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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 31 Jan 10 - 01:45 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 10 - 10:39 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 10 - 07:58 PM
GUEST,freds 30 Jan 10 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 10 - 05:47 PM
Amos 30 Jan 10 - 04:43 PM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 10 - 04:14 PM
Amos 30 Jan 10 - 03:25 PM
Amos 30 Jan 10 - 12:21 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 10 - 11:43 AM
Little Hawk 30 Jan 10 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 30 Jan 10 - 11:16 AM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 11:30 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jan 10 - 11:24 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 10 - 06:18 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 10 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 10 - 06:08 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jan 10 - 05:22 PM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 04:53 PM
Acme 29 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 03:04 PM
Rapparee 29 Jan 10 - 01:16 PM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 12:02 PM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM
Amos 29 Jan 10 - 11:44 AM
Little Hawk 29 Jan 10 - 11:15 AM
MMario 29 Jan 10 - 10:00 AM
Amos 28 Jan 10 - 11:17 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 10 - 05:08 PM
Amos 28 Jan 10 - 04:15 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 10 - 03:27 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 10 - 02:56 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 10 - 02:35 PM
Amos 28 Jan 10 - 02:25 PM
Acme 28 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jan 10 - 02:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jan 10 - 02:16 PM
MMario 28 Jan 10 - 01:48 PM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 10 - 01:42 PM
mousethief 28 Jan 10 - 01:25 PM
Acme 28 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 10 - 09:43 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 10 - 07:17 AM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 11:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jan 10 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 10:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jan 10 - 01:45 AM

Lagging behind in the BS quotient lately--sorry. Too much higher ed material on my desktop. But this will lead to a really high quality of BS for the child in question, so I'll keep slogging forward.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 10:39 PM

Well, if I were he I wouldn't go whoring around like he has been. Ol' Penelope's gonna ungender HIM if he keeps it up, and probably feed it to him for a very small snack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 07:58 PM

Rapaire, I can answer those questions quite easily.

There were no such "first husbands". No, it isn't true. And no, he isn't cringing in fear. Very little frightens Winston. He's under the impression that he is invulnerable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 06:59 PM

Hard when so many are no longer. But we are few and we will return. Will find succulent DNA mix and reproduce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM

But what of the transgendered Penelope (nee Percival) Rutledge? And what of "her" first husbands, the late Reginald and Ronald Kray? Is it true that Ron and Reg were the source of her fortune and that her current husband lives cringing in fear because of this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 05:47 PM

Aw, heck....if I can forgive you for your decidely peculiar taste in leisure attire, Amos...and I can...I can certainly forgive you for posting an inaccurate story or two about Chongo and/or Shane. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 04:43 PM

I am sure, M. 'Ack, that you are far more imtimately familiar with the bizarre and screwball adventures of these people than I am, so I will accept your versions of the story.

I trust you will find it in yourself to forgive me for being taken in by fictions about these venerable characters of yours. It is not easy to sort out the reliable from the unreliable in matters of news stories from Figment Farm.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 04:14 PM

Your story about Shane is pretty accurate, Amos, you're only off on the timeline. That incident happened a couple of years ago in Toronto when Shane was down there on a short "pleasure" trip. He made the mistake of harassing Miss Ling, who is a Black Belt at the dojo I used to attend in the late 70s. She looks far younger than she is, and she has no patience with idiots like Shane. She gave him a warning. He didn't listen. She then planted her foot so deep in his crotch that it took him about 3 weeks recuperating before he could do much of anything pleasurable. The yell of agony he uttered was heard in Mississauga.

Shane has an unfortunate tendency to yearn for very strong and determined women, women who are completely unlikely to return his prurient interest in them. Examples: Officer Jennifer Dana. Miss Violet Ling. Madonna.

He has yet to meet Madonna, and that's probably a good thing.

Officer Dana, however, does seem to have some kind of protective instinct when it comes to Shane. Sort of like someone rescuing a lost puppy. Accordingly, there is some shred of justification for his fixation on her, and some vague chance that it might be worth pursuing. As far as Miss Ling and Madonna go? Forget it.

*****

Chongo, however, is probably sitting at his desk in Chicago as I type this and looking at his bills for January. Or maybe he's at Duffy's Bar. Or maybe visting Renata. You guys are way off the beam when it comes to Chongo. He's never even been to Afghanistan or Southeast Asia. You have been duped by the spread of false information...or you are yourselves the authors of it. I don't know which.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 03:25 PM

It's kinda sweet how the Bookmaster of Things unreal cares for the figments who dance in and out of his fevered world from time to time.

