

When you cut down the middle of both strips, you will get a pair of hearts linked together..

HAW, CarolC! I made an uvula as well!


Now, please understand that the previous excerpt came from a post MOABite TWEED made a few hours ago to the "Do NOT Post to This Thread!" thread started by MOABite Bee-dubya-ell and addressed to MOABite CarolC.

And tonight's topic from THE LIST is

UVULAS!!!

Coincidence? I think not! There's something happening here! And what it is is exactly clear!

As the MOAB approaches it's 2000th post (the M2K point) , it should be expected that Cosmic Alignments, freds sightings and all manner of weird shit will begin to take place. Consider that MOABite Bee-dubya-ell started the aforementioned "Do NOT Post to This Thread!" thread without prior knowledge that MOABite Little Hawk had started an almost identical thread four years ago! Things beyond our ken are starting to speak to us and through us!

And what they are saying is

BULLSHIT!!!

In anticipation of M2K I have examined the five-gallon bucket of dried soybeans and the five-gallon bucket of dried lentils that my friend Trish's in-laws bought in anticipation of starving to death after Y2K. When it became apparent that the supply of Big Macs would remain uninterrupted they decided they really don't like soybeans and lentils anyway and, somehow, the damned things wound up in my toolshed. They appear to be edible, and if M2K shuts the world down I won't starve, though I must admit that I have sampled the soybeans and would rather just go right to the source and eat the dirt they were grown in instead.

Sorry if I haven't actually said a word about uvulas here. Hell, what're the damned things for anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 07:17 PM

THE SAD DEMISE OF HORTENSE, THE ROYAL DANCING TART

Hortense Durp, The Royal Dancing Tart,
Her dance was the one thing that set her apart.
Her dance was a passion. Her dance was an art.
Her dance would set singing the strings of your heart.

She got caught hobnobbing The Royal Wart.
Yes, just like Lewinsky, she wasn't too smart.
She no longer dances, but soon she will start
Associate training down at the Wal-Mart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 06:25 PM

Thare you go Pelioppe! That's just egzacly what I habv been sayin that will cur yore feisty behabvior all along and Rustic Rebel has found the perfeck device for you. The MotoPenis!! I expeck you will find yoreself a bit more dementicated after a couple sessions wif that thing! HAW!! And prolly them two nitwit prancers thet follows you around over there...Sir Winston-Salem and whatchacallhim....ahh, Nigel Rathbone! If yore British Petrolulum petrol cain't get thet thing to rise I reckon we could send over a load of purple race fuel as I reckon you will need to fill thet thing up a couple times befor yore done with it. HAW!! Ride 'em Girl!! HAW,HAW HAW!!!

yERZ,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 05:22 PM

For the women of MOAB
More for the women of MOAB


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 05:14 PM

For Penelope


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 05:14 PM

Hmmmm ..yasss yore Majesthighness, I have run into a similar saturation obv late and habv taken up resilence in a boardinghouse of sorts. Thar is no heat in the place, other than a gas oven which the landlord generously allows to burn a few minutes when the temperature hits 50degrees indoors and of corse thar iz no cookin' allowerd after 5 pm so I am getting very hellthy and also slim as I seldom git thar befor 6:30pm, HAW!! If you git cast out ob the palace I hartly recommend the Bag O' Salad and Total serials as a dietary substutit fore the normal intake obv foodstuffs in cellofane packages, roast pork and so forth. Of corse you are fairly scrawny already so possible the addition of a dollop or two obv birdfeeder suet to yore salad wuld keep some weight on yore pore carcass.
I habv found thet a person kin live on nearly nothin' and still walk this planet wif hardly a problem or two. (Other then habving no danged money or food ennymore, HAW!!)

Yerz,
Tweed
Down in the Gutter but Free


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 02:20 PM

The Royal Dancing Tarts are in crisis! My lucky *Queen has exiled the lovely Hortense C. Durp (Royal Dancing Tart # 1) to Bloomer,Arkansas for life! The lucky *Queen caught Hortense hob-knobbing with the Ki...uh... well, the reason for the exile is of little importance

But now the RDTs have no leader I must search the land for a new RDT#1 & must find her posthaste!!

Oh, the pain of being King!

(* The Royal *Queen demands an asterisk before her title...beats the hell outta me!)

Kk


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM

Only ten more posts till William Shatner logs in...if we're lucky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 01:45 PM

Tawdry romance? Count me in. No perversions though. Well, OK, maybe just a few. The cocoa butter and Mz Penalioppe in the dollar store while she slathers Cohiba perfume: hey, it don't get much better than that! Like wow, ay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 01:20 AM

I AM STUNNED INSENSIBLE!! The Knower of a Couple Things has dissed the duck d'Tupelo! RawPears is sucking up to the Harpy while the Khing lanquishes in an opium induced dreamscape...MOAB is rank with decay and multi leveled alliances. It is becoming like unto "Survivor" complete with tawdry romance and deception. I go now to the garden and allow the buzzards at the bidet the final pleasure of picking my bones clean.

And I have no idea how Mz.Penalioppe could smell anything, including a fine Cohiba, over that dollar store knock off perfume she slathers on like it was cocoa butter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 12:38 AM

Ah, yes. Tweed. Last time I was at Balmoral we wore tweed for the grouse shooting. Nice cloth, that. Keeps you warm as you wait for the beaters to drive the birds. Nailed several myself -- beaters, not birds. No loss, lots of peasantry. Miss Rutledge is quite right about one thing: back when I smoked a pipe tweed held the odors of fine pipe tobacco quite well. Not that I smoked fine tobacoo, college students can't afford such things. No, I smoked whatever was available. This included stray lint from tobacco pouches, crushed maple leaves, and various weeds and herbs. But that's not what the smoke at Balmoral, no sir! They smoke cigarettes there, and you'd think that they could afford "tailor mades" but no, they roll their own, and the Queen's tobacconist must blend them their own blend, too -- smells sort of sweetish, and sort of like burning rope too. Odd sort of smell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 04 - 12:28 AM

Now those are really fine Harris Tweeds, there, and not being adverse to a link with our upstanding acquaintance from the South, I am honored to say I often wear Tweed. I believe Ms Rutledge is suffering from her usual relapse into Poor Judgement.

A


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