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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 09:37 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Apr 13 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 01:43 PM
gnu 24 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM
Amos 24 Apr 13 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 24 Apr 13 - 09:22 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 10:21 PM
Amos 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM
Acme 23 Apr 13 - 08:43 PM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 03:20 PM
Amos 23 Apr 13 - 11:12 AM
Rapparee 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 09:07 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 09:06 PM
Amos 22 Apr 13 - 08:11 PM
gnu 22 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 13 - 07:09 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 07:00 PM
Little Hawk 22 Apr 13 - 06:45 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 03:37 PM
Acme 22 Apr 13 - 02:00 PM
Amos 22 Apr 13 - 11:53 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM
gnu 22 Apr 13 - 05:54 AM
Amos 22 Apr 13 - 05:24 AM
Acme 22 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 13 - 10:01 PM
gnu 21 Apr 13 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 13 - 02:15 PM
gnu 21 Apr 13 - 05:24 AM
Amos 20 Apr 13 - 11:56 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM
gnu 20 Apr 13 - 09:56 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 08:02 PM
Amos 20 Apr 13 - 05:06 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 04:31 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 01:25 AM
Rapparee 19 Apr 13 - 09:46 PM
Amos 19 Apr 13 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River 19 Apr 13 - 12:36 PM
Amos 19 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Apr 13 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 03:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Apr 13 - 11:59 AM
Amos 18 Apr 13 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 09:36 AM
Amos 18 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM
gnu 17 Apr 13 - 06:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 09:37 PM

You, Shame, could not pass the physical examination. There's a length height requirement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 03:34 PM

Wow. That is a job I would not flippin' refuse, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 01:43 PM

Well folks, to change the subject jist a mite, I got me a new job.

Yessir, I'm now in law enforcement. Sworn in and everthing.

Got me a badge (already got a gun) that says "Official Brothel Inspector."

My job is ta check all the brothels here in Pocatello, especially the guest registers. That's in case some outlaw decides ta dally with a dolly. I kin notify the sheriff and git him arrested.

You'd be surprised how many people are named "John Smith" or "Jane Doe" here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM

Dry humour, that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 10:25 AM

How soon we forget!! You are the one who collected all the dust from Mom's cupboards one night while she was zonked, and stole away with it before dawn. You said at the time you needed it for your library.   It added up tp a surprisingly large box of dust, but you insisted you had lots of stacks that needed dusting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Apr 13 - 09:22 AM

Alas, poor Mother! No one save myself seems to care. Let me help you up, and there, sit down in the rocking chair. I'm afraid the cupboard is bare even of dust because of Amos's hijinks, but I've managed to save a few crumbs for you. And here's a nice cup of tea; the tea bag was only used twice before. There's no milk or sugar, but I do have bottle of 151 proof rum if you'd like a tot with tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:21 PM

As a callow and innocent youth we were poor. There were four of us children, with just one rubber boot to wear in the winter, and if it wasn't your turn to wear it you had to go to school in the snow barefoot (of course, our clothing was rags). Oh sure, I had to empty it of the melt water before wearing it on Monday but I know how to pour stuff out of a boot without any directions at all. And our grades were outstanding -- academically we were beyond the top of our class, in fact, we were beyond the top of all the schools in town. Every night we'd study and try to keep warm by the light of wick burning in an old tuna can of used oil -- fish oil, motor oil, whatever. We didn't use it for cooking as we almost never had anything to cook or even eat. But we all succeeded in Life and made our loving Mother proud of us. Salvation Army? -- we never asked for anything, but worked, hard sweaty work, for everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM

We never talk about it, but Rapparree got us blacklisted by the Salvation Army and they won't help Mom anymore.

I swore I would never tell what he did, because Mom said it would be too humiliating. So I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 08:43 PM

How did you land on such hard times? Is there no Salvation Army nearby for a handout?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 03:20 PM

Ever since YOU sold the silverware and china, Amos, and cleaned out the cupboard so you could go trekking off on one of those trips of yours!

Do you realize that all we ate last week was instant oatmeal and water? ONE package of instant oatmeal for all of us for a week? We had to swipe plastic spoons from the church so we didn't have to use our fingers! We finally found some old cutlery at St. Vinnie's but you'd even taken the dish soap!