Chongo was last heard from hiding out in the green valleys of the upper Mekong, passing himself off as a pet orangoutang. As long as he keeps his paws of the female elephant, his cover is not likely to be, er, blown, so he can take his time heealing up.

Shame has been on a bender of late because he needed to drown his sorrows after making an ill-considered pass at a barrel-shaped thirty-something lass who runs the local martial arts academy. He tried speaking her language in order to get lucky with her.

"Kam-up-sumidaa!" says Shame, bowing sardonically with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Keyyhyii-aaaaAA!!" replies the maiden, and plants her right foot squarely between his balls at high velocity.

So he hasn't been heard of for a while; when he's not drinking he's hiding out in sheer embarrassment.

Little Hawk was there and saw it all. He'll vouch for my story..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 12:21 PM

A beautiful ditty, mon vieux, but is it properly a rondel? I think not. So, when do we get to see pictures of the medieval knife you bought?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM

Have you heard from Chongo? How's he doing now that he's had his balls shot off?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:43 AM

Shame IS a dope...and a bad deal. Is he back yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:23 AM

Shane can't afford the bus fare either. It's tragic! He and Louie may never get the chance to meet and do a dope deal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 10 - 11:16 AM

Just to prove something to you! A friend of mine found this (I'd been looking for it for a bit) and sent it. I'm not gonna bother with accents grave et acute, because you should be able to figure it out. Neener, neener, you're a weiner!

Le temps a laissie son manteau
De ven, de froidure et du pluye
Et s'est vestu de brouderye,
De soleil raiant, cler et beau.
Il n'y a beste ne oiseau
Qui en son jargon ne change our crye;
Le temps a laissie son manteau.

Riviere, fontaine et ruisseau
Portent en livree jolye
Goultes d'argent d'orfaverie;
Chascun s'abile de nouveau,
Le temps a laissie son manteau.


This was written by Charles, D'Orleans (1391-1455) so you don't have to stretch your mind looking it up or accuse me of plagarism or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:30 PM

Well, Rapaire, I confess to extrapolating from loosely coupled premises. Please share the French poem, an you have it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:24 PM

'Sokay, Little Hawk. "Louis" is actually Louie's given name, but only his mother calls him that. He puts up with it from her because she shares her oxycontin prescriptions with him. For anybody else, it's an invitation to an ass-whippin', but you don't need to worry about it too much. Louie might fantasize about comin' gunnin' for ya, but he thinks Canada is part of Australia and he can't afford the airfare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM

Amos, why do you leap to conclusions? The rondel (or roundel, if you prefer) I received is a very nice poem written in Middle French. I was going to share it with you -- it's quite well done -- but now I'm not gonna do it. Instead, I'll send you this to sate your incomprehensible belief that I am for some reason "into" weapons.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM

Darn! I said Louis again when I meant to say Louie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 06:18 PM

Mud-Ugly should be stopped. If he succeeds, Shane will lose the chance to get to know Louis Frint and have a real friend with whom he can share many common ideas and do valuable cultural exchange (he could trade dope for moonshine, for example...).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 06:15 PM

Louis Frint probably has some of these in the front yard, right?

crudely painted not so funny cutout plywood folk art


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 06:08 PM

Mud-Ugly should be getting there about now if he got good rides. He gets along well with certain truckers -- not the best ones, however.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 05:22 PM

No, Stilly, Louie Frint is not the guy who "rescued" his dogs from my yard. That guy's name was Zeke something-or-other. I forget his last name. I think he lives back in the woods about a mile away. There's a driveway and a mailbox, but you can't see a house. His place is probably a shit hole, but at least he has the courtesy to keep his slovenliness out of sight. Louie Frint, on the other hand, suffers from the affliction which causes rednecks to situate their trailers as close to the road as the law allows so everyone who drives by can bear witness to their trailer trash lifestyles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 04:53 PM



Authorities are looking for an older person suspected of robbing six banks in the area.

The man, dubbed the "Geezer Bandit" by law enforcement, is believed to have robbed a branch of San Diego National Bank located at 1075 Rosecrans in San Diego on Wednesday afternoon, according to the FBI.

Police say the man is white, 60 to 70 years old, about 190 pounds and about 6 feet tall. He was seen wearing a white sweatshirt with hoodie, white baseball cap, blue jeans and white tennis shoes.

The Geezer Bandit also is a suspect in five other bank robberies, including a US Bank in Carmel Valley and a Bank of America in Rancho Santa Fe, according to the FBI.

Rewards for his capture and conviction total $16,000.


