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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jan 10 - 11:18 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 10:24 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 10:09 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 10:07 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 09:58 PM
mousethief 27 Jan 10 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 09:42 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 09:05 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 07:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 04:30 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 04:13 PM
Acme 27 Jan 10 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 03:44 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 03:38 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 03:28 PM
MMario 27 Jan 10 - 03:10 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 03:06 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 02:48 PM
MMario 27 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 02:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jan 10 - 01:45 PM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 12:28 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 11:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Jan 10 - 11:49 AM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 11:19 AM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 10 - 11:11 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM
Acme 27 Jan 10 - 10:16 AM
Amos 27 Jan 10 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 10 - 09:02 AM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 08:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM
MMario 26 Jan 10 - 06:36 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 06:23 PM
Amos 26 Jan 10 - 05:15 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 10 - 03:33 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 03:32 PM
Acme 26 Jan 10 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM
MMario 26 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 26 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM
Amos 26 Jan 10 - 10:49 AM
Acme 25 Jan 10 - 06:43 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 10 - 06:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:18 PM

Actually, the only problem I have with being dead is that it might be one of those things that starts out awesomely but turns boring pretty quickly. Sort of like an electric guitar....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:24 PM

Oh, that is so cute! (the hound dog and the Orangutan) What a heartwarming tale.

I'm not convinced, Amos, that some don't hang around for awhile "out there" in the whatever-it-is between embodied lives. I think it might be optional. I certainly hope so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM

That's because they usually don't spend much time there, Hawkster. They're so busy being a live they hardly notice the brief frrrrripppppppp! of passing through the screen from one scene to the next.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:09 PM

Let's try that agin: Here's how it turned out...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:07 PM

LET THERE BE LIFE!!! The DEAD are REBORN.

In secret intell reports from HumInt resources in the back country of Thailand a mysterious tale begins to unfold. It seems a badly shaken up chimp from Chicago got a bad case of shell-shock after nearly being blown up by an IED in the Afgan desert, and took off high-tailing it in any direction he could go until he came to the kinder and gentler fields of the upper Mekong region.

There he laid low, recovering his wits for several months, and finally found himself a passable disguise and cadged himself a comfy position as a House Orangutang. He began reflecting on how bad he'd been in the life he left behind,.

Full of remorse, he was beginning to seek some sort of path toward spiritual redemption when he ra across the reincarnated spirit of one of the East Side Chicago gorillas he had double-crossed back in his bad identity, in a new and different life-form. A perfect opportunity to make amends and demonstrate reform!!!

>Here's how it turned out.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:58 PM

Being dead has simply been given a bad name by the people who haven't tried it yet...or who have forgotten the last time they tried it.

No dead people have ever come back and complained about it, have they? That tells you something. People come back and complain about Mexico...or WalMart...or a movie they wasted 10 bucks on. But they don't come back and complain about death.

On the other hand, they complain about life constantly. See my point?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:48 PM

I know I'm late to the table here, but can I be not dead too? The very thought of being dead makes me feel ... in fear for my life. And that just doesn't set right.

Thanks y'all so much.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:42 PM

What exactly do you mean by "her current husband"? She has only ever been married once.

Now you two just behave like nice little dead people should and be quiet for awhile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:05 PM

Penelope Rutledge is transgendered. The operation was done in 1987 in the Netherlands by a back-alley surgeon named Nils. Her current husband found out on their wedding night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 07:35 PM

Nah, see, LH, that isn't gonna work, and besides, it's a cheap shot, eh?   You can't "dead" those of us who keep this thread alive. We wouldn't stand for it!! Besides, even if we did just to humor your sorry ass, we would be honor bound to come back and HANT you. And believe me, you do not want that. If you think being pestered by Chinga was bad, imagine a situation where imaginary characters just kept popping up and twisting your universe around willy nilly, over and over again....well, on second thought maybe you have an inkling, but this time it would be MY imaginary characters, and Stilly's, and Rapaire's, and BeeDub's, and dare I even say it, Donuel's!! You'd be screwed royally, my friend, and you do not want to go there, I promise you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 06:35 PM

Maybe you're dead, but I don't remember signing on. Why should I have to be dead? I've never tried to kill off any of Little Hawk's figments. I think I once accused Penelope of being a transexual, but that's not the same as killing her off. I've known a few transexuals and they've all been alive. Sure, a couple of 'em are dead now but they weren't dead when I met 'em.