Fie on your shame!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 11:12 AM

Lo, entropy has captured Rapparree's brain and turned it into a sorry shadow and mockery of past glories. there was a day when his breakfast menu for Mom went on half a page of the most delectable quality items. Now look at him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 13 - 10:06 AM

Mother dearest, please enjoy this cup of oolong. I put in a drop of Mr. Boston's brandy, just as you like it. The biscuits are made from Amos's recipe so they might be a tad heavy since he uses moldy cement instead of flour but the oleomargarine should cover the taste. And if you skim the green and gray slimy stuff off this jar of Eiseley's jam you can choke it down. Oh, yes -- gnu even wiped the silverware sort of clean on his overalls a couple days ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:07 PM

"Sure, Patrick, and where have ye been these six weeks past?"
"I was after visitin' the Auld Sod."
"And how is he?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:06 PM

Jist mah granpappy, the old sod.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 08:11 PM

"Was there any sod involved in the construction of your house?"

Well, sir, me bruvver's alluz been a right prat, ya know, but I has to love him anyway, Mum sez. An' me dad's a proper wanker. So that's two of 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM

"Was there any sod involved in the construction of your house?"

Oh now... come on. Ya get fed a straight line setup like that and ya ignore it? Cat got yer tongue? Er are ya honin yer sharp edged tongue?

I go outta my way fer ta be a straight man with a terrible setup and then SRS scores a great setup and... nuthin???

SRS... I dunno why you hang out with us sods. You deserve better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 07:09 PM

Oh, come now! How could you resist the opportunity to bore us in that fashion?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 07:00 PM

I was answering a question, sir. It was asked of me and I attempted to answer it. I could discuss the travails of my childhood but I shan't bore others with my rags-to-actual-clothing story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 06:45 PM

Discussing the travails of childhood now, are we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 03:37 PM

Not really. We lived on top of an old dump and sod was something for the wealthy. Our house was constructed out of whatever we could find -- for a while the roof was from an old "Model A" but it blew away during a blizzard and we had to go topless for several months. It was cold and wet and drafty, but we made pets out of the rats and cockroaches and sometimes they'd lead us to some garbage that wasn't too old and we'd have that for dinner.

One time we had to eat Dizzy, my brother's pet rat, because there was no other food. Dizzy knew we were starving and drowned himself so we would have something to eat. He wasn't very tasty, but he was awfully skinny. We used the stagnant ditch water we boiled him in as soup for a whole week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 02:00 PM

Was there any sod involved in the construction of your house?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 11:53 AM

The reason they had to use sacks was that the family was not considered adoorable. By anyone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 09:09 AM

Of course we had doors! We had our pride, or at least that what was left after we had to sell most of it to make ends meet. Sure, the doors were just used burlap sacks and didn't lock very good, but we had doors! They had windows in 'em too, so you could look out and see who or what was out there, and the edges were all sewed up so they didn't fray much usually too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 05:54 AM

Rap, I'm surprised youse even had doors, growin up in the sticks pure as dirt n all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 05:24 AM

We used the pine tree outside our bedroom window. Mom didn't care as long as she didn't need us to run down the road to Mister Wilkie's for another pint of bourbon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM

We used the front door to go out to play, the back door to go to school (till we were in high school, then we went out front). And the basement to go into the garage and the car.

And after MOM put double locking deadbolts on all of those doors, we sometimes had to drop into the back yard from the sundeck over the garage, if we didn't have the key and were locked in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 10:01 PM

Oh, yeah, that's true. My relatives in Hayfork, outside of Redding in Shasta County, tell me that it's not snow but "Oregon Precipitation" there.

Too bad Amos wasn't brought up right and ran around the parlor (or parlour) all willy-nilly and helter-skelter and even using the front door all the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 02:47 PM

Perhaps, Rap but A is from Calleeforneeahhh where they can wear just socks outside or even go barefoot. Nothing is dirty or wet or cold in CA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 02:15 PM

The BACK door, of course! The front door and front room were reserved for company! Goodness gracious, surely YOUR mother didn't let you go in and out the front door at will or play in the parlor! How very, very non-U that would be!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Apr 13 - 05:24 AM

I woulda thought Rap's mum wouldna let him out the front door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 11:56 PM

ANd it's really funny to see him dance around of an afternoon when it's been raining all day and Mom won't let him go outside. Why one time me and the Johnson boys rigged up a hose and sprinkler on the house front windows just to see Rapp get all desperate and dance around in the living room shaking his knees and his toes wanting to pee so bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 11:33 PM

So that means you go outside to pee, etc.?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM

I was the most easily housebroken, that's way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 09:56 PM

Ahhhh...let me try to get this straight.. imaginary shit is invented about imaginary shit what is invented about imaginary shit?