The fraudulent IP address used in Rapaire's announcement about his rondel has been cracked, and the actual trace followed back to a shabby Motel Six in the Rosecrans Avenue area of San Diego, according to Detective Howija Figuero of the Los Angeles Police, a specialist in the fraudulent use of computers seconded to the San Diego Police in connection with the Geezer Bandit Case. Flatfeet are staking the joint out even as I write, in the hopes of cracking the case.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM

Here, MOM, you can hold the cat. He's feeling much better and his blood work is good. Listen to him start to purr!

Oops, I should have told you not to squeeze him. With that new food his flora is still a little upset. I'll open a window and that stink will clear out in a couple of minutes. Honest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 03:04 PM

A rondel proud for Rapparee!
What joy there is upon it!
But is it a medieval knife?
Or a delicate French sonnet?
We know the man has depths unplumbed
And passions deep, unstayed.
But if I were to make a bet
I'd bet upon the blade.


# A rondel dagger or roundel dagger was a type of stiff-bladed dagger in Europe in the late Middle Ages (from the 14th century onwards), used by a ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rondel_(dagger)

# A rondel is a verse form originating in French lyrical poetry, later used in the verse of other languages as well, such as English and Romanian. It is a variation of the rondeau consisting of two quatrains followed by a quintet (13 lines total) or a sestet (14 lines total). ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rondel_(poem)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 01:16 PM

MOM! MOM! My rondel come!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 12:02 PM

It was just past dawn in a blizzard, son,
When we rounded Gandy Head.
We'd lost one thumb, six packs and food,
And four of the dogs were dead.
There was none who'd dodged the frostbite,
And none who cared to stay
Around the hard and frozen ground
Sixty short of the next of Kay.

We doubled them up on the one good sled
Fer t'other been lost in a split
One man had a leg been broken off
As he leapt away from it.
And Stilly, half-blind from the tearing snows
Broke trail in her dog-cart gay.
And the rest of limped and shuffled behind
Doomed to drive to the next of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM

BS = Beyond Sunset......sorta like Over the Rainbow, but with better food. And less bluebirds.

My God...I just realized I have been posting to the wrong thread all these years!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:44 AM

Aw, shucks. Me and Hawkster agree on sump'n!! I second the "Thanks James Cameron".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 11:15 AM

Just saw Avatar last night. What a great movie! I think my faith in modern movies has been restored. Thanks, James Cameron!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Jan 10 - 10:00 AM

BS = Beyond Sunset......sorta like Over the Rainbow, but with better food. And less bluebirds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 11:17 PM

Let us not let Mom stall in her flight, but seek steady upward flight, ever higher, ever truer, ever BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 05:08 PM

I betcha Mud-Ugly finds the right place. He's good at wandering around until he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 04:15 PM

Pense-cola is just up the river from New Orleans and was named from the Cajun word "Pensez-cola" which means "bubble head" or "fuzzy thinking". It's about 100 miles west and north of Pensacola, the Florida city where the Navy air boys fly out of.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 03:27 PM

Mud-Ugly M'Goon is going to Florida in a few days for his annual bath (you only think it's an oil slick). He hasn't killed anyone in over a week and then it was a accident, because the guy should have known Mud-Ugly was loaded. He's staying at a Motel 6 in Pensecola, where he used to help train naval aviators by throwing their planes into the air.

I'm certain he'll be happy to help. (If he's not at Motel 6 try some of the less posh hostelries.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:56 PM

Oops. I meant "Louie" Frint. He sounds like one hell of a guy. He should move to Blind River ASAP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:35 PM

Holy shit! We have found an ideal friend for Shane. Where does this Louis Frint character live? Does he ever get up to Canada?

Bee-Dub:

P-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-F-T-T-T-T-P-L-T!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (back at'cha)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:25 PM

Just slip his coordinates to the freds, BWL. He'll be a grease stain in the sands of time in short order.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

Is he the guy who came into the yard several years ago after his two dogs? That was the funniest story I've read anywhere in a long time. I kinda hate to lose someone who has such potential for generating hilarity through obtuse behavior.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:17 PM

By the way, Little Hawk, you sure do make a lot of noise for a dead guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 02:16 PM

Hi, Mom!

