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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 16 Feb 12 - 03:02 PM
gnu 16 Feb 12 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 12 - 01:34 PM
Amos 16 Feb 12 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 12 - 11:17 AM
Amos 16 Feb 12 - 10:03 AM
Acme 16 Feb 12 - 12:09 AM
Rapparee 15 Feb 12 - 08:45 PM
gnu 15 Feb 12 - 01:38 PM
Rapparee 15 Feb 12 - 01:30 PM
Rapparee 15 Feb 12 - 09:20 AM
Amos 15 Feb 12 - 08:44 AM
Eiseley 14 Feb 12 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 12 - 09:31 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 12 - 09:28 PM
Eiseley 14 Feb 12 - 07:33 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 12 - 07:21 PM
gnu 14 Feb 12 - 02:29 PM
Acme 14 Feb 12 - 11:04 AM
Amos 14 Feb 12 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 13 Feb 12 - 09:50 PM
gnu 13 Feb 12 - 07:08 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 12 - 06:57 PM
Amos 13 Feb 12 - 05:13 PM
gnu 13 Feb 12 - 04:40 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 12 - 04:36 PM
Amos 13 Feb 12 - 03:23 PM
Acme 13 Feb 12 - 03:11 PM
Eiseley 13 Feb 12 - 02:47 PM
Amos 13 Feb 12 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 13 Feb 12 - 07:58 AM
Amos 12 Feb 12 - 10:10 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 12 - 08:57 PM
Amos 12 Feb 12 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 12 - 07:51 PM
gnu 12 Feb 12 - 06:39 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 12 - 05:53 PM
gnu 12 Feb 12 - 01:31 PM
gnu 12 Feb 12 - 01:26 PM
Amos 12 Feb 12 - 01:17 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 12 - 01:02 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 12 - 12:14 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 12 - 12:02 PM
Amos 12 Feb 12 - 11:39 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Feb 12 - 10:59 AM
Ebbie 12 Feb 12 - 02:43 AM
Acme 12 Feb 12 - 12:28 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 12 - 09:35 PM
gnu 11 Feb 12 - 09:01 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 12 - 06:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 03:02 PM

Geeze, you can count on gnuzer for vivid reality, and on Rapp for equally vivid unreality. They are like polar twins, dude!! Awesome!! One a bit too real, the other a bit too delusional for comfort.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 02:04 PM

Did you know that an enlarged prostate can unenlarge. I was delighted when the doc said, "Back to one exam a year." VERY delighted. Kinda took the sting out of it.

Does a hyper tie rod have somethin ta do with yer streering system? The opto and the nerdo said they highly doubted it I was hyper (the opto wouldn't have said anything until I told him about my eyes protruding from the sockets being a slight problems when I sleep) but that I should be checked out so my GP has ordered me stuck and bled.

Did you know that ya can't have certain blood tests for at least 4 days after ya have a finger shoved up yer ass? Although, it did kinda feel like his finger was in far enough to poke me in the thyroid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 01:34 PM

I've received word that buboes are appearing in his armpits and groin and exuding a blackish pus. This could be something other than mumps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 12:13 PM

I think both orchitis and miscarriage have already occurred here in Mom's house, so I do not have to worry about them. Rapparree has taken all those insults for me, and they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place. Thank you sir, thank you.

And while I appreciate the impish delinquency of your obsessive projection, I do encourage you to find more deserving targets onto whom to cast your gangrenous misapperceptions.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 11:17 AM

He has to keep the room dark too while his cheeks are all swollen or orchitis or miscarriage is possible. Quiet and dark and no excitement for Amos for the next couple of weeks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 10:03 AM

Rapp:

I have filed no report of illness; are you spinning in the dank mists of delusion again? Or prognosticating?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 12:09 AM

Blepharoplasty. Careful, there are photos.

I could probably use something like that - I have the kind of eyelids that tuck under in such a way that the skin doesn't breathe. Get those white bumps called milia. They are really bothersome at times. But I think hot compresses four times a day sounds more comfortable than what Pat went through, so I'm not racing down to the dermatologist or whoever to do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 08:45 PM

Poor old Amos. He'll be okay in a couple of weeks or so maybe, I've heard. In the meantime no heavy lifting, no guitar, no wine, and only bland pureed foods.

Get well, mon vieux.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 01:38 PM

Hehehee.

