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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 24 May 12 - 12:04 PM
Little Hawk 23 May 12 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 23 May 12 - 10:35 PM
Amos 23 May 12 - 10:35 PM
Little Hawk 23 May 12 - 07:27 PM
Amos 23 May 12 - 05:46 PM
Amos 23 May 12 - 03:07 PM
Little Hawk 23 May 12 - 02:06 PM
Amos 23 May 12 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 23 May 12 - 11:52 AM
Amos 23 May 12 - 10:38 AM
Amos 23 May 12 - 10:17 AM
Acme 23 May 12 - 01:12 AM
Amos 23 May 12 - 12:41 AM
gnu 22 May 12 - 02:36 PM
Rapparee 22 May 12 - 01:34 PM
Acme 22 May 12 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 22 May 12 - 10:59 AM
Amos 22 May 12 - 10:53 AM
Acme 22 May 12 - 10:34 AM
Amos 22 May 12 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 22 May 12 - 10:18 AM
Amos 22 May 12 - 09:56 AM
Amos 22 May 12 - 09:55 AM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 09:14 PM
Amos 21 May 12 - 08:36 PM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 03:11 PM
Amos 21 May 12 - 11:46 AM
Acme 21 May 12 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 21 May 12 - 09:06 AM
Amos 21 May 12 - 07:39 AM
Acme 20 May 12 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 20 May 12 - 09:08 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 20 May 12 - 08:16 PM
Amos 20 May 12 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 20 May 12 - 01:12 PM
Amos 20 May 12 - 02:47 AM
Rapparee 19 May 12 - 05:22 PM
gnu 19 May 12 - 01:49 PM
Acme 19 May 12 - 01:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 May 12 - 01:19 PM
Rapparee 19 May 12 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 19 May 12 - 02:20 AM
Amos 19 May 12 - 01:51 AM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 10:54 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 10:45 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 May 12 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 09:53 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 12 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 18 May 12 - 06:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 May 12 - 12:04 PM

How come you can't? He's YOUR imaginary barbarian, isn't he? If you can't control him how do you expect to manage something real like a Martin?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 12 - 11:15 PM

Oh, I would if I could, Rap. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:35 PM

Send him to Athens, IL on Saturday, to my brother's house on South Main Street.

There will be a welcome there for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:35 PM

Well. Little Hawk, MY imagination is kinder, more truthful, more moral and more beneficial than YOUR imagination, sirrah. So there. Also, Pbbbbt.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 12 - 07:27 PM

The invisible being I am picturing right now, Amos, is a large and vicious individual with a Black Widow spider tattooed on his forehead. He has invaded your house. He has you in a headlock and is repeatedly ramming your head against the doorframe while chanting "Ozzie! Ozzie! Ozzie!" The vile odor of his unwashed armpits is assaulting your nostrils. He is invisible, alas, only to me and numerous others on this forum, but NOT to you. You could see quite clearly when he first entered the room that he was wearing a "Pabst Drinkers for Romney in 2012" T-shirt and frothing at the mouth, and that he had a military haircut. His purposes are unclear, but they do not appear to be good ones, at least not from your point of view. I would do something about the situation if I could, but I'm too far away, so I'm afraid it's up to you.

Hey, wait! I've got an idea. Try out-talking him. I'm sure if you drop a few clever words and phrases such as "How jejeune!" and "Well, I swan!" and then read him some of your freshly composed poetry and say, "Just what do you think of that, Sirrah?", he'll be so impressed and overawed that he'll let go of you right away, apologize, dust you off, and ask if he can mow your lawn to make up for the inconvenience he caused you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 05:46 PM

For Little Hawk, my favorite Monger of Invisible Beings, from the George Templeton Foundation:

Project Leader(s)
J. Bradley Wigger, Professor

Grantee(s)
Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary

Description

The proposed project builds upon previous work (by others and J. Bradley Wigger, the author here) in the Cognitive Science of Religion, investigating the ways children think about God and exploring how children so easily relate to invisible beings. Using theory of mind tasks, cognitive psychologists (most notably, Justin Barrett) have compared the knowledge children attribute to God with knowledge children attribute to others (e.g. parents, animals, friends, etc.). Contrary to the anthropomorphism that Piaget or Freud proposed, children do not appear to simply base their understanding of God upon their understanding of humans. As part of the Cognition, Religion, and Theology project at Oxford (funded by Templeton), in 2009-2010, I conducted such research with children who have imaginary/invisible companions. I found that such companions were treated differently from God (similar to Barrett's work), but they were also treated differently from real friends. The invisible friends fell into an ambiguous "in-between" cognitive territory that may be significant for the religious imagination and development--perhaps similar to that of saints or angels or other invisible religious realities. I propose to conduct similar research with children from other cultures/countries in light of invisible agents (God, spirits, imaginary companions, etc.) indigenous to them. This would provide a means for cross-cultural analysis, expanding our understanding of the cognitive development of children in relation to invisible beings, and deepening appreciation for the making of a theory of (religious) mind.

Grant Amount:
$44,789
Start Date:
January 2012
End Date:
December 2013
Grant ID:
22256


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 03:07 PM

I like the question far more than the answer, as I am sure you can readily understand, but thank you SO much for pointing those things out.

Rust-and-mold-trim accessories are just the thing, especially if you do the sulfur matches on fire in your beard thing that Teach perfected. A regular show-stopper.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 May 12 - 02:06 PM

Well, it does promise excitement...and there's also that wondrous allure of "getting something for nothing" that seems to fuel so many destructive human activities. Also, the clothing styles and accessories can be pretty cool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 01:26 PM

Oh, being a Pyrate is morally wrong.
To plunder from others, because they're less strong,
Who have sweated and toiled to accumulate stores,
Fine ivory trinkets and outfits for whores,
Who have struggled with barrels of powder and shot
Risked all of their cash, and their homes, and what not
And have hoped a small profit at the end there might be,
Just to find themselves robbed by a thug out at sea!

Yes, being a Pyrate is violent and cruel,
The work of a drunken and bestial fool,
A rogue and a scoundrel, a man with no nation,
Who is scorned and is spurned by all civilization.
To fire on vessels that are not your own,
And take them from others by brute force alone,
To scream and to scare them, their gold to collect
By leaping with swords on another man's deck.

To fling out the irons to grapple and haul
And force tender lasses of virtue to fall,
To cut off the arms of their manly defenders,
And drink up their rum on a seven-day bender,
To go without washing! To go without comb!
And terrify people far away from their homes!
It's brutal and ugly! It's awful to tell!
And the soul of a Pyrate is destined for hell!

To break out the canvas, the wind on your quarter,
And bear down on prizes like hell-hounds on water!
To seize the fine fruits of another man's labor,
And sail his ship off, his fine dinners to savor!
It is cruel and barbaric! It's insane and reactive!
So why does this life seem
So goddamed attractive!?


Wolfgang Pettiwether-Jones III
Mopery and Dopery in Paris and London
Persiflage and Banter, pubs.
Birmingham, 1903


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 May 12 - 11:52 AM

BEING A PIRATE
(Don Freed). 1985; New words and arrangement: Tom Lewis. 2003

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear,
It drips down your neck then it falls on the deck,
'Til someone shouts: "Oy! What's this 'ere?".
You can't wear your glasses, you can't 'pull' the lasses,
And folks have to shout so you'll hear,
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an ear.

Chorus: It's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!),
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts,
It's all part of being a pirate (A pirate! A pirate!),
You can't be a pirate with all of your parts.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye,
It stings like the blazes, it makes you make faces,
You can't let your mates see you cry.
A dashing black patch will cover the hatch,
And make sure your socket stays dry,
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses an eye.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand,
It squirts and it spurts and it jolly well hurts,
Pain only a pirate could stand,
The fashionable look is a nice metal hook
But then you can't play in the band.
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a hand.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg,
It hurts like the dickens, your pace never quickens,
Hopping around on a peg,
Ask your sweetheart to marry, but too long you've tarried,
'Cos now you can't kneel down and beg,
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a leg.

Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'wotsit',
Though you didn't choose it, you don't want to lose it,
You're hoping that somebody spots it,
Then the 'Doc' comes along and he sews it back on,
Or he ties it on tight then he knots it!
Being a pirate is all fun and games, 'til somebody loses a 'wotsit'.