I've created at new fictional character. His name is Louie Frint. He is a redneck. Yeah, I know "redneck" is an insult, but it's a lot easier to say than "Goddamned bigotted asshole motherfucker". Louie is not a very nice person. He hates blacks, gays, Latinos, Muslims, women and liberals. He also hates atheists even though he himself has not seen the inside of a church since his mom's funeral twenty-seven years ago. He has a "right to life" bumper sticker on his pickup truck's bumper but, in his case, it actually means "right to father illegitimate children without assuming any sort of responsibility". He has fourteen semi-automatic rifles and a footlocker full of ammunition. He drinks beer while driving and throws the empties out the window onto the roadside. He has sixteen large dogs of undetermined breed chained at various places around the front yard of his mobole home. Their principle function seems to be to prevent anyone from attempting to steal any of old cars and trucks which are resting on concrete blocks in that same yard. He has a methamphetamine lab in the woods near his home. He is, in short, a thoroughly useless and disreputable character.

Somebody please kill him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 01:48 PM

MT- don't try to inject logic into a conversation with LH....it doesn't work.

Of course, interjecting illogic into a conversation with LH doesn't usually lead anywhere either.

LH is much like a conversational black hole, everything gets pulled into orbit around him and warped by his conversational inertia and mass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 01:42 PM

True, but where do you get this thing about people who "hike 100 miles into the desert then shoot their left foot off". I doubt you can document even a single case of anyone who's done that.

Besides, it would probably lead directly to death, right? Which returns us to the original theory that death is great, and that's why they wouldn't come back! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 01:25 PM

No dead people have ever come back and complained about it, have they? That tells you something. People come back and complain about Mexico...or WalMart...or a movie they wasted 10 bucks on. But they don't come back and complain about death.

On the other hand, they complain about life constantly. See my point?


People who hike 100 miles into the desert then shoot their left foot off rarely come back and complain either. This doesn't make me feel like following suit. Merely lacking complainers doesn't necessarily recommend a condition all that much.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM

They are to be congratulated that the elephant didn't decide to start rolling around with the dog and the orang. Things might have turned out a lot differently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 09:43 AM

Man, don't those cats EVER dust their elephants??? And it must suck to be that poor dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 10 - 07:17 AM

My point exactly. A body just greatly limits the possibilities of freedom of movement, after all, and imposes further limitations such as aging, illness, and myriad forms of suffering. That's the "glass is half empty" view, of course. Clearly, bodies also allow many pleasant experiences of a bodily type as well, and that's probably one of a number of motivations behind seeking another term in bodily existence.

But is the afterlife boring???? I hardly think so! It would be boring if it were like the traditional Christian notions of a fairy tale heaven where the "saved" sit around on clouds playing harps...but that's just downright silly. What is boring about having complete freedom of movement to anywhere you want to go and a vast number of other souls to communicate with about everything you can possibly imagine? What is boring about being able to manifest pure thought into visible reality? What is boring about learning new things and grasping new concepts?

Boring???? You have no idea.

"Dead" is an expression we use to describe a body that has been vacated by the living intelligence that once moved it around and gave it expression and made it function biologically. The expression only describes the body, it does not describe the intelligence. A living intelligence, in my opinion, cannot die, because it's pure energy, and energy doesn't die, it simply moves around from one place to another, sometimes taking up residence in one form or another.

The electricity and radio waves (energy) that make your radio or TV appear to "live" do not die when you unplug the physical device. They continue existing, but you don't notice them anymore, because the only way you CAN notice them when you're in a body is by noticing them through the physical device that is broadcasting them to you. The radio or TV "dies" when you unplug it or put an ax through it. The living energy that allows it to broadcast sound and light to you does not.

When my body dies, you won't hear me anymore or see me anymore. That doesn't mean I've ceased to exist, it just means I'm not manifesting any longer in a way that you can pick up with your physical senses.

The above is for Bee-Dub. ;-) Amos already knows all this stuff, right, Amos?

Bee-Dub, about the electric guitar: I've had that experience too...but I suspect it's because you and I simply never mastered electric guitar technique that we find they rapidly become "boring" after the initial thrill of newness. If you play on an electric as you would on an acoustic, it just doesn't sound that good. I never figured out how to play properly on electric guitars, so for me they are virtually useless, but I've seen people who can do wonders with them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:19 PM

Well of course!! But they don't hang around being dead. Ones I've met fell alive to the nth degree!! There's no law says you have to have a body to be alive, after all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:18 PM

Actually, the only problem I have with being dead is that it might be one of those things that starts out awesomely but turns boring pretty quickly. Sort of like an electric guitar....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:24 PM

Oh, that is so cute! (the hound dog and the Orangutan) What a heartwarming tale.

I'm not convinced, Amos, that some don't hang around for awhile "out there" in the whatever-it-is between embodied lives. I think it might be optional. I certainly hope so.


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