I hope she heals well and fast.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 01:30 PM

Well, part of her recovery is to use ice packs and to begin exercising her eyelid muscles -- no more than 10 pounds each no more than 10 times each per day for the first two weeks, and then adding 5 pounds per week until she can can crush you with just a blink of her eyes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 09:20 AM

Pat needed it for better vision. Right now she looks like someone with heavily made-up swollen eye lids. Morticia, from the Addams Family, or any teen-age goth girl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Feb 12 - 08:44 AM

Blepharoplasty is surgical modification of the eyelid. Excess tissue such as skin and fat are removed or repositioned, and surrounding muscles and tendons may be reinforced. It can be both a functional and cosmetic surgery. IN my case it would be both. I would think I would need quadrilateral.   It would improve my looks AND my peripheral vision.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 09:41 PM

That word seems like how a person would have to pronounce something else if her lips were numb.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 09:31 PM

What she had today was a double blepharoplasty. I'm not making that word up either!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 09:28 PM

Well, today she had eye surgery and Friday has tooth surgery. She's gonna look like someone worked her over real good by the end of the week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 07:33 PM

My best to Pat. As George Washington was claimed to have said, "There's no pain like tooth pain." Also, "I 'wood' bite the dentist, if I could."

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 07:21 PM

Well, the old saying is "The closer the bone the more tender the meat." Should have been the tenderest meat you ever et, 'cause it cost you enough. Shucks, for that kinda money you coulda flown to Paris or Halifax or somewhere and had a GOOD meal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 02:29 PM

I cracked the two lower molars next to the back molars the same way... pork shoulder picnic chops had little pieces of bone in the meat. Don't buy em anymore.

Apparently, I am one of the lucky ones that have four roots in these and very lucky to have such large and deep roots. It was excruciating. Drill, inject, drill, inject... 8 times with some of them. $1800 a crack. But, Mexico is a fair drive from here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 11:04 AM

I have a half tooth/half porcelain half-crown on one molar in back. It was a cracked tooth that hadn't gotten to the point where a root canal was needed. Give Pat a big hug for us, Rap, when she's conscious so she knows it is from the rest of us. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 12 - 09:16 AM

I think he did the process in good faith. Anyway, nmy dentist is one-quarter Mexican and when you mention Bush she just laughs and shakes her haead in sad wonderment.

My implant dentist in Mexico is her cousin, and he just laughs. They are very polite. But you know they wonder about the gringos.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 09:50 PM

Better half than none. And this dentist is actually a pretty nice guy, for a dentist. No "America: Love It Or Get Your Ass Out" or "Gun Control Means Using Both Hands" bumper stickers or anything. Not ever a simple "Bush/Cheney." I don't know what's happening to the dental profession.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 07:08 PM

"half the cost of the root canal" That is unacceptable. They messed up... they pay. Of course, one does not wanna piss off a dentist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 06:57 PM

Apparently they're going to do the whole dental implant thing at once. Tooth out, implant and new thing in. At least that's the impression I get from the litterachure they gave her.

Turns out the tooth with the root canal was cracked and probably cracked last year when they did the rc. It didn't show up on the x-rays today OR a year ago, but it's found by a probe. Awkward place for a crack, apparently, not one you'd look for a crack. BUT the orthodontist refunded here half the cost of the root canal because it failed.

Money is always nice. Unexpected money is even better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 05:13 PM

Wel, I am all in favor of those permannet grinders. Once the angst is over they are puredee Gawdsend to us carnivorous types who drank too much bilgewater in our younger years.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 04:40 PM

"a failed root canal" on top? Oh, now THAT just sucks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 04:36 PM

C'mon out. We'll have a race. Your ravin' 4 agin my Subaru Forester. I ain't had it up to the 150 mph that's listed on the speed-o-meter yet.

Well, the folks in IF screwed up and Pat's surgery is now tomorrow morning at 7:00 ("be here by 6"). We're going to go up and spend the night 'cause we ain't no fools. Getting the EKG they wanted last night was a breeze at our local horsepithall, and then this...farce...this morning. Then it looks like Friday she has to have an extraction as a start on an implant for a failed root canal.

I may or may not check in until later tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 03:23 PM

Well it is a new car, but its the same new car I've been driving since 2008 or so. ANd it had ten K on it when I bought it.