It makes me quite irate -
You can't be a pirate -
With all of your parts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:38 AM

Letitia Elizabeth Landon - around 1845 or so, I think -- wrote the Pirate's Song.

It was published in a collection, "The poetical works of Mary Howitt, Eliza Cook, and L. E. L. By Mrs. Mary Botham Howitt, Eliza Cook, Letitia Elizabeth Landon" by Philips, Samson adn Co. of Boston, 1855.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 10:17 AM

Sorry--author not yet known, COllected in "The Army and Navy Chronicle" by Benjamin Home, ed, around 1837.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 May 12 - 01:12 AM

There is wildlife that knows to stay beyond the fence, and there is wildlife that doesn't. They are usually removed from the gene pool. Rabbits, cats, and coyotes know to stay outside, possums, skunks, and snakes blunder in. Squirrels think they are god's gift to nut and acorn trees and go where they want, but sometimes they're not quite fast enough. Most of the time they are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 May 12 - 12:41 AM

To the mast nail our flag -- it is dark as the grave,
For the death which it bears while it sweeps o'er the wave;
Let our deck clear for action, our guns be prepared;
Be the boarding-axe sharpened, the scimitar bared:
Set the canisters ready, and then bring to me,
For the last of my duties, the powder-room key.


It shall never be lowered, the black flag we bear;
If the sea be denied us, we sweep through the air.
Unshared have we left our last victory's prey;
It is mine to divide it, and yours to obey:
There are shawls that might suit a sultana's white neck,
And pearls that are fair as the arms they will deck.

There are flasks which, unseal them, the air will disclose
Diametta's fair summers, the home of the rose.
I claim not a portion: I ask but as mines
'Tis to drink to our victory one cup of red wine.
Some fight, 'tie for riches some fight, 'tie for fame:
The first I despise, and the last is a name.

I fight, 'tis for vengeance! I love to see flow,
At the stroke of my sabre, the life of my foe.
I strike for the memory of long-vanished years;
I only shed blood where another shed tears.
I come, as the lightning comes red from above,
O'er the race that I loathe, to the battle I love.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 12 - 02:36 PM

Glad to hear you are feeling better SRS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 12 - 01:34 PM

I would think that dogs barking would discourage any wild life going on outside your back yard.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We pillage and plunder, we rifle and loot
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We extort and pilfer, we filch and sack
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Maraud and embezzle and even highjack.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.
We kindle and char and inflame and ignite
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
We'll burn down the city, we're really a fright.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We're rascals and scoundrels, we're villians and knaves
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
We're devils and black sheep, we're really bad eggs.
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.

We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up me 'earties, yo ho.
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 12 - 12:03 PM

The gang of three in my back yard are having a fine time - all of those limbs that were cut down on May 12 are still here - the tree guy seems to have vanished (the fellow who he has worked for for 20 years and recommended him came by to ask if I had heard from him - he's really worried.) Until someone comes to remove all of these limbs they provide a great play area for the dogs to run around and through. And after all of these months Zeke is getting the hang of the "alternating dog bark" that my two do at the back fence.

Cinnamon: BARK!
Poppy: bark!
Cinnamon: BARK!
Poppy: bark!
Cinnamon: BARK!
Poppy: bark!
Cinnamon: BARK!
Poppy: bark!

So this comes out BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark! BARK! bark!

Do you get the back and forth they do? Well, Zeke knows he needs to get a bark in there somewhere and he has been trying but is still kind of a fifth-wheel at this formal addressing of wildlife outside the yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 May 12 - 10:59 AM

Well, how are the Gang of Three doing this fine day? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 12 - 10:53 AM

ANd if numbers were letters, beggars would spell... GLad you're feeling a bit upper!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 12 - 10:34 AM

Works as long as you don't look at it like math.

Much better today. I might get out in the yard for a little while. I need to fill in the holes the dogs are digging - if they get to China I'm going to hear from Homeland Security FOR SURE.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 12 - 10:32 AM

A Wanton twist! I shall.

life on the ocean wave,
    A home on the rolling deep,
Where the scattered waters rave,
    And the winds their revels keep!
Like an eagle caged, I pine
    On this dull, unchanging shore:
Oh! give me the flashing brine,
    The spray and the tempest's roar!