Okay. Seems within the boundaries of Mom. After all, even the imaginary are her chillins. And, she loves em all equally (ceptin Rap, whom she loves best... fer really why he ain't said but best to leave that can fulla yer worms alone).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 08:02 PM

Heh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 05:06 PM

She was trying to get shut of SIster Mc{hee, who kept telling her she should get off the bottle and get straight with Jayzes and gawd. Mom challenged her, asking her if she'd ever even TRIED single malt; the good Sister confessed she had not, and Mom thought she'd won the day. I mean, because, how can you get all up in Mom's business telling he to quit when you don't even know what it is like. So Sister McPhee rallied to the challenge and swore she would try a shot. But it would have to be disguised as she was in her habit and it would be a huge embarrassment to be seen sipping the devil's brew and all.

So Mom goes into the saloon right next to where they are arguing and tells Jake McCall the bartender she needs a shot of his best single malt and to put it in a teacup, please.

So Jake looks at her and sez, "Oh, is that fucking nun out there again?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 04:31 PM

WELL! No one woke me - thanks for letting me sleep in - but it looks like no one has been near the house for hours. MOM nearly toppled off the bottom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 01:25 AM

I am exhausted. Don't wake me in the morning. Someone feed the dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 09:46 PM

"Sorry-ass". An excellent description, Amos. Perhaps she can arrange to have him prayed over in relays for a week or two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 01:04 PM

I am getting in touch with Sister McPhee, who lives nearby, to see if she can intervene and get his sorry ass into a dry-out program which she runs in a bunch of chicken coops on her back acre. The aspirants are rigidly schooled in religion, abstinence, prayer, humility, and basic farm labor techniques. They help with farm chores in exchange for their extensive enlightenment. I have been told they are maintained on a healthy diet of oatmeal, peanut butter, rice and kidney beans.

SIster McPhee and I go way back, having been wild-eyed hippies back int he Sixties. We lived together in a large refrigerator carton under the Golden Gate Bridge, and sang folk songs to tourists for handouts, up in North Beach. What a life, eh? Of course that was before she got religion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 12:36 PM

Friends, do you know that my half-brother Shane McBride has been arrested and is currently locked up? He was trying to bribe a policeman with stale doughnuts from Tim Horton's; the policeman was arresting him for the usual -- drunk and disorderly, possession of illegal drugs, annoying people by asking for handouts, etcetera.

I do so wish that he would change his ways! I'd be willing to mentor him through a 12-step programme. That would be my duty as a good Christian and as his half-brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM

We could hire them to go around painting the word "gullible" on the ceilings in various places--oh! Looks like they've already been here. Looky that! Hand-painted in perfect CUrrier Type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM

I have an excellent idea.

Chonga could become Shame's monkey! As Shame grinds his organ Chonga could dance around, do handstands and stuff like that and then collect money from the bystanders. This would put both of them to work doing things they are best fitted for doing and so they would be happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 06:36 PM

Izzat right? Really? Why am I skeptical? Hmmm.

Well, I guess I'll check on it and see if yer tellin' the truth or just spreadin' a buncha false propaganda like usual.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 03:09 PM

Amos is correct about Poisson Ives. His work hangs in the Prado, the Louvre, the Uffizi, the National Gallery in DC, the Chicago Art Institute, and other galleries of ill repute.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:59 AM

Makin' up idle fantasies about imaginary characters again, Amos? I thought you was above that sorta foolishness.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:04 AM

Poisson Ives, sir, was a nineteenth-century French essayist and water-colorist of the first rank. He was feted by the very best people, introduced in royal courts, and redefined the whole tenor of pre-existential Gallic maundering. Do not speak to me of Poisson Ives in the same breath which discusses currier types. Currier Types was the worst font ever designed for the Macintosh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 09:36 AM

Is that the poisson ives kind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM

Well, see, there are really two different kinds of people in the world. There's the currier sort, and then there's the ives kind.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 06:57 PM

I detest curry. NAY.. I gag curry. Wouldn't feed it to a cur if bitten.


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