But I really like it. A RAV4 LE V6, as much power as I need but still gets 20 miles to the gallon freeway. With a tailwind.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 03:11 PM

New car? Lucky you! I have a 12-year-old pickup. Low miles still, relatively, but to the point where some months the repairs might be better spent as payments on a new vehicle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 02:47 PM

At least you have a nice new car to drive in!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 10:19 AM

Yeah, well, I don't. But I do have to go to work.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 12 - 07:58 AM

Yeah, well, Pat's home and I have to drive her 100 miles round trip to see an eye surgeon today. (Nothing serious.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 10:10 PM

I am impressed with the flowers that bloom in winter's frozen hour
In the soul of angry men, locked in by cold.
Somehow their inner fires are turned up by it
And they let out beauty like breath on frozen air.
Would all their days could be so wintry
And all their breaths so fair!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 08:57 PM

I prefer snow that gently but insistently falls, covering the ugliness of Winter whilst I sit by a quiet fire with a good book and some good brandy, lost in some other time or place. Perhaps I'm with Tars Tarkas and John Carter, or learning of the Vigilantes, or traveling through the slums of 19th Century London, or chatting with the Grey Lensman or Sir Isaac Newton, or trying to understand the nature of Time until I have indeed out-watched The Bear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 08:03 PM

First important snowfall was an annual drill at our house in Connecticut, growing up. We were near the bottom end of a winding, hilly two-laner going up to Ridgefield, and every year on the first snow, those who forgot what "snow" meant would end up in our living room, sipping some restorative sherry and waiting for the tow truck or the husband or whatever to come get them out of the ditch. Never failed. Some years we would get six or eight at once sitting around the fire. Very pleasant to those of us who were snug at home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 07:51 PM

I always that it was, "If you can't stop, hit something cheap."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 06:39 PM

My old man, when teaching me to drive, said, "The slower you are going when you hit something, the less it costs."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 05:53 PM

Many, many years ago in a galaxy far away I spent 28 YEARS driving in snow belts around the Great Damned Lakes. I learned:

1. You accelerate until you feels the wheels start to slide and then back off. That's your safe speed.

2. Four wheel or all wheel drive means you skid with all four wheels instead of two.

3. Sometimes you just stay home and if you're uncomfortable driving in the stuff, turn around and go back home.

4. Have good tires on your vehicle and maintain them.

5. "Every dog has its day and every fool has his ditch -- you can only hope he doesn't take someone else with him and that he hasn't reproduced."

6. Drive like you wish others would.

7. People will ALWAYS forget from one snowfall to the next how to drive on slippery, snowy, and icy roads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 01:31 PM

... until there is 100mm of snow...

100m is a tad too much.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 01:26 PM

The plows don't hit the major roads here until there is 100m of snow down and it started at 4PM after raining all day. The temp dropped fast and the initial accumulation was slow so there was no way to stop the buildup of ice-like-sheet packed snow on accounta ya don't put salt down in a storm.

So, after close to a foot of that white crap fell and was cleared, the salt trucks hit the major roads. Well, salt ain't gonna do any good at -fuckit'scold degrees in the dark hours. Ya gotta get traffic on it to work the salt in and not much goes on round here until the stores open at 10AM.

At noon, I drove about 6km round trip one of the busiest roads in town. I drove at 30 to 40kph, depending on traffic and what I could see on the road... the odd bare stretch and mostly slippery stuff. At 500m, the guy behind me decides that's two slow and changes lanes to get around me. Not just one lane. Two and a half lanes. That's where his ass end and the pickup truck's front end met.

At 1.5km, buddy is trying to turn left in a front wheel drive car. He accelerated okay for about 1.5m whereupon he lost traction on the slippery stuff between the lanes. The idiot in the 4X4 coming the other way was driving too fast and slammed on his breaks and I didn't look back. Didn't have to... I heard it.

At almost 3km, buddy that is about to come onto the major road doesn't, even though his light has turned green, on accounta he knew that the idiot driving too fast on the major road wasn't gonna get stopped... when he did get stopped he decided it was better to keep going than block the guy with the green light.

300m from my street, I was making a right hand turn from a parking lot. Big Dodge 4X4 was going too fast to make the parking lot entrance. He was on slush on top of frozen snow and ice. But he started to turn and put on his brakes. Now, ABS are good if ya know how ta use em. But, all I could see was the fuckin Ram on the hood at about shoulder level to ME comin straight for my left wheel. He took his foot off the brakes, turned the wheel, nailed the gas and managed to swing the arse end enough to just clear my front end. Of course, then he was in a skid and those 20" rear tires were throwin snow. Thank goodness there was no opposing traffin on accounta that big Dodge pushed a little car in the inside lane into the opposing laneS broadside.

I am home for the rest of the day.

How can they drive in this part of the world and not know that slush, snow and ice are slippery?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 01:17 PM

That shouldn't be hard for you, man. It's your imagination, after all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 01:02 PM

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omigod.