Once more on the deck I stand
    Of my own swift-gliding craft:
Set sail! farewell to the land!
    The gale follows fair abaft.
We shoot through the sparkling foam
    Like an ocean-bird set free; -
Like the ocean-bird, our home
    We'll find far out on the sea.

The land is no longer in view,
    The clouds have begun to frown;
But with a stout vessel and crew,
    We'll say, Let the storm come down!
And the song of our hearts shall be,
    While the winds and the waters rave,
A home on the rolling sea!
    A life on the ocean wave!

Epes Sergant


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 12 - 10:18 AM

Or, numerologically, six (4+4+8+4+4=2+4=6). This number if very special and dear to me, so please be gentle with it, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 12 - 09:56 AM

44844


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 12 - 09:55 AM

This will be just a little post,
An afterthought, mo more.
For when you see me post again,
'T will be ...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 09:14 PM

Be even better if the Little Pissant part dispensed beer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 08:36 PM

I like it! Not to mention it would form alliances with the locals through sympathetic resonance...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 03:11 PM

A bronze statue of a guy with a beer glass in one hand and the other a la "The Little Pissant" would make a nice fountain and give your backyard a classy touch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 11:46 AM

You could dig a deep hole and plant it, put a copper-tube statue in it of a guy with a beer and a remote. Or use one of those plastic medical school skeletons. Cover it all up with dirt and wait a few thousand years until the archaeologiats discover it and use it to disprove the Clovis hypothesis. THen, laugh and laugh.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 12 - 11:11 AM

I already started the antibiotic, but I'll probably go in for a checkup anyway in a day or two. Don't want to end up with a kidney infection.

It's a lovely day out and the trash man didn't come yet when I dragged out of bed so I hauled various things down to the curb this morning. MOM, I don't think they're going to want to pickup that broken Barcalounger of yours - the one Gluon sleeps on when she's here. It's pretty gross looking and weighs a ton. Maybe you should cover it over with dirt and plant something on top of it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 12 - 09:06 AM

My wife has had two in the last year, the last one was quite nasty and only discovered in the Emergency Room in Cortez, CO. Be sure they do a culture, as the bug could be bactrim resistant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 12 - 07:39 AM

I am sorry to hear it. I do hope it all comes out all right.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 12 - 10:34 PM

Ugg. I'm headed to bed, have a bladder infection. Again. These long drives seem to do me in, even though I drink a lot of fluid and stop regularly. MOM, load up on cranberry juice next time you head to the market.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 12 - 09:08 PM

Being college in a German-dominated town it was, of course, merely an academic exercise. Then there WERE the chaps who shot at me using a Пистолет-пулемёт Шпагина Type 49, as well as the Автомат Калашникова Type 68. Fortunately they were too far away to use a F1 "Limonka" and didn't have a ручной противотанковый гранатомёт.

But I will only bore you if I truly discussed my youth, such as the reason for the rappelling. I prefer to remain a Man Of Mystery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 20 May 12 - 08:16 PM

And ya got me to thank for it. I knew he'd cooperate after I mentioned "the file".

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 12 - 03:48 PM

Holy moly and Mother Machree!! I am hornswoggled, mindboggled, and jaw-joggled!!

There's a hymn in it somewhere, I am sure-- The Day Rapparee Came Clean.


Well done, sir!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 12 - 01:12 PM

For example, I never mentioned what I did to fellow who laid me open with a corn knife and I shan't as I wish to spare the sensibilities of the ladies present. Perhaps some evening after dinner, over cigars and brandy in the Gun Room I'll tell you, but not here.

I didn't do anything to him. I still have the scar, and he did himself in years later -- he went to jail for embezzlement, and him an Eagle Scout.

Nor, for the same reason, will I go into the story of the young man who shot at me with a US Rifle, Caliber 7.62mm, M14.

It was an accidental discharge and he missed, although not by much. I greatly enriched my vocabulary that day, taught by the First Sergeant who was standing next to shooter and who grabbed the rifle, cleared it, and....