Anyway, enough of that. I call dibs on Stilly's leftover catsup packages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 04:30 PM

It's too late for that. We're all dead, remember?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 04:13 PM

YEah, you wanna burn that ammonia right out... thanks for the thought!

Little Hawk, you have been upset by having your creations undermined by us frabjous good for nothings. But...I mean, I understand, and all, but don't you see the incredible opportunity here to rise above the ordinary?>



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:49 PM

No one said anything, so I brought you all back some Sonic #2s (lettuce, mustard, pickle, onion) and a big order of tater tots and catsup packages.

This might be that burger meat with ammonia-sprayed scrapings that went in the regrind, so I made sure they cooked them to well-done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:44 PM

What the heck. Let's just say they've all died. Members, Guests, fictional characters, everybody that normally comes here. Max, me, Spaw, Amos, Rapaire, Ron Davies, Shane, Chinga, Khandu, Teribus, DougR, CarolC, Penelope Rutledge, the Little Pissant, Big Mick, Obama, Rush Limbaugh, Larry King, Madonna, EVERYBODY. Just issue one general great big obit for everyone here and sign off for good. It'll make a neat ending to the whole thing and we can start something brand new in some other lifetime. Some other planet even.

Nice to have known you. ;-) Good luck in the next one. Bye.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:38 PM

That reminds me. Certain sources which I cannot disclose report that a SOG operation rescued a chimp in Afghanistan about a week ago. DNA shows it to be "Chongo Chim" of Chicago, Illinois. The chimp was in fairly good health, except for having his testicles and scrotum shot off by a bullet or piece of shrapnel. He is expected to be returned to hospital in the US within a week or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:28 PM

The skies over San Diego are gradually recovering their classic twinkly blue visage after several days of crude interruptions by what I believe Northerners call "cloud formations". There was some vandal flying around dumping water on the streets and buildings, but we stood firm and in the end all he could do is wash the dust off our sleepy little Navy town. We are once again bathed in themost delicate, docile sunlight.

I am sorry Shane has gone to be with Chongo in the Lost Friends in the Sky dumpster. If he sees my rubber monkey ELijah from 1950, tell him to say hello.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:10 PM

well, it seems someone has filled my delivery system up with water....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 03:06 PM

Stand and deliver! 33900!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 02:48 PM

Shane would be most gratified at your kind attention, gentlemen, were he not otherwise indisposed at the moment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM

Po' Shane is daid; Old Shane shur is daid
All gather at the kegger for a round
He didn't bathe for years
so why should we shed tears
why did he take so long to die?

Po Shane is daid, break a bottle on his haid...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 02:18 PM

Lots More Beer

CHORUS: We shall meet, but we shan't miss him
There will be a lot more beer
We shall bury and forget him
Shame McBride will not be here.

When just a week ago we gathered
Bloodshot were his pale blue eyes
Now forever closed in slumber
And he never more will rise.

CH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 01:45 PM

"The hoser which can be hosed is not the true hoser."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 12:28 PM

Hark--a flash of incensed indignation zips across our perfect skies trailing brown smoke and a furrowed brow of divine wrath!!

Oh, ye Little of Hawk, it is your challenge, your karma, and your fate to learn to rise above the petty minded objections of the tediously reality-centered!!

I am but a foil, a reflecrion, a mirror designed to show every blemish in the perfection of your transcendant Creative Identity. When you perfect your ability to confront my snarky critiques without blanching, flinching, or flushing in wrath, then you will be on your way toward Genuine Perfection.

Rearn, glasshoppel, rearn!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:53 AM

Oh, but it's perfectly allright when you do it, right, Amos? (as in the case of "Chinga"...another figment of someone's imagination)

Why don't you live up to your own rhetoric and stop composing stories about her if you find fictional characters to be such a jejeune and puerile waste of people's time?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:49 AM

♫♫

Oh, I'm goin' down to the figment farm
Where it ain't too cold but it ain't too warm
And them figments fly like bees in a swarm
Down on the figment farm

Oh, the figment farm is a mighty fine place
For a stoner, a drunk or a mental case
Or someone who came from out space
Down on the figment farm