I would pay a lot to be a fly on the wall and watch Chongo's face when he reads that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 12:14 PM

My Dear Mr. Chongo,

Unlike you, I've crawled through mud, stone and sand while machine gun bullets cracked overhead. Unlike you, I made and set gravestones which sometimes weighed a ton or more and I did this in hot weather and cold, in both 100% humidity and snow. I have moved the contents of entire buildings from one to another. I've poured concrete foundations and I've hunted wild game so there would be food on the table. I've repaired leaking roofs and crossed rapids by swinging along, chimp style on a rope, while carried a hundred pound pack. I've laid bricks and worked on railroads. And I've put up with idiots who think I've never done "real work."

As I understand your life you sit on your butt in an office lit only by a fly-specked light bulb, fanning yourself with a fan from the local undertaker's parlor, swilling cheap whiskey and waiting for a client to stroll through the door and realize that they didn't wander into the wrong office after all. This client will, of course, be gorgeous, with scarlet lips, long blonde hair, and leg that would set any normal male panting if all of this client was a woman. Your client ("Call me Lancette, please") will tell you some tale of how his boyfriend is "stepping out" on him and that he wants proof for a divorce. If a client doesn't come looking for you you'll put your "Genuine Army 45" water pistol in your "Genuine Detective" plastic shoulder holster and head to the closest sleaze joint and try to cadge some cheap drinks from the bartender. The bouncer will toss you so far out that you'll have to ask a cop for directions back, and after accosting and being slapped by several women you'll go back to your cold-water, roach-infested, bathroom-down-the-hall, no-cooking-in-the-rooms apartment instead of being picked up by the police and put into the slammer again for being a general nuisance. After picking off your fleas you'll hit the hay and think until you go to sleep of the cruel joke you played on your sister and mother, repenting nothing. And when the sun peeks around the wad of newspaper shoved into the hole in your window you'll awaken and start the whole weary process again, and again, and again until one day your wasted, mange-bald body is found laying dead in bed with your hand where it was searching to prove to yourself that you really were once male.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 12:02 PM

Amos, I have to tell you that I've already written this giant song which was trigged by your previous "imaginary" poem lines. It's called "Imaginary", and I love it. It's going to be an important song in my repertoire, and I have you to thank for it.

I guess we'll have to share the credits on that one.

It sounds like a Dylan song of '65 or '66, one of the really long ones a la "Desolation Row" or "Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again". It's all social satire about the weird head trips people get into whilst they're avoiding dealing with what I would term real life...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 11:39 AM

AN imaginary crittur
DOin' an Imaginary job
He 's some kinda awful
Imaginary slob!
Imaginary tirades
At an imaginary jerk
And he brags all day about
Imaginary work

Tell me how long
Do I have to wait?
Can I wake up now?
Or must I hesitate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 10:59 AM

I got more important things to do than write reams of useless chatter about stuff that don't matter, Rap. I got cases to solve, classy dames to entertain, witnesses to question, friends to discuss life with over a drink or two...I got real WORK to do, buddy. I'm guessin' that REAL work is a subject you got only a sorta vague familiarity with these days. Am I right?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 02:43 AM

43825

Never thought I would write that number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 12 - 12:28 AM

I think the freds pooped a bit earlier - it landed by the boatload on mudcat this afternoon. Been bailing like mad. This message buried in MOAB probably won't reach the perpetrator. Capt. M had to stop the engines briefly, set up the shields. All underway again now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 09:35 PM

gnu, just for you I was looking through the Single Action Shooting Society's rules. This is the group that does "cowboy action shooting" and I know that you're interested in doing that. But you got a problem, which I've emphasized here:

Ammunition required for reloads during the course of any stage must be carried on the shooter's person in a bandoleer, cartridge/shotshell belt loop, pouch, holster, or pocket or be safely staged as required by stage instructions. Leather belt slide ammo loops are acceptable; however, shotgun shell slides may not be worn over shotgun loops on an ammo belt. Shotgun loops must be in a single row. Rifle and revolver ammunition may not be carried in a shotshell loop. No ammunition may be carried in the mouth, ears, nose, cleavage, or any other bodily orifice.

It's just so...so...not cowboy to see someone reloading from a bodily orifice, I guess. I mean, what would Roy or Gene or Hopalong or Tom say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 09:01 PM

No problem. Haul it twice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 12 - 06:21 PM

I need me a 12 tousand pound wench, gnu, me. I move railroad car to out back but it uphill.


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