Or of rappelling down a cliff that was some 200 feet high using only clothesline (no harness).

Back in day...when I was young and immortal.

Or my time as a boatman on The River and the visits to Natchez-Under-The-Hill.

I used to go boating on the Upper River, above Hannibal and below Keokuk. I've been to NUTH twice; it's a nice place and full of history.

Or the duels I fought while in college.

I took fencing (foil) and we dueled nearly every class. Sheesh, that's what you DO in a fencing class!

I have alluded to my friendship with Sam Clemens, but I will not sully his reputation as he is in no position to refute what I might say.

Of course he isn't -- he's been dead since 1910. Just like my friends Heinlein, Chaucer, Cervantes, Asimov and a host of others. They're in no position to refute me because they're all dead and have been for a while. Living authors might punch me in the nose or something.

The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth, so help me Hannah. It's hardly MY fault that you don't ask the right questions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 12 - 02:47 AM

Pity they left out the "no false witness" part of the Standard American Upbringing Virtues Inventory.

Ah well, one man's fiction is another man's prism, I allus say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 12 - 05:22 PM

Into what? I lied. My actual past is quite, well, florid, even blood stained (some of which was mine). For example, I never mentioned what I did to fellow who laid me open with a corn knife and I shan't as I wish to spare the sensibilities of the ladies present. Perhaps some evening after dinner, over cigars and brandy in the Gun Room I'll tell you, but not here.

Nor, for the same reason, will I go into the story of the young man who shot at me with a US Rifle, Caliber 7.62mm, M14. Or of rappelling down a cliff that was some 200 feet high using only clothesline (no harness). Or my time as a boatman on The River and the visits to Natchez-Under-The-Hill. Or the duels I fought while in college. I have alluded to my friendship with Sam Clemens, but I will not sully his reputation as he is in no position to refute what I might say.

I was brought up not to boast or brag and I adhere to the ways I was taught in my youth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:49 PM

I dunno, SRS. I stopped readin after Rap's CV. Thanks, Rap... gives me more insight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:40 PM

I dozed off . . . where were we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:19 PM

Nice try, buddy. Look, I wasn't born yesterday, and my Momma didn't get drunk every day when she was carryin' me neither. I have already done some investigatin', see? I already know a lot of that stuff you said, and the rest fits just right, so I think you were tellin' the truth. You did leave out the part about waterin' down the lemon juice when you were sellin' it on the sidewalk, so as to make bigger profits and take advantage of people's good intentions towards a little kid...but I can understand why you didn't mention that part, cos it's kind of embarrassin', right?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 12 - 12:10 PM

How do you know??? I told you something that sounds like it might be true because it doesn't have the b'ar 'rasslin' stuff in it. It could be the cover story given to me by the CIA for Certain Work that I've done for them in the past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 12 - 02:20 AM

Nice goin', Rap. I was expectin' you to invent a whole buncha bizarre macho stuff about wrasslin' grizzlies and catchin' bullets in yer teeth and ridin' artillerly shells to ground zero, and jumpin' off at the last moment to grab the enemy Chinese general by the throat, and other nutso tales....but instead, you told the truth.

Well, thanks. I been puttin' together a file on you, and you have just helped fill in a bunch of the blanks. Much appreciated. I'm not gonna tell ya what the file is for. You gotta wait and see.

Amos, you are like a slow drip. Just an annoyin', ugly little noise way off in the background, see? Whyncha give it up? I hardly think Rap needs yer help to defend himself. If he did, he'd be in seeerious trouble! It'd be like a lion callin' fer help from a mouse.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 12 - 01:51 AM

The difference being that the tombstones, the mortars, the mines and the bodybags and the libraries were all real, while Chongo's pursuit of feminine gams is entirely fictitious.

I am sure LH will reply, as he has of yore, that all life is fictitious, but some fictions are more fictitious than others. It's a function of agreement, with an exponent defined by affinity index. Since nobody really likes Chongo and he has never done anyone a good turn, the resultant fiction matrix value is very low for him, and therefore he is a pale, thin sorta fiction compared to Rapp. These things are all relative.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:54 PM

Sorry, Chumpo. You said fifty years.