Oh, it's pretty far from the beaten track
It's a right fine place for an acid flashback
I'm goin' there but I'll be back
Down on the figment farm

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:19 AM

...or reality from a figment farm....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:11 AM

Beer deprivation would do it for sure. Only trouble is, Shane knows nothing worth revealing, so making him crack is a futile exercise akin to attempting to extract milk from a male ostrich or progressive social reform legislation from a Republican.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM

Amos, I know other ways to break someone as well. Wanna hear 'em? They don't leave physical marks, either (those are a special category).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 10:16 AM

Hey, MOM, I have to go to the office today. Want to ride along? I'll stop and get you a greasy burger and tater tots at the Sonic Drive-In on the way home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:59 AM

If there is in fact such a thing as taking fictional data much too seriously, Rapaire may be its poster child.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 10 - 09:02 AM

They'll break him. He'll be just like a little baby when they finish with him: crying and soiling his pants and...wait, how could they tell?

Anyway, he'll talk. If the Massad can't do it there are Others who can. Perhaps the T. E. Lawrence treatment...no, he might like that. A shot of scopolamine behind the eyeballs, saturating whatever passes for his frontal lobes; a bath; beer deprivation....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 09:43 PM

If they want Shane to crack, they would get the best results by playing classical music or polkas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 08:05 PM

Could also be why he's been targeted by various international spy agencies... I understand that the Massad ties you to a chair, blindfolds you, and plays "Hava Nagila" until you crack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 07:19 PM

I believe people who are abducted by aliens are, in fact, aliens themselves. They've been dispatched to our planet to serve as recording and monitoring devices. Their periodic "abductions" are for the purpose of taking them back to their mother ships so the data they've absorbed can be downloaded into the ships' computers.

Of course, the "abductees" are totally unaware of their own true identities. Before they were dropped off on Earth, their memories of their alien lives were erased and replaced with suitable sets of human "memories".

When you look at it from that perspective, a lot of stuff about Shane McBride falls right into place, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM

Then why were we told that all worlds are ours except Europa?? Huh? Explain that if you can!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:36 PM

Hey Mom! Did I mention that a friend of mine was on "ELLEN" yesterday? And the clip with her in it is on You-tube and the ELLEN site, and I think FaceBook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 06:23 PM

How about Unforgettium, Inestimium, and Incomprehensium?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 05:15 PM

From a Terran's point of view, of course, Pandora is an alien planet and its natives are aliens. No-one should not be allowed into space who cannot outgrow this primitive chauvinism, however. Jingoism has no place in inter-planetary relations. Unobtainium or no unobtainium.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:33 PM

"All planets are yours except Europa. Attempt no landing there."

Ergo, Pandora IS our planet. Tell them aliens to get off or pay rent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 03:32 PM

Very good point, Stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 01:22 PM

BWL reminds me--has anyone else heard the criticisms of Avatar in which they discuss the NaVi as the "aliens?" It has come up several times. NOTE TO REVIEWERS: If inhabitants of a planet (i.e., Pandora) are fighting off invaders (i.e., Earthlings), the native inhabitants of said planet should not be referred to as "aliens." The Earthlings should be the aliens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM

Fair enough, Bee-Dub. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:29 PM

failing that, I'm sure that illegal USAian-Americans might possibly shanghai Shane from a Tim Horton's - why, I'm not sure; but I *am* sure that Canadians wouldn't put it past people from the US of A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:22 PM

By the way, Little Hawk, I apologize for saying it was impossible for Shane to be abducted by aliens. I reread the applicable section of The Intergalactic Commerce Commission's regulations and found that abducting Earthlings from Krispy Creme parking lots is only a recommended procedure, not an absolute requirement. It was a simple matter of mistranslating the Antarian in which the regs are written. The Antarian word for "require" is "Ãngknorn" while the word for "recommend" is "Ånkgnorn". It's a subtle difference, and my Antarian translation skills just aren't what they used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:05 PM

Did someone mention calamari?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 10:49 AM

I'm not paying for it. You'll have to get by on tips.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:43 PM

Maybe it's time for a bris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:42 PM

Hey, a good mohel, a couple quick cuts to take a little off the top (not that there is much there anyway)....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 10 - 06:11 PM

You mean the Israeli secret service, I presume? God help them if they go so far as to investigate what he has inside his trousers.


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