1963: graduated from high school, enlisted in the National Guard, spent the rest of the year in Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training (Ft. Leonard Wood, Ft. Riley, respectively).

1964: worked, started college.

Ever make tombstones, Chumpo? By hand? And set them by hand? Ever had the only water available come from a well downhill from the graves? Ever worked in a cemetery where you could FEEL that you weren't wanted, that you should hurry up and finish and leave? I have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:45 PM

Okay...

In 1965 I was busy fighting one of the biggest floods of the Mississippi River, as well as going full time to college.

1968: Nation Guard unit activated and goes to Chu Lai, Vietnam in support of the 1st Logistics Corps. I end up in Korea.

1969: I'm in Korea serving with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 7th Infantry Division. As part of my duties I visit the DMZ several times and spend quite a bit of time "in the area." After we drove into a minefield I ground guided the truck back out in its own tracks -- to do this I had to get to the back of truck and out of it without my feet touching the ground. Another time I helped load some leaking body bags into an ambulance. There were other things. Came home, went back to college.

1970: Finished college, got discharged from the National Guard.

1971: Finished two semesters of graduate school and moved to outside Cleveland, OH.

1973: Got married.

1977: Finally finished graduate school and received an MS from Case Western Reserve University.

1978: Started on a second Master's at the University of Akron; did not finish it because they discontinued the program.

1984: Moved to South Bend, Indiana in February. Continued to work.

(I probably should mention that during this time I had been on an advisory board that set up international library borrowing links, among a bunch of other things.)

1991: Start a new position at the same place, running the computers among other things.

1997: Invited guest speaker at a meeting a Cambridge University, England.

2000: Moved to outside Cincinnati, OH.

2003: Moved to Pocatello, OH.

2010: Retired.

All I did was right some wrongs, remove some people, help people, drive Eiseley into grad school, and a bunch of stuff too technical for a stupid chimp to understand.

I should also point out that I am a dead shot with rifle, pistol, revolver, and shotgun. I've fired machine guns (sub- to Ol' Ma Deuce), mortars, recoilless rifles, and various such items. I've studied explosives and demolitions, thrown hand grenades, and in general made a nuisance of myself.

I've also been charged and cleared(when I was an MP, in 1968) with police brutality.

So, Chumpo...what have YOU done to help people?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 May 12 - 10:03 PM

You must be seriously lackin' in self-confidence, Rap, to hafta go practicin' character assassination on someone like me. What is it that makes you so insecure? I feel sad fer you. You must really be hurtin' inside.

But, hey....insteada runnin' ME down and wastin' yer breath on tryin' to destroy MY reputation, why not tell the world what YOU have done in the last 50 years or so?

What amazin' and incredible stuff have YOU done that's worth rememberin'? Hmmmm?

Let's hear it. The public wants to know. Stand up like a man and give us yer best shot.

(WARNIN' TO ALL! There is about to be some incredible boastin' happenin' on this thread! Get ready, folks. It will be bizarre, astoundin', and almost none of it will be true, so take a stiff drink and prepare yerselves. Rap is about to sound off...)

KREE-GAH!!! Ook! Ook! ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 09:53 PM

You mean the Case Of The Expired Parking Meter? Where Our Hero barely made it to the meter ahead of the parking meter ticket lady?

Or perhaps you refer to The Sordid Story Of Stolen Romance, where he managed to stop a woman who was leaving the store and had forgotten to pay for her "True Romances" magazine?

Or the Case Of The Empty Cigar Box, in which he found that he'd smoked his last cigar and had to go by a new box?

Or the Adventure Of The Evicted Tenant, where he couldn't pay his rent and got tossed out on the street?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 12 - 06:23 PM

Oh! What terrible calumnies! You know perfectly well that Chongo has cracked major cases involving murder, international espionage, and all kinds of stuff like that. Why, you can read about a couple of them right on this forum. I refer to the old Chongo Chimp adventure threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 12 - 06:01 PM

I didn't mean politically. I meant in general. Chumpo talks, talks, talks about his detective work but he's never said once what sort of work he does. Probably sordid tailings of wayward husbands or wives so the spouse can get the goods for a bigger divorce settlement. Nothing solid, like cracking a murder or something.


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